I lifted my head and looked up at the sky, taking a moment to reign myself in before continuing.
“You told me you missed me,” I cried, bowing my head and succumbing to the grief. “And you should know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you too. I wish it was me, it should’ve been me and I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry that it’s not me visiting you in your dreams. I’m sorry you ran outside. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to you. I’m sorry my mind got the best of me and I let my pride take your life.”
“I’m on medicine now, I got help, and I try to be better. I try not to let my mind win anymore. An old friend made me realize your sister still needs a dad. I know you do too, I know you’re alone and I’m always torn between the two of you. But the truth is, your old man isn’t the greatest of guys. I’ve done a lot of bad shit, hurt a lot of good people, still hurting people, and even if I lay down and die I’m not sure I’d be reunited with someone as pure as you. So I stay here, I stay for Lacey because as long as I’m here at least I know I have one of you, I can do right by one of you. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong but then again the difference between the two is lost on me.”
I glanced down at the hat, remembering it was in my hand and that when he appeared in my dream he was wearing one similar.
“This was mine when I was a kid,” I said, placing the hat gently on the ground before the stone. “My old man bought it for me before he surprised me and took me to my first real ball game. In my dream you were wearing a Yankee hat and when you turned the hat backward it was like looking at you for the very first time. I’m sorry I never got to take you to a real baseball game but I’m glad you’re a Yankee fan. Always knew you’d be a smart boy.”
I slowly rose to my feet, running my hand along the stone.
“Happy birthday, Jack. I love you and I’m so proud that someone thought enough of me to make me the man you called dad, even if it was only for a little while, and only in my dreams,” I whispered. Taking a step back, my eyes focused on the words engraved in his headstone before I turned and walked away, leaving my boy behind, along with another piece of my soul.
Chapter Twenty-One
I lazily opened my eyes, blinking and trying to focus as I remembered the events of the previous night. I glanced down at my relaxed body and Jack’s vest still wrapped around me. I smiled, happy last night wasn’t a dream but in fact my reality and turned to face the man responsible for my smile. I reached out and ran my fingers along the bare mattress, quickly lifting my head and glancing around the room in search of him.
I sat up, pulling the vest closed and wrapped my arms around myself as I looked around the room. The bathroom door was open, his boots were gone along with the clothes he wore the night before. I pushed the sheets off me, swung my legs over the bed and padded toward the chair grabbing the bag he told me to pack. I unzipped the duffel bag, pulled out some clothes and walked into the bathroom, figuring Jack was downstairs.
I stared at myself in the mirror, eyes widening as I glanced at the reflection of a woman who looked content. I slid the vest from my body, turning slightly and lifting my arm to look at my scars. They were still there, just as I expected them to be and I was okay with that. They’d always be there but they wouldn’t control my life anymore.
I quickly showered and dressed, regretting that I washed my hair because I forgot to pack a brush. I twisted my wet hair into a bun and clipped it on top of my head, threw on my jeans and tunic and grabbed his vest, throwing it over my shoulder. I didn’t know what to expect walking through the hallway, wasn’t sure if I’d find people having sex or having pancakes but to my surprise it was very quiet.
I made my way down the stairs, searching the large room for Jack but came up short and found Blackie sitting at the bar, nursing a beer. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see what time it was and how long I had slept but it was only ten in the morning. I glanced back toward Blackie and conceded the man had a problem. Maybe that’s why he was so cranky.
I was never scared of Jack, not since that first night he walked into Dee’s, but Blackie? He scared the shit out of me. He turned his head, his eyes finding mine as he curled his lip and snarled.
Shit.
“Good morning,” I said, clearing my throat as I walked toward the bar. “Is Jack here?”
His eyes diverted to Jack’s leather vest, and he intently watched as I laid it over the back of one of the stools.
“Jack’s gone,” he said flatly, turning his head and lifting his beer back to his lips.
I bit the inside of my cheek in order to stop myself from asking him why he drinks so early in the morning. I don’t think he’d like that much. In fact, I should turn around and march right back up the stairs because anything I say to this guy will likely piss him off.
“Okay, I’ll just call him,” I replied, lifting my phone and scrolling through my contacts.
“He won’t answer,” he retorted. I watched as he opened a tiny plastic bag and pulled out a bud of weed, breaking it up with his fingers.
Momentarily distracted, I watched him slip the granulated herb onto the rolling paper. He rolled the joint, stuck it between his lips and fetched a lighter from his pocket.
“Why?” I croaked, shaking my head, trying to break from my trance. “Why won’t he answer?” Dread churned in my belly and it took everything inside me not to revert backward and believe Jack bailed on me and my ugliness. That this morning, once he woke and realized how fucked I truly was, he headed for the hills. But I was there last night, and I couldn’t fool myself into believing that shit if I tried. Jack wanted me, he accepted me and in his own way he allowed himself to be mine. I needed to keep reminding myself of that.
Blackie ignored my question as he lit his joint, inhaling a stream of smoke, holding it for a few moments before he blew it out, puffing out little ringlets of smoke.
He turned, narrowing his eyes as I pulled my shirt over my nose and extended the joint in my direction.
“You want a hit?” he taunted, menace in his eyes.
I stared at the joint before dropping my shirt from my face and took a step closer. I carefully took the joint from his fingers, shocking the menace. Fuck you.
I lifted the burning paper to my lips and inhaled until my lungs felt heavy and the back of my throat felt as if it was on fire. I shoved the joint back in his face as I started coughing.
He rolled his eyes, ignoring me as I coughed up a lung, and took another hit.
That shit was potent. Or I was just an amateur. Probably a bit of both, I decided, pounding my fist against my chest cavity.
Blackie shook his head, clipping his joint with the tips of his fingers and sliding what was left of it into his cigarette pack.
“What did I do to you?” I asked, taking a deep breath, my lungs felt like cement.
“I didn’t twist your fucking arm,” he insisted.
“I’m not talking about that and you know it,” I said, as he snapped his head toward me and pierced me with a look. Scary bastard, this man was but something told me the old phrase you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar wouldn’t work with a man like him. “You don’t seem like a man who’s afraid to speak his mind. So why don’t you stop being a bitch and tell me what your problem is with me?” I dared, crossing my arms as I leaned against the bar and narrowed my eyes at him.
“Don’t take it personal, it’s your breed I have an issue with,” he declared.
“Women?”
“Women like you,” he corrected.
I raised an eyebrow at the boldness of his statement.
“Women like me?” I repeated. I didn’t know if I was insulted or baffled.
“Yeah, women like you can destroy men like us when you get mixed up in our world, a world you don’t understand or know how to be a part of,” he seethed.
My cheeks reddened as anger engulfed me.
“It’s pretty bold of you to lump me in a category with all the women
who’ve scorned you in the past. You don’t know me. It’s impossible for you to know me because I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
“Need help? Let me introduce you to yourself. You’re a good girl, sweet even, never did a bad thing to anyone,” he started, leaning close to continue. “You see a broken man like Jack and think you will be the one to fix him. It doesn’t matter there were others who tried and failed before you, because in your head they weren’t you and only you can be his savior. You try it your way first, try to give him a piece of yourself, your morals, your values and you hope they will rub off on him. That don’t work, never does, and you start to see the ugly, the shit that tears at his conscience. You hate it, you hate what he does and can’t believe the man you fell for is capable of such horrible shit. But, it’s too late because by then you’ve already fallen in love with him, so you adapt to his lifestyle, or at least you try. He thinks he’s got you, that you’re his saving grace, an answer to a prayer, until it ends. Until you’re either lost in the transition, taken from him or find the courage to walk away. And where does that leave him?” he hollered the question, the veins in his neck pulsing as he stared at me angrily. “I’ll tell you where it leaves him. It leaves him worthless, struggling and more than likely handing his life to the devil,” he spat.
I stared at Blackie, hatred in his eyes, but it wasn’t for me, no his hatred was for himself. I felt sorry for the guy.
“Are we talking about Jack or are we talking about you?” I asked quietly.
“Stupid girl,” he hissed.
“Forgive me but a man whose liver is wasting away because all he does is drink, my guess is, to forget the woman who I remind him of, shouldn’t be calling anyone stupid,” I countered. “And for what it’s worth, I care about Jack. It’s not about fixing him because what’s broken in Jack will never be fixed and the woman who gets his heart, whether it’s me or someone else needs to accept that and love him despite the broken parts of him,” I said. “Now if you would please tell me where Jack is, I will get out of your way and leave you to it,” I motioned, toward the extensive collection of liquor that lined the shelves behind the bar.
“He’s got demons,” he whispered.
“We all have demons,” I replied. It’s true, all of us have something that tears us down but I’m learning that those demons only win if we allow them too. Some people need a little help to fight them off, others are strong enough to ignore them on their own, but in the end, we can’t let them win. I frowned as Blackie stared at the empty beer bottle and hoped one day someone would help him fight his own demons. “Jack’s lucky to have a brother in you,” I added. “Sometimes it’s not about the family you’re born into but the family you make for yourself. Seems he did a pretty good job picking you,” I continued. I don’t know what tore Blackie down, what broke him but the way he looked out for Jack was admirable, hinting that there was someone worth saving inside that shell of his.
The door opened to the compound and the young man who was infatuated with my pie stuck his head inside.
“Yo, we got company,” he announced.
“Who?”
“That crazy gangster with the gold teeth,” he told him.
Blackie moved off the stool and hurried behind the bar to grab a remote control. He powered on the television and changed the channel, security camera footage appearing on the screen. I squinted as I tried to make out the three men getting out of the Escalade parked in front of the building.
“What do you want me to do?” Riggs asked.
“Stall them,” he commanded, walking toward me. “Looks like you’re about to earn your title, sweetheart,” he grunted, as he moved closer to me. “Let your hair down,” he instructed. “Now,” he hollered.
Blackie went from being a man I pitied to a man I feared in ten seconds. I reached behind my head and unclasped the clip, letting my damp hair fall. Before I could question what was going on, he tugged the sleeve of his thermal down, take the fabric and wiping it across my mouth. I moved to lift my hand to my lips that felt bruised from the hasty way he swiped my lipstick off.
“You don’t say a word unless you’re spoken to and then you say minimal. Just follow my lead and if you’re lucky I’ll get you to Jack,” he ground out.
“You understand?” he hissed. I quickly nodded my agreement. He took one more glance over his shoulder before he looked back at me. “Get on your knees,” he ordered.
I felt my lip quiver and tears sting the backs of my eyes.
“I’m not looking to hurt you; I’m looking to save your ass. I know you don’t trust me, but Jack does, remember that, hang onto it and when this shit’s over I’ll take you to him,” he vowed.
I stared at him blankly, not sure what was about to happen. I was scared as hell, but I did as he asked. I dropped to my knees, Blackie’s hands fisted in my hair just as the door opened.
“Fuck,” he grunted, releasing my hair and pretending to pull his zipper up as he turned around.
“Sorry to interrupt,” one of the men said.
“What the fuck do you want?” Blackie asked.
“Is that any way to talk to a potential business partner? Tsk, tsk, now that’s not how one conducts business, my friend,” he chastised.
“Excuse me, but don’t recall giving you a time or place for a meeting and I don’t like being interrupted when I’m in the middle of getting my dick sucked,” Blackie replied, glancing down at me. “Get off the floor,” he grunted.
I slowly rose to my feet, licking my lips. Playing the part, I rolled my eyes and glanced at the men that entered. The first one was a man wearing a fur coat and an obscene amount of jewelry, the little skin he exposed covered in tattoos. He turned, staring at me like a vulture stalking its prey before he smiled creepily at me revealing two gold teeth.
“Maybe I am in the wrong division of organized crime, seems there are so many more benefits to being a part of your world than mine,” he marveled, taking a step closer, then another. I was going to be sick. “This pretty thing yours?” he questioned, running his hand down my arm.
“She’s the clubs, just having a go at her before Parrish comes back and goes another round with her,” Blackie said, eyes focusing on me. “Why don’t you get us a couple of beers and make yourself useful?”
“Nothing for me, doll, but when you’ve run your course here, would love to have a piece of you,” he winked.
“We’re willing to share our product but not our whores,” Blackie interjected. “Keep our pussy to ourselves, sure you can understand that,” he added, nodding toward the table. “Why don’t you have a seat and get to the point of your interruption,” he glanced at the two men behind him. “But your boy’s will have to wait outside, Jimmy.”
Jimmy laughed, pausing a moment before he assessed Blackie.
“This is between you and me, don’t see my club standing behind me, do you?”
“Very well,” Jimmy conceded, nodding toward his men, watching as they glared at Blackie before stepping out of the compound.
“I’m guessing you’re here for the sample,” Blackie started, taking a seat at the table.
I busied myself trying to open the beer bottle but couldn’t find a bottle opener. I peered up from the bar and watched Jimmy sit across from Blackie, he folded his hands neatly on top of the table and leaned forward.
“Victor tells me you’re familiar with the business, that you used to be one of the biggest players in the game,” he raved. “That makes me wonder why you would ever stop,” he questioned.
“Who said I did?” Blackie leaned back in his chair. “Your boss wanted to keep his streets clean, made it real hard for us to do business, so I took my product elsewhere,” he said, drumming his nails against the table. “Make no mistake about it Gold, I am the biggest player in the game. Always have been, always will,” he assured him.
“Confident,” he stated. “I like it, but as confident as you might be, I don’t trust you,” he added. “And I don�
�t do business with anyone I don’t trust.”
“Smart man,” Blackie countered. “Then why the fuck you wasting my time?”
“Well,” he started, lifting his eyes to glance at me. I quickly grabbed the bottle of beer and walked around the bar, placing it on the table.
Blackie lifted his eyes to mine.
“Thank you, now go upstairs and take your fucking clothes off. I’ll be right up,” he commanded.
I curled my lip at him before I disappeared into the hallway that led to the stairs. Once I was sure I was out of sight I leaned against the wall and tried to hear what was going on, trying to make sense of it all.
“As I was saying, my mind may be swayed if you provide me with an example of good faith,” Jimmy purred. “I’d like to think a man like you knows his product, enjoys it even, won’t you have a taste for me?”
“You want me to shoot it to prove what exactly?” Blackie asked.
“That you’re not selling me shit for one,” he said.
“I don’t know how you do business Gold, but usually you or one of your own test the product they are buying,” Blackie interrupted.
“Of course, that’s why I brought Carmine, but I’m not stupid Blackie, you are going to shoot the same sample you’re giving me. If it’s good for your own veins then it should be good for Carmine’s,” he sneered. “Those are my conditions, take them or leave them,” Jimmy added.
There was silence, and I was tempted to peek my head out from the wall to see what was going on. I heard someone shuffle around, a door close and something drop. What the fuck was going on?
“Fine, let’s get this over with,” Blackie seethed.
“Wonderful” Jimmy exclaimed. A moment later he was on the phone with someone, instructing them to come inside. My guess was it was the Carmine person he was talking about. There was more silence and then the distinct sound of something, maybe a bag, being torn open.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 75
