by Louisa Neil
“I didn’t lie,” he said offhandedly. “I don’t have any prospective sex partners to go back to, but I’ll keep this for the future.”
“One potential sex partner that you don’t want to acknowledge. It’s a shame, really. Even if you and Eric don’t become fuck buddies, you’re well suited as friends.”
Alan looked to her as if she were crazy and decided she probably was a bit. He wasn’t going back to Chicago to fuck Eric.
“Anyway, they came in today, so I only have to mail Eric’s. Unless you want to drop it off to him.” Rae watched him intently and finally laughed. “I’m just kidding. I’ll mail his up. But you two would complement each other as friends. You’ll figure it out on your own.”
Alan still stared at the cock cage as she moved around the room, sweeping up crumbs and rinsing their milk glasses. She paused by the house phone and wrote something on a scrap of paper. Walking past him to turn off the kitchen light, she tucked it into his palm. “I’m ready to head back to the lodge, and that’s Eric’s e-mail. He told me I could give it to you.”
“Oh, yeah,” he finally acknowledged. “I’m gonna get going, thanks for tonight and for this.” He held up the cage. “And for the lessons,” he added. Leaning forward, he kissed her cheek and headed toward the door. If Alan knew anything, he knew when he was being chased away. She followed right behind him, turning off lights and locking the door. Now he understood why she was so careful about cleaning up the bedroom earlier.
“Travel safe, Alan. Good luck with your career hunt.”
“Thanks, Rae”—he hesitated—“for an extremely unusual vacation and the life lessons.
“I hope you find it, Alan, whatever it turns out to be.” She waved and started walking toward the lodge at a brisk pace, Thor beside her.
Alan walked back to his cottage at a much slower pace. One hand held the scrap of paper with Eric’s address. The other hand was pushed in his front jeans pocket along with the cock cage.
The next morning, after checking the navigation system and setting the mirrors and seats, he saw no reason not to get started, yet he hesitated. When he left the island and got to the main road, he looked left and then right. Finally, he headed north, shifting in the seat and turning his attention to the road and the vehicle. It took him four days to get back to Chicago. The secondary roads he took wound through smaller towns with more traffic and lights, not to mention school busses at certain times of the day. He enjoyed the way the vehicle handled, but it was just another vehicle. Even though it was new, he didn’t hold any enthusiasm for it. He understood it would be a hindrance to park the large vehicle in most places in Chicago.
His apartment was the same, only with a thicker layer of dust than when he’d left. He opened a bottle of beer and pored over the mail that had accumulated. He was stiff and tired, but his mind was wired. Within an hour, all the bills and garbage mail had been dealt with. He had a large stack of magazines that he tossed on the sofa in the living room. After a quick shower, he ordered a pizza to be delivered and started going through the magazines.
For several days, he went through the motions of everyday life, trying to find a pattern. He used the health club facilities each day but only as something to do to kill time. He wandered around the city, window shopping and actually looking at the architecture of the buildings. He spent several days wandering the paths around the lake. That night, at home with another take-out meal, he checked his e-mail. He sat back when he realized the only one that interested him was from Eric. In an attempt to kill time, he dealt with the rest of them, deleting most, only giving terse answers to old friends asking about his vacation. Then he opened Eric’s.
Welcome home. How was the drive? Rae said she gave you the same present she sent me. What a woman! I’m around if you want to grab a drink or meal one night. Eric.
Alan sat back and knew he had to make a decision. Any contact with Eric might lead him on about continuing their sexual encounters. Yet he didn’t want to just write the man off. Hell, Alan decided, he was the only male he had anything in common with. Rae had been right. They would make good friends. And right about now he could use a friend, one who wouldn’t tell him everything would work itself out in time. Yet he still wasn’t sure how he’d answer if Eric asked him about sex.
“What the hell,” he said aloud, and finally typed his answer.
Hi, you’re right. Rae is an amazing woman. I’m up for a drink. Let me know what’s good for you and where. Alan.
He decided in a public place if things got uncomfortable, he could leave. For the rest of the night, he lay on the living room sofa, flipping channels, wondering what he really would do if another encounter was offered. Then it struck him. Would he be the one to initiate an encounter? His cock hardened, and he hated Rae for opening a door and pushing him through. He’d never walked through it on his own, but for Rae it just seemed natural. Alan pulled up his T-shirt and stroked his cock. He kept reliving that last night with Rae, how the machine did most of the work for them, how tight her butt was. How her tits jangled with the clamps and vibrators hanging from them. He came on his belly and let himself drift off to sleep.
The next morning was an instant repeat of last night, only with hot coffee in a mug on the table. He had the news on the television and jerked his cock until he came, again using Rae as his catalyst. This time, though, he was remembering how it felt to be licking her and having his cock sucked by Eric. After a shower and a run along the lake, he came back to his home and instantly hated the place. It felt temporary, was temporary. He’d wasted enough time on nothing. It was time to find out where his future lay.
His computer sat on the coffee table, all but taunting him to check his mail. When he did, there was one from Eric.
Drinks tonight, six o’clock at Dugans. See you there.
Alan didn’t respond to the mail, but he knew he’d show up.
Chapter Fourteen
Alan sat at the bar with a cold mug of beer in front of him. He glanced at the televisions recounting last night’s games and kept looking around the bar at the people filing in after work. Just a short time before, he would have been one of them, loosening his tie and peeling off his suit jacket. Back then he would have ordered bourbon on the rocks, tossed back the first one in two gulps and ordered a second to enjoy. Tonight he was thankful he wasn’t one of these people, trying to forget a crappy day at the office. He saw Eric arrive and hesitate in the doorway until his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. He didn’t wave him over, instead waited until Eric saw him and nodded. He watched Eric weave his way through the crowded space until he was finally beside him at the bar.
“Hey,” he said, his voice almost breathless. He nodded to the bartender, pointed to Alan’s drink, and finally let out a deep breath.
“Tough day?” Alan asked, suddenly at a loss for conversation. After all, the only thing they had in common was Rae and sex, neither topic he wanted to broach in this particular location.
“They all are lately,” Eric told him, downing his first drink and ordering a second. Alan held back a smile at the action he knew so intimately. “I didn’t realize it would be so crowded in here tonight. Then again, it’s been ages since I stopped for a drink on the way home.”
“Too much work?”
“Not enough ambition anymore. I’m turning into Rae. People annoy me in general. When we’re packed in like this, the noise gets in my head and I can’t think clearly.”
“I’ve decided I’m just too old to enjoy the bar scene.” Alan tried to laugh, but it came out more as a groan than laughter. “How’s life since you left the island?”
“Surprisingly busy for this time of year. I feel like that vacation was years ago instead of a month.”
“I’ve only been home a few weeks, but it isn’t the same.”
“Are you interested in grabbing a burger? If so we should find a table before we end up eating standing up.”
“Yeah, I don’t cook anymore.” Alan tossed a few b
ills on the bar, grabbed the rest of his drink, and wove his way through the crowd, following Eric to a table in the rear. It was quieter but still busy. Surprisingly, he enjoyed his time over the meal with the other man. Their conversation flowed easily around the market, the cooling weather, and sports teams that were already disappointing before their season was in full swing.
Outside, the night had turned cool. Alan suddenly felt like he was leaving a date, unsure how to make that final move away.
“Glad to see you again, Alan,” Eric said, pulling his jacket tighter around him. “I’m home Sunday if you want to stop by and watch the game. It’s the one day of the week I hardly ever go out, and I usually cook.”
“I’m not sure,” Alan hesitated. “I mean—”
“I know what you mean. No preconceived notions. A pot of chili and the game. From there, life will go on.” Eric checked his watch. “I’m exhausted and heading home. Think about Sunday. Rae keeps telling me I need to find more male friends, and she’s decided we’re compatible.” Eric smiled. “No pressure, I’ll e-mail you my address.” Before Alan could comment, Eric was gone, heading toward the corner where a bus was nearing the stop.
Alan walked home, the brisk winds keeping him awake. His mind was wandering again, wondering if he could just be one of the guys with Eric or if things would go beyond. He worried about it for three days and finally decided not to go. Yet Sunday afternoon, he found himself at Eric’s apartment door with a six-pack in hand.
He knocked before he could change his mind. Eric opened the door almost immediately. Alan saw the phone to his ear. He motioned for Alan to come in and shut it behind him.
“I’m sorry, Rae. I know Charlie can be difficult. You just have to continue to be strong no matter how many investors he invites and remind him and them that you are in charge of the island, the renovations, and the money.”
Alan wandered into the living room, purposely to get away from the conversation Eric was having with Rae. He put the beer on the coffee table and walked to the window overlooking the lake. It was a similar view as his, only from the other side of the lake.
“Sorry about that. Rae’s at her wit’s end. Charlie invited a group of investors to check out his fish farm idea, all-expenses paid. She’s fit to be tied, and I don’t mean that in a good way.”
“Doesn’t he realize the position that puts her in?”
“Of course he does, but he figures one of these days he’ll wear her down and he’ll get his fish farm.” Eric grabbed two beers from the cardboard container and handed one to Alan. “Unfortunately, if Rae ever said yes, by the time it would get started, Charlie would be bored and onto another project, leaving her to deal with the whole thing.”
“Isn’t there anything she can do about him?”
“He’s still her father, and she still feels she owes him that respect. But I can tell you, the more he does things like this, the less she feels toward him.” Eric dropped on one end of the sofa that faced the television and nodded to Alan. “Make yourself at home. The chili is ready whenever you’re hungry. Cheers.” He opened his beer and took a long pull.
For Alan, the uncomfortable feelings he kept thinking about never appeared. Eric was a good host, easygoing, and only cursed at the television on occasion. Soon Alan realized he was comfortable, his belly full of beer and chili. When the game ended, neither man really cared which team won.
“I guess I should get going, let you relax before the week starts.”
“Alan, when you sold your business, did you realize you’d be at loose ends for so long?”
“Actually, no. I figured I’d do all the things I always claimed I would do with more time. Problem is, I have the time, but those things don’t interest me anymore. Kind of a catch-22. I guess we always wish for what we can’t have.”
“Can I tell you something in confidence? I know we’re not lifelong friends, but I don’t want to discuss this with certain people until I make a decision, and that includes Rae.”
Alan sat forward and put his empty bottle on the table. “What’s up?”
“My firm is being sold. I have to decide if I want to take the buyout or go with the new company.”
“At least you seem to have a choice. I didn’t want to sell, but a hostile takeover would have made things worse.”
“That’s kind of how I feel about this. If I stay, I’ll always be the guy from the old days. Problem is, if I do take the buyout, what do I do with the rest of my life? I don’t want to go back to a private practice. Like I’ve said before, people annoy me, and as their personal accountant, well, you have to get to know them almost too well. I don’t know how Rae did it all those years. I just don’t know what direction to head.”
“I’m sorry, Eric. I do understand how you feel, probably more than most people would. However, I haven’t found the right thing for me yet. I’m not a good one to ask about restarting your life. Hell, I hate my apartment except for the view, but to buy a home someplace, well, I guess I should figure out what I want to do before relocating.”
“We’re luckier than most these days. At least we’re both financially set. It’s not like I’m getting fired, just taking an early retirement.”
Alan laughed heartily. “I looked at it from that perspective for a while, too. But I’m still looking and haven’t a clue. The one thing I can tell you is I would find it difficult to go back to a job where I’d have to answer to someone else. Once you’re the boss, it kinda gets in your blood.”
“I only had to answer to the board, but that was enough at times.”
“How long do you have?”
“I’ll work until the first of the year, then slip away quietly, either into the new organization or the unknown.”
“That’s going to make these last few months difficult. You’ll show up every day, do your job, and know nobody really cares, unless they need someone to yell at.”
“That, too, but I’m sworn to secrecy. I can’t even give my personal staff a heads up at this point. The new company structure hasn’t decided which employees they’ll keep and which they’ll eliminate.”
“Which makes you feel guilty working with them. At some point they’re going to realize you knew for months and didn’t give them a heads-up.”
“Yeah.” Eric stared blankly at the television.
“Rae was right. We are alike in many ways.”
“Rae is always right. It’s the most frustrating thing about her.”
“Did she…”
“Did she what?”
“Never mind.” Alan suddenly thought better of bringing her up in conversation.
“Come on, you can’t start a sentence and then expect me not to be curious.”
“It’s just that she sent me home with a gift.” Alan wasn’t expecting Eric to burst out laughing.
“Sorry, I was remembering the day I came home from work and found mine in the mail.” Eric hesitated and stared at Alan. “Did you try yours?”
“No. I put it away and forgot about it until today.”
“Are you wondering if we should try them together, or was it just that I reminded you of her?”
“I guess being on the phone with her when I came in brought it to mind.”
“Well, I tried mine with a dildo, but I think it would work much better with a live cock.”
“Did it get you off?”
“Yeah, but I had to keep a movie on, picturing it was being used by the guy on screen. Truthfully, I finally had my best orgasm when I pictured Rae using it on me with a strap on.”
“That I hadn’t thought about, but it’s an image I’ll carry with me now.” Alan smiled and sat back, relaxing. “Now that you mention it, I bet Rae has.”
“Are you interested in trying it out? We’re alone, and nobody would ever have to know, including Rae. The way I figure it, we’re adults and allowed to have private lives. I don’t tell Rae everything.”
“I’m not sure, Eric. It was different with Rae as a buffer between us.�
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“Except for that next morning.” Eric sat forward. “Does the male-on-male sex need to be a surprise for you to consider yourself still a man, or is bi starting to fit you?”
“I don’t honestly know. Since I left the island, sex has been out of my mind.”
“It’s always on my mind.” Eric stood and started to gather up their used dishes.”
“I’ll give you a hand before I go,” Alan said, putting the empty beers back in the holder and carrying them to the kitchen. He stood in the doorway watching Eric straighten up.
Alan decided he was a handsome man and he enjoyed his company, but was he ready to go male completely? “What do you have in mind, Eric? I’m still not sure how far I’m comfortable going.”
“What would you say to something similar to our last time? I’ll suck you off, and you can fuck me?’
“I don’t know. It still seems unfair somehow, yet I’ve never really wanted to suck dick.”
“Come with me for a moment,” Eric said, and tossed the dish towel aside.
Alan followed him, but with reservations. “Eric, I’m…” He stopped talking when he saw Eric’s bedroom. The television in the living room was large. The one in the bedroom was huge. Eric stood on the far side of the room and hit buttons on the remote, bringing the screen to life. Alan stood cemented to the spot watching what came on the screen.
It was a movie of two men, both very masculine, but one was lying on a bed while the other sucked his cock. “Christ, they’re almost life-size,” he said offhandedly.
“I know,” Eric said, and dropped onto the side of the bed. Alan knew the moment he took a step forward he was sealing his fate. With the second step, he looked from the screen to Eric. “This is private, Alan, not even Rae would have to know. Preferably, I’d rather she didn’t.”
“Why?” Alan took another step closer to the bed, staring at the screen, enthralled at how the man was sucking the other. He straightened when the man on top lifted the other man’s balls and began licking his anus. He blinked, and when he looked again, the man lying had two fingers up his butt, his cock back in the other man’s mouth.
