by K E Osborn
He’s scared.
He doesn’t want to admit that maybe there’s an attraction between us. Hell, I’m not even sure I want to admit that.
Do I think he’s good looking? Yes, of course.
But do I want a relationship with the guy? I don’t even know the answer to that question.
He’s moody, he’s a practical joker, and more so he’s stubborn as all hell. But the icing on the cake is that he can’t make his mind up on anything. He’s non-committal, and I don’t think I can deal with someone who can’t commit. Even though Ryan makes my heart flutter and my stomach giddy, I don’t think he’s right for me.
The clearing of a deep gravelly throat breaks me from my thoughts. “You okay there, sunshine?” Ryan asks as I look up to see him in the Firefly yoga pose. I smirk to myself that he’s actually pulling it off and take a deep centering breath.
“I’m good but stay like that, I need to stream this,” I tell him pulling out my cell and starting up the live feed. “Week two of the live feeds from the Recovery of Ryan yoga workshops. As you can see Ryan is doing exceptionally well in his Firefly pose…” Just as I say that Ryan grunts, his arms tremble and he collapses onto the ground, his ass slamming onto the mat with a giant thud. His back falls backward onto the mat and he groans out as I tense up hoping he hasn’t broken his wrists underneath all that pressure. Moving my finger to stop the live streaming, all of a sudden he breaks into a bellowing laugh. My shoulders slump and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Lara rushes over to him and helps him to sit up as she giggles with him.
“You okay?” I call out.
He looks over at me and gives me two thumbs up. “I’m good. Lara told me not to do that, but you know me I never listen. Hope it was entertaining?” he asks and I shake my head.
“Terrifying more like it,” I reply as he smiles and I watch the comments all coming in about how hilarious Ryan’s incident was.
He chuckles. “You know me, never know if I’ll make you laugh or scream. I like to keep you on your toes and all that.”
I roll my eyes and keep streaming as Lara instructs him to do a much more subdued Side Plank pose, the muscles in his arm bulge holding his weight as he keeps himself up on the side and then reaches his other arm up into the sky. I bite down on my bottom lip as I take in all the curves and features of his toned biceps. He’s definitely been working on his arms and I swallow hard as I clench my thighs together to dull the ache that’s forming between them. I stop the live feed as Lara instructs Ryan to end his pose, and I shake my head slightly when his muscles disengage and he sits on the mat cross-legged taking in a few calming breaths.
I need a few hundred calming breaths.
Ryan in a wife beater and sweats shouldn’t be doing anything for me, but seeing him here, his arms bulging with a slight sheen of sweat defining each one, definitely has my mind thinking things it absolutely should not.
“Okay Tillie, you ready to get it on with Ryan?” Lara asks, and I open my eyes wide.
“Excuse me?”
“You ready for couples yoga?” she asks.
Ryan looks at me raising an eyebrow and I clear my throat with a single nod.
“Ah yeah… sorry. Don’t know where my head’s at today.” I walk over and take a seat in front of Ryan with my knees just touching his. Warmth radiates through my legs at the thought that I’m touching him and I have to try and rein in my mind.
Get a grip, Tillie!
“Okay, so this week we’re going back to basics and we’re working on strength. Ryan, I’m going to get you to do a handstand against the wall, then Tillie you will do one right up against Ryan facing him, leaning your body against him, and you’ll both stay up for as long as you can,” Lara suggests and we both furrow our brows.
“Won’t that mean our faces are like right against each other?” Ryan asks.
Lara smiles. “Yes, your faces will be facing each other and together. This is a very intimate pose, generally for couples, but I know you two will be fine doing this. You seem great together and comfortable around each other enough to pull it off.”
I bite down on my bottom lip and swallow hard as Ryan shifts, clearly uncomfortable at the thought of being so close to me. If it’s going to go how I imagine it, I’m going to be fairly close to him.
“Okay Ryan, up you get,” Lara instructs slapping his shoulder.
He nods standing up and walks over to the wall.
“I’ll help you once you’re up, to get yourself back onto the wall properly, and then I’ll help Tillie position herself against you.”
His whole body is tense as I stand up and he looks at me, his stare harsh, but he takes a deep breath and flips into a handstand. His strength is so masculine, it sends tingles down my spine as his legs flip up into the air. Lara grabs his legs and moves them back against the wall while his hands shimmy along the floorboards into place. His face slowly turning a shade of red.
“Okay Tillie, you’re up.”
I walk up to Ryan and face him, my body is shaking slightly with nerves of how this might go down, but I’m not going to show him that I’m tense.
“Okay, bend into your handstand Tillie, and I’ll lead you into position,” Lara announces.
I take a deep breath and flip over. My arms burn as I throw my legs into the air. I sway slightly, but Lara grabs my legs and starts to move with me over to Ryan. My hands walk like feet along the floor boards to Ryan, and my face comes in line with his. Lara places my body against his. Every inch of my body lines with his and I feel his every muscle. My body shakes not only from the pressure of being upside down but from the closeness of being near Ryan. Our faces are so close his rapid breathing hits my skin like a warm breeze, and I know he’s just as nervous as I am. My head is arched back holding my lips away from his as I look anywhere but directly at him.
There’s a buzz filtering between us as our bodies move together, both breathing so fast from the adrenalin.
“Good guys… keep going,” Lara calls out.
My neck is starting to ache from pulling away from Ryan, and so I inch a little closer to him. His breath becomes hotter and I chance a look. My eyes meet his and my breath catches. I can’t help it as his eyes draw me closer to him, my face inches forward, his breath hot now on my lips.
My chest is rising and falling so fast I’m feeling dizzy. Ryan’s intense green eyes bore into mine, searching like he’s seeing me for the first time.
My body trembles and shakes as the blood pumps so fast through every vein, through every inch of me. Electricity crackles all around us sparking off in every direction, heating my skin to the temperature of a blazing inferno.
Our lips inch closer… closer, until we’re barely touching. The heat of his lips contacts mine, the silkiness of his skin hits the edge of my lips. I can taste him. I can feel him. Just a millimeter closer and we’ll be kissing.
The energy surrounding us circles in waves of euphoria as my arms tremble so much they threaten to give way. He breathes out heavily, puckering his lips slightly, his touch igniting a fire inside me.
Is he going to kiss me?
Our lips touch ever so slightly, fireworks erupt inside my belly, sending me into meltdown. My arms quiver as I close my eyes, then suddenly, his arms give way. Our heads slam together violently as his body falls forward and I brace for impact. He tries his best to roll away from me rather than land on top of me, but his heavy frame lands half on me and half on the wooden floor. We both land with a loud ‘oomph’ as his hand comes under my head, just like last time, stopping it from hitting the floor. But his isn’t so lucky. We both lay there unmoving, but groaning as Lara rushes to our sides.
“Oh shit! I should’ve seen you were going to fall. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t quick enough. Are either of you hurt?” she quickly flicks out a question.
Ryan rolls off me onto his back breathing harshly like he’s winded, as I clasp my eyes tight trying to calm myself from the fall and the fact that my
right side is painful.
“I’m okay, probably just a bruise. Ryan are you okay?” I ask, and he lets out a long drawn out breath.
“I’m fine. Did I hurt you?” he questions while still lying flat on the floor.
I shake my head in a lie. His heavy frame when he landed on me hurt my side, but I’m not going to make him feel bad. Not when we just shared a moment like that.
“You stopped my head from hitting the floor. Thank you,” I say instead of mentioning my injury.
He sighs. “All good. But maybe we should lay off the couples yoga for a while?”
I turn to face him. His face is stern. Cold even. Unreadable.
I furrow my brows and suck on my bottom lip. “You think it’s too unsafe?”
He shrugs. “Too uncomfortable.” He motions with his hands, stands up and stumbles to the door.
My head jolts back in confusion and my breath catches in my throat. So was he not in the moment like I was? Maybe this is all one-sided on my behalf. Maybe the kiss stopped because I was forcing it and he didn’t want it.
Oh my God, I’ve just made a fool of myself!
Swallowing hard as tears well in my eyes, I slowly sit up with a wince. It seems my right arm is hurting as well, so I take a deep breath. Sniffing, I look to Lara who gives me a half-smile and shrugs.
“I’m sorry, Tillie, that was my fault. I pushed you two together before he was ready. But just give it time, he’ll come round,” Lara says, and I wince.
“You did that pose so we would kiss?” I ask, and she purses her lips and nods.
“I’ve seen the way you guys look at each other, but you both fight it hard… I just wanted to help things along.”
Sighing, I stand up and move over grabbing my bag and Hunter the rat. Tilting my head, I shrug. “See you next week, Lara,” I yell out over my shoulder.
“Bye Tillie… and sorry again.”
I shake my head. “No, don’t be. We’re… complicated.”
Her lips form a thin line as she nods and I walk out in search of Ryan. I head out of the yoga studio and down the hall to see Ryan standing against the wall looking out the window to the street, watching the cars whizz by. He looks like he’s lost in his own world. Thinking about something, but his solemn face tells a story I’m not sure I want to know.
Taking a steadying breath, I move over behind him and stand tall ready to talk to him. “You okay, sunshine?” I ask, repeating the words he said to me.
He turns to see me and huffs, standing up taller, his face brightening slightly. “Yeah, just lost in my own head.”
I wince slightly. “What’s going on in there?” I ask as he steps toward me.
“Nothing that would interest you.” He continues past, his shoulders slumped and his eyes unfocused. He really looks out of sorts.
“Ryan, you can talk to me.”
He exhales and turns looking at me. “I don’t even know why I’m thinking about them? I only think about them one day a year. That’s all! But then you come along and wake something up inside me,” he admits, and I’m more than a little confused.
“Ryan, what do you mean?” I ask taking a step closer to him.
He tenses, his eyes widening like he’s dismayed. “I shouldn’t have said that. Forget it. It’s nothing. Let’s just go back to the office, yeah?” He turns walking down the hall, through the door and out of sight. I wish I knew what he was talking about, but he’s obviously hurting and somehow I’m bringing that pain on.
I don’t like that one bit.
Taking a deep breath, I turn and follow Ryan meeting him down at the car. He wants to drive again obviously by the way he’s sitting in the driver’s seat waiting, so I place Hunter in the back seat, then slide into the passenger’s side and do up my belt. He glances at me then back to the road.
There’s an eerie silence before he starts the car. There is tension always between us, rippling off us in waves but this is something else. Something new. I felt the spark between us in the gym. I know there’s a weird chemistry between Ryan and me, but whatever that chemistry is, it can never lead anywhere. He’s my boss, basically. Plus, he so obviously hates me that this is quite probably one-sided. I don’t know.
But one thing I do know is that I like him, just the way he is—ornery, arrogant, funny and stubborn as hell. There’s something about him that eases my nerves, calms me, even when he’s boiling my blood. I just want to help him, to save him from himself. The protector in me is strong when it comes to Ryan, but I have to bide my time. I can’t push my way in. He’s guarded, of that I’m sure.
The rest of the car ride is silent as we drive back to the office. The boys are going to be laying down some tracks today so they will be around, and hopefully, I’ll have time to answer some of the messages from Ryan’s live stream today.
The car pulls up in the parking garage of the office building and Ryan rushes off quickly before I have time to even say one word. I grab Hunter’s cage and walk behind him inside the building on my own as he rushes off in the distance. Shaking my head at how our relationship seems to break through a barrier to arrive at somewhere good, then suddenly his walls are up again and then we’re back to him rushing off and not talking. I shrug my shoulders at how high school it all seems.
I’m not sure why Ryan shuts down, but I wish I knew more about him. If only he would let me in.
My sneakers squeak on the tiles as I enter the kitchen. Lunar’s making coffee and she turns to see me, looks down at the cage and raises her eyebrow suggestively.
“Umm… do I even want to know why you’re carrying a rat?” Lunar smirks.
Rolling my eyes, I sigh. “Ryan’s lame attempt to scare me.”
“Right… backfired again I see?” She giggles.
“Yeah, his endeavors at trying to outwit me seem to always fail… thank God. Except for the glitter bomb that sucked big time and definitely got to me.”
Lunar tilts her head to the side. “You seem less enthusiastic about defeating him than you should be. Something happen?”
Shrugging as I place Hunter’s cage on the counter, I exhale. “Ryan and I had… a moment. But I think things are a little one-sided, and I freaked him out.”
She purses her lips. “You like him?”
I screw up my face. “It doesn’t even matter. Tell me about your day. What’s happening with you?”
She looks at me furrowing her brows but decides not to pursue it. “Well, the foundation is going really well. We’re bringing in a load of donations and the kitty is gradually building up. It’s great to be able to place funds into the programs we have in place. It’s all pretty fricking awesome, I might add.”
“That’s fantastic, Lunar. I’m so happy that you’re able to get the message into schools about Autism… and even more so that they are being educated on the subject. You’re doing such an amazing job. I’m kinda in awe of you.”
She lets out a half-laugh. “No, it’s not just me. I have an unbelievable team working with me, and Danger is… so supportive, it’s crazy. I’m so lucky to have him, and Mum of course. She runs the Australian leg of the foundation now, while I’m branching out into the American market. It’s so crazy to think that it’s taking off so well. But I know I couldn’t have done it without the people around me, my support and my friends.”
“That’s fabulous. It’s difficult to have a solid friend base when you work so hard. I know, I don’t have many friends, well none really, because of the hours I work. It’s supposedly about keeping a good work/life balance, but how do you do that when you’re so damn busy? I wish I could say I had great support around me, but I really only have the band, Oliver, and my family. But my family is all about work, so pretty much my life is work. My friends are basically my dog Piper and now my friend Hunter the rat here.”
Lunar frowns. “Well, that’s terrible and about to change. Tonight! You’re coming over to our place for dinner because we are friends, and I’m getting you out of your house and socializing w
ith more than just your fucking flannelette pajamas and your dog.”
“Your place?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes.
“Yes, no arguing. Seven p.m. I’m cooking. It will be healthy, though, ‘cause the house is on a health kick.”
I look at her eyes glistening with hope, knowing I can’t possibly say no to the only invitation I’ve had from someone asking me over in a long time. So I smile and nod. “Okay, seven it is.”
She presses up on her toes while clapping her hands together in excitement. “Great. This is going to be epic.” Her pink and yellow hair sways from side to side as she bops her head around.
I can’t help but laugh at her. “Thanks, Lunar.”
She stops bopping around and her face goes serious. “You’re welcome.” She grabs her coffee cup, gives me a wink and turns heading out the door.
Swinging around, I glance at Hunter and sigh. “Looks like I made another new friend today, hey buddy?” His tiny nose wiggles from side to side, and I smile as a sense of accomplishment washes over me at the same time as nerves fill my stomach. I love the idea of spending an evening with Lunar, but I’m not stupid, I know she lives with Ryan and I’m pretty sure he will be there too. Which is more than a little awkward. But I’m hoping it won’t get too weird.
Taking a deep centering breath, I try to calm my jittering stomach. I reach out and grab Hunter and head toward my office to finish off some paperwork.
I spend the rest of the day in a state of nervous distraction. Even though I’m working and busy, my stomach continues to let me know that I’m heading out to spend the night at Ryan’s house. But eventually I’m distracted enough to get lost in social media, and I’m carried away answering the messages from Ryan’s live feed when I look up at my clock to see it’s already quarter to seven. I hadn’t noticed the time ticking away.
