“Yes, but good strange, if you understand me. It’s like…” I floundered for the right words. “One of those paintings from Vilkora, with all the garish colours. Everything is so bright.”
Xando smiled at my inadequate explanation, and I realised with a spear of guilt that I hadn’t seen him smile in an age.
“I notice he’s not offering the stuff to us,” Renni snapped.
“Do you want to try it?” Zak said. “You can, if you like.” There was something about his manner – an eagerness, perhaps. Yes, he would see this as an opportunity. He could get the two of them relaxed and find out their intentions, as he had with me. And Renni, poor, simple Renni, was playing into his hands.
Xando hesitated, but Renni scoffed at him, calling him a coward. He glanced at me, but whether for reassurance or approval, I couldn’t tell. In the end, he shrugged, and Zak fetched the bag and rolled small amounts for the two Tre’annatha, and a larger ball for himself.
“Right, how about a game of dragon stones?” Zak said cheerfully, for all the world as if he hadn’t been threatening to kill Xando and Renni only moments before.
I laughed at him, but I was relieved that the awkward discussion was now behind us. I was exhausted in body but my mind could do with the distraction.
“Not you,” I said to him. “You’re a terrible player. Xando and I will play, and you can watch and learn.”
He chuckled at the insult, but made no protest. It rather spoiled the game, though, since every third play he wanted to know why I’d moved those particular stones and what I was trying to accomplish, so there was no possibility of a clever strategy. However, halfway through the first game, the hassalma began to hit Xando and Renni, and after that it hardly mattered. Renni was giggly and Xando stared wide-eyed around the room, absorbing the new depth to colours and textures. I couldn’t get him focused on the stones again, and after a while he got up and prowled about, touching everything and exclaiming in his own language.
Zak caught my gaze and rolled his eyes dramatically, making me laugh. He helped me put the stones away, and we laid out bread and cheese for fourth table. That at least induced Xando to sit down again, even though all he did was crumble the bread and cut the cheese into smaller and smaller pieces, with intense concentration. I smiled at his simple pleasure in the task. This was so much better, with everyone relaxed and enjoying life, even Renni. Zak was smiling too, and I began to hope that he wouldn’t turn away from me tonight.
“It’s getting late,” I said. “Shall we go to bed?”
“Ah,” Zak said. “Now, I have some thoughts on that. I’ve been very selfish, Allandra, stealing you away from Xando, and I feel bad about that. Why don’t you two take the bedroom from now on?”
34: Awake
Zak wanted me to sleep with Xando? He might as well have kicked me in the stomach. I could barely breathe, and I certainly couldn’t speak. How could he do this to me? He knew how I felt. He didn’t reciprocate, but that didn’t matter – it had been good, hadn’t it? Why was he rejecting me?
But Xando’s face lit up like the moon, hope flaring in an instant. He quickly brought it under control, lowering his eyes. “Whatever Allandra wants,” he murmured.
“Whatever Allandra wants!” Renni said happily, and giggled.
Everyone knew perfectly well what I wanted. There was no secret about it. I wanted Zak lying beside me, gazing at me with his dark eyes crinkled at the corners, his long hair spread over the pillow where I could run my hands through it. I didn’t mind what we did – I wouldn’t force the issue if he didn’t want to – but I wanted so badly to be near him, to look at him, to touch him. Even if all he did was sleep, I could gaze at his long lashes resting against his cheek, and soak up his masculine beauty.
And yet – I wondered about his motives. He’d deliberately enticed me – his own word – into his bed to extract information while I was drugged and relaxed. He’d wanted me to fall in love with him, I suppose, just like all the other women he seduced. He’d been quick to give Xando and Renni the hassalma, too. And why push Xando and me together again? Had he finished with me? Or was he planning to seduce Renni? I was suspicious of him now.
But he wasn’t my enemy. Whatever lies or smooth deceptions he might practise on the surface, I could see the truth in his mind. When I’d told him I planned to restore the Empire, there was no mistaking his surge of exultation. Whatever he was up to, it might not be for my benefit or his own, but it would certainly be for the good of Mesanthia. So however much I wanted to scream and weep and cling to him, perhaps he had his reasons for pushing me away.
Then there was Xando. I was glad he couldn’t read my mind at that moment, for he would be horribly hurt. No, actually, he must know it already. That was why he was so quick to defer to my wishes. Generous Xando. How could I deny him this, when he was such a good friend to me? And to be honest, a peaceful night in Xando’s arms would do me the world of good. No sex, no emotional upheaval, just quiet companionship. And lots of untroubled sleep.
So I smiled and agreed to it, and was rewarded by the delight in Xando’s face. We went through to the bedroom and let the curtain fall. Beyond it, I heard Zak’s low rumble and Renni’s higher voice, giggling, with the clatter of plates as they tidied up. In here, however, we had our own private world.
It was a long time before I could get Xando focused. He wanted to touch everything, from the polished wood furnishings to the weave of the basket chair to the rugs on the floor. Even when I’d persuaded him over to the bed, he discovered the silk sheets and that set him off all over again. But eventually he allowed me to undress him; if I’d left it to him it would never have been done. I scrambled out of my own clothes, all but my shirt, and climbed into bed. He was still chattering away, half in his own language, half in High Mesanthian, sitting on the edge of the bed, touching everything within reach.
My leg was within reach, it seemed. There was the same fire as with Zak, but more subdued with less hassalma in me. More manageable. It was still glorious, though, so I lay and let Xando run one finger at a time along my shin and then up my thigh. It made me shiver with pleasure. I closed my eyes, and imagined it was Zak beside me.
Then Xando lifted my shirt and the finger drifted upwards. My eyes shot open. It was something he would never have dreamt of doing under other circumstances, but the hassalma had loosed the constraints of propriety. It was arousing for me, but it meant nothing to him, I reminded myself. He was exploring me, that was all, in exactly the same way that he’d explored the room. And if he got some sensual enjoyment out of that, I could hardly deny him. He would never know any other kind of pleasure, after all.
“Would you like me to take my shirt off?”
“Yes. Please. If you have no objection.” His drift back to High Mesanthian made me smile.
I slithered out of it, and to my surprise he took his shirt off, too. That was a mistake, because it made me all the more regretful for Zak’s muscles. Xando was not well-built around the chest. Or anywhere.
Finally he lay down beside me, and began his delicate touching around my breasts. It was lovely. I closed my eyes again, and sank into the ocean of sensations that the hassalma generated. He touched my nipple, oh so gently, and I sighed with delight.
I felt his breath warm against my breast, and then he must have licked the nipple, because there was a glorious explosion of fire. I moaned a little.
He made a strange strangled sound, and pulled back abruptly. I opened my eyes. “What is it? Is something wrong? I don’t mind, you know. It’s all right.”
His eyes were wide, but I couldn’t tell if he was horrified or amazed. Shocked certainly. “Something…” Another gargle. “Look!”
He pointed down, and at first I had no idea what he meant. Then I saw it – the beginnings of an erection.
I shot upright. “Demons! You’re… you’re… what is it? Awakened! By the One, Xando, the hassalma has awakened you.”
“But it is… I mean, I thoug
ht… What it is supposed to look like? It feels strange. Is this normal?”
“Well, it has some way to go yet, but we can work on that. May I?”
I reached out towards him, but he covered it with his hands. “Sanya! I hardly think… but then, you washed me, sometimes, so I suppose…”
I laughed a little. “This is what lovers do, Xando.”
His face softened. “Hyi. Will you call me Hyi? Since we are alone.”
“Lie down, Hyi, and let’s see what we can do, eh?”
Obediently he did, and I tried a few things and in no time he had a pretty clear idea of what was normal. After that, he seemed to know what to do without any help.
I’d like to say that it was a wonderfully thrilling night of passion, but for me, it really wasn’t. I suppose he had some catching up to do, and I didn’t mind the number of times he jumped on me, if only I’d had just a little part of his pleasure. I was shut out from his desire, and I didn’t know how to awaken my own, no matter how many times he climbed on top of me. And it seemed churlish, on such a momentous night for him, to be concerned about myself. There will be other nights, I told myself, as he reached the heights yet again.
Eventually, with the sky already beginning to lighten, he fell into an exhausted sleep. Despite everything, my mind was too busy to sleep, and I was too disconnected and restless to lie still beside his sleeping form. Solitude would calm me down. I slipped out of bed, pulled on my shirt and crept out, tiptoeing through the cabin to avoid waking Renni and Zak. I jumped ashore, and went round to the far side of the horse’s barn, sitting with my back against the wooden wall looking out over the second canal. The vines beyond were shrouded in mist, giving the grey pre-dawn gloom a damp chill. That suited my mood.
My unnaturally heightened senses had diminished much earlier this time, although I was still shut in my own mental world. Perhaps that was the last thing to shift back to normality. So I didn’t know Zak was nearby until his head popped round the corner of the hut, a wide grin splitting his face.
My heart lurched at the sight of him. Even though I’d told myself I wanted to be alone, my treacherous heart knew me better. I smiled in response, and he folded himself down beside me.
“Sorry,” I said, still grinning like an idiot. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I was already awake. How about you – sleep well?”
He was gently prodding for information, I knew that. I wondered how many times in the past I’d mistaken such a question for polite enquiry.
I sighed. Sleep well? If only I had. “Not yet.”
I told him all about Xando. For a fleeting moment, I considered keeping such a personal matter private. But Xando could hardly be unchanged by what had happened. I don’t think he appreciated at all the enormity of the step he had taken. He was a different person entirely now, and that couldn’t be kept secret.
Zak was astonished. “I had no idea Tre’annatha were so – so peculiar. No wonder you… Well, it makes a lot of things clearer. But you didn’t enjoy it.” It was a statement, not a question, so I said nothing. “He will learn, you know. You can… teach him.”
I knew that. But it wasn’t what I wanted. A tear slid down my cheek, but I brushed it away.
Zak took my hand. No fire; the hassalma was gone.
“Allandra…” His voice was warm with sympathy. “I don’t want you to hanker after me. It would be… a waste of time. I had someone, once. A long time ago. He’s gone, now, but I’ll never forget him and… I don’t think I can ever love that way again.” His voice wavered slightly. “Do you understand?”
Numbly, I nodded. But it was better. At least it wasn’t just me he was rejecting, it was everyone. And at that moment, with my hand resting in his, aware of his body next to mine, his dark eyes fixed on me, I was content. He was here. He would never love me, but he was here.
“How about your night?” I said, when I’d composed myself. “Did you get what you wanted from Renni?”
He laughed. “Ah, you’re getting cynical.”
“Just getting to know you better.”
“Hmm. Well, it was a productive evening, although sadly the hassalma didn’t have the same effect on her. Although, perhaps if I’d tried… well, no matter. Yes, I got what I wanted. She is loyal to Xando, it seems, and not allied to the Tre’annatha authorities. They are both outsiders, did you know that?”
“Of him, yes. I didn’t know about her. I never liked her enough to talk to her, frankly.”
“Ah, now that is a mistake. Always know who people report to. Although…” His eyes narrowed, alert suddenly. “I suppose you already knew that? With your mind-seeing thing.”
“Sometimes. I can tell when people lie.”
“I’ve never lied to you… Oh. You know that.”
I smiled at him. “Yes. I know that we are on the same side. The others don’t matter, because even if they come to Hurk Hranda, they will not be able to stay there. Not once I enter the palace. But you will.”
A grin. “Ah! So you will need my help. Excellent.”
“It will make life easier. Will you help me?”
“Of course. Can you see that I mean that?”
“No, the hassalma hasn’t quite worn off yet.”
“Oh.” He frowned. “But…?” He lifted up my hand. “The other effects have gone, I can tell. But your ability to see minds hasn’t returned?”
I shook my head, my gut twisting in fear. It had caused me grief for most of my life, but I couldn’t imagine being without it permanently. It was part of my nature. And what of my connection to fire? If that had gone, too, I’d be defenceless. We stared at each other.
“This isn’t good,” he said flatly.
I was too tired to worry about it. Perhaps if I got some sleep, everything would be back to its usual state when I woke. I went back to bed, crawling in beside Xando’s still form, and was asleep in a heartbeat.
~~~~~
The heat woke me, sticky and still, not a breath of air from the windows, even though the barge was moving steadily. I washed away the sweat clinging to me, but the water was warm on my skin. Still no awareness of Zak or Renni, just my flickers, humming to themselves.
In the cabin, Zak was alone, poring over the map. He gave me one of his heart-stopping smiles. “Ah! Feeling better?”
“A little. Hot.”
“It is, yes. It’s so humid here. Mesanthia is much more comfortable. Are you… back to normal?” He waved his hand vaguely in the area of his head.
“What’s normal?” I shrugged. “No. Still nothing. But you said it can take a while.”
“Yes, but…” He chewed his lip thoughtfully, then gave me a rather forced smile. “Well, maybe. And connections… the effect may be different.”
I didn’t want to think about that. “If you’re down here, who’s captain of the ship?”
He laughed. “Renni has the rudder. I sent Xando to walk with the horse. He was driving me crazy, jabbering away about you and his night of pleasure. Couldn’t get him to shut up. And Renni’s the opposite, not speaking to us at all.”
“Ah, the blessings of the One are manifold,” I murmured, and although he shook his head at me, he laughed too. It made me warm inside when I could make him laugh. “What’s the map for? Are we lost?”
Another generous smile. “Hardly! No branches at all along here. No, we’re nearly at the toll house, no more than an hour or so away. I was just checking the tolls and rules for this canal. And then we’ll be at the Coastway, and a clear run down to Graendar and home.”
Home! His face shone, and although I couldn’t read his mind, I knew he felt the same way I did. We would soon be at Mesanthia, and although I wouldn’t be staying long, my heart warmed at the thought of it.
Soon after leaving the toll house behind, we stopped for the noon meal. It was hard to imagine a more awkward atmosphere. Xando was still bubbling over with joy in his new experiences, and spent the whole time with one arm wrapped around my waist, nuzz
ling my neck. Renni, on the other hand, sulked and glowered at me. Zak was entertained by it all. Sometimes I wished he would put Renni in her place, something he could do very easily. If I said anything, it sounded petulant.
But that day, Renni’s constant grumbling got under my skin. I’d had a distressing day or two, that must be my excuse, and probably it was being pawed by Xando that irritated me more, but it was Renni who took the brunt of it. She asked Xando to pass her something, with one of her snide comments: “If you could possibly take your hands off her for a moment, that is.” It was just too much.
“Oh, by the One! Can’t you just shut up for once!”
“Yes, of course, o great one! Naturally I will say nothing, just sit idly by and watch you ruin my best friend. Do you realise what you have done to him? You have brought him down to your level, reduced him to nothing but animal lusts and appetites. Look at him! He has not a rational thought in his head. All he can think of is… is disgusting things!”
“There’s nothing disgusting about it,” I yelled back at her. “It’s normal, perfectly normal. Everybody does it.”
“Well, I do not. And he should not either, but now he has been corrupted and I have to sit here and watch—”
“No, you don’t. Nobody forced you to come along, nobody’s forcing you to stay. You can take off anytime you like, and it can’t be soon enough for me.”
There was a stunned silence. Renni stared at me, aghast, and even Zak was solemn-faced.
Xando unwound himself from around me. “Allandra, you should not—”
I couldn’t stop myself. “And that goes for you, too. What are you even here for, either of you?”
With that I stormed out of the cabin.
For a while I paced up and down the canalside, fuming. But through my anger, something niggled at my mind. My flickers – they were fine, a little agitated by my distress but not unusually so. No, something else.
Another tingle of something in my mind, stronger this time. A burst of amusement. It was gone again within a heartbeat, but my spirits soared. At last, the hassalma was wearing off and my ability would be restored. And I recognised that mind, the constant bubble of laughter.
The Magic Mines of Asharim Page 33
