It sounded good in my head, dare I say even sweet, but I wasn’t the little girl holding on to what was left of her daddy and none of the fancy little scenarios I drummed up in my head would change the truth. I turned the fucking car around because I didn’t want to walk away from Anthony. The earring was an excuse to crawl back into his bed and force him to give me what I wanted.
Him.
All of him.
Not just physically but emotionally too. I wanted him in every way it mattered and I was tired of running in circles. Life is too short to not go after what you want. Why have one night when we could have forever?
I pulled into the parking spot and got out of the car knowing I had already wasted too much time. By now Anthony would be awake already letting his head get the best of him. I half walked, half jogged towards the front door of his apartment complex, reaching to pull open the glass door only for it to fly open before my hand reached the handle. I looked up and froze in my tracks as I stared into my father’s eyes.
“Adrianna?” he spoke my name sounding shocked and confused then paused for a beat repeating my name in a more controlled voice.
“Adrianna.” I had heard that tone a lot growing up, it’s the tone he used whenever he was suspicious of me. His perceptive gaze perused me and nervously I shifted from one foot to another, tucking my hair behind my ears as I normally did under my father’s uncomfortable scrutiny.
“Uh…I tried calling Anthony to see…,” my words trailed off as I watched my father cock his head to the side and study me.
“Your mother’s had Luca all night hasn’t she?”
“Yeah well after what happened with Vinny I was pretty upset, she offered to watch him so I could regroup.”
“Regroup,” he repeated before reaching out and touching my ear gently.
“You seem to have lost an earring,” he said slowly.
I took a step backwards as I saw realization flicker in my father’s eyes.
“What?” I said reaching my hand to touch my ear. “Oh. It’s probably in my car. I should…,” I pointed my thumb behind me to the vicinity in which I parked my car. “It may have fallen out when I got out of the car.” I glanced behind my father at the apartment complex.
“It wasn’t important anyway. I’m going to go.”
We stood silently for a moment, my father knowing I had spent the night with Anthony, me pretending like he didn’t.
“You know Adrianna, there’s a lot going on that you’re unaware of, certain things that don’t concern you. Anthony’s life isn’t stable.”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up my hand.
“Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it and you won’t want to hear what I’m going to say in return so let’s just end this right now.”
“You used to be my best pal,” my father said. “Your sister was always closer to your mother. I figured that was because she’s the baby, but you, you were my little pal, the little girl who thought I could do no wrong,” he smiled sadly. “You used to look at me like I was the greatest man in the whole world. I can’t even tell you how that made me feel, every time those big brown eyes looked up at me with adoration,” he shook his head. “I’d give anything for you to look at me like that once more.”
I looked away from him deciding that this was either God’s plan or some greater force intervening, fucking up any chance me and Anthony had moving forward with this. I shouldn’t have turned the car around the same way last night should have never happened.
I lifted my gaze to meet my dad’s.
“Goodbye dad,” I turned around on my heel and started for my car leaving my father standing as a barricade blocking the path to my happiness.
Chapter Fifteen
2011
One year had gone by without so much as a letter from Anthony since they took him away to prison, no phone call, nothing. It was almost as if he died. The only reason I knew he was alive was because when I asked my father about him I’d be treated to a grunt. Followed by a mumbled ‘he’s fine’. My father wants me to see a shrink, I overheard him talking to my mom about it. He thinks I went off the deep end after I lost the baby. My mom explained that I was heartbroken and that I had suffered two great loses. My baby. My love.
I was thinking my father was right I was losing my mind. I broke into Anthony’s apartment and stole his gun so I could go after Jimmy. He was my only hope in getting information since my father wouldn’t tell me anything. I came up with this big elaborate plan to corner Jimmy and hold him at gunpoint until he told me something.
Anything.
I was desperate.
I would’ve done it too if it wasn’t for my mother finding the gun in my bedroom. She surprised me by not telling my father and instead she cried with me, begging me to let her help me. I don’t know what she did with the gun but scaring Jimmy was off the table since she confiscated it.
I didn’t talk to my mother for two days, I locked myself in my room and cried for what seemed like forever. I was falling apart. I had nothing to live for anymore.
This morning I really believed when my mother came into my room and demanded I get showered and dressed that she was committing me to the nearest mental ward. Instead, she drove seven hours in the rain, praying to Jesus the whole way. Now here I was in line waiting to be patted down before walking through the metal detectors of a state prison, so close to seeing Anthony.
It’s such a process to visit an inmate. When Anthony was first brought here I had to go through all sorts of shit to be an approved visitor. Against my father’s wishes or even his knowledge I had applied and been approved. My mother wasn’t on the list of visitors approved to see him so she only could bring me to the barbed wire gates and see me off.
I stood in line glancing around at the people that surrounded me trying to piece together their stories. There were lots of woman and children, which made me wonder, if our baby had survived, would I have brought our child to visit Anthony here. That is if he would have abided by my father’s orders.
“Next!” A female correction officer called standing in front of me pulling me out of my thoughts. I took a step towards her as she hastily lifted my arms. “Spread ‘em.”
I swallowed and spread my arms out as I was told.
“Legs too,” she barked, forcing me to spread my legs shoulder width apart. I stared at her as she dropped to her knees and patted my legs through my jeans. “Turn around.” I slowly turned so my back was facing her and closed my eyes as her hands traveled over my clothing, hip, ass, back. She even ran her fingers through my hair.
I was merely a visitor and knew the woman patting my ass was just doing her job. Taking precautionary measures and all that bullshit but still, I couldn’t help but feel violated. Which made me wonder what they did to Anthony when they brought him here to serve his sentence.
“Clean,” the correction officer said over her shoulder. “Any metal you have, put in this bucket, that includes your fancy belt sweetheart and the earrings you’re wearing.”
I stared at her for a moment before unbuckling my belt and sliding it through the loopholes. I did as she instructed and removed my earrings as well, placing them in the bucket before walking through the metal detector. Once they cleared me, I gathered my belongings and followed the correction officer through another door.
“Bianci has a visitor,” she said, handing me off to another correction officer, this one a male who let his eyes travel over me.
“You Bianci’s girl?” He asked with a creepy smile.
“You’ll have to ask him,” I said, slowly pulling my eyes away from him as the sounds from the visitor’s hall became louder. We waited in front of the metal door and my heart stopped. The man I loved more than anything, the man I hadn’t seen in over a year, waited on the other side of that door.
The buzzer sounded signaling the doors unlocking and the correction officer beside me pulled it open, stepping aside allowing me to walk into the large room. My feet froze just passed t
he threshold as I looked around the large room full of inmates and their loved ones. There were father’s holding their children, husbands kissing their wives, sons reassuring their mothers with a gentle squeeze of the hand. I didn’t know why they were in there, what they had done or not done that got them locked away. Looking at them in their prison blues trying to have a sliver of normalcy made my eyes fill with tears.
“Just grab a free seat and one of the guards will bring him in.” The C.O. said, behind me. I nodded and did as he said finding a seat in the corner of the room. I folded my hands-on top of the table and waited patiently or at least I allowed myself to think I was being patient, the butterflies jumping in my belly told me otherwise.
They say prison can change people, that it hardens them. I couldn’t help but fear that Anthony would be a different man.
I lifted my head and my heart stopped as I watched the officer escort him inside the visitor’s room. Actually, I don’t think it stopped it just fell to the pit of my stomach, broken pieces of it cutting through the lining, making me clutch my belly in pain. He lifted his head, his eyes finding mine, and I heard the gasp escape my lips.
He was so much bigger than I remembered, I didn’t know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or if he had been working out while he was in here. His hair was short styled in a crew cut robbing me of a chance to run my fingers through his hair like I loved. He hadn’t shaved in a few days judging by the length of the scruff that outlined his jaw. I lifted my eyes to his noticing the dark circles around them. His blue eyes that were always so cold and uninviting used to soften and melt for me. Not this time, this time he kept his cold stare fixated on me. I dreamed of this day for a long time and in my dreams, he was always happy to see me. I wasn’t prepared for him to look at me the way he was, as if I was a thorn in his side. He stood for a moment just staring at me before taking the seat across from me.
We stared at one another silently – me, memorizing his features, him, looking at me like I was an illusion. I reached across the table and laid my hands over his, slowly lacing our fingers together. Seeing our fingers entwined like that caused fresh tears to slide down my cheeks. How was it that the simplest touch can evoke so much feeling?
I averted my eyes from our hands to his eyes and for just a fleeting second his eyes melted for me, looking at me as if I was his everything. I didn’t let my eyes waiver from his as I lifted our joined hands to my lips, gently kissing his knuckles, only for him to snatch his hand back from me as if I had bitten him.
“Don’t do that, A,” he whispered roughly. I swallowed hard watching him struggle to keep his eyes on me. I had so many things I wanted to tell him throughout the course of the year we were apart but each single thought fled my mind. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why?” I croaked out.
“Because I never wanted you to see me in here, I told you that before I left,” he said, his voice sounding anguished but teetering on the edge of anger.
“You told me a lot of things before you left, you want me to remind you of everything you said?” I croaked, feeling fire boil in my veins.
“Why are you here?” He asked on a sigh.
“Are you kidding me? “ I almost laughed in his face. “Haven’t you read my letters?”
He diverted his eyes for a moment before settling them back on me. “No.”
“You’re a shitty liar,” I hissed, cocking my head to the side as I scrutinized him.
“Actually, I bet you’re a pretty damn good liar, it’s just that I see right through your bullshit. Why haven’t you written me back?” I leaned over the table. “Why haven’t you called me?” I asked angrily.
He leaned over the table inches away from me and raised an eyebrow as he looked at me.
“And say what?”
“How about I love you? How about I miss you? How about I’m okay? You want me to keep going? Because the list is long and I don’t know how much time we have,” my lip quivered as I finished my sentence. “I came here because I miss you, because I’m empty without you,” I cried, wiping at my tears. “I came here today because I don’t know if I can keep going without you in my life.”
He took my hands roughly in his, squeezing them to get my attention. “Look at me, Reese’s.”
I stared at him through my blurred vision. “I spent three days in the hole, do you know what that is?” I shook my head slightly. “Solitary confinement Reese’s,” he explained. “I’m losing my fucking mind in here thinking about you. It’s killing me knowing I’m here and you’re there. The letters you send me they fucking gut me and make me fall in love with you all over again at the same time. I think about you every second of every day and when I sleep, I dream about you. I don’t know if I should fight to live or quit and die. When I get out of here the thought of living without you is enough for me to want to throw in the towel.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you had listened, things could have been different.”
“I tried listening to you against my better judgement and all that got us was …” his words trail off as he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter because you need to listen and you need to listen good.”
“You can’t break up with me you’ve already done that,” I said pointedly, nervous that whatever he was about to say would break my heart again.
“I want you to stop sending the letters,” he whispered, looking down at his hands for a moment before lifting his eyes to mine. “It’s been a year baby, two more to go, you need to move on. Stop being a fool.”
“Is that what you’re going to do? I stop writing and you what, just move on with your life?” I asked angrily wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
“Reese’s…”
“Don’t call me that!” I snap. “I would’ve waited for you,” I shook my head at the absurdity. “I would’ve done just about anything for you Anthony.”
“You want to do one last thing for me? Turn your life around. You were always a feisty one, going after what you wanted, grabbing life by the balls … go and do that again. I’ll have peace of mind knowing you’re okay.” He leaned across the table brushing a strand of hair away from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear.
“No more sad letters baby, go be happy for the both of us.”
I wrapped my fingers around his wrist holding him there as I looked into his eyes. “And when you come out?” I paused. “What happens then?”
“Then I’ll stop in on you from time to time and be damn proud of you for the life you created for yourself.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Who knows, maybe by then I’ll have my life sorted out, but we can’t think about that now we have to concentrate on the present.”
“So this is it? This is goodbye for real?”
“Yeah baby it is,” he whispered.
I let go of his wrist but he kept his hand against my cheek, lifting his other hand to my other cheek and cradled my face in his hands.
“No one will ever love you like I do, Reese’s,” he said, caressing my cheek with his thumb tearing his gaze away from me for a split second to glance over my shoulder at the correction officer watching us. He dropped his hands from my face and pushed his chair back rising to his feet. I heard myself whimper, knowing this was the end, that he would walk away from me yet again. I wished I could’ve walked away first maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if I had.
Anthony moved around the table to walk past me but stopped just at my side. I glanced up to see what had caused him to freeze and saw him glancing around the room at all the officers.
“Fuck it,” he grumbled, turning around and catching my chin in the palm of his hand. My eyes widened as he bent down, lowering his mouth onto mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist as his lips delicately worked mine. This kiss was different, it didn’t have the passion I was used to when he kissed me. This kiss filled me with sorrow and regret.
“Bianci!” an officer called interrupting our tender moment, forcing Anthony to disconnect from m
y mouth. He ran his thumb across my lower lip.
“I love you, Bianci,” I whispered.
His blue eyes melted for me one last time before he winked at me, dropping his hand from my face and turning around. He walked away from me, never turning around to glance at me one last time, breaking my heart all over again. Yeah, I definitely wished I had been the one to walk away first.
Chapter Sixteen
2014
An hour later, I was walking into the dog pound for my meeting with Jack Parrish and his MC. My head was still reeling from my conversation with Victor, not to mention my night with his daughter. I had to push Adrianna out of my head and focus on the task at hand or I’d end up back in the pen or worse in a black bag. This shit with the feds was no joke. If I was being honest, it made me doubt every choice I had ever made working for Victor. I wondered if I had turned back the clock and listened to Adrianna all those years ago, maybe I could’ve had a normal life. I don’t know why I couldn’t see the good in myself like she did. I couldn’t help feel I was nothing more than a common street thug. Maybe if I had, then I wouldn’t be sitting at the bar at the Satan’s Knights compound waiting for the president to come out and tell me the plan on how we were going to clip a fed.
“Seems like you crawled into the wrong place handsome; we’re not the kind of establishment that the likes of you come through looking to buy a beer.”
I lifted my head to the woman behind the bar with teased out hair. She was wearing a tank top that was too small with the words Property of a Knight stretched across her chest. I suppose she was someone’s old lady or whatever the fuck the term was they used. So I politely smiled at the overdone broad.
“I have a meeting with Jack,” I said.
“And I’m not looking for a beer honey but I’ll take a shot of the smoothest tequila you have stashed behind there.”
“Jack.” She said skeptical. “He know a pretty boy like you is here to see him?”
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 43
