by Tamie Dearen
“Wait! Laurie, wait a second.” He leapt to his feet and hurried to the door, panting for air by the time he covered the short distance. The lung infection had taken more from him than he’d admitted.
She stood frozen in the doorway, still facing out. He reached toward her arm, but jerked his hand back at the last second. What would he accomplish by stirring up those feelings again?
“What do you want, Finn?” she asked in a flat tone.
“I wanted to thank you again,” he said to her back, “for dinner… and… for everything.”
Her shoulders lifted and dropped. “That’s what friends are for.”
She walked away and didn’t look back.
Chapter 13
When does your train leave for California?” Stephanie opened the containers of fried rice, General Tso’s chicken, and crab Rangoon, arranging them in the middle of the conference table.
“Tomorrow afternoon at three. I get there on Saturday—a week early. It’s sixty-seven hours.” Laurie handed Stephanie a napkin and a paper plate. “Thanks for bringing lunch up here, by the way. Did you get chopsticks?”
“Right here.” Steph passed a pair of disposable chopsticks, still in their paper wrapper. “You need to thank my sweet hubby, who’s watching the baby while we eat lunch.”
“He is awfully sweet.” Laurie felt a pang of envy. “You’re so lucky.”
“I know. Some days I have to pinch myself to be sure it’s not a dream.” Steph served herself some crab Rangoon. “All that time sitting on a train—it sounds terrible.”
“I’ll have a seat by the window that turns into a bed at night. It won’t be so bad.”
“If you say so.” Steph shook her head. “Wouldn’t it be worth it to fly and save all that time, even if you had to take a sedative? You said you flew somewhere once. You took Valium, right?”
“So I’ve been told. I was practically catatonic, so I don’t remember.” Laurie dished out a small portion from each container onto her paper plate. “They almost wouldn’t let me on the plane, because they thought I was drunk. Like a mother would be traveling with her drunk sixteen-year-old daughter. But Mom convinced them I’d had an adverse reaction to Dramamine.”
Steph tilted her head. “What about Finn?”
“What about him?”
“You’re not traveling to LA together?”
“He’s flying up on the company jet the day before the fundraiser. Since he came back to work, he spends as little time as possible around me.”
Stephanie opened a packet of soy sauce and poured it over her rice. “Finn clams up every time Branson talks to him. And you never told me what happened between the two of you.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” Laurie took a drink to flush the knot out of her throat. “Our personalities clashed, but we figured out how to work together without killing each other. Tell Branson that Finn’s been a perfect gentleman, lately. He hasn’t made a single disparaging remark about women in the past week.”
“Why do I get the feeling you liked him better when he was rude?” Steph grabbed a piece of chicken with her chopsticks, almost dropping it as she ferried it to her mouth.
“I think you’re right about that. He’s been so polite I can hardly stand him. It’s like he’s devoid of personality. Honestly, I don’t know what I ever saw in him.”
“He’s pretty good-looking,” Steph remarked. “Not as handsome as Bran, of course.”
“It really doesn’t matter what I think of him, because he has no interest in me. I think he’s saving himself for someone who’s on the same social plane.”
“Bran said he’s only ever dated one girl, his junior and senior years of college. It lasted over a year. He bought a ring. She turned him down. Finn was almost suicidal for a while.”
Laurie’s heart clenched. Could she have misjudged him? “He told me he hadn’t dated anyone in ten years, but I assumed he meant he hadn’t dated anyone seriously.”
Steph chewed her bite and swallowed. “As far as Branson knows, Finn hasn’t gone out on a single date since then. It’s like he lost hope. I wonder what she said to him.”
“In that case, I’ll try not to take it so personally.” Laurie found herself pushing the food around on her plate, rather than eating it.
“You’ll try not to take what so personally? What exactly happened?”
“Let’s just say I’m not going to let myself pine over someone when there’s no chance we’ll ever have a relationship. I learned that lesson watching my mother.”
“Okay.” From the look on her face, Stephanie was dying to ask for more details, but like the true friend she was, she didn’t push. “Speaking of your mom, how are the wedding plans coming?”
“Ughh. Don’t mention it. She’s making arrangements for me to be her maid of honor, even though I told her I wouldn’t be in it unless it was a private affair.”
Steph stopped with a piece of chicken balanced on her chopsticks in mid-air. “What’s going to happen if you’re not there?”
“It’ll be horribly embarrassing, I guess. I think she’s counting on me caving in. She says the reporters will be a lot more interested in the daughter who makes a scene because she doesn’t show up at her mother’s wedding than the girl who happens to be the maid of honor.” Laurie shoved a bite of fried rice into her mouth.
“She’s probably right,” Steph said. “Your mom’s always been so good at manipulation.”
“Tell me about it.” Laurie took a drink of water and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “What am I going to do?”
“I have a suggestion, but you’re not going to like it.”
“You think I should talk to my father, don’t you? You’re right, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I’m not trying to excuse him, but I’m saying it could be worse. Think about Branson’s dad. He was always verbally and emotionally abusive to Bran. And thinking back on it, Bran’s pretty sure his dad was the same way to his mother, and that’s why she killed herself.”
Laurie’s eyes stung. “Stop it. You’re going to make me start crying again.” She fanned her face to dry the moisture in her eyes before it could spill.
“Again?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. These days, I cry at the drop of a hat.”
“Don’t cry about Branson and his dad. Bran’s come to terms with it. But I thought the comparison might help you put it into perspective.”
“I’m not saying my father is the worst human being in the world. But he refused to be associated with me or my mother for all those years, and I just accepted his money as a tradeoff, like I could be bought. He paid for everything—housing, food, cars, clothes, tuition. When I finally realized what I’d done, it made me feel cheap.”
Steph got a motherly look on her face—the one she wore when she was lecturing Ellie about something she’d done wrong.
“First of all, you were young when you took his money. You didn’t really have any choice until after college. After that, you got through grad school completely on your own, without taking a dime from him. You don’t have to prove anything anymore.”
“I changed my name so no one would ever associate me with him… so he would never find me. What am I supposed to do now? Show up at the wedding and pretend I’m still Laurie Shields?”
Stephanie shrugged. “I don’t know. But I think you should talk to him… hear what he has to say. You don’t have to forgive him or tell him anything about your life or your name or where you live or what you do. You don’t even have to agree to be in the wedding. In fact, if the two of you can’t find common ground, he won’t want you in the wedding. He’ll probably talk your mom into asking someone else—maybe your aunt.”
“I’ve been angry with him for so long.” Laurie closed her eyes, wishing she could lie down and sleep for the next four months and wake up when everything was over. “It’s all I know. It’s part of who I am.”
“That’s okay. I like who you are.” Stephanie poin
ted with her chopsticks.
“What if I have to forgive him? Then who will I be?”
“If you forgive him or don’t, nothing will change. You’ll still be Laurie Fields, the woman who helped me take care of Ellie while we worked our way through grad school together. The woman who would do anything in the world for a friend. The only woman I’d want to be a role model for Ellie.”
Cold air alerted her to the tears on her cheeks, and she dabbed her napkin under her eyes. “Darn it! Third time today.”
“Don’t worry. It just looks like you’ve got really thick liner under your eyes.” Stephanie grinned. She always seemed to know how to lighten the mood. “On a happy note, I haven’t seen anything about the upcoming wedding in the news. So maybe the media really has forgotten your father since he retired.”
“The sports reporters may not remember my dad, but they’re in love with my brother.”
“Who isn’t in love with your brother? He’s hot.” Stephanie wagged her eyebrows. “But don’t tell Branson I said that.”
“I think Bran’s pretty secure.” Laurie gave her a good eye-roll. “But Jerome’s on the cover of every magazine right now. There’s no way the reporters aren’t going to show up in droves at this wedding. That’s why I can’t be there.”
“Oh, I totally agree. If you go, it’s the end of your in-cog-ni-to existence. That’s one of my favorite words, you know—incognito. I’ve been waiting for a chance to use it.”
“Yeah, it’s an awesome word,” Laurie replied. “I’ve always liked nefarious.”
“I’ve been thinking about you and Jerome,” said Steph as she folded the lids closed on the cardboard containers. “If this wedding happens, whether you’re in it or not, you’re bound to see Jerome eventually. Maybe you should call and talk to him… if you think you can trust him.”
“It’s not a terrible idea, especially since I’m going to be out in LA, where he lives.”
“You should do it.”
“But I’ll be so busy.” She tried to imagine squeezing in a visit with her half-brother in the midst of the fundraiser preparations. “Plus, I don’t know if I can handle talking to Jerome about everything that’s happened. It’s possible he might be furious when he finds out what I did. I wish you could be there to give me some emotional support.”
“Me, too.” Steph reached across the table to touch Laurie’s hand. “I’d go in a heartbeat if it weren’t for the baby.”
“I know you would.” Laurie assured her with a forced smile. The last thing she wanted was to make Steph feel guilty. “I haven’t seen him in five years, and to tell you the truth, I really miss him.” She stirred her chopsticks through the fried rice in idle fashion. “Jerome always made me feel good. I really think he loved me. I mostly tried to pretend that part of my life never existed, but it didn’t work. I hope, when I see him again, we can pick up where we left off.”
Laurie looked up as Stephanie’s gaze focused on something above her shoulder. Her eyes grew wide, a thumb and forefinger tracking across her lips, like a mock-zipper.
“Am I interrupting something important?” Finn’s voice sounded from the doorway behind her.
How much did he hear?
“Yum. Smells like Chinese food.” Finn hadn’t intended to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t help listening to part of their conversation. He smiled as if he hadn’t heard a word, but his mind was racing.
“We’ve got plenty,” said Stephanie. “Do you want some?”
“No, thanks. I already ate lunch.”
Who is this Jerome guy? Could he be the ex-boyfriend? The one she wouldn’t admit was abusive?
His gut had been balled up for the past week. Somehow, he sensed something bad was going to happen if he didn’t do something to protect her. What if she contacted her ex and he was “furious” as she feared? He ground his teeth together. She made it so difficult for him to protect her. Though it had been easy enough to hire someone to guard her apartment building, keeping his presence a secret had certainly been challenging. It would’ve been a lot cheaper to move her to a safer apartment than what it cost him to buy out the lease of one of the first-floor residents, closest to the entry.
But Laurie had her pride. He couldn’t complain, since it was one of the traits he admired most. For now, he would keep doing what he was doing. If he couldn’t have her, he could at least shield her from harm.
“How’s Ellie?” he asked Stephanie.
“She’s great, actually. She hasn’t been sick in the last ten months. And she’s so good about doing her breathing treatments. She hardly ever complains.”
“That’s awesome. My mum claims she had to catch me and tie me up to do my therapy, but I think she likes to tell a good story.”
“Did you need something, Mr. Anderson?” When Laurie spoke, the temperature in the room dropped about ten degrees.
“I got the report you sent and wanted to drop by in person to say well done. It looks like you’ve accounted for every detail. Of course, you get all the credit, since I was out for two weeks in the middle of everything.”
“Thank you.” Her expression softened. “I couldn’t have done it without Dara’s help. She told me you guys gave her an extra bonus, and I think that’s really nice.”
“Dara’s fantastic.” He tried to sound casual as he asked his next question. “Now, when is your flight to LA?” After their little scene at the apartment, she wouldn’t even discuss the idea of them flying out together.
“My train leaves tomorrow.”
“Your train? You’re really traveling by train? That’ll take days!”
“It saves us $200.” Her nostrils flared. “It’s quite comfortable. My seat turns into a bed, and there’s a shower and everything.”
“That can’t possibly be safe,” he objected. “There’s no door to lock while you’re sleeping.” Maybe he could book a bodyguard on the same train.
“It’s safe.” Her jaw clamped shut. “Nobody’s going to attack me on the train.”
“You can’t know that,” Finn snapped. “It happened to…” He choked back her name, just in time. “It happened to a friend of mine. She thought she was safe, too.”
“Oh my gosh!” Steph exclaimed, wringing her hands together. “Was she hurt?”
A glance showed Laurie standing with her arms crossed in typical obstinate fashion.
“She wasn’t hurt, physically,” he answered with wooden lips. “But if her roommate hadn’t come home early, she would’ve been.”
The painful memory played in his mind like a horror movie. He’d been late to pick her up, finalizing all the arrangements for the proposal. When he knocked at her apartment, dressed in a black tuxedo and holding a single red rose, her roommate had cracked the door open with wary eyes.
“Jill was attacked,” she said. “He ran out the back when I got here. She didn’t get hurt, but—”
“Where is she?” He pushed his way inside to find Jill, sitting on the couch with her hair in disarray, her dress ripped at the shoulder. Frightened out of his mind, he rushed to hold her, but she pushed him away with a stiff arm.
“Go away, Finn,” she wailed. “You were late. As usual. I opened the door, thinking it was you, and this man…” The accusation hung in the air. It was his fault. He’d failed to protect her.
“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
Her eyes closed, and she didn’t answer.
“We called 9-1-1,” her roommate said. “We’re waiting for the police to come.”
Finn dropped to his knees and reached for her hand, but she knocked it away.
“I’m so sorry I was late, Jill. I was… getting ready for tonight.”
“You’re always getting ready.” She lashed out in anger, but he forgave her. She’d been through trauma. “You and those stupid treatments. CF takes up half your life—there’s no room for me in it.”
“I love you,” he said, tasting the salty tears on his face. “I’ll do better. I’ll get up earlier in the mor
ning, so I’ll have more time for you.”
“It’s over.” Though her image wobbled in his watery vision, he could see her eyes were dry… emotionless. “This was my wakeup call. I thought I could do this with you, Finn. I really did. But I realize now, I want more than you can give. I want someone who will put me first in their life, but with you I’ll always feel second to cystic fibrosis. After this, I’ll never feel safe when I’m alone, so every time you go in the hospital, I’ll panic.” She turned her head away. “I’m weak, I guess. But I don’t think I can handle being a widow, either.”
“I understand.” He nodded, holding himself together by a thread, stood and moved to the door, still carrying the rose in his hand. “If you change your mind, I’ll be waiting.”
“I won’t change my mind.”
As he stumbled down the street, the rose slipped from fingers, falling to the gutter. From that moment, he knew marriage was not a part of his future.
“I’m sorry that happened to your friend.” Laurie’s voice jarred him back to the present. “But that has nothing to do with me being safe on the train.”
He snatched his cell phone from his pocket. “I’ll check with Harvey and see if we can move my flight up to Saturday, like I originally suggested. If we both go on the company plane, that will save the cost of a train ticket.”
“There’s no reason for you to get there a week early.” Laurie was on her feet, gathering the takeout food containers. “I’m not getting on that plane with you, no matter what, so don’t bother changing the date. I’m happy with my train ticket.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. It only makes sense for us to ride together. I promise I won’t bother you.”
“Not happening.”
Her hands shook as she packed the containers back into the paper sack. She must still be really angry. He’d hoped she was beginning to forgive him, but evidently his almost-kiss had ruined any chance of friendship in the future. Only when his phone gave an extended beep did he notice he was squeezing it with white knuckles.
“Can’t we talk about this?” He tried a gentle tone, hoping to find a way around her fury, but she stomped off into her office, mumbling under her breath.
