Nothing.
I blinked to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating but as I approached Christine’s grave there was no denying the beauty kneeling before the tombstone was real.
Live and in the flesh.
My beautiful Lace knelt before my wife’s grave, re-arranging a fresh bouquet.
My past met my present and for a second I wished for a future.
Beside her laid a wilted bouquet of flowers, one I hadn’t brought there either.
“Hi, it’s me again,” Lacey said, as she leaned back tucking her haunches beneath her ass. “He’ll be back soon,” she promised before her voice trailed off and the only sound became the wind blowing through the trees. “I remember you,” she said finally. “Not much, but I remember you. I was just a kid when you first came around with Blackie and well, I sort of hated you. No, that sounds horrible,” she amended. “I was envious of you. That doesn’t sound much better but it's true. I remember thinking you were pretty but then I saw him look at you and knew that wasn’t the right word to describe you. In a world full of ugly you were his beautiful. You and Blackie, it’s like you were the definition behind that saying beauty is in the eyes of the beholder because as pretty as everyone thought you were, they knew true beauty when they looked at him and watched him stare at you. You were the beautiful reflection in his eyes…the woman who made him smile. Even now that you’re gone I still envy you but I’m not sure what it is I wish for more…. for him to look at me like he used to look at you or for me to be the one that brings back that smile.”
I had no words.
None.
She was sitting here talking to my wife, confessing her feelings for me, and I stood there invading her privacy. I should’ve made my presence known, but I remained perfectly still as my heart broke for the woman I lost and began to mend because of the girl who brought her flowers.
She blew out a breath and slowly stood up, brushing dirt from her legs.
“Anyway, I’m going to get going but before I do, since this will be my last visit, I wanted to ask a favor. I’m not real religious and I know I’m probably just sitting here talking to a stone but just in case the afterlife really exists, can you look out for him? I mean I know you do already. Of course you do, you’re his wife…but still, he needs an angel to watch over him,” she whispered. “Who better than you?”
You.
She turned around, and I silently thanked God for the sunglasses that shielded my eyes as I stared at her. Her cheeks turned red as I extended my free hand and took hers.
“How long have you been standing there?” she asked, glancing down at our joined hands.
“Long enough,” I said huskily, pulling her closer. “Lace.”
I glanced down at the flowers she had brought and then lifted my eyes back to hers.
“You brought her flowers,” I stated.
“I can explain,” she started.
“Just today?”
“No, since you’ve been in the hospital,” she explained. “I haven’t missed a Saturday,” she whispered.
I released her hand as I stared back at her for a moment then placed the flowers I was holding on top of the headstone. I ran my fingers through my hair as I paced the small area in front of Christine’s grave.
“Blackie— “
I turned to her.
“How’d you know?”
“About a year ago, me and my dad came to visit my brother’s grave, and we saw your bike. He told me you come here every Saturday and bring her flowers,” she swallowed. “I just figured— “ “Thank you,” I cut her off, closing the distance between us and wrapping my arms around her, bringing her against my chest I bent my head, pressing my lips to her head. “Thank you,” I repeated, murmuring the words into her hair.
“You’re welcome,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
I leaned back, tipped her chin upward with the pad of my thumb as she reached up and pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head.
“I get it, you know?” she whispered. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love and how much it sucks being left behind.”
She dropped her hands to my chest.
“I was five years old when I watched my brother die. I’ve been told my whole life, I was just a kid, and I didn’t really know what was going on but it’s not true. It’s the one day of my life that has stuck with me and when I think about it I can’t help blaming myself. Yeah, I was a kid, and kids are supposed to be carefree but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t call for help when their little brother is running outside. I knew better, I knew that when I couldn’t get through to my dad I should’ve went next door to the neighbor’s house,” she said as her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I’ll live the rest of my life regretting I didn’t do something to help him. And when I think how undeserving of life I am, I remember that my parents have already lost one child and I tell myself that life goes on and I have to push forward because I have people that need me.”
I took her face in my hands, bending my knees to look into her eyes.
“This world needs you in it Lace, you make it beautiful,” I rasped, leaning in and pressing my lips to hers gently. “You’re the light that makes a man want to crawl out of the darkness he worships,” I added, leaving out I was the man and she was my light.
Her lashes lowered before she peered through the fringe and back at me.
“I know you miss her. I know you blame yourself still and I also know if you could go back in time you’d trade places with her,” she said, brushing the hair away from my face before laying her palm against my cheek. “But the world, my world, it would be black without you,” she whispered. “I don’t know how it happened, and I probably never will, but you’re a big part of my life and my only wish is that you start living life again.”
I watched as she cocked her head to the side, dropped her hand and smiled slightly.
“And that maybe you’d smile again,” she added. “And if I was granted three wishes the third would be that I was the one to make you smile.”
Then she winked at me and a single tear fell from the corner of her eye.
It was that image of her that would stick with me.
The one I remembered when I drew my final breath.
A plea from her to me.
To live.
To smile.
She made me want to.
“I’m going to go,” she said, wiping away the tear with the back of her hand. “Give you some privacy but I’ll see you at my dad’s.”
I nodded because speaking wasn’t an option. If I opened my mouth, I wouldn’t recognize my voice and the words I would say would bind me to a heaven I wasn’t sure I deserved but one I wanted to live in.
I wrapped my arm around her waist and stepped toward her, bending my head to cover her mouth with mine. A gentle kiss that did what I thought only my words could do…a kiss that took me to heaven.
Chapter Seventeen
Hope.
It wasn’t the right word, but the only one that came to mind as I rang Jack’s doorbell.
For the first time since Christine’s death I felt something and allowed myself to keep on feeling. I didn’t look for a quick hit to numb me. Instead, I embraced it and wondered if I could have more.
It was a foreign concept for me, to think there was a possibility of getting more out of life than what I planned.
To live and not merely exist.
I wondered if I was capable of looking forward to the future and if I could learn not to dread it.
I wondered if I could smile again.
And for no other reason than because Lacey asked me, and I didn’t want to deny her.
I didn’t want to deny her anything, least of all any of her wishes. I wanted to be the one that made them come true.
How crazy was that?
About as crazy as thinking I can.
The door opened and Jack greeted me, tucking a cigarette behind his ear.
“You�
��re late,” he observed with a smile, moving aside allowing me room to walk inside the house.
“Shut up and be happy I came,” I mocked, brushing past him. “Where is everybody?”
“Dining room,” he said, kicking the door close. “Reina said dinner would be done in a half hour, it’s been a fucking hour,” he quipped, following me into the dining room. I stopped at the entryway and spotted Wolf, pulling the elastic band of his pants and snapping them back into place.
“You look ridiculous,” Pipe hissed.
“They’re my eating pants,” Wolf argued, diverting his eyes back to Jack who chuckled. Wolf pointed an accusing finger at him. “Laugh it up now, but when your jeans are digging into your gut, I’ll be the one laughing,” he said as he took a seat at the table and reached for the loaf of bread, tearing off a piece and handing it over to Pipe’s wife, Oksana.
“You need carbs, girl, or a fucking cow or something,” he quipped, shaking his head as he passed her the stick of butter. He turned to Pipe. “She’s all tits, man. You need to put meat on those bones, man needs something to hang on to when he’s motor boating those bad boys,” he advised.
I turned to Jack.
“How long you think we have until Pipe flips the table and knocks Wolf on his ass?” I questioned.
Jack wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leading me into the dining room before tipping his chin to the chair next to the head of the table.
“My monies on Wolf,” he said, sitting down at the head of the table.
I took the seat beside him, stretching my arm across the chair next to me and glanced around the table. Wolf, Pipe, and Oksana took the three seats across from me. Jack was at one end and I’m assuming Reina would sit at the other, leaving one seat free.
“Where is everyone else?” I asked.
“Riggs ditched us for quality time with the baby mama,” Wolf informed.
“And now that Bones don’t have a wingman anymore he’s off looking for a wifey,” Pipe added.
“You can help him with that, no?” Jack asked as he cocked his head and eyed Oksana. “Didn’t you get her off a website?”
“Ukrainian Match.com,” the red head confirmed.
“I didn’t even know you knew how to use a computer,” I commented, lifting my eyes as the kitchen door swung open and Lacey held the door open for Reina.
“Dinner is served,” Reina exclaimed happily, carrying a huge tray in her hands. “I hope everyone’s hungry.”
Lacey turned around, clutching the salad bowl as our eyes locked.
I twisted uncomfortably in my seat but kept staring at her. I didn’t care that we were surrounded by people or that her father was right next to me. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and more than that, I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
The last time we were together in front of everyone I acted like a dick.
That wasn’t an option, but neither was pulling her onto my lap and wrapping my arms around her.
Reina came up beside me and bent down to kiss my cheek.
“Glad you came,” she said before making her way to her seat.
“Thanks for this,” I mumbled, turning back to where Lacey had been standing but she had moved, placing the salad on the table before moving to the right of me.
She glanced at my arm still draped across the back of the chair. I moved it so she could pull out her chair and take a seat.
“Black,” Jack called, forcing me to look at him and take the tray of lasagna he offered.
I scooped some into my plate before turning to Lacey and holding the tray for her as she lifted the spatula and put a piece on her plate.
“Thank you,” she said, taking the tray and passing it over to Reina.
“Put your fork down, Wolf, I’m going to say a toast,” Jack commanded.
Wolf’s fork paused mid-air as he pinned Jack with an incredulous look.
“You’re fucking kidding me right?”
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Reina rose to her feet and disappeared into the kitchen a moment later she returned with a six pack of O’Toulle’s non-alcoholic beer.
I raised an eyebrow at Jack who shrugged his shoulders and gritted his teeth.
“Drink the damn shit,” he seethed.
Reina finished handing out the fake beer, and we all raised our bottles as Jack looked across the table at her.
“Got a lot to be thankful for— “
“Is he saying Grace?” Wolf whispered across Oksana to Pipe.
“Man, he doesn’t know how to pray,” Pipe mumbled.
“For fucks sake, really?” Jack ground out, raising his bottle again. “To Reina and Blackie,” he said.
“Aye!” Pipe chimed in.
“To Reina and Blackie,” Lace whispered beside me. I turned to her as her hand slid beneath the table and squeezed mine. I laced our fingers together as the pad of my thumb circled her palm.
“Cheers,” Wolf added, taking a gulp of the beer. He sloshed it around in his mouth before spitting it out. “Fuck, what is this?”
Reina grabbed a napkin and wiped the beer from her arm.
“And this is why we don’t have dinners,” Jack commented, leaning back in the chair, guzzling his fake beer.
Oksana spit the beer out and smiled.
“Cheers in America!”
“Baby, no, no, no,” Pipe cried, throwing his head into his hands.
“It’s how you do cheers in America, no?” Oksana questioned, drawing her eyebrows together in confusion as she pointed her thumb over her shoulder at Wolf. “Mr. Wolf does it,” she countered.
Lace snatched her hand away from mine, lifting it to cover her mouth as she laughed. The sound was intoxicating, and I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I felt my lips quirk slightly as she brought her free hand to her stomach and continued to laugh.
God, she was beautiful.
Really fucking beautiful.
I thought seeing her smile was the best but watching her laugh was even better.
Her head turned and her eyes widened as she stared at me.
“Is that a smile?” she whispered.
I winked at her before biting the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning fully. I peeled my eyes away from her and concentrated on the food in front of me, catching Jack’s suspicious stare from the corner of my eye.
“Oksana, what part of the Ukraine are you from?” Reina asked, clearing her throat as she stared across the table at Jack.
“The Ukraine is much big,” Oksana offered.
“Got yourself a real bright bulb there, Pipe,” Jack muttered.
“The food is delicious, Reina,” I said, swallowing. “I stand by my statement when I told you, you should wife her,” I told Jack.
“That’s the plan,” he said, looking back at her.
“Are you going to have a big wedding?” Lacey questioned.
“No, something simple,” Reina stated. “Right?” she asked Jack.
“Just tell me when and where, Sunshine, I’ll be there,” he said, winking at her.
A chime sounded beside me and Lace lifted her hips to pull her phone from her pocket. Her fingers worked ferociously on the tiny screen and continued to chime. Her teeth sank into her lower lip as she placed her phone on the table and continued eating, picking the olives out of her salad and placing them onto a napkin.
I leaned over, snatched one of the olives from her napkin and popped it into my mouth before leaning against the back of my chair and stretching my arm over the back of hers. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, trying to hide her smile as she picked more olives and placing them into my dish.
“Riggs will be sorry he missed this, Prez. I vote we plan another one of these shindigs,” Pipe said, looking at Jack who was glaring at my dish.
I met Jack’s gaze.
“I expected Bianci to be here,” I said, stabbing an olive with my fork and popping it into my mouth.
“Did you tell him what those crazy Italians did when we were off saving his ass
?” Wolf asked with his mouthful.
Jack ran his hand over his face, holding back a chuckle as he shook his head.
“His mother and Pastore’s wife turned the fucking clubhouse into a fucking trattoria,” Pipe chimed in.
“Oh come on, I thought that was nice,” Lacey argued as her phone went off three times in a row.
“You become a surgeon and forget to tell your old man?” Jack questioned, pointing his fork towards her phone. “What the hell is so urgent?”
Lacey lifted her eyes from the screen and met Jack’s gaze.
“Very funny,” she said sarcastically. “I have to go.”
“Where are you going?” I questioned.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jack asked at the same time.
Lacey answered her father, turning her attention toward him.
“Noah is pledging a fraternity, and he asked me and Daniela to go to the party,” she explained, looking over her shoulder at Reina. “I’m sorry but I promised him before I knew about the dinner.”
“They’ll be plenty more dinners,” Reina promised.
“Daniela’s outside, so I’m just going to run upstairs and change quick,” she said, pushing back her chair and grabbing her plate. She moved behind me but stopped in her tracks, leaning over my shoulder and stretching her arm out as her breasts brushed against me and she snatched her phone off the table.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
Little tease.
I watched as she stopped in front of Jack, bent down and kissed his cheek. I’m not going to lie…I was jealous as fuck and to prove it, a grunt escaped my lips.
“You’re fucked,” Pipe said, causing me to turn my attention towards him but lucky for me he was eyeing Jack.
“How so?”
“Are you serious?” Pipe scoffed.
“The idiot’s right, you’re fucked,” Wolf put his two cents in. “Got a boy who pledged a frat two years ago…them little fuckers get down, make our patch parties look like choir practice with a bunch of nuns,” he said pointedly.
I was losing my mind.
First, I was jealous of the peck Lace gave her father.
Then she mentioned this Noah character, add Wolf’s little comments, and I was the one who was fucked...not Jack.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 136
