Could it have been the reason he left town without a word? Then she remembered something else. When Jed and Steve had faced off at the hospital, Steve accused Jed of running away. Jed had yelled back saying he hadn’t run, he’d been given no choice but to go. Was that why Jed wouldn’t defend himself when the opportunity arose? Several times, she had brought the subject up and thought now he’ll explain. But nothing. He would get a pained look in his eyes but then it would disappear and he would change the subject. Was he ashamed of something he’d done? Had Johanna been using the past against him to win custody?
That didn’t make sense. If she knew something that bad about Jed, why would she have married him? Besides, Chaney couldn’t think of anything bad Jed had ever done, other than him walking away from her that is.
Chaney felt the door begin to push against her. She stepped away. Jed stepped inside.
“What happened?” she demanded before he closed the door.
Jed’s eyebrow cocked as he looked at her. “Johanna signed the papers and gave me custody.”
“I know that, I mean before.”
“Before when?”
“Twelve years ago.”
***
The blood in Jed’s veins froze. It was one thing to plan to discuss the past with Chaney. It was something else to have her demand answers about it. Answers Jed wasn’t sure he really wanted to give. Chaney must have taken his silence as a challenge because she stepped closer to him.
“What did you mean when you said you’d been run out?”
“When did I say that?” Jed hedged, stepping around her and walking toward the window. He didn’t remember, but he knew if Chaney remembered it, he must have said it.
“At the hospital when Steve accused you of running away. He was talking about when you left town wasn’t he?”
You wanted to talk about the past, Jed, so say something. He remained silent. Though he stared out at the wide expanse of Chaney’s ranch, he saw none of it. The image before his eyes was that of Travis McBride’s angry hate filled eyes.
“Wasn’t he?” Chaney demanded.
The sharp tone of her voice pulled Jed from his memories.
“Yes,” he answered without turning around. A moment later Chaney’s warm hand was on his arm urging him to face her.
Her voice was soft when she asked again, “what happened?”
In that moment, Jed knew he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to take away what love she had left for her father. Jed knew if he told Chaney the truth, she would take it the wrong way. She would think her father did it to hurt her. She wouldn’t understand that he had loved her and wanted better for her than an untamed, troubled, dreamer.
Jed turned around and brushed his fingers over her cheek. “Chaney girl, does the past really matter? Can’t you just accept that it wasn’t your fault and let us move on?”
“No,” she said pulling away from his touch. “No I can’t. You’re the only one I can ask. You’re the only one that knows why you left me.”
Guilt pierced his heart. Why had he allowed this to happen? Why hadn’t he stood up to McBride like a man instead of slinking off to lick his wounds?
Because you were barely more than a kid. Because you didn’t want Chaney to live through the shame McBride’s threats would have brought to her. Because you loved her and wanted to protect her.
“I ran into some men on my way to meet you that night,” he said then faltered. Could he really tell her?
“Who?”
“It doesn’t matter. They gave me a choice; leave town or go to jail.” There he’d said it. He hadn’t pointed any fingers but he’d still told her the truth.
“For what? You might have been rowdy but you never broke the law.”
Looking back on it, Jed knew he had. Even though Chaney hadn’t resisted, in fact had instigated their first time, she had been underage when they first made love and technically it was against the law. Statutory rape as her father had been only too happy to tell him.
“Chaney, there are more important things to talk about than my misspent youth,” he said trying to change the subject. “I was on my way over here to talk to you about the rustlers again.”
In typical McBride fashion, she ignored him and continued the conversation that really interested her.
“It was my father, wasn’t it?”
“Damn it, Chaney. Let it go.”
“That’s what Steve meant. It was my father you were afraid of.”
Jed clenched his fists and closed his eyes trying to contain the anger that always boiled to the surface when he thought about this part of his life. It wasn’t that he’d been afraid of her father or his men. They’d only been able to beat him because he wouldn’t fight back. No, he’d been afraid for Chaney. His refusal to fight came from knowing the disgrace she would face if they arrested him.
“No,” he said. “Not exactly.”
“Then what, exactly.”
Jed heard the sarcasm and remembered the same words said the same way coming out of his own mouth. He had been irritated when she didn’t give him a direct answer. They had enough problems without adding to them with that.
He turned and looked directly at her. “First you have to understand your father loved you and wanted the best for you.” Jed noticed the tensing of Chaney’s facial muscles and wondered if she would believe anything he said regarding her father. “He did love you, Chaney.”
“I wish you and Martha would break that record. It is getting really old.”
“Maybe you should listen then. Martha showed me a picture of your mother the other day. My guess is your father had a hard time being around you the same way my uncle had being around me. We reminded them too much of their loss, of someone they loved more than anything or anyone. When I saw that picture, I understood that. You could be your mother’s twin. From what Martha said, she had the same wild streak in her as you do.”
From her tense stance, she wasn’t listening.
“If he had loved me he wouldn’t have forced you to leave. That’s what he did, didn’t he?”
Obviously, she didn’t care how her father felt. It seemed all she ever wanted to remember were the negatives in their lives. But he couldn’t give up yet.
“Yes.” The word felt torn from his throat. Jed knew the pain it would cause her. “Chaney, he wanted better for you.”
“You were good for me.”
The pleading sound of her words tore at his heart. He wanted nothing more than to agree and make all the pain go away, but he couldn’t in good conscience put all the blame on her father. Now a father himself he understood the man’s motives, if not his actions.
“I was wild, head strong, and determined to prove to everyone how bad I could be. What father would want a man like that near his daughter?”
“But I loved you,” she said. Tears began to spill over her lashes and Jed was lost.
“I know, sweetheart. I know,” Jed told her as he pulled her into his embrace. It felt so good to hold her again.
“I was pregnant,” she whispered against his shirt.
An arrow piercing his heart couldn’t have hurt more. “I know,” he said in a hoarse voice fighting the emotions clogging his throat.
Jed lifted his head from where it rested on her hair when he felt hers move. The eyes that looked up at him were full of hurt and betrayal.
“You knew?”
“No,” he replied quickly. He hugged her tightly for a moment then held her at arm’s length. Jed needed to see her eyes when he explained. He had to know she believed him. “Not then. Nothing could have kept me away if I had known. Not a . . . nothing. I found out when you were in the hospital a few weeks ago.”
Jed thought he would be able to tell how she felt if he could watch her face. Unfortunately, a blank stillness had enveloped her as he spoke. His heart sank when he understood what it meant. When she pulled totally from his grasp, Jed knew devastation.
Chaney took several steps back then tu
rned and walked behind the desk. Jed recognized the barrier. He started to walk to the door thinking the discussion over.
“So, he paid you off.”
She might as well have slapped him, Jed’s head whipped around so fast. “What?”
“I don’t blame you, Jed.”
“No, you just accused me of being bought.” Jed gave up trying to control his temper. That was the last straw. Enough with others putting him down, kicking him around, and insulting him; he wasn’t going to take it anymore. His voice rang loud in the room.
“I came over here to tell you about the past. To put it behind us and see if we could work out a future.” He stepped close to the desk but didn’t touch it or her. “Your total lack of faith in my character tells me it isn’t worth the effort.”
The shocked look on her face registered but didn’t faze him. He and Ashley were outta here. Jed turned, opened the door, walked into the hall, and closed it with deliberate quiet.
He tried to shake off the aggravation as he walked to the kitchen. His daughter’s laughter reached him before he stepped in the room. He should have stuck to his first plan from the beginning, concentrate on Ashley.
Jed dug deep and found enough patience to make the excuses needed for him and Ashley to go back to his uncle’s. He wasn’t stupid enough to think Martha bought any of it, but she didn’t argue in front of his daughter. His daughter did plenty of that on her own until he mentioned Dale’s heart attack and broken arm. Ashley’s fear showed instantly in her tearing blue eyes. He spent the entire drive to Dale’s ranch calming her down.
The confusion in his uncle’s eyes when Jed and Ashley drove up only added more guilt to his already painfully heavy load. He was thankful when Dale didn’t grill him until after they got Ashley to bed that night.
“I take it things didn’t go well with Chaney,” Dale said.
They sat at the kitchen table. Dale had brought out the bottle of scotch he’d opened the night of Steve’s wedding. The night Jed had started dreaming of a possible future with Chaney. Jed tossed back a shot then poured another.
“If you like understatement,” he said.
“She didn’t believe McBride threatened you?”
“She believes he forced me to leave, it’s the how that’s up for debate.”
His uncle held his glass out and Jed filled it. “I think you’ll have to give a few more details to this old man. What’s there to debate? He had you beaten and threatened you with rape charges. That seems pretty clear cut to me.”
Jed chewed on his cheek for a minute. Even thinking of Chaney’s misbegotten belief made him sick to his stomach. How was he supposed to say it to his uncle?
He leaned his forearms on the table and rolled the shot glass between his palms. “We had gotten beyond the forcing me to leave part without me having to explain the beating. I really didn’t want to kill all of her love for her father and so tried to hold back what I could, but still get enough of the truth out so we could move beyond it.” When his uncle nodded, Jed figured he understood and continued. “She started crying and told me she’d loved me and that she was pregnant. I told her I knew. She misunderstood. I explained that I meant I had learned about the other pregnancy after she’d been in the hospital this time. I told her if I had known before nothing could have kept me away.”
Jed stopped, still fighting with the shame of her accusations.
“But?”
“But, she didn’t believe me. It was clear in the total withdrawal. Her eyes, her posture, and the way she moved behind the desk as if needing a barrier between us to make it final. I started to leave, thinking why bother fighting a losing battle. That’s when she dealt her final blow.” He tossed back the shot he’d been nursing and forced himself to meet his uncle’s gaze. “She said, and I quote, so he paid you off. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.”
Jed wasn’t sure if his uncle was just mad at him, or if he was having another heart attack. The instantaneous angry red face did concern him though.
“It’s okay, Dale don’t get worked up about it. Don’t worry she might sue me for breaking the agreement. I’ll let her keep my name for the year so she can keep her damned ranch. I don’t need her for the custody battle anymore, so we don’t have to worry about that.”
“But you’ll let her believe you were paid off?”
Jed almost smiled at his uncle’s incredulous tone. It felt good to know that at least he believed his nephew had some scruples.
“Oh I think I shocked her into reality on that subject, I just didn’t give her time to defend her lack of faith in my character. Despite it all, I still love her. However, I don’t know if I could ever believe she loves me. It’s over.”
He stood, ready to call it a night and debate his conscience in the quiet of his bedroom. It seemed the universe had a different idea as his cell phone rang before he made it to the hall.
“Sampson,” he said.
“Jed, it’s Sheriff Davenport.”
A chill raced over Jed’s body. “Sheriff. Have you learned something new about the rustlers?”
“Not exactly. Someone did just call in though. They wouldn’t leave their name, but they said there was supposed to be a truck on McBride’s Pride tonight sometime between ten and midnight.”
“Okay. What’s the plan?” Jed hadn’t noticed his uncle move, but suddenly saw a cup of coffee held in front of him. He smiled his thanks and took a sip while he listened to the sheriff.
“I’m getting a crew together now. I thought you might like to ride out with us.”
He may have just told his uncle it was over, but he still wasn’t going to let anything happen to Chaney. “Where should I meet you?”
***
Chapter Twelve
Chaney walked down the dark hallway toward the kitchen. A dim light glowed from the entrance but no noise. The late hour assured her that Martha had given up and gone to bed.
The afternoon had slipped into evening and evening to night. From her office, Chaney had watched the changing sky. Her evening schedule played through her mind but still she made no move to leave her sanctuary. The men would see to the chores and Martha to dinner. The only movement Chaney made was to walk to the door and lock it. She didn’t want to be disturbed.
Martha had other ideas. She had knocked on the door several times throughout the afternoon and evening. She had demanded Chaney come eat. She had ordered Chaney to talk to her. All the demands fell on deaf ears.
All Chaney wanted was for everyone to leave her alone.
She entered the kitchen and turned off the light over the stove. The darkness wrapped around her like a suffocating blanket. She couldn’t turn the light back on because it hurt her eyes that were dry and puffy from crying.
Crying because you got your wish. You’re alone.
Why had she said those things to Jed? She knew they weren’t true. Jed was probably the one man on the planet her father couldn’t have paid off. What had she been thinking? Of course, that question led to worse thoughts. What had her father really done to him? If it wasn’t money, and Jed had never cared about money, what could he possibly have said to make Jed leave? When she hadn’t found any answers, she drifted back into her self-recrimination.
The past weeks were full of negative thoughts and angry comebacks. At one time, she’d even accused him of marrying her as revenge against her father. If anyone had married for revenge, it was her. When she thought about it, even that wasn’t true. Deep down Chaney knew she had married Jed with the hope they could make it work. That he would love her again.
You blew that one.
Her arms wrapped around her middle to hold back the sickening pain reality brought. With the action, a slight comfort seeped through her.
“I’m not alone, am I?” She felt the sad smile tug at her lips. “The way I’ve treated you today, I wouldn’t blame you if you left, too,” she said to her unborn baby.
Chaney stroked her abdomen in slow soothing circles. She
had to remember her responsibility and take care of herself. Her stomach growled.
“Okay, I get the idea,” she chuckled.
The light from the refrigerator nearly blinded her when she opened it. After taking a moment to let her eyes adjust, she found a plate heaped with food and covered in wax paper. “Martha,” she whispered and the tears threatened to spill from her eyes again. “I’m not alone.”
No, you’re lonely.
The thought hit her with the clarity of fine crystal. For twelve years Chaney had been so busy she hadn’t been able to focus on what bothered her. After putting the plate in the microwave, she reflected on her life since Jed had left. She had tried to trade her heart in on a saddle. If she couldn’t have Jed, she would try to please her father. Try to be the son he always wanted but never had.
Chaney remembered her months in the cast and rehabilitation. Unable to do anything outside to help she had learned as much of the business end as her father would allow. She researched and installed better software for their records.
“And he was pleased,” she said as if awed by the realization. The memory of her father smiling down at her as she explained the program to him was so intense she almost dropped the milk jug she had pulled from the refrigerator. The microwave beeped while she was pouring her milk, causing her to splash it on the counter.
“The kitchen is going to be a disaster before I finish,” she grumbled sopping up the spilled milk.
Finished cleaning up, Chaney took her food to the table. She stared out the window as the bite of savory herbed biscuit brought her hunger out in force. She ate with gusto stopping only to bring the milk carton to the table.
Her mind registered the food she ate was delicious, but it focused on her inner thoughts. Her memories. As she buttered another biscuit and leaned back, Chaney realized the memories weren’t as bad as she had made them out to be.
“Jed was right.” The words choked out of her throat around the lump of grief she felt. “Daddy, I’m sor--”
A Daring Proposal Page 18
