by B. B. Hamel
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“So you don’t know what you fucking want right now. Give it some time before you piss the girl off.”
“Guess so.”
“Being a father isn’t all that hard. Just be better than your dad.”
“Never had one.”
“Bar isn’t high then.” Lucas nodded and then turned and walked away.
That bastard. So damn smug. But he did have a point. I had only just found out about the kid. Maybe I’d change my mind. And I definitely didn’t want Kaley to sulk around all the damn time.
I pushed open the door and saw Rafa sitting at the table, a bag opened in front of him.
“Rafa?” I asked.
“Boss,” he said, “look.” He held the bag up and showed me the cash inside it.
I laughed. “Yeah. The mob comes through again.”
“Should we go visit our Chinese friend?”
“I think we should.”
I got out my phone and made a few calls.
An hour later, we were back in Chinatown.
Normally, I’d meet with Bao with only a few guys, maybe even just Rafa, but after last night, I wasn’t taking any chances. We were three cars deep again, each car filled with thugs armed to the teeth.
We pulled up out front of Bao’s dry cleaning place, though this time he expected me. I climbed out with Rafa on my heels, the other guys spreading out in front of the building.
We went inside, and the same woman looked up at us, almost bored.
“He expecting you,” she said. “In back.”
I nodded and we walked past her. The racks of clothes stretched back and the place smelled like a closet full of chemicals. Rafa was close on my heels, carrying two bags full of cash.
Toward the back there was an open door and some stairs that led up. I glanced back at Rafa and had a bad feeling about this. If we were walking into an ambush, this was the perfect place to spring it on us.
“Bao?” I called out.
“Up here,” he said. “Come on.”
“Boss,” Rafa warned, “I don’t like this. Why not meet out front?”
“Shit,” I said. “Come on. Let’s go.”
I took a step and began to walk up the stairs.
Part of me was sure we were walking into a trap. I didn’t know why the Chinese would want to work with the Russians, especially when we had so much money wrapped up in our deal already, but crazier shit had happened.
Finally, we reached the top of the stairs. I paused and almost laughed at what I saw.
Bao was sitting in the middle of the room holding a baby. He smiled as Rafa and I walked into the little room.
“Sorry about this,” he said. “I’m babysitting.”
“Are you joking?” I asked him.
“I joke not,” he said. “My son’s daughter, Jane. He gave her an American name, of course, just to annoy me to no end.”
I laughed. “She’s adorable.”
“Well yes, of course. She’s my flesh.” He bounced her a little bit on his knee and made some cooing noises.
“We have your money,” I said.
“Good. Then you can have your guns.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow. We’ll drop them right at your compound.”
I frowned at that. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
He waved me off. “It’s fine. This money guarantees no problems. And you can check the truck before it enters the property. Hell, we’ll drop it at the gate and leave.”
“Fine,” I said.
“Put it over there,” he said, pointing at a chair. I nodded at Rafa and he placed the bags down.
“How do you do that?” I asked Bao.
“Do what?”
“Take care of her, doing what you do.”
He cocked his head at me. “You mean, how do I take care of a child while I am in the Chinese mob?”
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“It’s easy,” he said. “Just because my job is violence and pain doesn’t mean my whole life must be.”
I frowned at him and wanted to ask more, but I was intensely aware of Rafa waiting near the stairs. I paused for another second and then turned to leave.
“Vincent,” Bao said, “one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“This war with the Russians. I was instructed to tell you that we will not be taking sides.”
I nodded. “Fine.”
“But between us? Make this war fast. My organization is not interested in needless bloodshed.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Bao.”
I turned and left, Rafa heading down the stairs ahead of me.
Once we were down and back through the shop, Rafa looked back at me. “What was that about up there?” he asked.
“What?”
“The kid stuff.”
I shook my head. “None of your fucking business.”
“This is about your new son,” he said. “You having some problems?”
“Rafa, you keep pushing and I’ll break your fucking teeth.”
He grinned. “Okay, boss.”
We got back into the cars and the crew rolled out, heading toward the compound.
Chapter 23
Kaley
I couldn’t stop thinking about Vince all that night.
I didn’t want to. I wanted to forget about him, accept his offer of money and just move on with my life. As soon as the war ended, I kept telling myself, I’d get off the compound and move away. I’d forget about Vince.
But I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was everywhere, in everything I did. Every time I looked at Alexei, I saw Vince. I heard the words he said to me back in that garden.
Expectations never failed to let us down, because expectations never mirrored reality. Our expectations were always filtered through our own distorted sense of self, our own distorted sense of the world, and our own distorted beliefs. And still it was always painful when our expectations were shattered and destroyed.
The cart came with my breakfast and I feed Alexei while watching TV. For a few minutes, I forgot that I was a single mother in the middle of a gang war, disowned by her family but also hunted by them at the same time. Instead, I pretended like I was sitting in a five-star hotel.
After ten minutes of that fantasy, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I called out, assuming it was Sonya.
I needed to stop assuming. Vince stepped inside, smirking at me. “Morning, mommy,” he said.
I made a face. “Oh god, no. Don’t.”
He laughed. “Okay, fine. Princess.”
“Better, but not much.”
“How’s it going?”
I shrugged. “Fine. What do you need?”
“Listen for a second.” He walked over and sat across from me, his muscles stretching and flexing as he sat. He wore a tight black T-shirt and jeans that fit him just right.
“Okay,” I said, confused.
“I saw something yesterday, and it made me want to try something.”
“Look, Vince, I’m not sure I’m into the weird stuff.”
He laughed. “Please, princess. If I wanted to fuck you, I’d fuck you any damn way I pleased.”
I blushed. “What do you want then?”
He held out his arms and looked at Alexei. “Can I?”
I paused, surprised. “Uh, sure.”
I stood up and walked Alexei over, placing him down in Vince’s arms.
Vince laughed. “He moves around a lot.”
“He’s just exploring the world.” I sat back down on the couch, eyeing him strangely. “Is this the only reason you’re here?”
He shrugged, watching Alexei. I sat in silence as Vince bounced Alexei and looked at him, Alexei staring back up at him. And then Alexei smiled, and Vince smiled, and I felt something very, very strange inside me.
Vince looked back up at me. “Yeah, this is why I’m here.”
“What could you have possibly seen th
at made you want to hold Alex?”
“Just a Chinese gangster with his granddaughter.”
“Oh,” I said. “I see.”
Although I didn’t, not really.
“Why don’t you let me watch Alex for a little while?” he asked.
“Uh, I don’t know about that. Can you handle it?”
“Sure,” he said. “If I have a problem, I’ll call Sonya.”
“Where should I go?”
“Actually, Lucas’s wife was looking for you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“She said you had met already, asked me to send you to her room when you’re ready.”
“Oh,” I said, completely shocked and mystified. “This is a really weird morning.”
He laughed. “Yeah. No fucking shit.”
“Well, you’re sure you’re okay?”
“Fine. Just go. I’ll call Sonya if I need help.”
“Okay.” I stood up, staring at the two of them. Vince laughed and Alexei squirmed, smiling up at him. “Okay,” I said again. “Have fun I guess.”
Vince grunted at me, and I turned and walked toward the door. I put my hand on the knob, my stomach a knot of uncertainty.
This was what I wanted. So why did it feel so strange?
I turned the knob and left the room, letting the door shut behind me.
I had just left my son alone with his father, his gangster, killer father who yesterday said he wanted nothing to do with Alexei, and who now suddenly wanted to babysit. It was a pretty intense one-eighty turn, but I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t happy about it.
I took a deep breath. Alexei was going to be just fine. Vince would call Sonya if something went wrong.
I began to walk down the hall, hoping he’d call her anyway. Just in case.
I found the door to Nat’s room standing open. “Hello?” I called out as I went inside.
“Come in.”
I saw Nat standing in the kitchen.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey yourself. Wine?”
I walked over to her and laughed. “Sure, okay.”
She poured me a little glass of white wine. “One good thing about being around Italians,” she said, “is the wine.”
“I’m so glad I’m not pregnant anymore.”
Nat laughed. “Right? You can’t do any fun things.”
“I still can’t, not really. I have to be careful how much coffee I drink. Shouldn’t have too much alcohol either. It’ll get into the breast milk.”
Nat nodded. “Men don’t understand. They can drink whatever they want.”
“Vince is far away from understanding,” I said. “Although he’s watching Alexei right now.”
Nat raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know why, but I guess he saw something that made him want to spend time with Alex.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I really don’t know,” I said honestly.
Nat leaned up against the counter. “What do you think about him?”
“Can I be honest?”
“Of course.”
“He’s an arrogant asshole.”
Nat laughed, nodding. “Sounds about right.”
“But I love being around him. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before.”
“Yeah,” Nat said softly. “I know just what you mean.”
“He told me just recently that he has no interest in being a father to Alexei.”
“And now he’s babysitting?”
I nodded. “The man is all over the place.”
“Give him time. He’ll come around.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Vince had a hard life,” she said. “He didn’t have a father, and he probably thinks he doesn’t know how to be one.”
“I didn’t realize that.”
“The mob was his family. He doesn’t think you can be a good member of the mob and still raise a family.”
“But you guys are doing it.”
She smiled and nodded. “Vince can be blind to certain things sometimes.”
“It’s just so frustrating. I never wanted any of this. I didn’t come here to trap Vince into being a father.”
“I know that.”
“But now I feel like just being around him is making him feel that way.”
“Maybe,” Nat said. “But again, is that so bad?”
“No, I guess not,” I said, shaking my head.
“Look, can I offer some advice?”
“Of course.”
“I think you need to figure out what you want. You’re clearly torn about Vince, and for good reason. But he’s trying, and if you want him around, you’re going to have to accept that.”
“He is who he is,” I said.
“Exactly.” She smiled, sipping her drink.
“Where are your kids, by the way?”
“With Sonya.”
“Must be nice to have a break.”
She smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes. And sometimes I miss them as soon as they’re gone. It’s strange.”
“Yeah. I know the feeling.”
We spent the next half hour just talking. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk with Natalie, but it felt like we got along really well. I was getting more and more comfortable around her, and it was great to have another mother to talk with.
Back at home, I couldn’t talk with my mother. She just wasn’t interested in talking about my bastard son. Whatever my father said was what she did, a good, obedient little Russian wife. It felt amazing to finally have another mother to talk about this stuff with, someone who’d gone through something similar.
After our wine glasses were empty, Nat stretched. “Kids are coming back soon,” she said.
“Okay. I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Before you go.” Her face got serious suddenly. “I wanted to see you for a reason.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just a warning.” She looked out the window, frowning. “In war, men do stupid things. There are whispers going around. People aren’t happy that you’re still here.”
“But Arturo said I’d be safe?”
“You will be, but he can’t control what everyone does. Just be careful, okay? Don’t wander around alone.”
I nodded. “Okay. I think I’m fine, though. They’re watching me.”
“Good. Just be safe.”
“Thanks, Natalie.”
She walked me to the door and hugged me. “I’m happy you’re here. Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t.”
I left her room and heard it click shut behind me
I felt good as I walked back to my room. Natalie made me feel safe and cared about, although her warning was nagging at me. I understood why people might be angry about my presence, but I couldn’t imagine Arturo would let anyone hurt me. That’d only make things worse with my family.
Then again, maybe they’d want that to happen.
I tried not to let that get to me too much. I couldn’t control it. I’d just have to make sure I didn’t stray too far from my rooms. There was a war going on, and I could see how people would want to take it out on the innocent Russian girl who had started it all.
I pushed open the door to my room, not thinking, and looked up sharply as Vince stepped toward me.
“Quiet,” he said softly.
“What’s wrong?”
He grinned. “Alex is sleeping.”
I let out a breath. “You scared me.”
“Sorry.”
I shut the door softly behind me and walked into the room. Alexei was lying in his little crib, sleeping peacefully.
Vince stood behind me, looking down at the kid. “Easy,” he whispered. “He’s no problem at all.”
I turned around, and he was right on top of me, inches away.
Natalie’s advice came flooding back into my mind.
I needed to figure out what I wanted. I n
eeded to make up my mind. His strong body was inches away from mine, his cocky grin making my panties soaking wet.
And so I pushed myself against him and kissed him hard.
Chapter 24
Vince
The girl tasted like fire when she kissed me.
I hadn’t expected it. As far as I knew, she was still fucking pissed at me for telling her I didn’t want to be a daddy.
But apparently doing some babysitting made her wet, because she threw herself at me with a passion I hadn’t expected.
Not like I fucking minded. I grabbed her hips and pulled her away from the kid as I kissed her, my tongue touching hers, that taste flooding my mouth. We stumbled across the room, and I ended up pushing her up against the door to her bedroom.
“Vince,” she said as I kissed her neck, “we can’t. He’s sleeping. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Shhh,” I whispered in her ear. “I’m going to fuck you until you want to scream. And you’re going to stay absolutely quiet.”
I pressed my hand down her pants, flicking underneath her panties. Her pussy was soaked, and I heard her choke back a moan.
“Vince, we shouldn’t,” she said. “He’s right there.”
“Forget the kid,” I whispered in her ear. “Concentrate on my fingers rubbing this fucking soaked clit.”
“I don’t know.”
“You started this,” I said, grinning. “Now I’m going to finish it.”
I pressed a finger deep inside her and watched her face light up with pleasure. She bit her lip to keep from moaning, grabbing on to my arms.
My cock was fucking hard as hell. Trying to stay quiet around the baby was exciting as fuck, and it only made me want her all that much more. I wanted to see if she could be quiet or if I could make her break and moan my name like the dirty girl I knew she was.
“Look at you,” I whispered in her ear, so softly, rubbing her clit. “You can’t help yourself. You want to throw yourself at me because you know how I can make you feel.”
I rubbed her clit in slow, furious movements, making her whole body tense. She was biting her lip and gripping my arms hard as I worked her, sliding my fingers inside her and then back to her clit.
