by N. K. Smith
Anxiety had covered me like a blanket, and I’d just sort of floated to the ground and allowed all those people to take pictures, call my name, hover around me looking for a good story or the million dollar photo. Finally my security busted through and picked me up like I was a child.
Devon’s voice brings me out of the memory. “I saw that.”
How embarrassing. I can’t do anything about it. The video of that night is out there, available to anyone.
“It must have been horrible. You looked so lost, clutching that damn skateboard to your chest.”
I’d only been twenty-three, and I thought people would certainly give me room to breathe. All I wanted to do was skate for a couple of minutes. “I was high,” I admit. “I didn’t stay with my bodyguard Scott because I just wanted to go; I just wanted to be free for a second.” A shiver courses its way through me.
Devon brings me even closer to him.
“I still get anxious when I’m out on the street. Even if my guys are with me, I can’t seem to control the anxiety.”
Devon draws in a breath.
I don’t want to talk about this stuff anymore, so I unwrap myself and pull him back indoors. With a click of a button, music fills the air, and I start to dance. I make him move with me.
“You should practice dancing since there’s a dance scene in Reflections.” I put his hands on my hips, then move my body seductively against his. Soon, he moves with me. When the song ends, I’m out of his arms and take his hat. Then I pull off the unbuttoned flannel and let it drop to the floor. My push my hands up under his white T-shirt. It makes the fabric bunch up near his shoulders until it annoys him enough to pull it off himself.
I press a kiss to his nipple and feel his cock harden. We haven’t had sex in a few days, and I can tell he is more than ready for it. I keep dancing, but he stands perfectly still, which allows me to undress him with ease. His khakis are next, followed by his black underwear.
As I kneel to remove his shoes, socks, and pants, I lick, kiss, and suck his shaft and head. When he is fully erect, I move him to the couch, then stand in front of him. Very slowly, I take off my shirt, then my jeans, but leave on my panties and bra. It’s not quite a striptease, but it’s more than just a little waltz.
By the close of the song, I’m sitting astride him, his hands spread out over my ass, his face buried in my hair.
“Why’d you leave these on?” He pulls down a bra strap to kiss the bit of flesh underneath.
“Because I like it when you do it.”
My breasts are bare in under a second, but he doesn’t bother removing my panties. He just shifts them to the side as he lowers me down onto his cock. I’ve long since stopped caring about condoms with him. I haven’t gone outside of our relationship, and I know Devon is loyal.
I rock on top of him slowly until my need grows, then I practically slam myself down on him over and over and over again. Devon holds my ass, and stops me. He returns to a slower pace and thrusts up into me. When he is satisfied I won’t take control again, he moves his hands around my back and presses me into him, with my breasts against his chest.
His breathing turns to grunts as he gets closer to his orgasm. I slide my hand between our bodies and start swirling my fingers around my clit until the pressure within me snaps and I bury my shout into his shoulder. Devon’s arms are still tight around me when his body shudders, a groan escapes his throat, and he comes into me.
For a moment, we just sit there together; our breath returning to normal.
“Cole, I love you.”
I sober up in an instant and pull away from him slightly. “That’s what you say now.”
Devon’s eyes are soft and his smile melts me. “That’s what I’ll say forever.”
With the contract signed early Saturday morning, Devon and I have until Tuesday to spend as much time together as we want. As always, I’m content in my space, but Devon’s restless by nighttime.
“Why don’t you go hang out with your friends?”
“Will you come with me?” He tosses book he has been reading onto the coffee table. He answers his own question, “Probably not, right?” He looks around as if searching for something specific, then focuses on me again. “So what do you do tucked away alone all day and night?”
I know my glamorous Hollywood life lacks the excitement and glitz he probably expects. When I’m in public, it’s all a show. No one wants to know that when I’m at home, I don’t wear designer clothing and throw lavish parties. I try to think about it from Devon’s perspective. Devon is a man in his early twenties being kept indoors by an early thirties woman. Not much fun in that, at least when we’re not having sex. “I’m sorry I’m boring.”
He laughs. “What? You’re not boring. I’m just trying to figure out how a woman who rarely sleeps keeps herself entertained. I mean, you were touted as a musical genius as a child, been honored for your impact on the film industry, and well-known for your quiet intelligence. You could never be boring.”
“You should write for newspapers.”
Devon doesn’t let me derail him. “How can someone like you be satisfied with just hanging out all the time?”
“Because I have no choice, Devon. Why do you want to go out all the time?” A thought niggles at the back of my mind. Maybe he wants to be seen with me because of what a relationship with me could do for his career. I push it down, especially after he gives me his answer.
“Because going out is fun. There’s a whole world out there I haven’t experienced, and I must admit, I miss the sunlight a bit.”
My cell buzzes. Zara’s text tells me to turn on the television to Locker’s Confidential. “We’ve been over this. You can push against the idea of being a hostage to your celebrity all you want, but one day soon, you’ll feel it, and you’ll understand.”
I flip on the television, and we both fall silent as we listen to reporters of one of the Hollywood gossip shows. “ . . . say they’re camping out in her Midtown apartment. The source called it a love nest, saying, ‘They can’t get enough of each other, but tension is brewing as the young actor wants to show off his new relationship with the world.’ ”
My picture comes up on the television screen.
The reporters turn to each other. “Well, this guy has everything to gain, doesn’t he?”
“The source said Maddox is very interested in the prestige of Stroud’s name. My advice to her is to be careful. He’s obviously using—”
“But what do you think about the rumors of Collette’s new relationship with multi-billionaire CEO—”
I shut off the television.
Devon stares at it as if the reporters can actually feel his glare. When he turns to me, his voice is adamant and sincere. “I’m not using you for—”
I move to him and place my hand on his cheek to quiet him. “I know.”
He opens his arms up, and I slide into them. I rest my head on his chest. The steady thump of his heart relaxes me. “Don’t worry. Pretty soon the coverage will be all about my devious ways and my real intentions for you.”
His chuckle makes me shake. “You can be devious with me,” Devon says, his voice drops into a low, seductive tone. “Please show me how cunning you are.”
I lick my lips and shake my head. He moves his hand down my body until it’s between my legs. “You first.”
Later, I call my friend.
“Are you dating him?” Jesse’s voice sounds incredulous.
“I can’t date anyone, but I’m—”
“Oh, my God, you’re seeing him? Like honest-to-God, relationship? I’m so proud of you!”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me and tap my fingernail against the polished wood of the desk. “I’m honored you’re proud, but don’t get too excited. You know how this works. He’ll be gone before—”
“Yeah, he might leave, or he might be the one who sticks around. You won’t know unless you give him the chance to show you.”
“I’m givin
g him the chance, but look what’s happened. We’re all over the news.”
“I know how much pain it brings you, sweetie, but you’re famous. Of course you’re on the news, especially when you have such a fresh new love interest.”
The term makes me groan. “I don’t want anyone to know. As soon as the media had confirmation, Oliver split, and with Quin the pressure was too great for him, so he started drinking, and—”
“And the rest is history. This guy’s not Oliver or Quin, so stop thinking about the past and think about the future for once.”
Jesse had only called to get the scoop and once he had it, we exchange pleasantries until he says Terell needs him.
After hanging up, I go into my little studio and work on a few Highland songs. I’d like to release another one in the upcoming months, just to keep myself relevant, but this studio is a bit too small to do anything. I prefer my home studio in California, or the one in my office building. Here, I’m just seeing what these new songs might sound like, but there, I can polish them and put them out for consumption by the public all in one swoop.
Julie comes by early as usual and is all business, listening to my instructions and repeating them back to me. “An e-mail to Val and one to John. Got it.” Julie and I sit at the island in the kitchen with our coffee cups.
After a minute of silence, I guess she tires of the business-only interactions because she changes the subject. “So, you and Devon, huh? How’s that going?”
I set the mug down to study her. She has never once asked about any man I’ve been with. Not the one-nighters and not the guys who hung around for longer. I pay her for discretion and have always thought she took it to mean not to ask questions.
“Fine,” I answer tersely. Something about this sets me on edge.
“It must just blow his mind chilling with you, right? I mean, I doubt Devon has ever been in a place like this, and just imagine what he thinks you’ll do for his career.”
“His career will take off with or without me. He has talent. All he needed was a shot, and now he has it.” She won’t look at me, so I get her to do so. “Julie.”
Julie makes eye contact, but averts her eyes again and fiddles with the cup in her hands. “Did you watch Locker’s Confidential last night?”
Julie shakes her head. “I saw the story online this morning though.”
“You usually don’t ask questions. What’s your interest in Devon?”
Quiet for a moment, Julie gets up and puts some distance between us. At the window, she places a hand on the frame, then tosses a glance back at me. “We kind of . . . hooked up a bit.”
“What?”
Julie turns around. She isn’t smiling, but I think I can see a self-satisfied gleam in her eyes. “Yeah, before you guys did. I personally think he used me as a stepping stone to you, so yeah, I’m suspicious of him.”
I’ve never been the jealous type, but something dark and foul eats at my mind. I don’t want to think about Devon hooking up with someone else, least of all Julie who has been a close ally and friend for many years. “Um . . .” That’s it; I have no words in my arsenal.
“Don’t worry, it’s probably just my paranoia. I’m sure he’s really into you.” There is a knock on the front door. Julie crosses the kitchen, then leaves the room.
I rub my eyes and think about Devon, still asleep in my bed. The news that he fucked my assistant is disturbing, but it’s not what has me agitated the most. I glance down at my coffee and see Julie’s cell lying next to her abandoned cup.
I’m not a nosy person, but something isn’t right. I sense betrayal, and Julie has just confirmed she has motive. I flip through messages and find nothing incriminating, but Jeremy Locker, the well-known celebrity gossip hound, is in her contacts list. His blog and the show based on it, prides itself on penetrating the Hollywood lies and revealing the truth behind the celebrities.
Shit. I hear Julie coming back, so I turn off her cell and set it down. Julie is all smiles when she enters the room. “Package from Oliver. I really miss him. You should—”
“It’s just the final script.”
“So what’s the plan for today?”
I swallow hard against the lump in my throat. It just goes to show that I can trust no one but myself. For a second, I debate on how to handle this. My instincts for peace, war with my instinct to exert power and let her know she has none.
“Cole?” she says when I’ve taken too long.
“Well, I was thinking about fucking Devon in every room, then maybe we’ll go down to the park and enjoy a nice walk. Maybe you can snap a little picture. You’ll get more money that way.”
“What?” Julie’s eyes are wide as she picks at the seam in the marble counter.
“I think Jeremy Locker would pay big money for a good shot. Especially if you got a good one of Devon’s face; something that proves we’re together.”
“Cole, what are you—”
“Why is Locker’s number in your cell?”
Julie flicks her eyes to the device next to my hand. “You searched my—”
“Yes, I did. How much have you gotten? How much is the going rate for a juicy Collette Stroud story these days?”
She shakes her head. “Cole, I didn’t—”
“Come on, Julie, I’m not stupid. Were you just pissed off because I’m with Devon, or have you wanted to put the knife in my back this whole time?”
“I didn’t—”
“If I offer Jeremy an exclusive interview about life on set of Tortured Desires, do you think he’ll tell me who his source is?”
“Shit.”
I slide Julie’s cell across the counter. “I hope you got enough money to subsidize the rest of your life because you’re not only fired, you’re going to be blacklisted. No one in Hollywood is going to hire you again.”
Julie tries to put on a confident front as she crosses her arms over her chest. “That’s not you. You’re not vindictive. You don’t like conflict. You won’t—”
“Watch me. In fact, I think I’ll call Anthony. As soon as Jeremy spills, you’ll be served a breach of contract notice. Won’t the media love the new story about how I make you pay me?” I nod as I stand up. “Don’t worry, I’ll give the money to charity in your name.”
“Cole, I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”
“No. You didn’t, but I bet you’re thinking now.”
“You need me. We can get through this. I’ll—”
“You’ll leave right now, Julie. Please contact a lawyer because Anthony will be sending you papers soon.”
As soon as I hear the front door close behind Julie, I pick up her coffee cup and throw it against the glass cabinets. Without thinking about it, I pick up anything and everything I can and throw it in any direction. It seems like the only thing left in the world is the sound of crashing glass and wood.
When I can find nothing left to throw, I look around remains of the kitchen. Oscar stands in the doorway. He came in halfway through my rampage, but had enough sense to stay back. Devon didn’t, and sleepily walks through broken glass to stop my pointless attack on the stemware.
Devon holds my elbows as he tries to calm me.
It was stupid of me to let this amount of emotion out. I turn to Oscar. “Will you please call Zara and Anthony? Schedule a meeting for this afternoon?”
“Julie ain’t allowed back in no more?”
I don’t answer because I’m too upset. Oscar already knows the answer to his own question and leaves the room.
What the hell am I going to do without an assistant? I turn to Devon, but back away. “I love fucking you.”
Devon smiles, but creases his brow.
“Obviously, Julie did, too.”
There is no reaction in his expression beyond a tightening of his jaw.
“Yeah, so she’s the one feeding the media about us. When you stopped screwing her and came to me, she—”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you, but then I thought
maybe you might already know since you and Julie were so close.”
“I don’t pay attention to who she sleeps with. She’s my assistant, but what she does on her own time is—”
Devon breaks in. “We had a thing before you and I started hanging out.”
“I don’t care. It doesn’t matter when it happened. You should’ve told me.”
“Would it have stopped you from wanting me?”
“No.” I carefully step over big chunks of glass. “But I could’ve prevented all of this.”
“How? Julie’s a vindictive bitch who can’t stand that I didn’t find her endlessly fascinating. All she wanted was sex and didn’t give a shit about me until I started seeing you.”
I don’t want to hear this. There’s no reason to have this conversation. It won’t lead to anything productive, so I look at his feet. “You’re bleeding. Let’s fix you up.”
“Cole, I’m sorry.”
I nod, then move back to him and ease into the heat of his body. “I normally don’t react like this.”
“You normally don’t get thrown to the wolves by trusted friends.”
“True.”
After the small cuts on Devon’s feet are cleaned and bandaged and we have moved into my home gym, he is still upset, so I convince him that what he really needs is some good yoga. In truth, it’s what I need to regain the peace I had before I discovered Julie’s deception.
“Ugh,” he says in his forward fold. “I don’t think my body’s meant to bend like this.”
I smile at him through my legs as I’m in the same position.
“And my feet hurt.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have come racing into the kitchen with glass all over the floor.”
“I’m a man. We’re supposed to race around apartments with baseball bats, threatening invisible intruders.”
“It was sexy.” I bring my body up. “Now touch your palms together and we’ll breathe.” After two deep full breaths, I float back down and walk my hands out until I’m in Down Dog.
He follows me, but not without some interesting expressions twisting his face.
