by David James
“Like you don’t fit in with everyone else?”
Tyler smiled and ran his fingers through his hair when he said, “I just want to feel. Have a kiss that changes me, ya know?”
I asked, “You think you can tell if you love someone from a kiss?”
“You can see into someone’s soul through their eyes, Calum, but you can touch their heart through a kiss.”
For a moment, silence was the only noise.
I said, “It feels impossible to be who everyone thinks I am when I can’t even figure out who I am alone.”
“Exactly.” Tyler smiled.
A monstrous burst of lightning split the sky a hundred ways, sucking the blackness out of the air, gathering with it the glowing stars and the bright crescent moon. Even the light from the headlights faded and we were lost in the flash. The thunder that immediately followed broke the night with one swift blow, and sent the world back in darkness.
We were gone in the light, and in the dark.
I blinked and felt a tear fall down my face. I reached to wipe it away but stopped. Instead, I let it slide down my blood-covered skin and drop off my chin, dotting red on my jeans.
It was the first time I had cried in so long-
I let it fall to nothing.
I took one breath. I could feel the weight of my voice in my throat, feel the way it burned crawling up. “Why did you take me away? Tyler could be dead! Dead! I could have saved him!”
Her lips curved up. “You could have saved him? Please, Calum, look at yourself; you couldn’t do anything. And your father is still alive.”
“My father? You think I care about him? After seeing that?” My head fell from side to side. “What about Tyler? Is he alive?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Probably not.”
I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t. “We have to go back! Turn around right now. I have to know if he’s alive.”
“We can’t,” she said, her voice spilling out through a haunting smile that moved like ashes on waves; there, then not. “If we turned around now, all you’d find when you got to Lakewood Hollow would be a town burning. And with your father on the rampage, it’s only a matter of time before the entire county is destroyed for good. It was already halfway gone when we left.”
I felt my ears go red, my teeth tight together against the unresolved. “How can you just sit there and say that? We need to go back and help Tyler!” My voice cracked and sizzled with sadness. My throat was sore and dry. I felt the sting of fresh tears fall easily, noticed the splatters of red everywhere, on my hands, pants and shirt. “Help all of them.”
“It’s no use trying to save those people when you already saw them die,” Kate said.
A boom of thunder made my hand shake, vibrating along with the outside world. I reached up slowly and pulled down the visor. The skin around my eyes was black, and my face was blistered pink. My hair was more wavy than this morning, and strands of it were tinted red. My eyes looked dead. Hollow.
My face was unrecognizable, too splattered with blood and tears. But after everything, I felt a jolt of happiness fly through me, and as much as I hated that, I didn’t push it away; I was too relieved to not see my father looking back.
All my energy left in an instant. “What happened, Kate? Will you please just tell me the truth? I’m so... I just don’t understand. Are you the one taking all the people, the ones on the news? Is that why you kidnapped me? Are you working with my Dad?”
“Don’t be stupid,” she said, her laugh like breaking glass. “You’re even more of an idiot than I thought.”
I threw up my arms. “Well, what do you expect? Seriously! Do you have any idea how lost I feel right now? And all you can do is laugh and call me an idiot? What does that make you then, Kate?”
Her lips stretched tight. Even in the dark, her violet eyes shone bright.
Looking at her reminded me of the first time I saw her, in class with Tyler.
If ever there was a time I could have wished away my memories it would have been then. I desperately wanted to look up at the sky and find a shooting star, make a wish, and go back to yesterday, back to Tyler, but I knew that was impossible. The sky was too dark wherever we were, the night too forsaken. We were driving too fast to even see the stars clearly.
The jeep hit a bump in the road, causing my heart to jump up and down. I knew I should have been livid, but I was too tired. Even anger couldn’t have survived today.
Suddenly, just as thunder crashed, Kate shivered.
“You just don’t get it,” she whispered. Her voice quivered slightly, making me freeze. “You should. You should know everything, but you don’t. They said you would understand everything before we got there, but you don’t.”
“Who said I would understand? Where are you taking me?”
I waited for her to answer, but no words came.
I turned and looked out the window, taking in the rainy scenery. We were still driving fast, soaring down a single lane road through the mountains with large trees running across both sides. They were some of the tallest I had ever seen, their leaves spotted with light greens, yellows, and reds, all muted and blurred in the dark storm of this autumn night. The horrible beauty rushed by me as if a painter had taken the three colors and ran with the paintbrush over the canvas, like a child racing down a driveway with a stick of bubbles at midnight.
I could barely see the world.
After a few minutes of waiting, I gave up.
Attempting to break the silence, I said, “I don’t understand-”
“You shouldn’t have to,” she whispered, her hushed voice somehow overpowering my own. Her eyes were large, glued to the road. Her voice was so quiet I was sure she wasn’t talking to me. “If you don’t already know, you shouldn’t have to understand. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I have no idea what’s going on now. Not anymore. Everything that was supposed to be true... This is all so different than what they told me.”
Under her breath, she mumbled words I couldn’t make out. Then slowly, as if she was afraid to look directly at me, she leveled her face with mine. Violet eyes pierced my soul and I felt like crying, though I didn’t know why until she spoke. “My family is dead.”
“What?” I said, not sure what to say. I felt my throat tighten.
She took in a breath, deep and long, as if she were taking in the right amount of courage. She looked at me, really looked at me for the first time ever, I think, since that first day we had locked eyes in Mr. Brandt’s class.
There were tears in her eyes.
Maybe I was wrong about her.
I felt my heart beat a little faster.
She turned back toward the road, breathing heavily.
“My family,” she started again, “is dead. They died five years ago, or at least that’s what I was told.”
“What do you mean that’s what you were told?” I asked. Something in her words rang true in my head. Maybe I hadn’t lost Tyler. Maybe there was still hope.
“They’re not really dead,” she said. “At least my sisters aren’t. I was told my parents were murdered in cold blood, and that my sisters were too. But now I know the truth. My sisters are alive. I was told I needed to find you in order to find them, that you were enough leverage to get the information I need. I was told that if I didn’t find you, no matter what, I would die in your place. You are my only chance to live again. Now though... Now I have no idea what’s real and what isn’t.”
Maybe Mom is safe, I hoped. Maybe Dad didn’t get her.
He said it was all for me.
This is my fault. Did I cause this, too?
Kate’s jaw clenched. “But I still can’t let you go. If there’s any chance I can have my sisters back.” She turned to me, her eyes like knives. “I will never let you go.”
My throat burned.
Kate’s knuckles turned white. “There is a prophecy called the Legend of the Dreamer that tells of a boy who is born time and time again becau
se he is the son of the Devil. No matter who he is born to in each life, he is still always the reincarnation of his original self, the Dreamer. The Devil’s son. You, Calum, are that boy, the Dreamer. You’re the one pawn everyone wants. You are not who you think you are. Your true, first father was the Devil himself, and because of your bloodline you are the only one capable of stopping a secret war. The prophecy says that you will be the one to end it all. Even the Orieno, the soul-sucking demons fighting against our side, want to find you so they can use you.”
She looked at me but didn’t; her eyes moved up and down my body as though she were looking at someone else entirely. She said, “But how can you be what they say? You’re so weak. I bet you couldn’t even throw a proper punch.”
My mind was frozen, my entire body rigid with confusion.
“I don’t understand,” I said, my voice hard and weak at the same time. “This can’t be possible. This can’t be real.”
“I don’t think a hero ever believes in himself until the story is almost over,” she said. Kate closed her eyes and opened them again, quickly as if she wasn’t believing this either. But when I heard her sigh and saw her fingers grip together until they turned white, I knew it wasn’t a joke.
A cold sweat touched my back.
Terrified, I waited.
Kate took in a slow, deep breath as rain pounded down outside. “Just listen, Calum. Listen.”
Inexplicably, in the dark void of not knowing, my mind painted a picture of Tyler.
Kate’s eyes blinked shut. “Let me explain.”
Chapter Ten
Song of a Killer
-Kate-
An old Warrior song haunted my thoughts, one I had learned as a child during those grueling years of training. Sung slow, it sounded almost like praying:
Drums, drums, all around
Giving hell to all the hounds.
Warriors, Warriors, raise your hands,
Beat and fight and hurt for man.
Take those red-eyes down for size.
All they do is spread those lies.
Order is where truth is found,
Our faith we praise the Order now.
I wasn’t sure why it kept playing over and over in my head, but the fact that it did was comforting. With my eyes closed, I could see myself as a child running against the wind in my old, familiar gray clothes, playing a game of “Catch the Killer” with the other Warrior children. I pictured them falling down around me as I tackled them, winning always, even against Zackery Solt who, aside from being the only Warrior close to my age, had a heart that beat like mine: For blood and only blood. I saw those children’s faces as I lunged at them, hands out and eyes wide. I saw their fear, saw how they were terrified at the sight of me, and I knew that my lack of fear would be my greatest weapon. I won then because they were afraid and I was not.
If I had nothing to lose, no one could touch me.
Like Zack always said: “Being afraid is just as useless as being in love.”
My eyes opened to this: Fear was a weakness I couldn’t afford to have. Only, the one thing that could destroy me was the one secret I kept locked away; no one but Marcus knew my desire to find my sisters. No one but him would ever know that tiny bit of fear I could never block.
But the rules have changed, I thought. Now I have to tell one more.
Now I am one person weaker.
I hated that I had to, but knew I didn’t have a choice. If I gave Calum pieces of the truth, he would be more open to trusting me, giving me what I wanted. Marcus had told me that; not enough truth to make him my equal, just enough to keep him quiet.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Calum. He was everything I despised: Emotional, innocent, even pretty. His eyes were too blue, filled with too much light and dark, and his hair was too messy. His shoulders were wide, tight and compact with sinewy muscle, but they fell forward in ugly misery. Still, I could see his veins bump and ripple across his arms when he moved, when he was angry. Even now, his angled jaw was tight with tension, and I knew somewhere deep inside he was strong.
I saw his smile once, that first day we locked eyes, when he was with his friend Tyler, but never since. It had been kind and easy, his full lips tilted up at the edges. When Calum had smiled it reached to his eyes, lighting up his whole face as though he were completely happy. As though his eyes had captured a supernova exploding in a sparkling sky. Even now the thought of it made me want to smile, made me uncomfortable; that easy smile reminded me too much of my father’s.
I wanted to be happy again, like I had been before.
My teeth gritted against memories. I despised Calum with every single thread of hatred I had in my heart because of that smile.
But what if Marcus is wrong, and Calum is really as clueless as he seems? I thought, Blasphemy! But what if the Order is wrong?
A moment so quick it was gone before it set in completely: What if I’m wrong?
I had always been the eldest, forced to play with the children and learn as they did. But I was never really an equal to them. Never. Their weaknesses did give me practice though, and I relished in the fact that I never lost a game. The Warrior song reminded me of that, and of my place in life.
I was a Warrior, forever and always. In that, I could find happiness.
A hard heart beat under my thick skin. My leviti was tattooed on my finger, the Warrior’s sign of power. It seemed to beat and burn on my finger, and I knew I truly did believe in the Order. After everything I’d been through I was almost ashamed I had questioned it.
No, I thought, rubbing my leviti. It didn’t matter if Calum was clueless or as lost as he claimed to be. He was still what the Order had warned: Dangerous and deadly.
I felt a familiar blanket of cold drape over me, as comforting as the song.
Nothing but truth.
I thought, I will live and die by the Code.
I pledge my allegiance to the Order, the one and only truth.
I vow my life to thee, over sky above and ground below.
To kill, to die, or to bleed, my eyes only see one Order.
Soldier by soldier, side by side,
Never shall I break these words, or Death will reap the victor.
United we fight, against all opposed.
This is the truth, as is our Code.
As a Warrior for the Order, I knew there were no rules higher than that of our Code. As I looked again at Calum, bloody and damaged and weak, I knew he was no different than the Warrior kids I once dominated.
As long as he didn’t smile, I would be fine.
Fearlessness, again, would be my greatest strength.
The Order was right, as always. It had to be. I couldn’t believe otherwise.
Instead, I thought of my mission, and dug deep into the power and control I took from it. I knew this: Being fearless gave you power, gave you control, and nothing was more valuable to a Warrior than that.
Nothing.
Then a memory, falling over me, shattering me: My father’s smile as he kissed me goodnight. The way he pushed my hair behind my ears, his hands so warm and rough.
Another: I stood with a boy, Adam. His hands against my sides. I smiled as he did. His hands were warm against my skin, so warm I could feel nothing else, until his lips met mine and that was all I knew instead.
Then, there were smiles. Always smiles.
Now, I felt those smiles in my throat, burning and choking me until, like before, I felt nothing else.
I could see Adam’s eyes in my mind, so much like Calum’s yet so different, whenever I let darkness fall across my own.
It was nothing new; I thought of old memories daily. Those old smiles stuck in my heart, hurting, and like always, I pushed them deeper until they were nothing.
My throat burned.
My heart was on fire.
Nothing is more important.
They are gone.
Gone.
Nothing.
I opened my mouth to start my
story, but words failed me. I had never been good with words, which was probably why I was so good with my hands.
With killing.
I blinked and felt the only words I knew how to speak without fail; the Warrior song repeated in my mind and, as I pulled the stolen Jeep to the side of the deserted highway, those grave words of comfort gave me strength.
The rain beat down hard as we slowed to a stop. I took solace in the fact that there wasn’t a single car for miles, though probably only because the storm was getting too strong. Or because the entire state was dead or gone or possessed by the Orieno.
I turned to look at Calum again and felt the sudden urge to punch him hard in the face so his nose broke in pieces. Around him I felt too much of who I used to be. He reminded me of a part of my past I couldn’t forget. A part I needed to forget.
These thoughts had haunted me since the first day I saw him: He made me feel like the girl I tried to forget, not the Warrior I was.
I ground my teeth together and thought of Marcus’ words: Tell him what you must to get him to the compound, nothing more and nothing less.
Calum’s voice was filled with need, with an angry desire for answers. “Kate? Tell me the truth. Tell me what’s going on. You owe me that much.”
I recognized his need, that unshakable desire, but he was wrong.
I owed him nothing.
I felt a laugh, sick with bubbles, slide up my throat and out to this: “Truth.”
There was so much about the truth that I wanted to change. At night, when I was alone, sometimes the heavy truths of my world hit me so hard I couldn’t breathe for hours.
More secrets I kept.
I took a deep breath. I needed to feel Calum out, to see what truth he was after so I could hide the rest. I wondered, maybe, if I wouldn’t have to tell him much after all. “What do you want to know first?”
His chest rose and fell. I felt time crawl by in what seemed like hours, days even, while his eyes closed and opened and closed. It was an eternal moment wrapped in something smaller; a moment before a truth.
