by Dave Gordon
“I will be ruler of the planet upon my return, if I return,” she said.
“You're going back to Borial?”
“I have not decided. If I do not return, there is a chance the planet may fall into civil war. Many powerful families will fight for my throne. The destruction will be terrible.”
“Then you must return,” I said, “The planet needs you.”
She looked at me calmly, plainly, and then said, “If I return, I cannot take you with me.”
Her words sent a jolt of fear through me. I felt my heart pierced and the room began to turn. “Can not take me with you?” I said blinking back tears. “Why can't I go with you?”
“Because a ruler is at once more than a person and less than a person. A ruler is a symbol for the people, the embodiment of the state, and so is more than a person. But a ruler is not free to follow their heart but must always put duty to the people first and so is less than a person. You cannot be my consort on Borial, it would not be accepted. So, you see the choice that lies before us. Love, or the destruction of my home.”
I collapsed on the cushion beside her in shock. My head spun, my thoughts piled together in jumbled confusion. Tuya moved close and wrapped her arms around me. A sob escaped me, then another. I cried and she held my head, swaying back and forth purring. She did not cry. She would not indulge herself in the luxury of cleansing tears. She was steeling herself for a decision. As she held me in our lover's embrace, I knew without doubt what her decision would be. It was the only one it could be. I cried all the more for that terrible knowledge.
“Let us eat a little,” she said. She assembled a small dinner for us. I ate feebly without enjoying the meal. I was ashamed that I could not show the strength she did. I wanted to comfort her but I was too deeply wounded. My energies were absorbed in my needs, like that of a wounded animal, or a person who is gravely ill. The thoughts turn inward. The outside world recedes. I collapsed into bed and Tuya held me. I prayed for sleep to take me but when it did; I dreamt dark, troubled dreams waking in a sweat. Tuya and I spoke little that morning and when Sellant'I came, I followed her in a daze.
As we entered the Hall of Letters, Cogent'R said “Yield and overcome, bend and be straight.”
I looked up at her with bleary eyes. “What?” I asked.
“Striving to posses is the first step towards loss,” she said. “That which is held must escape, that which is released will return. You must find the way and today I will show you.”
She walked over to the table beckoning me to sit. I sat on the floor with some difficulty being stiff from the poor night's sleep. Cogent'R descended to the floor in a graceful, flowing motion. She drew a character that looked like a circle with the Roman numeral two inside it. “This the symbol of the universal life force. The symbol has no name, it simply is. The universe has no name, it simply is. This force is common to all places in the universe. All life flows from it. Look, it cannot be seen. Listen, it cannot be heard. Grasp, it cannot be held. These three are intangible. Therefore, they are joined as one. We shall study this today.”
We spent the rest of the day discussing the ideas Cogent'R put forth and meditating on the universal life force. I had begun to feel better by the end of the day. I had accepted the basis of what Cogent'R said regarding wanting and desire. The situation was plain and unchangeable; all I could do was control how I felt about it. I might have to live without Tuya. I had to find a way to accept it.
Stellant'I took me to a different building. As we stood in the doorway, Tuya and an Illistari engaged in a ritualized dual. Their fluid movements complimented each other. I had never seen Tuya look as relaxed and supple. She looked like a bird, sometimes fluttering high above the Illistari. Now swooping in, then flying away. They moved very fast but never touched each other. The Illistari flung a sweeping blow at Tuya. She leaped into the air executing a flip and landed on the alien's arm before falling to the ground on all fours and skittering away. They continued this way for several minutes until the Illistari backed away two steps and bowed
Tuya bowed and said, “You have honored me, thank you.”
The Illistari said, “Over sharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt. Train only as much as you need to.”
“Thank you, Master,” Tuya said.
I was shocked. Tuya calling someone master? The Illistari Tuya had been sparring with turned and left. I noticed he was not sweating. Tuya's brilliant hair hung in strings down her back as she wiped the sweat from her face with her robe.
“Master?” I asked.
“That was the emperor's guard. He is the best fighter I have ever faced. Today we read passages from ancient texts and sparred. By the end of the day I was beginning to understand it. The soft overcomes the hard. The more you yield, the more you gain!”
She was so enthused, I had never seen her so full of excitement. On the way back to our abode she spoke of the many teachings that day. How a wise ruler does not interfere with the lives of the people and how the universe is sacred. If you try to hold it, you will lose it, if you try to change it, you will wreck it. We sat up late talking about the teachings we had been exposed to that day. It was apparent to me that Tuya and I were being led down divergent paths. I was being grounded. She was flying. I learned letters. She learned how to rule. I wondered what the goal of my instruction was. Whatever lay in store for us, the Illistari had a plan in mind.
The days passed by. Tuya and I became immersed in Illistari culture. They had a rich heritage of literature reaching far back in time. Although Cogent'R did not want to discuss it directly, they were a very old race. And, though the newer volumes had a more rustic appearance in type and binding, the older books were most certainly from a mass-production press. I came to be able to read the language in a few weeks, the spoken form being somewhat more difficult. Tuya did not suffer from any more bruises and cuts. She now spent her days at the feet of old Illistaris who instructed her in the art of wise governance. She was often pensive at night and I could see the weight of her choices bearing down upon her. I made no effort to sway her because I did not believe she had a choice, only the appearance of one.
Stellant'I was my constant companion. We seldom spoke but having her near helped me stay focused on the task ahead. She was calm as still water. I looked to her when inner turmoil threatened to surface.
One day we did not return to the Hall of Letters and went instead to the Grand Hall. We were once again faced by the Counselor and the Emperor. Tuya and I both made a low bow and held it until the Emperor spoke. He said “I am informed you have made very satisfactory progress. It is time for you to travel to the capitol with me.”
Tuya was taken aback. She said, “You honor us. When do we depart?”
The Emperor said, “We leave at once. Your belongings will be brought along by Stellant'I, who has graciously accepted this charge.”
I was relieved to hear Stellant'I was coming. I turned to thank her but she had already left. The Emperor began walking slowly out the door. I was reluctant to leave. The city had become a comfortable place. It had become a refuge from the future that was bearing down upon us. Tuya seemed to sense my unease. She gave me a sympathetic look before setting off with the Emperor. I did not want the future. I wanted to live in the simple house with my love and lead a simple life. I knew in my heart that I must relent. Being a stone in the river of time will only lead to sorrow. I could not fight the future. I yielded to it. I became the water instead of the stone. I felt myself flow past this place and time. I walked to Tuya's side. She smiled at me for it.
We exited the rear of the hall. Perian Int'E, the Emperor's, guard stood waiting for us. When Tuya saw the guard she made a low bow and said, “Master.”
The tall Illistari returned her courtesy. He walked down the steps that led to the long, straight road leading away from the city. We followed and were met by a group of three Illistaris. Tuya and I were each handed a pack, a water flask, and a staff. We began walking down the road t
hat stretched before us. The road was made of fine, packed gravel. Short trees with hard, waxy leaves lined the road on both sides. There were no other travelers in sight. I looked back several time in hopes of seeing Stellant'I, but she never appeared. We walked into the mid-day before stopping. The Emperor stopped and sat in the middle of the road. He said, “Please, gather some nuts from the trees and sit by me.”
The trees were brimming with fat nuts. They were sweet and easily shelled. I gathered a good quantity and walked to the Emperor. The other Illistaris lounged about paying no attention to the Emperor. Even his guard was wandering around brush looking at stones. The Emperor remarked, “He is quite the geologist, always in search of a new stone. I suspect he is re-finding many of the same stones from previous journeys.” The old man laughed to himself and continued. “It makes me wonder how many of the same stones you have found in your journeys?”
“If they were all identical, it was because we only found what we were searching for, never more, never less,” I said, surprised at my own philosophical speech.
“Well said, Avron,” the Emperor replied. “To truly embark on a journey of discovery, expectations of rewards and outcomes must be forsaken. Seeking nothing, everything will be found.”
Tuya turned to face the Emperor. She had been in deep thought. A question was on her lips. “How does one lead a people without imposing will? You teach that the soft will overcome the hard but to have power and use it, that is hard. Sometimes great force is demanded of a great power.”
Her question was very telling. She was thinking of the day she would return home and impose her will upon the great houses of Borial. The Emperor gazed off into the distance and said, “Force is followed by the loss of strength, this is not the way. The question is not how to hold but how to let go. Look around you. Do I command the trees? Do I rule the soil? Yet these are my precious realm. Goodness flows from the low to the high. Humility is the foundation of strength. Release your preconceptions. Strive to understand the now.”
We sat for a long while. The Illistaris sat staring at whatever faced them. Tuya and I each grappled with the Emperor's words. I believed I understood the basic nature of their beliefs but putting them into practice, really living by them, that was another matter.
At length the Emperor stood and stretched. The group rose and followed him down the road. He called me to walk beside him. He pointed out interesting spots along the way. “Here I once observed a beetle and a spider meet in the road. I watched them for several minutes. They stared at each other for a time. I thought they might battle, that being the nature of both. They ran face to face. They recoiled at the touch, then stood apart. I was sure the next move would be an attack. But, they both turned away and continued on their path. It took two insects to show me true wisdom. It is not necessary to battle an adversary simply because you meet. Only a fool fights without good reason.” Farther along the path, he pointed to up to the mountains. “There stood the Rock of the Eternal, or so we called it. It was believed the pillar that stood there was created at the beginning and would last to the end. But, the soft patter of the rain brought it down. You can see the jumbled fragments of the great stone lying at the bottom of the hill. That is how we learned the only thing that will last to the end is the beginning. Only the great power that existed at the beginning will be here at the end.”
“Tell me about this power,” I asked
“We know nothing of it. We know it by its works. It is unknowable.” The Emperor walked with his eyes half closed. Suddenly he took two leaping steps and kicked a rock, his leg and robe flying in the air. The pebble went skittering down the center of the road.
“There are not many rocks left on this road,” he said. “I have kicked most of them to one end or the other.” He continued kicking the rock perfectly down the center of the road until the rock took an unexpected bad hop and flew off the road.
“Aiee!” he shouted holding his head. The other Illistari did not pay any attention to him. “This is but one more thing I must let go, this rock.”
“It was a fine rock,” I said.
“Indeed,” said Tuya with a funny smile.
“Yes, but there is a universe of fine rocks. Another awaits our passing,” the Emperor said. “Life is a series of treasured things that we must let go of,” he said. His grave, sorrowful look made me shiver. I tried to avoid its meaning but the obvious facts could not be denied.
I ran for the next pebble I saw in the road and kicked it as hard as I could. The rock tumbled and bounced up the road and finally rolled off the side. I stood there defeated.
“You will walk this road many times before you kick a rock well,” he said. The statement sounded like a prophecy.
We stopped when the afternoon turned to early evening. We sat around a small stone hearth that was located a few steps off the road. The hearth showed evidence of many past fires. Two of our company walked to the base of the hill about a hundred yards away. They returned with two handfuls of an orange rock. They piled the rock into the hearth and the shorter of the two, Torval'T, produced a pouch. She scooped a small amount of gray powder out of the pouch and carefully poured it into the center of the hearth. The other, Jorma'Y, produced two metal rods. I realized I had seen no other metal in use to this point in our stay. He held one rod pointing down close over the hearth and struck it with the other. A burst of sparks flew to the hearth. The setting in the hearth erupted into brilliant flame. The fire quickly settled to a low flame that produced no smoke or odor. The third Illistari, Monel'A, took a disk from her pack. It was a little less than a foot in diameter, somewhat flexible, and gray in color. She gave the disk a sharp snap. It opened with a quiet ‘pop'. The disk had turned into a bowl. The bowl was perfectly rigid. She filled the bowl with water and set it upon the hearth. I eyed the bowl suspiciously. It was certainly not the product of the simple civilization I had seen so far. The Emperor did not pay any attention to my curiosity. He rummaged through his pack and produced a tuber the size and shape of a large sweet potato.
“Ah. There we go,” he said as he plopped it into the water. He motioned for us to look in our packs. We all had something different. I started to throw my dried vegetables into the pot but he stopped me, holding his nose and making a face. Tuya produced a leafy wad and the Emperor smiled and nodded. The Emperor's guard threw in some herbs. Monel'A tossed in a handful of what appeared to be beans. After about an hour the concoction was giving off a wonderful aroma. The tuber had dissolved and had thickened the broth. We each had a small disk in our packs similar to the bowl on the hearth. The Emperor demonstrated the motion required to expand the disk. Holding the disk with two hands he twisted the rim slightly and then jerked his arms back and forth once. A small bowl popped out from the disk. It too was very stiff. The Emperor scooped some of the stew out of the bowl and began eating with a wooden spoon. The other Illistaris followed suit as Tuya and I tried to produce a bowl. We finally succeeded and served ourselves. There was enough for each of us to have a bowl full. Although the food was bubbling when we had scooped it out, the bowl was just slightly warm to hold.
We sat eating happily as the stars came out. The remains of the stew in the large bowl had turned to a fine white ash. The bowl was cleaned by turning it upside down and gently tapping the rim. After the ash had been emptied, Monel'A again gave the bowl a sharp snap to contract it back into a disk. The Emperor laid his bowl on the glowing rocks until the remains of the stew had been burnt away. We all followed his example. In a few minutes all the bowls except Jorma'Y's were burned clean. It took some effort for me to collapse my bowl. Jorma'Y took his bowl and placed it upside down over the glowing stones. It began to glow until it gave off enough light to see by.
We sat in silence for a time. The Emperor retrieved a small roll of fabric from his pack and unfurled it. When it had attained its full length he located a small metal disk at one corner and flexed it as if to break it in two. The strip of fabric began to expand. It grew into a marv
elous sleeping bag, soft and warm. The bottom was somewhat more padded than the top. I had begun to house serious doubts about the Illistari's “lack of technology". Their field equipment was far superior to anything in use by Earth Fleet. This was not the time to speak of it, though. I inflated by bed and marveled at how comfortable it was.
I lay on my back staring at the stars above me. The stars of Andromeda seen as they were meant to be seen. Not in a starship navigational display but from the ground of a planet. I considered: lying as close to the ground as I could gave me the best view of the infinite. What a positively Illistari thought, I mused as I fell to sleep.
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Chapter 10
We continued for several days. It had become evident that Stellant'I was not joining us. I was stiff from the long hours of walking. The old Emperor and the other Illistari showed no signs of discomfort. Tuya acted as if the journey were a commonplace occurrence. The days and nights took on a sameness, a dependable consistency. One foot after another, there was nothing for it but to walk. All the while the old Emperor talked and joked. He wanted to know about us, about our homes, our families. No detail was too small. My childhood, the rainbow falls of Borial, the deep mysterious oceans of Earth that were the last refuge of nature on that wasted world.
During our breaks, Tuya and Perian Int'E sparred in the dirt. She stooped like a falcon, he dodged like a fox. He lashed out like lighting, she evaporated like rain. It was beautiful to watch them. At the end of one session Tuya walked back panting. She said, “How can I be your goddess now that you have seen the higher god?”
The question stung. I grabbed her hands and pulled her around to face me. “You are all that I ever will desire. You are my beautiful goddess until the day we are pulled apart.” I pulled her towards me and she held me. I could feel her being torn from me the harder I held on.
