Daydreams Renna had tucked close. Too close to let Sheriff Allen trample all over them when he knew nothing of Leith. Nothing of her. Nothing of what they’d been through together.
“He would never hurt me.” The words rang all the way to her bones. If there was anything she was sure of besides her faith, that was it. “And he would never hurt a child.”
“How can you be sure? He’s killed. He’s lashed out. He could do it again. He is a Blade, after all.”
A heat hotter than the sunbeams slicking sweat down her back sizzled in her chest. “He was a Blade, but he isn’t anymore. You don’t know him. He was tortured and nearly died for me there in Nalgar Castle. His sacrifices defeated King Respen. If he fights now, it will be to defend me and his family. You’ve killed for that very reason. Leith is no different.”
“Of course it’s different. I killed the Blade who kidnapped my daughter.” Sheriff Allen crossed his arms, his face reddening beneath his short-cropped hair. “And because I have a daughter, I know to be concerned about foolish mistakes.”
Leith wasn’t a foolish mistake, and if Sheriff Allen wasn’t so busy meddling in Renna’s life and trying to curtail Michelle’s past mistakes, he’d see the ache in Michelle now.
Renna drew herself to her full height, though she still barely reached Sheriff Allen’s chin, and glared with all the cold steel she could muster. “In case you have forgotten, I am the lady of Stetterly. My business is my own, and if I have need of a guardian’s advice, that guardian would be Lord Alistair in Walden. He has expressed no such reservations. I thank you for your concern, but it is unfounded. Please return to the building site.”
Sheriff Allen studied her a moment longer, searching her face. Renna clenched her fists and fought the urge to look away. She wouldn’t back down now.
“Very well, my lady.” Sheriff Allen gave her a half bow and marched off the way they had come.
As soon as the corner of the manor hid him from sight, Renna released a breath and sagged against the soot-stained wall. Her hands shook as her lady of Stetterly mask slipped.
How dare Sheriff Allen question Leith’s motives. He didn’t know Leith. He didn’t even bother to listen when she tried to explain what Leith had done for her—the burns he’d taken, the way he’d offered to die to give her time to escape. Sheriff Allen refused to see beyond the Blade Leith had been to the man he was now.
A whisper of sound drew her gaze. Leith leaned against the wall a few yards away. Based on his tight expression, he’d heard everything.
Of course he had. With Leith’s sense of timing, he would show up right during that conversation. She should’ve expected it.
The silence was stretching too long. He’d been gone for almost two weeks. Shouldn’t she have run into his arms and hugged him by now? If not for Sheriff Allen’s words ringing in her head, she probably would’ve. Instead, she shook and tried to think of something to say to stop those same words from ringing in Leith’s head.
“You’re back.” Duh. Wasn’t she done blurting out inane things when Leith was around? “Did you get a chance to talk to Lord Alistair?”
What was wrong with her? Why was she all business and clipped tone when she’d waited nearly two weeks to wrap her arms around his neck, bury her face in his shirt, and listen to the rumble of his voice beneath her ear?
But she couldn’t make herself move. Not even to cross the space between them.
“Yes, I did.” Leith’s shoulders heaved with a deep breath, and he closed the distance. He gripped one of her hands and brushed his other hand along her cheek. “Did you really mean what you told Sheriff Allen? That you know I’d never hurt you?”
There. Now she was melting as she’d thought she would when he returned. “Of course I meant it. You wouldn’t.”
Leith traced a line under her chin, and it took a moment for her to remember that was where he’d drawn a thin line of blood with his knife months ago. “I did once.”
“Only to protect me. To save me. I’ve hurt you far worse patching up your wounds.” Leith was being ridiculous. If there was one thing her time with Respen had taught her, it was to tell the difference between a man who’d hurt her and a man who wouldn’t. She met his gaze. “I know the look in a man’s eyes when he’s about to hit a woman and—”
Leith flinched and closed his eyes as if she’d stabbed him. “Renna, I’m sorry. I should’ve gotten you out sooner. I should’ve gotten you away from him.”
She pressed her fingers over his mouth. Trust Leith to put the blame on himself and not on Respen where it belonged. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. But you have to know. I’ve seen the darkness in a man’s eyes when he thinks it’s acceptable to strike a woman, but I’ve never seen that look in you.”
She couldn’t undo the scars she had from Respen’s fists—not scars on her person, but the scars from knowing what it was like to feel the back of a man’s hand crash into her face. But, it helped show her the difference in Leith’s gentle touch along her cheek.
Leith leaned his forehead against hers. “You sure? Absolutely sure? You know what my father was like. You don’t fear that I inherited his violent streak? That I would…that our…”
Was he having the same sort of daydreams she was? If his forehead wasn’t so furrowed, she might’ve closed her eyes and savored it. But she couldn’t, not when the rest of his question lingered.
Would their children feel Leith’s fist? Renna tried to imagine it.
She couldn’t. She honestly couldn’t. Not with Leith’s eyes only inches above hers, green and pained with the memories of his childhood. No, not Leith. Not with the way he rested a hand on Jamie’s shoulder to tell him well done or hugged Brandi when she celebrated Blizzard’s progress. Or how he’d held Renna as she’d cried.
She cradled Leith’s face in her hands. She needed him to look into her eyes and see her conviction. “The only thing I’m worried about is that our children will be utterly spoiled because you won’t have the heart to say no.”
“I can say no.”
Renna raised her eyebrows. “How many times have you ever said no to Brandi?”
A slow smile softened the hard line of his jaw beneath her fingers. “Not many. If ever.”
“Exactly.”
If Renna closed her eyes, she could imagine it all too well. A dark-haired little girl, green eyes big and pleading. Asking for another cookie. A horse. One more story before bedtime.
Oh, yes. Their children were going to be horribly spoiled.
Leith drew back, putting space between them. “Hopefully you didn’t have any plans for the rest of the day, but if you did, you’re going to have to cancel them.”
Maybe it was all her thoughts of marriage and future children, but her heart lurched. Was he about to…was this…
She didn’t even dare think it. She had to be patient. “Is something wrong?”
Leith’s smile grew into a grin. “Nothing’s wrong. But you’ll have to go tell Sheriff Allen that we won’t be back until dark tonight, and in case he asks, Brandi, Jamie, and Ranson will be with us so we’ll be well-chaperoned.”
“I don’t think they count. Brandi’s hardly a reliable chaperone, and Jamie and Ranson would do anything you asked them to.” Renna scrubbed her fingers along her skirt, trying to still her thumping pulse. Was Leith going to…
No, she couldn’t get her hopes up.
“They’re all we’ve got. If you tell Sheriff Allen, I’ll round up Jamie and Ranson. Brandi’s gathering a few things and getting Blizzard ready.” Leith spun and strolled off. No, more like sauntered off, and he never sauntered.
Whatever Leith was planning, it had to be something good. A picnic. A horseback ride. A long walk with her hand tucked in his.
She gave herself a moment to savor the flutters in her stomach. She loved Leith Torren. Of that she was very, very certain.
Leith tried to keep his pace steady as he led Blizzard down the trail into the Spires Canyon.
Blizzard’s stride hitched, but his limp was much less noticeable than a few weeks ago. Leith’s own stride had that same hesitation.
Brandi skipped ahead down the path, her grip on Jamie’s arm dragging him along with her. Renna strode next to Leith when the path was wide enough. He squeezed her hand now. Could she feel his pulse hammering in his wrist and fingers?
He had to get this right. He had only one chance to give Renna the kind of day she deserved, especially after she’d shown such confidence in him that morning.
At the bottom of the canyon, Brandi turned and headed deeper into the canyon. Hopefully she knew where they were going. Leith hadn’t had a chance to explore this section as well as he would’ve liked.
Renna’s eyes widened. Had she figured it out already? So much for any sort of surprise.
Beside them, the Ondieda River gurgled and splashed around a bend in the canyon. Stands of grass lined the bank between the rocks and pebbles. The high walls rose in stark cliffs on either side of them, leaving a slice of light blue sky above them. The few cottonwoods and birches scattered through the pines gleamed with yellow among the green.
Brandi halted by a niche in the rock. As Leith drew closer, he spotted the dark line of a fissure. Was this the place?
Brandi glanced at Renna. “Is this all right?”
Renna stared at the crack before she nodded. “Even with what happened, I still love it.”
Tension curled through Leith’s body. What had happened? Brandi assured him Renna would love it here, wherever here was.
Brandi stepped forward and disappeared between the two jagged edges of rock. Jamie, then Renna followed her. Leith tugged Blizzard forward. Blizzard’s stomach with the packs holding their picnic lunch barely squeezed through, but after a few yards the crack widened out. Blizzard’s hooves clattered and echoed in the confined space. Behind them, Ranson’s boots squeaked against the sandy ground.
The crevice opened into a stand of pines. Beyond them, a small clearing tucked against the canyon wall, an overhanging ledge protecting much of it from above. A small cabin, its porch sagging near the middle, hid beneath the ledge.
Renna waited underneath the interlocking pine branches. Leith passed Blizzard’s reins to Ranson and drew Renna to the side. Somewhere, Brandi was chattering. A breeze murmured in the pine needles.
Leith slipped his hands into Renna’s. She glanced at the pines around them and closed her eyes. “This is where Vane caught me when we tried to hide last spring. He promised he’d kill me.”
Maybe this wasn’t the perfect place. Leith swallowed and glanced around at the hidden clearing, piecing the past together. “This is where the Lachlans took you after your parents were killed.”
“Yes.” She drew in a deep breath and opened her eyes. “But it’s more than that. Mother and Father would take us here when they wanted a few days with just us as a family. It has always been safe, full of picnics and laughter and some of my best memories of my parents.”
Something eased in Leith’s chest. But not enough that he could breathe properly. He’d planned this conversation on his ride from Walden. But now, facing Renna, the words stuck in the back of his throat.
His discussion with Lord Alistair rang in his head. Take initiative. Be a leader. Stop dragging his feet at every step and be the man she needed him to be.
Starting now.
He forced his jaws open and squeezed her hand. “Renna, I’m going to ask you to marry me.”
Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened as if she were about to speak.
He placed a finger over her mouth. As much as he wanted that answer with every bone in his body, he couldn’t let her say it yet. “No, not yet.”
When he removed his hand, she arched her eyebrows. “Why not?”
“I need to tell you the truth of my past. All of it. Every mark. Every mission. Before you make any decision, you need to know exactly what I’ve done.”
She sighed, almost like she was exasperated. “Your past is the past. You’ve been redeemed. I trust you.”
“I know you do.” It would be so easy to leave it at that. No, he didn’t want to look into her eyes and confess everything he’d done as a Blade. It’d be hard for her to hear, and him to tell.
But it was the right thing to do. And for that reason, it had to be done.
He met her gaze. “If you marry me—”
“When I marry you.” Renna speared him with a firm look. “No matter what you say, I’m going to say yes. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
Warmth flooded through his chest, and for a moment, all he could do was smile.
But he had to finish this before he lost his streak of courage. “Fine. When you marry me, you’ll be taking my name, both Grayce and Torren. You deserve to know what that means. No more secrets. No more surprises.”
All trace of humor left Renna’s face, replaced by a line marring her forehead. She freed one of her hands and touched his cheek. He drew in shallow breaths, trying to concentrate on her eyes rather than her touch.
“All right.”
The absolute trust there shook his resolve. “You sure? You’re ready to hear all of it?”
She touched his right shoulder. “They aren’t all killings.”
“Most are.” The words cut the back of his throat.
After a long moment, Renna’s shoulders straightened. “It’ll be hard to hear, but I already know the worst parts.” She glanced over her shoulder to where Brandi and Jamie unpacked the picnic. “What about Brandi, Jamie, and Ranson?”
“They’re family too. They deserve to know.”
It would be that much harder, confessing years of marks to all of them, but perhaps it was best to get it done all at once.
Leith tugged her toward the others. He sat cross legged along one side of the blanket Brandi had laid out. Renna eased onto the blanket next to him, resting her head against his left shoulder.
Brandi’s gaze flicked between him and Renna, her grin fading. Were Leith’s nerves etched into his face?
Jamie and Ranson joined them, both silent.
Leith drew in a deep breath. He looked at each of them in turn. Ranson. Jamie. And, finally, Brandi. “You’re my family. All of you. And because you’re my family, you deserve to know my past. I don’t want any of you to be surprised by it again.”
Brandi tore her gaze away and picked at a strand of grass. Leith swallowed, seeing again the pain and betrayal tearing across her eyes and face. Those days in the cave wondering if Brandi would ever speak to him again, much less forgive him, had been worse than Respen’s torture.
He’d do anything to prevent that. Even this.
He rolled up his right sleeve. His thirty-seven marks marched down his arm. So much blood to confess. He tapped his finger against a barely visible line at the top of his shoulder. “I was thirteen when I got my first mark.”
It took a good portion of the afternoon to go through each of his marks. As he’d known, it was hard. At times, he struggled to get the words out. These were the people he wanted to think the best of him, yet he had to tell the worst.
Renna never raised her head from his shoulder. A few times, she swiped tears from her cheeks. Brandi hugged her knees, but she too didn’t walk away even while she flinched. As Renna had pointed out, they already knew the things that had affected them the most.
Jamie and Ranson didn’t flinch. Ranson had heard first hand Leith’s reports to Respen after many of the recent missions, and Jamie had lived in the world of the Blades long enough that nothing Leith said could surprise him.
Ranson took over once Leith finished, going through each of his own six marks.
It was healing. Restoration. A deliverance from the weight that had plagued all of them for so long.
By the time that afternoon ended, they’d moved on to other stories and laughter, and Renna’s grip on Leith’s hand had never faltered.
When he halted her on their walk back to Stetterly with the night breeze toying with her hair
and the dancing stars reflected in her eyes, she smiled up at him. He cupped her chin and finally asked the question that had been on the tip of his tongue all day. “Will you marry me?”
“I already told you my answer.” Renna huffed and rolled her eyes. “But, if you need an official answer, yes. Of course I’ll marry you.”
He couldn’t be sure if he wanted to shout at those words or just sag to the ground in relief. He settled for pulling Renna in close and resting his cheek against her hair. Wherever else God led them now, he and Renna would face it together.
She raised her head. “When were you thinking for the wedding? I know you might not want to wait, but if we’re going to invite Keevan, since he is my only other relative besides Brandi, and Lord Alistair and host people here, we might have to wait until spring because Stetterly doesn’t have accommodations and the church isn’t even finished and—”
“Spring is good.” He’d had the whole ride from Walden to think this over, and he’d come to the same conclusion then, even if waiting would ache in his chest the entire long winter. “I’d rather wait until the church building is finished.”
And he’d have time to build that cabin at the edge of the Spires Canyon like she wanted. Once he learned how to build a cabin, that was. Renna might not act like a noble lady all the time, but she still deserved to call something more than a dugout home.
Tension returned to his stomach, and he swallowed. “I have one last secret to confess.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “What is it?”
“I can’t be the lord of Stetterly.” He couldn’t meet her gaze. How much would that decision hurt her? It meant she’d always have to bear the burden of ruling Stetterly, a burden she could’ve given to someone else had she chosen a different husband. Since she couldn’t be both Stetterly’s healer and its lady, she’d have to give up the one thing that had given her purpose for years.
If only he didn’t have to ask. He’d sacrifice anything so she didn’t have to give up her dreams.
But this was something that, thanks to his past, was out of his hands. “As the Third Blade, Respen sent me to Kilm and Mountainwood frequently to aid his two most important allies. I was asked to carry instructions to Deadgrass. Those lords would recognize me, and they would seize any opportunity to humiliate you, Lord Alistair, and King Keevan the moment they realized you and they were trying to pass off a Blade as a lord. The lords who fought for the Resistance would join the protest.”
Deliver (The Blades of Acktar Book 4) Page 16
