by Donna Hill
“If it was me I wouldn’t be sitting here thinking about it. I would be on my way but that’s where you and I are different. I can’t tell you what you should do. You have to do what’s in your heart.”
“If I go according to what’s in my heart I would go back up to my bedroom and go to sleep. The only way I can think about it is rationally because I don’t know if I have any feelings for this woman who calls herself my mother. Why should I care about her now when she never cared about me for all of these years?”
“Only you can answer that, Graham.”
“I don’t know if I can, that’s why I’m here. I need your help. I need you to help me think it through. You always have the ability to finish my thoughts or bring them into focus.”
Alexis slowly sat down next to him. She took his hand and placed it in hers. “I can’t tell you what to do, but if I were you I know that I would be going to see my mother. This may be the last time you get a chance to see her and there’s nothing worse than living a life filled with regret, and you will regret it if you don’t go. Yes, she’s in a coma. But she could come out of it at any time and maybe that one time when she does wake up you would be there. Is that what you want to miss?”
He lowered his head. “I don’t know what I want.”
“This is a part of your life that you’ve been battling with for years. It’s long past time that you came to some sort of resolution for yourself so that you can move on with your life.”
“I’ll go if you come with me.”
She jumped up from her spot next to him. “Don’t put this on me. I won’t take that kind of responsibility. You have to go for yourself, not because I’m going.”
“Let me put it another way,” he said, “I need you to go with me.” He squeezed her fingers in his hand. “Come with me. Please. I’m asking you.”
She knew how difficult this was for him based on all of the things that he’d confessed to her about his relationship with his mother or lack thereof.
“It will give me a chance to show you my childhood home.” He looked deep into her eyes, waiting.
Alexis folded her arms around her waist as if to protect herself from the sensual assault of his gaze. She turned away. She felt him behind her.
“You don’t think I’ve noticed that things have been different between us?” he softly asked.
Her body tensed.
“Come with me, Alexis. I’ll see my mother and hopefully you and I will have a chance to reconnect while we’re away.” He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and heat flowed through her. He turned her around to face him. He lifted her chin with the tip of his index finger and looked into her eyes.
And when she looked at him, when he touched her, said her name it was impossible for her to deny him or her need for him.
Chapter 19
The lilt of the Bajan flight attendants, the variety of island fare and fruity drinks made the four-and-a-half-hour flight from JFK International Airport to Grantley Adams International Airport in Barbados a pleasant diversion from the real reason for the trip.
For the first couple of hours of the flight, Graham made lighthearted conversation and commentary on the assortment of passengers, sharing jokes and island folklore against the backdrop of the newest James Bond flick. However, the closer they came to their destination, the less animated Graham became. His facial expressions grew tight, his body tense, his responses went from full sentences to one word answers to grunts of acknowledgement.
Alexis reclined her seat and closed her eyes. If this was the prelude to what the rest of the week would be like, then maybe she’d made a bigger mistake than she’d thought.
They deplaned and breezed through customs only to be stopped every ten feet by someone welcoming them to Barbados.
“Pretty friendly place,” Alexis quipped as they walked behind the white-sleeved baggage attendant from the terminal out to the balmy air of the Caribbean. Graham didn’t respond.
The initial view of Barbados was breathtaking to behold. It was a tropical paradise. Towering palms blew regally against the multicolored buildings, and the bright outfits of the natives and tourists gave the island an energetic vibe. The riot of colors and scents and musical cadence of the people was like stepping into the middle of a party that was in full swing.
“I want to go to the hotel first, freshen up, before...” His jaw clenched and his voice trailed off.
Alexis drew in a breath of resolve, determined to make the best of a difficult situation.
On the cab ride to the hotel the driver chatted nearly nonstop as he pointed out places of interest and places to avoid.
“So what brings ya to our beautiful ‘rum’ island? I sure hope it’s pleasure, mon, ’cause we got plenty pleasure.” He chuckled at his own joke.
Graham stared out of the window as the images flew by. Alexis watched when his nostrils flared, his brow creased or his lips flattened to a tight line. A montage of emotions played across his face. Maybe she was more wrong than she thought—and not about her accompanying him, but encouraging him to come at all. Clearly it was incredibly painful to come back here and the worst she was sure was yet to come.
Then suddenly he took her hand—the first time he’d touched her in hours—and gently squeezed it in his. His throat worked up and down as if the words were fighting to get out.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice ragged. He brought her hand to his lips and tenderly kissed her knuckles without ever taking his eyes off the winding road.
Finally the cab came to a halt in front of The Grove Hotel and Resort in the parish of Christ Church. The sprawling complex was beachfront property with ocean views from nearly every vantage point.
Alexis gazed in appreciation of the scenic beauty that enveloped them. Everywhere that she turned each image was more brilliant and lush than the last.
The lobby of the hotel was an indoor Garden of Eden with white furnishings dotting the space. A fountain surrounded by brilliant-colored flora was the centerpiece of the lobby. The entire far wall was glass with a view of the brilliant blue water and white sand. It seemed that everyone was walking around with some kind of exotic drink in their hands. It was definitely the kind of atmosphere where one could put their troubles aside.
Graham took Alexis’s hand while they walked to reception.
“Welcome to The Grove. You have a reservation?”
“Yes. Stone. Graham Stone.”
The desk clerk put his name in the computer. “Yes, Mr. Stone. You reserved the suite for five days.”
“Yes.”
“How many keys would you like?”
“Two.”
She typed in some information and his key cards were authorized. She handed him the cards. “You will be on the penthouse floor.” She tapped the bell on the desk and a young man emerged from the back room. “Please help Mr. and Mrs. Stone to their room.”
Alexis’s breath caught for a moment at being referred to as Mrs. Stone. Graham grasped her hand a bit tighter and glanced briefly at her with a half smile on his lips. They followed the young man to the bank of elevators and rode to the penthouse floor.
The young man opened the double doors to their suite with a flourish and Alexis sucked in a breath at the view, which was magnificent—much like the lobby—with one wall a massive window that looked out onto the ocean and the horizon beyond. The space was completely an open floor plan with each space leading into the next separated only by the arrangement of furnishings, which again like the lobby was white with accents of turquoise and magenta.
“Your bedroom is in the back. There is a full bath and a guest bath, a full bar and living space with a dining area,” the bellman detailed, showing them around. “Amenities are 24/7. There’s a full-service gym, rooftop deck and indoor pool, and the restaurant is on the main level.
Should you choose to dine, we do offer room service.”
“Thank you, you’ve been very helpful,” Graham checked the name tag, “Allen.”
The young man gave a slight nod of his head. “I’m on duty until eleven should you need anything.” He took a card from his shirt pocket and placed it on the counter.
“Thank you, Allen.” Graham took out his wallet and handed him a twenty.
“Thank you, Mr. Stone.” He tipped his head toward Alexis. “Mrs. Stone.”
Once he was gone Graham said, “I hope you don’t mind being call Mrs. Stone. It’s simply easier not to have to explain.”
What was she supposed to say that? “Whatever is easier,” she replied drolly, turning away from him.
“Let’s get unpacked and settled. Are you hungry?”
“Starving actually. Between the salt water and the delicious aromas...” She grinned and he smiled in return.
“Want to check the restaurant or would you prefer room service?”
“I am a bit tired. Room service is fine, but don’t you want to go to the hospital first?” She could have sworn she saw a flash of fear dart across his face.
“I’ll call now.”
She headed off in the direction of the bedroom. The king-size bed dominated the space, but at least it would be roomy enough.
“I called the hospital. No change.” Graham walked up behind her. “I guess I should not have assumed that we should share a room.” He turned around. She kept her eyes lowered. “I was hoping that being together and away from everything we could get back to where we were.” He stroked her cheek with the tip of his finger. “I miss you, Alexis. When I’m not with you...” He bent his head to kiss her behind her ear. Her breath hitched in her chest.
“I miss the feel of you in my bed every night, beneath me...”
Alexis’s body warmed from the soles of her sandaled feet to the top of her head. Her heart beat faster. She knew she wanted him and that would never stop. She felt the same way he did. Without him at the end of the day she felt unanchored. But these mini-intermissions from real life, though thrilling beyond belief, were no longer enough. She wanted more and she knew that he wasn’t signed up for that, but now wasn’t the time to tell him that it all had to come to an end. She’d wait until they got through this visit, but when they returned to New York this madness had to end. Even as her body willingly opened for him, writhed beneath him exploded into tiny little pieces around him and her heart ached to belong to him, she promised herself that this crazy, undefined relationship would end. Somehow.
Chapter 20
After they’d showered and had a bite to eat, Graham called the hospital again. Alexis watched his expression shift as he listened.
“I understand. Yes. Thank you.” He disconnected the call and looked off into the distance.
“What is it?”
“We should go,” he said, quietly.
“Is she...?”
“No, but her doctor is coming on duty shortly and he wants to speak with me.”
Guilt assailed her. She knew that had it been her own mother she would have made the plane land in the parking lot of the hospital. But Graham had a different relationship with his mother. He’d been reticent about this visit from the beginning. She could see him finding things to delay the inevitable the moment they’d landed—from going to the hotel instead of the hospital, ordering room service, making love. She should have pushed him to go the minute they set foot on the island. But she was in uncharted territory with Graham in this situation. She didn’t want to push too hard and she didn’t want to remain too distant either. She was there to support him and be his conscience when he needed it. Like now.
Alexis walked over to him and placed her hand gently on his arm. “We’re doing this together,” she said, softly. “You’re not alone.” Her gaze caressed his face.
He blinked bringing her into focus and the total look of adoration that was in his eyes filled her to overflowing. When he opened his mouth to speak she knew he was going to say the words that she’d longed to hear.
“I can’t tell you how much your being here means to me.” He kissed her softly on the lips.
She swallowed over the tight knot in her throat and offered a shadow of a smile. “We should go.”
* * *
The cab ride was bumpy and long. The hospital, New Hope, was on the other side of the island. The farther away they drove from the hotel, the more the trees became the only attraction. The Crayola colors of the homes and manicured lawns dissolved into the rural outback of the island that was dominated by homes that weren’t much more than shacks, and goats had the right of way on the road.
The cab finally pulled onto a narrow road and the hospital came into view. Graham paid the driver and they got out.
Graham stood still in front of the six-story building. Finally he took one step and then another and pushed through the glass-and-wood door.
The interior was crowded with waiting patients that were seated along a wall with more in a smaller waiting room. It reminded Alexis of a neighborhood clinic rather than a hospital.
Graham strode over to the information desk. “I’m here to see...Paulette Braithwaite.”
The clerk turned to her computer, typed in some information and then glanced up at him. “Sixth floor, ICU.” She handed him a pass.
“Thank you.” He hesitated for a moment as if contemplating his last chance to turn around.
Alexis slipped her hand in his. “Sixth floor,” she gently coaxed. He nodded his head and they walked toward the elevator.
The ICU was one section of the sixth floor with no more than eight patients. The sound of beeping machines and the low hum of voices were the only sounds, a far cry from the main floor with its bevy of sights, sounds and odors.
Graham and Alexis walked over to the nurses’ station. A beautiful young nurse with the most incredible coffee-bean complexion and eyes the color of rum greeted them.
“How may I help you?” Her voice was musical and took the sting away from where they were.
Graham cleared his throat. “Paulette Braithwaite.”
The nurse checked her log book. “Yes, she’s in room 6.” She seemed to study Graham for a moment and then smiled. “You must be her son. You favor her.”
Alexis felt Graham stiffen beside her. He didn’t respond. Instead he turned toward room 6.
Paulette Braithwaite wasn’t surrounded by flowers and get-well cards. There wasn’t a sign that anyone had been there to see her besides hospital staff. Her company was the heart monitor and the oxygen mask that helped to pump air into her lungs.
Graham stood in the frame of the doorway staring at the imperceptible rise and fall of her chest beneath the white sheet. The hiss and hum and rhythmic bleeping of the machines added to the surreal quality of the moment.
Tenuously Graham approached his mother’s bedside. Alexis was near tears as she witnessed the array of emotions sweep across his face and grip his body; shock, hurt, love, fear, loss and despair—they all volleyed for a dominant position.
Graham tugged in two short breaths as if he was suddenly having trouble breathing. He gripped the side rails of the bed.
Paulette was a shadow of the woman he remembered as his mum. It had been twenty years since he’d last seen or spoken with her, but he remembered it as if it were only yesterday.
He’d just turned seventeen and was finished with school. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life beyond get away from the one he’d been living. He’d grown accustomed to being alone, cast aside and overlooked. He no longer expected anything from anyone and knew that he would have to find his own way. Growing up he’d retreated into a world of books to escape the reality of his life that was filled with dreams of traveling the world as far away from where he was as p
ossible.
So when his birthday arrived he decided to join the British Navy and see the world for free but was stopped in his tracks for his underage status and the fact that he was a U.S. citizen.
His aunt was useless in giving him any information, and even though she’d been the one to keep a roof over his head she’d never attained legal guardianship—his mother still had claim to him. He could simply wait another year until he turned eighteen and simply go on his own, but he didn’t think he could survive another year.
Always industrious he’d been saving his money over the years and had stashed away a sizable sum of money for a seventeen-year-old—enough money for the ticket to Barbados and then the States with money to live on for a while. He was going to get his mother to sign the papers that would give him his freedom and cut all ties once and for all.
He wasn’t sure what to expect when he walked up to the white and sky-blue house at the end of the road. He had a vague image of the house and it seemed smaller than he recalled.
There was a woman sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette. She reminded him of the actress Dorothy Dandridge but with a harder edge.
She shielded her eyes with her hand against the blaze of the sun as he approached.
“Whatevah ya sellin’ I don’t wan none.”
Graham lifted his chin and walked forward. He stood on the bottom step.
“I done told ya, don’t wan none of what ya sellin’.”
“You don’t know who I am, do you?”
She leaned forward a bit and a sudden flash of recognition lit her amber-colored eyes. Her lips trembled. And just as quickly the window of vulnerability shut.
“So what ya come ’ere for, money?”
“No.”
She almost looked relieved. “So what then?” She lit a fresh cigarette, inhaled deeply and blew a thick cloud of smoke into the air.
His insides knotted into a tight ball, the pain so intense he could hardly breathe. He wanted her to hug him, tell him that she loved him, tell him how sorry she was that she’d sent him away and that she was glad that he was home.
