by Jordan Marie
“Si. I can for now.”
“Good. I’m out of here.”
“You’re going to leave me here?” Teena asks. The room is mostly dark, the florescent light above humming and only highlighting the area that Pistol hangs from, doing very little to brighten the rest of the room.
“He’s tied up, Teena. I doubt you are in any danger. Besides, I beat the fuck out of him so many times that I doubt anything works.”
“You’re still mad at me.”
“You should have told me you delivered that package to Beth.”
“I didn’t know she was the woman you grieved after, amante. I didn’t know any of this, not until you told me.”
“Even when you knew, you didn’t tell me. Not until Dragon said something. You mentioned none of it until Beth reminded me last night.”
“It would have served no purpose. What is done is done.”
Her words do nothing to kill the rage inside of me. She’s not the object of it, however. No, that’s reserved for the man in the mirror that stares back at me every morning.
“Lock the door when you leave,” I order her. “I’ll make sure Briar has the money for your trouble.”
“I could swing by your room when I’m finished. Help you take the edge off?” she offers, trying to slide her body into mine, her fingers digging into my sides.
I haven’t touched a woman since the night on the phone with Matthew over a year ago when I found out Beth was alive. I made an excuse to get Teena out the door and I’ve never taken her to my bed since. I’ve went over all this with Teena and fucking hell, if nothing else, you think she would have gotten the message loud and clear last night. I’ve had about all I can handle of all women. Christo! I would be better off as a monk having only my hand for pleasure.
“That’s not happening. It hasn’t happened for a long time. I told you, I am married.”
“Not really. It wasn’t a real marriage. And besides, she left you. She didn’t believe in you,” Teena says, moving her hand up the side of my face.
Her blonde hair and the color of her eyes once reminded me of Beth. She looks nothing like her. How did I convince myself of that? Did grief blind me so clearly? She’s not Hispanic. She was married to a man who was. But even so, her skin is not the same tone as my Beth’s. Her smile is a pale comparison. It’s not fair, but when I measure them, Teena comes up short. I had to have been blinded by grief. Grief that was for… nothing.
I stop her hand, pulling it away from me. “It’s real. I told you this is done, Teena.”
“You’ll change your mind. You two can barely look at each other now.”
“It’s been over a year. I told you, move on to someone else,” I tell her, not commenting about me and Beth. There’s nothing I can say to that. Fuck. There’s not a damn thing I can say about it.
“Let me fucking die,” I tell the bitch as she injects me more with her steroids and whatever else she puts in that fucking syringe that somehow keeps me going.
“But I cannot. You’re helping to keep him distracted, giving him something to keep his mind on.”
“If he knew what an evil bitch you were…”
“But he doesn’t.”
“I could tell him if you don’t let me die,” I tell her, wheezing.
“You haven’t yet, and your time is almost done. You won’t weaken now.”
“I might,” I bluff.
“No. You won’t. To do so would mean the death of the one person you have ever cared about. You know, Pistol, that’s kind of sad, if you think about it. A man living as long as you have and not having one thing to show for it. Would you like me to tell your sister how you suffered for her in the end? Would she hate you less then? I wonder…”
“Leave Hayden alone. You fuckers said you’d leave her out of this if I…”
“If you kept your mouth shut. Exactly. But don’t piss me off, Pistol. You’re helpless here. I could kill you and kill your sister and there’s nothing you could do about it,” the cold fucking bitch says. She’s right. I’ve been swinging for weeks. Hell, maybe months now, and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it. If I told Skull about Hayden, he’d probably just kill her too.
I say nothing else. I let the evil bitch do what she does to keep me alive and be a slab of meat for Skull to torture longer. When I meet Torres in hell, I will make sure she pays. That’s my last thought as unconsciousness claims me.
“What are you doing hiding in here?” Katie asks when she opens the door to my room.
I’m sitting on the floor with Gabby playing with her blocks. I’m not actually hiding; I’d just rather not see Skull again for a day or, you know, maybe ten. I may have held onto my cool for the most part during our confrontation last night, but this resolution I’ve made to stop running is not coming easy.
“I’m not hiding. Your beautiful niece and I are playing blocks,” I tell her.
“Kaydee!” Gabby cries out and pulls her wobbly little butt up to run to Katie, who bends down to scoop up Gabby and plant kisses all over her.
“I swear she gets bigger every day,” she whispers. Sadly, I can’t argue. The days are going by so quickly. I busy myself with picking up her blocks, trying to shake off this mood I seem to be stuck in ever since my run-in with Skull. “Are things not getting any better?”
“Not especially, though we did have a nice shouting match last night with that fucking Dr. Torres around to hear it all.” I sigh, wincing as I curse in front of Gabby, but I can’t help it. I swear I want to kill that woman. I don’t know for sure she had anything to do with the package I got when I was in the hospital, but I feel like she did, and I just keep remembering that look on her face last night.
Dr. Torres is hiding shit. I’m almost positive …
“That fucking bastard, he still has her here?”
“Sweetness, watch your language before my girl hears you,” Torch says, coming into the room with his lazy grin. It’s so strange to watch him and Katie together. I may have worried when she told me about him, but it was for nothing. He’s completely in love with my sister. Gabby squeals when Torch takes her away from Katie. He blows on her stomach and she giggles, letting her little hands sink into his hair and pull. Torch doesn’t seem to mind, blowing more raspberries against her stomach so she cackles even louder.
I set the container of blocks to the side and rise from the floor, coming to Katie’s side. Torch settles Gabby in his arms and looks over at me with an easy smile.
“How are my favorite girls today?” he asks.
“I thought I was your favorite girl?” Katie speaks up.
“Greedy woman. You’ve had me in your bed last night and this morning and you got to ride on the back of my bike. I even flexed my muscles for you. I know you’re good, Katy-did,” he tells her, bending down to kiss her and seeming unaware of the way Gabby is tugging on his beard. “Come on, Beth. Time to get out of this room. Come with us into the kitchen and I’ll cook breakfast for all three of my women,” Torch says, and I’m not really hungry, but it sure would feel good to get out of here. Especially if I’m not alone.
Before I can respond, Katie grabs my arm and pulls me into her, linking our arms together. I guess I’m going to the kitchen, whether I want to or not. “Explain why I put up with your ass again?” Katie asks Torch with a smile on her face.
“That’s easy,” he says. “The size of my enormous, D-I-C-K,” Torch says, spelling out the last word as he looks down at Gabby, grinning.
“Don’t flatter yourself. Your dick isn’t that big. I’ve seen bigger,” Katie huffs, pulling me through the door as Torch opens it for us.
“I think Auntie Katie needs to be reminded of how lucky she is, don’t you think, Gabby?”
“Kaydee!” Gabby calls out, still playing with Torch’s beard.
“You, dear husband, are way too proud of your dick,” Katie grumbles. “I swear he thinks he should have the fucker bronzed.” She leans down to whisper in my ear where only I can her
e. “And he probably should, but I’ll be damned if I’ll admit that to him; he’s already so full of himself.”
“I think Auntie Katie has a potty-mouth. I’ll have to find something large to stuff in it later to shut her up,” Torch says to Gabby like he’s talking about the latest cartoon on television.
“You two need therapy,” I laugh, taking my daughter away from Torch. “Give her to me, and if her first words have anything to do with you-know-whats, I’m coming after both of you.”
I think it’s the first real smile I’ve had in days. I follow Katie and Torch down the hall, suddenly feeling hungry. We’ve only taken a few steps before the inevitable happens though: we run into Skull. It’s much worse than I imagined, however, because not only is he there, but he’s standing with—
“Dr. Torres,” Katie growls, standing in front of me and Gabby as if to protect us. It’s sweet, and there was a time I needed it. Not now. I’m not backing away anymore. It’s amazing how much strength you find when your world is shattered.
“Sweetness, they’re not…”
“If you dare tell me that Skull and her aren’t fucking, that woman on your shirt is the only woman who will be sucking your dick,” Katie growls. I cover Gabby’s ears because I think my daughter might be hearing a little too much today. Still, even with my pain, I could almost laugh. Torch is wearing a shirt that has a woman on her knees in front of a man obviously diving down on his cock. She’s got a ball and chain on her ankle and above the picture is the caption: “Off the market”. At the bottom is another caption: “My wife makes me happy”. I never thought I’d see Torch so crazy over a woman. The fact that it’s my sister is even more surreal, but I love them together. They’re good for each other in ways Skull and I could never manage, even when it was good.
“I was going to say Skull and Beth aren’t together anymore,” Torch says, bringing me out of my thoughts. His words are like a slap across the face.
“That…”
“Katie, stop,” I tell her, walking around them to face the woman I might just hate more than anyone in the world right now. Since Matthew and Colin are still alive, that’s saying something.
“Torch is right,” Skull says, his face looking unmovable. It might be my imagination, but there’s a hint of discomfort about him. I’m glad. I want to make him uncomfortable. Maybe he’ll let me leave sooner. “We’re not together. I’m not sure we ever were,” he says, his eyes locking on mine. Okay, maybe I was wrong. He’s not uncomfortable; just a fucking asshole.
“Gabby would seem to argue with that point,” I remind him quietly.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Gabby yells, pulling on my hair.
I turn my attention to her. “That’s right, baby. Let’s go find you some food.”
I start to walk around them, and Skull stops me. “You don’t have a right to be upset.”
“I never said I was upset, Skull. Why would I be? You’re right. We’re not together, we’re nothing anymore.”
I keep my face blank, even if inside I feel like I’m dying.
“I think I’ll just go, amante,” Teena says, and I want to scratch her eyes out. I can’t stop myself—even if I should.
“Things are starting to get so clear. Tell me, doctor, when you delivered Skull’s little package to me, did you really intercept it in admissions like you said? Or did he just give it to you after you two had fun in the bedroom?”
“I…”
“I bet you knew all along who I was. Right? I mean, why else would you even think to come to me? The envelope clearly said Beth Donahue, a name I would never use. And how could I have been the only Beth in the whole hospital?”
“You were the only Beth in the maternity wing,” she defends, but she doesn’t look in my eye.
The bitch is lying. “Sure, I was. And you, a person who has lived here forever, never realized who Skull was enough to tell me what he looked like?”
“What are you talking about?” Skull asks, but I ignore him.
“Listen, Beth, I realize that you’re upset, but I don’t have anything to do with this. What Skull and I share came along after you were gone.”
“Sure it did. You’re as fake as the blonde in your hair, Dr. Torres.”
“Bitch.” Teena makes to grab me, but Skull grabs her arm first.
“Don’t touch her,” his cold as steel voice says. My eyes go to him, but he’s barely looking at me. “Get my daughter out of here if you’re going, Beth.”
“If you would let me move out, I would have her out of here already,” I growl, starting to walk away.
“I told you, you could leave after your brothers have been found. Not before. I want my daughter safe.”
I look over my shoulder at him. “Yes, sir. Whatever you say.”
“If you had that attitude sooner, it might have saved us a lot of heartache.”
“Do you even have a heart?” He shifts, and before he can answer, I shake my head. “No, don’t answer that. Obviously your heart and other attributes belong to Dr. Torres now.” I turn away so he can’t see the pain that causes. I walk to the kitchen, not looking back even when I hear Katie behind me.
“Fucking asshole,” she growls.
I love my sister.
“You know you could just stop staring at her and breakdown and go talk to her,” Sabre says, sitting down at my table.
We’re in the compound. Beth, Katie, and a few of the club girls are in the corner planning Katie’s bachelorette party along with Briar’s old lady. In the past few days, Beth has settled in and made a place for herself here in the club in ways I never thought she would. We haven’t talked since that day in the hall, not really. A few words here and there when I get Gabby or bring her back, but that’s it. She asked me if I had any progress on finding Matthew and Colin. I lied. I know exactly where Matthew is. I could pick him up today. I’m fucking stalling getting revenge because that would make Beth’s leaving one step closer. I don’t want her here and I don’t want her to leave.
Jesus, I’m fucked up.
“When I need your advice on women, I’ll ask for it, hermano.”
“Seems to me you need someone’s.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have Matthew taken care of this week. Once we get Colin, Beth will no longer be here.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Totalmente,” I tell him, and I’m mostly telling the truth.
“When are we making the move on Donahue?”
My heart speeds up in rhythm. Do I keep putting it off? What is that really helping? This is done, right? I hear Beth’s laugh ring out and I feel this phantom pain inside of me.
“Tomorrow morning. Call the boys in. We’ll have church tonight and plan. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“I can do that,” he says and leans back in his chair, tilting it so it’s hung in the air as if in mid-rock, studying me.
When I get tired of him staring, I finally kick my foot out, causing the chair to scoot. He flails around a moment, looking ridiculous, before getting it back under control. Fucker.
“Out with it and then shut the fuck up,” I growl, taking the last drink of my vodka.
“You’re a fucking prick, you know that?”
I shrug. I’m an even bigger one since discovering Beth is breathing, so I can’t really argue and I don’t really give a fuck anyway.
“I was noticing that Dr. Torres left rather quickly this morning,” he says and I frown into my glass, now empty of alcohol.
The ice clinks as I slam it down. “So?”
“Is it over?”
“It’s been over for a while.”
“She’s here almost every other night,” Sabre responds.
“Not for that. What are you being such a fucking busybody for, anyway? You want to tap it? I thought Annie had your dick sewn up, hermano.”
“Fuck you. Annie is all I need. I’m just saying if you’re so confused about Beth that you’re giving Teena the shove, maybe you ough
t to get your head out of your ass.”
“I gave Teena the shove way before Beth was back in the picture.”
“So you consider her in the picture now?”
“Fuck no. I’m just saying Teena has nothing to do with Beth. Christo! Are we seriously talking about this shit? Next thing I know, you’ll be asking me to make your cut pink.”
“Fuck off. I’m just saying if you want Beth back, you better start figuring out how to make that happen instead of pushing her farther away.”
“When I want your advice, I’ll ask for it. Besides there’s too much shit between us. Looking at her some days is hard enough. I sure as hell don’t want to talk to her.”
“So fuck her. Sex can work out a hell of a lot of anger.”
“Fuck no! Women are too much fucking trouble. I think I’ll stick to my hand,” I tell him, grabbing the bottle on the table and pouring more into my glass.
“Funny how you decided on your hand and not a club whore. I mean, they’re free, they have no strings. Seems to me a warm pussy is better than a calloused hand any fucking day of the week. Take my advice, Skull. If a woman has grabbed more than your dick, don’t let it go easily,” he says, getting up.
I let him leave without responding. When I want him to be my fucking therapist, I’ll tell him. It doesn’t matter if he is right. The thought of sinking between the legs of any woman right now leaves my cock as limp as if I just took a swim in an ice pond in the Arctic.
Any woman besides Beth.
Motherfucker.
“If you stare at him any harder, your tongue will be hanging out,” Briar’s old lady, Stephanie Sakal, says. Everyone calls her Sacks. I don’t know why and I’m kind of afraid to ask. I like her though. Her and Briar have just got together. Love at first sight. He literally saw her walking on the street, picked her up, put her on the back of his bike and then claimed her. I’m learning these Devil’s Blaze men move hard and fast when it comes to women. Too bad I picked the one who didn’t have staying power. Again, my eyes go to Skull, who is sitting over there talking to Sabre.
