by Rachel Dove
‘Mum, Dad. I love you both, but you can’t keep doing this to me.’
Her mother opened her mouth to object but Lily cut her off. She had to get this out now, or she would be shouted down as usual.
‘No, Mother, let me speak.’ Both Lizzie’s and Irvin’s eyes widened and they said nothing. Lily felt a little surge of confidence flicker through her. ‘I bought this business from you because I didn’t want to be handed something; I wanted something of my own. I worked hard to get it how I want, and I have big plans. I can’t have you two working here – it just won’t work.’
Irvin’s shoulders sagged and she knew that her father understood. She saw a look of shame cross his features, and she wanted to hug him tight again. Her mother was a different story. She looked positively ferocious, and Lily knew what she had to do.
‘I love you both, but I am a grown woman, with my own business. I need to build my own life too, separate from you two. Whatever is going on with you two, I can’t be in the middle any more. I just can’t. I’m sorry. That’s why I am moving out.’ Her mother looked ready to explode. Her dad looked like he was about to burst into tears.
‘This week,’ Lily added quickly. ‘Or sooner, if I can get my furniture organized.’ She risked looking at Lizzie, just to check whether or not her head was spinning around like a top. Her dad broke the silence thankfully, crossing the room to take his only child into his arms. She smiled, letting her dad envelop her. He smelt faintly of mints and suddenly she was four again and sitting on his knee in the shop, whilst he taught her about the different flowers and arrangements they used. She squeezed him tighter, and he pulled back to look at her.
‘I am proud of you, Lily, you know that, right?’
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak as she saw her dad dab at something in the corner of his eye. He pressed the paper bag gently into her hand and left the shop. Her mother, who had been frozen like an exhibit at a taxidermist convention till this point, suddenly came to life, nearly spiking her heels through the floor as she marched across to her handbag. Picking it up, she took out the paper bag and rammed her handbag onto the crook of her arm.
‘Mum,’ Lily started softly, trying to cushion the blow a little, ‘I just need to start living my own life.’
Her mother made an odd snuffling noise from the back of her throat. ‘So, where are you going to live then? I don’t think you can stretch to two mortgages, and Stuart isn’t allowed to have a non-MARRIED partner at the cottage, is he? Or do you want him to risk his job for you?’
Lily’s lip curled. Her mother had spat the marriage word at her as a cheap shot, and they both knew it. She liked Stuart well enough, but as time had gone on she’d been vocal on more than one occasion about their lack of wedding preparation. It was as though it was a slight on her or something, as if her daughter was less of an achievement without a marriage certificate to her name.
‘I’m going to live here, in my flat,’ she retorted icily. ‘The water, electrics, and phone line are all there. I am going to live right above work, on my own.’
Lily took a selfish second to savour the horrified look on her mother’s face as she digested the information. The fact that Lily hadn’t even digested the information herself, or even thought about her plan in detail before the words had tumbled out of her mouth, wasn’t lost on her.
‘What about Stuart?’ her mother demanded. ‘What does he think about all your fanciful ideas?’
Lily clenched her fists. Seriously, sometimes her mother reminded her of an Austen novel. She half expected her to take to her bed, moaning about the impertinent notions of intelligence her daughter harboured.
‘I am my own person, Mum; it’s my decision.’
Her mother pursed her lips, and Lily could tell that she was holding herself back from saying more. She braced herself, but it didn’t come. Instead, her mother nodded slowly, like an executioner would before swinging the axe.
‘Well then, there is nothing more to say, is there.’ She looked deflated then, a little beaten down, and Lily wanted to swallow her tongue. Was this what it was like to put yourself first? So far, it wasn’t going too well. Her mother put the paper bag down on the counter a little too hard, causing it to make a squelching sound as it hit the wood, and she flounced out of the shop.
Lily was still staring at the custard seeping out of the bag when Roger walked back in, a white napkin stuck into the top of a plastic drinks straw as a makeshift flag. Lily burst into shrill laughter, a short, hysterical burst that sounded almost maniacal to her own ears. Roger passed her a shop-bought cup of coffee.
‘Went well then?’ he said sarcastically. Lily gave him a look that screamed ‘shoot me now’ and Roger gave her a pat on the shoulder. Tearing open the bag in her hand, she shoved one of the ends of the vanilla slice into her mouth, savouring the hit of custard and icing goodness. She could feel the sugar rush soothing her frazzled nerves as she ate. Roger looked on in amusement.
‘I had an egg white omelette and salad for my lunch. Watching you make love to that pastry is not making me feel any better for being virtuous.’ She mouthed sorry at him, not stopping to chew before shoving another piece of it into her already full mouth. She might as well get used to it, after all. She could eat and drink and do what she wanted now. No parents to breathe down her neck. No husband to please either, so she could inject buttercream directly into her bloodstream and have done with it.
Her stomach lurched when she thought of Stuart. She realized she had just told her parents she was moving out, and she hadn’t even discussed the possibility with the man she was supposedly planning to share her life with. What did that say about them? More to the point, what would Stuart make of it? Lily groaned, and made a beeline for the other vanilla slice. Thank the Lord of flowers it was nearly Friday.
***
The music from the club could be heard from outside as they pulled up in the minibus Simon had hired. Will had said he would get there under his own steam and Lily hadn’t argued. He had called in that morning for his usual Friday flowers, but the air had changed between them. It was as though they were in a secret club, and every gaze and movement was a signal to the other, that only they understood. Was this all in her head, or did he feel it too?
Truth was, it was better to not be seen with him, in case it got back to Stuart, or indeed anyone else in the goldfish bowl that was Westfield. After the showdown with her parents, she didn’t need anything else to go wrong. She hadn’t spoken to Stuart or her parents since then, and all three impending conversations filled her with dread. She was glad of the night out, a distraction from going home after work and dealing with the aftermath. So far, it had not been a barrel of laughs. The sooner she got moved in, the easier they would all breathe.
Lily always heard talk of how people in big cities didn’t spend any time talking to people, didn’t even know who they lived next door to, but sometimes Lily herself longed for some anonymity. Everyone in Westfield had known her since she was knee-high to a grasshopper. They knew all about her report cards from school, her first kiss with Luke at the school disco (awful, he kissed like a fish in the throes of death), her parents’ current bickering. Nothing was sacred. There would never be an air of mystery about her.
Perhaps this was why she had liked Stuart when he came to town. He was a breath of fresh air. Someone who didn’t know about her peeing in the fountain at Agatha’s house when she was five, much to the amusement of the WI, who had organized a summer picnic and fair there. Her mother had never quite forgiven her, truth be told. Isaac from the baker’s still called her ‘waterlily’. He had always been a git, even at school. Especially at school, when he wore double denim. What kind of douche bag wore double denim?
‘Simon!’ Lily moaned, open-mouthed at the Ibiza-like club she was looking at though the minibus window. She couldn’t quite believe what she was looking at. The front of the club was black, with strobe lights flicking off in all directions, occ
asionally blinding her as she pressed her face to the window like a child looking for Santa out of the bedroom window.
‘What?’ Simon said, ushering her and Elaine out of the vehicle and paying the bored driver with the other hand. He put his hand in Elaine’s and she took it without hesitation. They were so damn cute, it made Lily feel a pang of jealousy. Stuart wasn’t into PDA. He practically bolted whenever she tried to get close.
She had a flashback to last Christmas, when they had gone to the German Christmas Market in Leeds. Overcome with festive cheer and three too many mulled wines, she had gone in for a kiss, only for him to shout, ‘Hungry?’ in a panicked voice and thrust a warm mince pie into her slightly open mouth. The mood was quickly lost, and Lily had choked so hard on the unexpected morsel that a raisin had shot out of her left nostril, hitting his jacket like a fruit bullet. Since then she had given it up as a bad job.
Simon poked her hard in the breast, distracting her from her recollections of raisingate.
‘Ow! Simon, you dick!’ She punched him in the balls in reflex, before realizing that they were in company, and she was dressed like a streetwalker outside a trendy club. She looked at Elaine in apology, but Elaine herself was laughing her head off.
‘You two are just like brother and sister, always fighting!’ She composed herself slightly, tottering over to the side of the road in her heels, where Simon was dry retching into a bin.
She should have known he had something up his sleeve, and when he and Elaine had turned up early, and to the shop not her house, armed with clothes and make-up, she knew that she was in trouble.
‘I didn’t want to do this in front of your folks, so we thought we would ambush you here, okay?’ Lily hadn’t had a chance to do anything but splutter her objections, and when she was stood there an hour later with ‘on trend’ brows, ‘on fleek’ make-up, and a silvery grey dress that sparkled when it hit the light and clung to every curve, she was still somewhat in shock.
Roger had made himself pretty scarce, only returning to snap a photo of her all dolled up on his way out of the door. When the dress AND the matching sparkly kitten heels had fitted perfectly, she got the distinct impression that Roger might just have had something to do with Project Florist Runway. The truth was though, although she was decidedly out of her comfort zone, she was touched by the gesture. Elaine was lovely, and had got to work like a girlfriend would, chatting and jabbering away as she worked. It was nice. The rosy glow she had felt in her body, however, soon turned to ice when they had pulled up in Leeds.
As Simon sorted himself out, moaning at Elaine to stop laughing at him, Lily turned and looked at the club again. The black exterior, complete with strobes, was also covered with large golden faces, like pantomime masks, and the name of the club – VISAGE – was slashed across it in molten grey letters embellished with gold glitter. It was all very flash, and the music pumping out felt like it was shaking the pavement beneath her very feet.
‘You can do this,’ she said to herself, mentally squashing her nerves down into her now rather on show chest.
‘Do what?’ a low voice asked in her ear. ‘You look amazing, by the way.’
She squeaked at the sudden sound. Will jumped back, a slight smile playing on his lips.
‘Sorry, did I startle you? I didn’t mean to. I just got dropped off. Where are your friends? Not left you alone, have they? Not a good idea, with you looking like that.’
Lily was just going to ask what he meant when Simon and Elaine bounded up.
‘Will – is it?’ Simon asked, holding out his hand and beaming at Will. Will took his hand without hesitation and shook it, smiling back.
‘Yes, Will Singer. Thanks for having me on your night out. Is this the lovely Elaine I have been hearing about?’ He took Elaine’s hand, kissing it on the back lightly before releasing her. Lily flushed when Elaine winked at her. Girl code written all over her face for ‘cor blimey, lass, he’s nice’ in all languages known to man. Lily shook her head imperceptibly at her. He’s not mine, she wanted to say, but the thought saddened her as her brain formed the words.
‘Hi,’ Elaine said, nudging Lily who was standing like a living statue at the side of them. ‘We haven’t heard nearly enough about you!’
Will chuckled, a low rumble that made Lily’s skin tingle. She dare not look at him. Simon was looking at her though, an odd expression on his face.
‘Come on then, Lils, let’s get pissed!’ He grabbed her by the arm and the foursome headed to the rope divider. They all started to head for the back of the line, but Simon called them back, saying something to the rather burly bouncer on the door. The Rock lookalike nodded at Simon, giving him a fist bump that looked like it would hurt, and they were in, under the rope barrier and headed into the foyer. Simon winked at them.
‘I do him a deal at the shop. The man loves his fresh veggies, and he just bought a new apartment, wants some renovations planning.’
Elaine laughed. ‘I come all the way from London to live in Yorkshire, and I end up dating a cross between Christian Grey and Del Boy.’
Simon raised one brow at her, pouting. ‘He who dares, baby, he who dares.’ Lily made a vomit sign with her finger, and Will chuckled at the side of her. She felt his shoulder brush hers. It was like leaning against a solid wall of steel. She stepped forward, breaking the contact.
The faces theme was very much carried throughout the club, with the staff inside wearing gold masks as they took ticket money and dealt with cloakroom customers. There were masks on the black and gold walls, and as they were waved straight past, the doors opened into a huge space, the mask theme interspersed with purple booths everywhere. Everything was in an oval ring, with the bars lit up with mirrored backs around the walls, and a large dance floor in the middle.
Lily gazed around in disbelief. It looked amazing, and actually a little bit terrifying. She wondered what Stuart would have made of it, before remembering that he had already been here, twice, on his lads’ nights. Elaine and Simon were off, heading to the bar, a couple in love, doing little dances and sharing little kisses along the way. Will held out his arm to her.
‘Shall we?’ he mouthed over the music, which was actually quite good, chartsy stuff she had heard from off the radio at work. She nodded, resting her arm on his as they followed the others. Lily could smell his aftershave, just like when he whispered in her ear. It was nice, clean and manly. It suited him and she knew she would think of him whenever she smelled it now.
The bar was two deep even at the early hour and the masked bar staff were moving fast, slinging drinks, jogging up the bar, and dancing to the beat all at once. They were chatting to each other as they went, seemingly accustomed to hearing each other over the deep music. They looked like they were having a ball, and once again Lily wondered why she had only just noticed how little she had done in her life. She hadn’t even worked anywhere but her parents’ shop, unless you counted college placements, which she didn’t. That would be too tragic, ever for her CV. Will nudged her.
‘What do you want to drink?’ he mouthed, and she realized that they were at the front of the queue, and she had been gawping.
‘Er, a Coke?’ She shrugged. Will frowned.
‘A soft drink? Come on, live a little!’ Take a chance, for once in your life.
Lily nodded. ‘Fine, I’ll have a bottle of that.’ She pointed to a bottle of DayGlo blue alcopop one of the bartenders was popping open. Will nodded, and turned back to the bartender.
A minute later, he passed her two bottles.
‘Two for one,’ he explained. ‘And a shot, to start the night off.’
He put a shot glass of something that smelled like Christmas into her free hand. He nodded to the barman to keep the change and shuffled her away from the bar area a little.
‘On three,’ he commanded. Lily took a breath. ‘One, two …’
Lily necked the shot. Will’s mouth twitched and he followed suit. It hit the back
of her throat, a hit of cinnamon and apple warmth, and she resisted the urge to cough. She grinned at Will and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed out loud, flashing her his, which was now a very deep shape of red. They both guffawed with laughter, the tension broken, and went to meet the others.
An hour later, the shot and the two bottles were loosening her nervous knots, and the foursome had settled into a booth just in the back, next to the dance floor and one of the slightly quieter bars, but far enough away from the speakers to hear themselves think. The atmosphere was electric, and Lily found that she was really enjoying herself. Elaine was a riot, and obviously adored Simon. He was his usual comical self and the fact that he was smitten was fairly obvious too.
‘You having fun?’ Will asked, sliding a little closer next to her in the booth. Lily looked across at Elaine and Simon, and they were heading to the dance floor, limbs entwined. ‘Thanks for inviting me.’ He smiled, and she noticed how his eyes crinkled in the corners. It was cute and Lily had to force herself to concentrate on what he was saying. Maybe the shot was taking effect a little too well.
‘You’re welcome,’ she replied, ‘and thanks for keeping me company while they do that.’ She pointed to the pair, who were now locking lips, oblivious to the song playing and every person around them. They were pinging off people like pinballs in a slow dance, whilst the revellers were trying their best to knock out shapes around them.
Will laughed, and Lily felt the rumble through his leg to hers as it brushed against her. She froze. She shouldn’t want to touch him, but she did. It felt so nice to have another person feel so relaxed with her in public. It made her think of Stuart, and her eyes flicked down to her bag.
