“I await your second wish, Mistress.”
She rubbed her hands together in gleeful anticipation.
“Okay, um, give me a minute to think…”
Crayon took a quick look around the room and happened to catch her reflection in an elaborately carved mirror hanging on the wall. The image she saw in the mirror was that of a woman several years older than Crayon’s true age, with lines and wrinkles she had not earned or deserved.
Three weeks ago, Crayon had literally sacrificed her youth to save Dementia’s life. She did not regret this decision, but she did kinda feel cheated out of the best partying years of her life.
Crayon wondered if the sudden appearance of this genie was the work of the Fates trying to square things again. Perhaps the gods of the universe were telling her she needed to go clubbing again.
Yep, she decided. That’s exactly what they were doing.
“All right, genie, I have a good one. I wish to be eighteen years old again. Can you make that happen?”
“Your wish is my command, Mistress.”
The genie snapped his fingers and instantly she became a teenager again.
Crayon turned to look in the mirror again. Lines on her face were removed and baby fat had returned to her cheeks. At least twelve years had been stripped from her face. She was completely thrilled.
“Wow. This is awesome. I can stop wearing Mom jeans.”
The genie touched his forehead and bowed again.
“Last wish, Mistress, and then you must take my place in the lamp.”
Her jaw dropped.
“Whoa. Hold on there, big fella. Nobody said anything about trading places.”
“It’s not widely advertised,” the genie confessed. “Otherwise no one would be foolish enough to accept the three wishes. Please, Mistress, your third wish. I am eager to find this man Rex Havoc.”
“Well, you can just forget it, pal. I’m canceling our contract.”
“No refunds, Mistress. State your final wish,” the genie demanded, the blue hue of his skin turning noticeably redder.
“What about buyer’s remorse?” asked Crayon.
“Sorry for your remorse, but no. State your final wish.”
“No, sir. Not gonna happen.” She pointed to the magic lamp on the coffee table. “You might as well hop back into your gravy boat, ‘cause I ain’t doing anymore wishes.”
The genie grew furious, his skin now bright red.
“State your wish, you obnoxious shit, or I’ll tear you to shreds!”
“You can do that?”
“Who’s going to stop me?”
“Okay. Listen, my friend will be back soon. Can you wait until she returns? It’s my last wish and I’d really like her advice on this.”
“No advice from friends, no more delays. State your final wish at once!”
“Okay, okay. Um, um, I wish…”
She bolted out of the apartment. But the genie was right behind her, smashing through the door and elongating his arm down the stairwell, grabbing her before she could make it to the street. He dragged her back kicking and screaming into the apartment, and then held her close to his face, grinning menacingly at her with his sharp, terrible teeth.
“Your final wish, Mistress?”
She tried to wriggle loose, but his grip was unbreakable. Finally, with a deep sigh, she surrendered.
“Ah man, this day sucks…”
Minutes later, Dementia returned to the apartment. She saw the broken door and cautiously walked inside. There she saw the huge blue genie, laughing so loudly the entire room shook.
“Who the hell are you?” she demanded.
“I am the genie of the lamp, and now I am free at last! Hahahaaa!”
Dementia quickly scanned the apartment.
“Where’s Crayon? What have you done with her?”
With a wave of his hand, the genie slammed Dementia hard against a wall.
“She has made her final wish and now she is imprisoned! Begone, insect, or a worse fate will befall you!”
Dementia pulled back her sleeve, revealing a metallic device attached to her forearm.
This was the porticon, the weapon she used to destroy Danny Decay and Naomi Rotts, the interdimensional terrorists who nearly destroyed New York City. Over hundreds of years, Dementia had gotten used to wearing this mechanical greave. There was no safer place to keep it than on her forearm, and every now and then it proved pretty damn handy to have. Like now, for instance.
Dementia fired the porticon at the genie, who was supernaturally fast and easily ducked the shot. The blast opened a dimensional vortex inside the room that sucked two of the bookcases into the void.
She fired again, and again he effortlessly dodged her shot. He was the fastest thing she had ever seen. Another vortex opened up and Rex’s desk and file cabinets were pulled into the abyss.
The apartment was being peppered with four foot holes as she fired the porticon again and again at the genie. He laughed uproariously at her, relishing the destruction she was causing. Finally he crashed through the ceiling, leaping high into the sky.
“Free! Free! After years in that accursed lamp, I am free at last! Hahaahaaaa!”
Dementia watched helplessly as the genie flew out of sight.
Immediately, she began to search the wrecked apartment for Crayon, checking every room, the closets, and under the bed. She even opened the refrigerator, getting a face full of ink from whatever creature had taken up residence there.
“Crayon? Where the hell are you, kiddo?” she said, wiping the ink out of her eyes.
Then she noticed the ancient lamp sitting on the coffee table. Cautiously, she picked it up and examined it. And then it hit her like a truckload of anvils.
“Oh no, don’t tell me…”
She rubbed the lamp until thick smoke poured out of it. A moment later, a blue-skinned Crayon appeared in full genie regalia, hovering in the center of the room.
“I am the Genie of the lamp, O Mistress,” she said. “I am bound to grant you three wishes, if that is your desire.”
Dementia looked up at her and groaned.
“Goddamn it, Crayon. I can’t leave you for a minute.”
Chapter 10
The Trophy Room
Back on Horror Island, Rex and Dr. Goldfarb had been placed together in a holding cell, waiting for sunset and their game of death with Countess Czarina.
Their clothes had been replaced with striped convict uniforms with a large bullseye printed on the back of the shirts, fashions apparently left over from the Devil’s Island Collection.
Still, Rex was happy to get out of that stupid hunchback outfit, which was made of wool and made him itch like crazy.
Their last meals had arrived. Rex had requested two plain rice cakes and a glass of water without ice, while Goldfarb had ordered almost everything on the menu and was stuffing his face at a small table in the corner of the cell.
The same lizard/spider/robot guard Rex had met his first day on the island scuttled up to the cell, opening the door for Montgomery and a twitchy, crazy-eyed man dressed like a priest.
“Thanks, Bongo,” Montgomery told the monster guard. “We won’t be long.”
As Montgomery walked into the cell, he greeted Rex warmly. Then he saw Goldfarb sitting at the table, gorging himself.
“For a man about to die, his appetite is amazing,” said Montgomery. “What’s he doing there, carbo-loading?”
“I don’t think he even knows what’s going on,” said Rex. “Perhaps it’s for the best.”
Montgomery introduced him to the creepy priest.
“You’re allowed last rites. All I could find was Dr. Zucco here, who used to be a high-ranking priest before he tried to destroy the Vatican with a sonic wave cannon. Best I could do on short notice.”
“Do you wish to confess your sins, my son?” asked the twitchy, crazy-eyed priest.
“I’ll pass,” said Rex. “The doc may want to, but don’t get too close. H
e may think you’re something to eat.”
The priest walked over to Goldfarb to offer him confession and last rites, but became so distracted by all the food that he completely forgot why he was there and fixed himself a plate.
Montgomery pulled up a chair to speak to Rex.
“Okay, Rex, here’s how this will go. You’ll be released into the forest, like a fox in a hunt. The Countess will hunt you down until you’re both dead. Your collars will be removed—not because she believes in fair play, but because the metal collars tend to nick up her good hunting knife when she cuts your head off.”
Rex nodded.
“She always brings a few of her pets along. Her favorites are Razorback and Hellfire and Rocky the Flying Scorpion. Razorback is a living set of ginsu knives and Hellfire breathes flaming napalm. And Rocky is the nastiest. It will immobilize you with its paralytic stinger so the others can devour you while you’re still alert.”
Rex nodded again.
“Watch out for traps. Czarina has been doing this a long time and she can be very tricky. The only way to survive the night will be to kill her, and obviously no one has ever managed to do that.”
“Run. Be careful. Kill the bitch. Got it,” said Rex.
Montgomery looked up at the camera in the corner of the cell. He leaned close to Rex and whispered to him.
“Rex, listen. If you can handle Czarina and her pets, I think Thomp and I can do the rest.”
Rex smiled.
“Just for you, Doc, I’ll try extra hard not to die.”
Bongo the monster guard returned. “Time am to go,” said the creature.
Montgomery walked out of the cell, followed by the creepy priest, who was still gnawing on a turkey leg. As the cell door shut, Montgomery turned back to Rex.
“Good luck, Rex. Bet you wish you still had your phantom powers right about now.”
“Hell, Doc, I’d settle for a good Scout knife,” said Rex.
An hour later, Bongo returned with three other monster guards carrying machine guns to collect Rex and Goldfarb. There was a final search of the men in their cell, and then they were handcuffed and moved down a hallway to a special room. They stopped outside a heavy iron door.
As Bongo unlocked the door, Rex saw the sign on it:
TROPHY ROOM
BY INVITATION ONLY
The two men were escorted inside the room and the iron door clanged shut behind them.
As the door closed, Goldfarb’s little pet Fugly rolled up to it. The creature whimpered, looking very distressed. Then it turned and quickly rolled off in another direction.
Inside, the trophy room was circular and fairly large, probably part of an ancient tower or keep, and was surprisingly dark. The only light at all came from occasional torches on the wall. It took a while to get used to the semi-darkness before the incredible horror of the place revealed itself.
Along the curved wall of the room Rex saw the heads of several men mounted like hunting trophies. These, he knew, were scientists who didn’t make the grade and were given to the Countess as playthings for her sadistic hunt.
Rex noticed inscriptions on the small brass plates placed beneath each of the heads. There were at least twenty heads mounted on the wall, and some of the names he recognized from past encounters:
DR. FORRESTER
DR. WEST
DR. FAUSTUS
DR. KLEIN-ROGGE
DR. CALAMARI
DR. TAMATO
DR. CORNTHWAITE
DR. WANGROT
DR. HU
DR. ZYNN
DR. FRANKENSTEIN (LUDWIG?)
One of the trophy heads Rex saw on the wall appeared to be very fresh—a man with a wild tangle of red hair, broken glasses, and a bandage on his head. The skin was still pliant and beneath it a trickle of dried blood from his severed neck was still visible on the wall.
The name on the plaque read: DR. CAGLIOSTRO.
Next to Cagliostro were two vacant plaques, with brass plates beneath that read DR. GOLDFARB and HUNCHBACK.
Rex marveled at the speed of the engraving department on the island. It had only been two hours since Rex and Goldfarb were selected for this little party and already the staff had managed to produce this pair of attractive plaques.
He looked at Goldfarb, who mercifully seemed not to notice any of the grisly trophies on the wall. The old man had regressed into his own private world and did not appear to understand that were about to hunted for sport.
As Rex had said earlier, probably a good thing.
They were escorted past a guard station and down a long corridor, until they reached another large iron door. One of the monster guards turned a rusty wheel on the wall to open the door, and Rex and Goldfarb stepped outside to find themselves in the middle of a thick, dark forest.
The guards followed the men outside, where their handcuffs and collars were removed. Rex rubbed his scarred throat and took a deep breath, relieved to have that damn thing gone.
“Countess am follow in one hour,” Bongo told the men. “Not waste time. Beware of swamp. Good luck.”
Bongo extended his robotic claw to shake Rex’s hand, but when he declined the creature grabbed his hand anyway.
“From Montgomery,” Bongo said to him in a guttural whisper.
Rex realized the guard had slipped something into his hand. Without looking at the object, he tucked it into his back pocket. The monster guards then turned and lumbered back into the fortress, locking the heavy door behind them.
Quickly scanning their surroundings, Rex looked for the best avenue of escape. But all he saw were tall trees in every direction. He looked at Goldfarb, who was staring at the full moon through the trees and smiling broadly.
“My, this is nice. I haven’t seen a full moon in many years,” said the doctor.
“Come on, Doc. We gotta go.”
“But it’s so lovely out. What’s the hurry?”
“We only have an hour’s head start. We need to find a place to hide fast.”
Goldfarb merely smiled, admiring the towering trees around them.
“All the years I’ve been on this island, I’ve never been beyond the fortress walls. I didn’t even know there was such a splendid forest here, or I certainly would have spent my lunch breaks outside.”
Rex shook the doctor by the shoulders, trying to snap him out of his stupor.
“Doc, listen to me. We gotta put some distance between us and Czarina. If she finds us, she’ll kill us, understand? We have to find some place of safety right away.”
Goldfarb seemed to respond. He looked at the locked fortress door and then at the dark woods.
“Okay. I think I understand. We’re in trouble, right?”
“Yes. Very bad trouble. Are there any caves around here where we can hide?”
“No, none I’ve ever heard of.”
“All right. We’ll just follow this path for now. Let’s see where it goes.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Rex pulled the doctor along as they ran into the forest, the only light at all coming from the full moon filtering between the trees. They followed a well-worn trail, which Rex knew was dangerous, but they would get off it as soon as they got their bearings. Along the way he could devise a plan and maybe fashion a weapon out of twigs and soggy leaves.
After twenty minutes of Rex running and Goldfarb being pulled along, they reached the edge of a sheer cliff. Rex peered over the edge and saw that it was a straight 300 foot drop to the sharp rocks and crashing waves below.
“Shit. Dead end,” said Rex.
Goldfarb smiled.
“The ocean. How lovely.”
Rex looked behind them, back at the thick forest.
“This damn island is too small to hide anywhere for very long. Czarina has all the advantages.”
He thought for a moment, considering their options. But every one of them resulted in both of them dead, the only difference being the degree of excruciating pain they would suffer first. He looked
at Goldfarb.
“That monster guard said to stay out of the swamp. So that’s exactly where we’re going.”
“Oh. Okay,” said Goldfarb, not certain what all the urgency was about, but not wanting to seem impolite.
Rex grabbed the doctor's hand and they ran like hell again.
Chapter 11
Dance with the Devil
An hour after the two men had been released into the woods, Czarina and her hunter beasts emerged from the fortress. And just as Montgomery had predicted, she was accompanied by her favorite pets, Razorback and Hellfire and Rocky the Flying Scorpion.
The Countess carried her crossbow slung across her back, and two empty canvas bags were hanging from her gun belt. Perched on her arm was the flying scorpion, wearing a tiny hood like a hunting falcon. Two monster guards were with the Countess, straining to control the snarling Hellfire and Razorback on a pair of long steel chains.
There were no control collars on any of the hunter beasts. Czarina would never dream of causing discomfort to any of her darlings.
Czarina peeled the hood off the flying scorpion and released it, letting it fly into the forest. A monster guard handed Rex’s hunchback tunic to her and she let Hellfire and Razorback sniff it. Then they were released into the woods as well.
While all this was happening, no one noticed little Fugly slipping out the fortress door behind them and quietly rolling into the trees.
As the monster guards turned back to the fortress and locked the heavy metal door behind them, Czarina checked her 9mm Makarov pistol and tucked it into her gun belt at the small of her back. Then she pulled the crossbow off her back and nocked an arrow.
Ahead of her, already deep into the woods, Hellfire and Razorback yelped like monstrous bloodhounds, hot on the trail of the two men.
“Run, my pets. Find your supper,” she said, and followed the beasts into the woods.
Elsewhere in the forest, the fog was incredibly thick and had slowed Rex and Goldfarb to a crawl. Finally, the men stopped to get their bearings.
“Where are we?” asked Goldfarb.
Horror Island Page 7
