by Cree Walker
"What if she's not ready to find a mate?" I countered.
He shrugged, "She'll come around."
"Why would she?" I crossed my arms stubbornly.
He put his hands on my waist and lowered his face to mind. "Because there is nothing better than sex with someone you love."
I snorted and rolled my eyes, but that was just to cover up the little flutter of butterfly wings in my stomach.
"You don't believe in love?" He grinned.
"I have to be honest with you and admit that was a great line but the only thing love brought my last mate was an early grave."
He brushed my hair back over one of my ears. "It won't be like that the next time."
"Are you clairvoyant too, great Alpha?"
"No, I'm just optimistic." He turned his attention away from me and started greeting guests one by one.
I walked over to the bar and ordered a milkshake.
Gage came and sat beside me with a drink of his own and from two feet away the smell of alcohol burned my nose.
"Sorry about what I said earlier." He mumbled before looking at me.
"Me too, but it was honest. I shouldn't have baited you like that." I said swallowing a whole lot of pride in order to get that out.
He sighed deeply, "I wanted to; I want you to know that. I know it doesn't mean anything in our current situation, but if things were different... I shouldn't be talking about this, it’s just that I'm used to getting what I want," He smiled, "And for the first time I really want something and I can't have it. That's why I've been so out of it." He finished off his whiskey and put the empty glass down on the bar.
I didn't say anything. Before this I wasn't sure if he loved me or hated me and to hear that he didn't hate me made things worse some how.
He chuckled without humor. "It weird really, I've never wanted to protect anyone so badly in my life." He spun the glass and left before it stopped turning. I watched it ’til it did finally stop its rotations, scared that if I looked up everyone would see the guilt on my face.
I held up my hand until the bartender noticed me. "I'll take a beer." I pushed my still full milkshake away.
The cake came out a few beers later and I was surprised at how nice it was. I was expecting some huge sheet cake with vanilla icing and some candles, but it was a pretty three tier cake with chocolate frosting and I smelled a hint of cream cheese and honey. The bartender placed it on the center of the bar and lit the one candle on top and stood back while Robert locked eyes with me before blowing it out. I took another deep drink of my beer after another calming breath.
Presents were given but not opened and they were stacked high on a table near the main exit and I examined the pile of sparkly wrapping paper, colorful bows and expensive ribbons, pretty much ignoring anything else going on around me until the band finally started up.
Most of the men took up watch around the room while the women pulled one another onto the dance floor. That's when I noticed there were at least three men to every one woman in the room and I was almost sure that this was a pretty fair representation of our situation overall. It made me sad.
Robert found me on the fringes of the party and hauled me away from the gift table and onto the dance floor with a seductive smile on his lips. "I found the present I want to open first."
He pulled me in to him and pressed himself against me, trapping me with his hands low on my waist and he started moving his hips expertly guiding my own to the tribal beat of the music. At first I was stiff against him, but I felt my obstinance melt away with the help of hormones and just enough alcohol and soon we danced to a beat of our own drum. I spun and pressed my ass into him in a moment of pure bravery, though I knew deep inside that Robert was not a man to tease. He growled happily in my ear and his hands pulled me closer still when I started moving on my own, my strict inhibitions all but gone in a moment of his obvious pleasure as he'd simply forgotten to dance on his own while I moved, enjoying his hands on my body. Though his touch never crossed that line into the obscene, it didn't have to because he just knew how to touch me enough that I wanted more.
A slow song started playing and I tried pulling away but Robert held fast and took the lead. His touch soothed me and it made me almost lazy in his hands. We swayed to the song and it felt almost as if I was being rocked to a lullaby. Time passed too quickly and before I knew it the song had ended. I silently wished it would continue; I felt safe here. That was until I looked up into his eyes and nearly froze at the intensity on his face.
The band announced a quick break and I took my eyes off his burning stare long enough to see the dance floor had cleared except for the two of us and I blushed deeply as the large group started to howl at our little performance. Robert smiled at my mortification before joining the crowd with a howl of his own, but it didn't sound like a cheer of happiness; it felt like an Alpha claiming a kill.
I wandered away as soon as his attention was elsewhere and found my way out to the cool embrace of spring night air. I gulped the clean breeze as it lifted my hair away from the back of my moist neck and I listened to the straight locks flicking in resistance to the wind as the breeze intensified into a gust.
I closed my eyes and faced it as the steady wind blew my skin free of his mind-numbing scent and imagined myself running as a wolf through the nearby woods. My footing sure – never tripping like that of a person running on two clumsy feet instead of four. My muscles bunching and surging forward, past any force I could possibly imagine as a human, like there was no limit to how fast or how strong I could be if I could just keep running.
The wind stopped and I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands, hating the only part of myself that I could be. Why couldn't I have been stuck as a wolf? I felt closer to her than any part of my human self. I was her, but I couldn't be her.
I went back inside, because I couldn't drive myself home. I had to wait ’til either I was sober or the party ended, whichever came first.
Robert had both hands full of another girl and smiled away as if he hadn't noticed I had left at all, while Gage was sitting in a chair with some girl in his lap sucking on his neck like she was going for some sort of hickey world record.
Though I knew the truth of the matter was that I hadn't chosen either of them, how could they separately tell me how much they wanted me, and as soon as I left the room immediately turn their attention to the first hot skirt that walked by, and in a room full of werewolves chances were that it was the first skirt to walk by. For a group of people that took so much pride in monogamy, they were a bunch of sluts.
I left my keys with the bar keep and walked outside again and started down the road. I'd walk home before I stayed there to watch them prove how replaceable I was.
About two thirds of the way back, a car came into view and slowed down when they saw me. It was my car so I stopped.
Gage sat behind the wheel looking mad. I wasn't sure yet if he really was mad or if it was a comfortable expression he went to when he was unsure. "Get in."
"No." I snipped.
"Sugar, you should have had someone bring you home."
"Why? I’m the big bad wolf."
"Not in these woods, and especially not tonight little girl," He put the car in park and got out. "Please get in the car."
"I don't see what choice I have since you'll just pick me up and stuff me in regardless of what I say or want."
"Well, we don't always get everything we want." His voice rose with irritation.
"That's okay because if you don't get exactly what you want you can always do someone else." I crossed my arms and leaned on the hood of the car, the heat from the engine ticking behind me.
He moved forward slowly and picked me up seating me on top of the Mustang's warm hood. "Then tell me you want me too." He nuzzled my throat gently, the irritation gone from his voice and replaced with something darker.
"Is this a trick?" I asked before he pulled me to him and pressed himself between my legs.
"Tell me you want me, Sugar." His voice begged.
At that moment I couldn't think of anything I wanted more. I was in the desert sun and dying of thirst, but I only wanted him for this moment. I wanted to use him, and I was so far gone in my own yearning for that moment, I didn't pause to think about what he wanted.
He bit the skin of my throat and groaned at my surprised gasp. "I want you." I breathed out, grinding against him.
He pulled off his shirt while I fiddled with the buckle on his belt and jeans. I looked up at his perfectly sculpted chest and paused just long enough to run my hands over its hard surface. He kissed me then, long and slow, moving his hands under my sweater, pulling it over my head and throwing it on the windshield with his shirt. He tugged on the tight stubborn denim of my jeans and I wiggled to help him until they were on the ground beside him.
It was his turn to pause and he grinned wide at the black thong. "Did you wear this for him?"
If I hadn't been so hungry for what he could offer me right then I might have stopped right there, but before I could think about it any further he ran a fingertip under the inside line of my underwear and pulled them slowly down the length of my legs like he was pulling a black ribbon off a present.
He bent and kissed the inside of my thigh and up the contour of my pelvis until he had traced a soft line to the base of my throat with his lips.
I arched to meet him and trembled when he pressed himself against me, I sighed then and bit the skin of his upper shoulder almost hard enough to draw blood.
He chuckled and pushed me back, "Patience."
"No." I wiggled against him and gasped, smiling like the Cheshire cat.
He obliged me and pushed inside me slowly. I clutched his bare arms and felt my mouth open in silent shock. God it hurt.
"Relax," He nuzzled my throat again burying his face in my hair and taking in my scent. I chomped down on my lower lip and felt tears sting my eyes. I didn't really want this I realized suddenly. I just wanted him to stop, it hurt so bad I sobbed, but he misunderstood my sounds for pleasure and pressed ahead. I thought I would die at any moment and nothing I did eased the pain because he wasn't making love to me, he was fucking me. He was using me the way I had wanted to use him.
He suddenly stopped moving against me and held his ragged breath, his hands splayed out on either side of my shoulders, his pulse visible in his throat and his heart hammering so hard I could count the beats. "Someone's coming." He wiped a hand over his face as if he were suddenly waking up. "Take the car home."
And just like that I was sitting naked on the hood of a mustang alone in the road. I slid off its smooth surface and grabbed my clothes wiping away my tears and climbed into the car with my own heart thumping like a war drum. My hands shook violently as I turned the key to start the car and I put it in drive with the feeling of being chased in the back of my mind. I drove to the house and ran inside only half dressed and in a rush to wash Gage's scent from my body before anyone found out.
Chapter Fifteen
I climbed out of the shower along with my shame and regret. Robert was sitting on the closed toilet with my towel in his hands. I jumped and laughed nervously then reached for the towel as he held it out to me without looking at me.
"Sarah said you left." He said finally.
I nodded because I didn't trust myself to speak just yet.
"I missed you." He continued when I didn't say anything more.
"The last time I saw you, you had your hands pretty full. I figured you didn't need me there to have a good time." I let my anger show and hoped it covered the tremble in my voice.
"Sarah said you left on foot." He said in response.
"I did."
"And?" His eyes darkened in the moonlit room.
"And Gage found me walking home. He said it was dangerous for me to be out alone with the other packs around."
"He's right." Robert rolled a piece of lint between his fingers and sat back to look at me more closely. "Did he touch you?"
"He told me to take the car home." I answered.
"But did he touch you, Sugar?" He re-asked in a tone that said I shouldn't mess around.
"He did, I wouldn't get in the car so he got out and stuffed me in."
"Did he hurt you?" He questioned as if I had answered him with the truth instead of my quick fabrication.
I shook my head, "Nothing but my pride."
He stood up and gently took my towel away and moved forward, his hands running along my sides. "You want to tell me then, why did he run off and you jumped in the shower as soon as you got home?"
"I'm scared of you." My voice shook and there was no need to pretend. "I told him to go because I didn't think you'd like him riding with me, and you said you'd kill him if he touched me again, so I got scared."
I shivered from cold and fear as he moved even closer, wrapping me in a tender hug. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "Don't be afraid of me, Sugar. I won't hurt you."
The way he said the last part stopped my heart. "You're not going to kill him are you?"
Robert laughed at that and pulled me into another hug. "No, I'm not gonna kill him."
Robert woke the babysitter and told her to pick up the pack. She got out of bed and made three trips back and forth picking up people, cake, and presents each time until the whole pack was safely home except for Gage.
I went up to my room and waited with the door open, for Gage to return. When it started to get light I woke up to a loud banging downstairs and I realized I had fallen asleep, and I hadn't been the only one to wait up. I ran down the stairs until I was in the kitchen watching Robert beating the living shit out of Gage, who was making himself as submissive as possible and refusing to fight back.
The beating stopped as quickly as it had started. Robert stood up smoothly, grabbed the kitchen towel off the oven door and wiped the blood off his knuckles as the others entered the room. "Touch her again, friend, and you won't mend from the next beating."
"That wasn't right!" I yelled. "He just made me get in the car."
Robert looked at me and shook his head. "You can keep saying it like that, Sugar but I'm going to keep thinking you're lying to me."
Gage started to get up but Robert hit him again, knocking him back to the floor violently. I surged forward, but Gage backed out of my reach with fear in his eyes. Robert's eyes were dead serious as he looked at me. "They learn quickly when pain is the consequence."
"Can he do this?" I yelled at Kyle.
Kyle looked to the Alpha but Robert said nothing so he looked to me and nodded. "Of course, he's only enforcing a broken rule. If he had hit you, it would have been different, but he hasn't done anything he didn’t warn Gage against quite clearly."
The room cleared out quickly, leaving Robert and me alone. “This isn’t fair.” I mumbled.
Robert looked at me with real hurt in his eyes. “I can understand if you don’t want me Sugar,” he pointed in Gage's direction, “but don’t choose him.”
He left me alone with my guilt and I stood staring at nothing, trying to make my next move. For all I knew I had ruined everything.
It was the weekend and Kyle spent most of his at home time outside. I found him sitting in the back yard, looking out over the lawn. I took the lounge chair next to his. "Tell me about Jack."
He looked at the half empty beer in his hand and dropped his head back against the lounge chair and sighed. "Jack was my little brother; he was sixty-seven when he died. Too young for Jack, but about right for an Alpha." His voice broke and he took a drink of his beer.
I sat in silence for a moment. I knew Jack was older than I was but I hadn’t realized he was that much older. "Was Jack a good man?"
Kyle didn't answer me right away before shaking his head, "No, Jack wasn't a good man." Kyle began crying openly; it killed him to say this aloud. "He was a murderer, a traitor, a self serving bastard, a liar, and a rotten brother." He sobbed, "When Sarah found out she was pregnant he tried to take
her away from me. He figured since we weren't technically connected yet it wouldn't matter. It took a long time for Sarah and me to become a mated pair. It isn't just the act of sex that connects us; you know that though. Jack wanted her, and if I hadn't threatened to shoot him while he slept, I think he'd have had her, and my son."
Kyle looked at me, his face red with misery. "You were the only sacrifice he ever made, so don't think that because he was a bad man that meant he loved you any less. He wasn't a good man, but he was the best Alpha."
"Is that why you said we were so perfect?" I asked. "I'm a bad person?"
Kyle laughed a little, "Sugar, you were perfect because you were his opposite. You balanced him, and soothed the rage inside him."
"Do you think the new Alpha is a bad man?"
Kyle sniffed and wiped a hand over his face. "I think he's better than Jack was. He's already refused the Council and nobody says no to the Council, except you." He laughed, "This is why I never wanted the job, all this bullshit." He shook his head. "I can't tell you what to do Sugar, just know that I'm on your side no matter what you choose."
"I got the Alpha off your backs." I said after a moment.
Kyle chuckled, "I knew you would. How much did it cost you?"
I shrugged, "I'm not sure yet."
"Jack may have been a slap shot brother, but he gave me a great little sister." Kyle reached out and squeezed my hand. We sat there staring out at the massive back lawn crowded with dead stalks of sunflowers.
I stood up and walked over to one. I paused only a moment before reaching down and pulling it out of the ground. Most of the roots had rotted off so the task was simple.
Kyle only watched for a moment before joining me, and it didn’t take very long before we had the lawn cleared of the dead flowers. I dragged the piles of stalks to the woods and left them well inside the tree line and out of sight of the house. If I was going to move forward, I had to stop letting Jack haunt me, and those flowers were just one more way for him to keep me under his thumb.
