by N. K. Smith
Liliana has more to say, but I just look out at the ocean and pretend her voice is the crashing waves.
Six hours later, my stupid cell wakes me up. “ ’Lo?”
“Turn on Locker’s Confidential.”
I sigh and rub my eyes. “I fucking hate his show, Brady.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, but sometimes you gotta put those big girl panties on and do shit you don’t wanna do for the greater good. Now turn it the fuck on.”
I flip the television on and scan the channels. “It’s not playing right now.”
“Then go to the website.”
“Why don’t you just tell me whatever it is they’re saying about me?”
Brady doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he clears his throat. “It’s more about Lili than it is about you.”
When the website loads, I drop the cell. I don’t mean for it to be that dramatic, but my heart feels like it stopped. There in big black letters next to a big red banner are the words: Exclusive! Is Lili Addison Ditching the Sexist Man Alive?
I hear Brady’s loud voice from the floor calling my name, but I can’t take my eyes off the headline. Roscoe nudges my elbow with his wet nose, and it gives me just enough push to click on the article.
In this conversation recorded by an on-set insider, Hollywood starlet, Liliana Addison, 20, talks to Chinatown co-star, Nicholas Charles, 25, about her relationship with an unidentified him.
Addison has long been linked with Hollywood hottie, Devon Maddox. Could this be the end to Hollywood’s most reclusive and secretive couple?
Be sure to note the steamy sounds of passion.
I stare at the button marked Click to Listen for God knows how long. I don’t want to hear it, but I click anyway.
It starts off with what can only be kissing sounds. Well, I guess it could be sounds of a guy going down on a woman, but I’m going to push that thought from my mind for now.
Nick’s voice can be heard in a whisper. “You’re not going to regret this, are you?”
“You asked that last time. I don’t regret—” Lili breath catches. “Oh, damn, that’s good.”
A thump, followed by a groan sounds off, but I don’t know if it’s hers or his.
Nick says, “But you’re the media’s little baby, and he’s—”
“The media might love him, but I don’t.” It sounds like she begins to say something else, but the words are taken by what the website refers to as steamy sounds of passion.
When it’s over, I carefully close the lid of my laptop, then forcefully throw it across the room. Why didn’t she just answer honestly when I asked if she wanted to end it? Am I really so fragile she chooses to cheat rather than just break up with me? God, what the hell’s wrong with me? I think about completely destroying my laptop, but I forget about it when I hear Brady’s voice.
“Dev? Devon?”
I reach down and pick up the cell, but don’t bring it to my ear. “Thanks for the heads up, Brady. Gotta go.”
As soon as I disconnect, my world grows incredibly loud. Everyone and their brother calls now. My mom leaves a message and so does my dad.
“I’m here for you, son . . . if you need to talk,” my dad says.
Everyone I know is lending their support but one. There is only one person I want to talk to, and she isn’t sending me a message. Then I remember that Cole is off the grid at the moment. Intentionally not plugged in.
So I pick up my cell, open up the contacts, and push Cole’s name.
It rings several times before a very groggy voice answers, “Devon. Have I ever told you how much I enjoy sleeping now that I can?”
Just her voice takes away some of the pain. “Sorry.”
A deep inhalation from the other side of the line, then, “What’s wrong?”
“A story just broke. She’s fucking someone else.”
“Liliana?”
“Yeah.”
“Broke, as in, publicly, worldwide?”
“It’s on Locker’s website if you—”
“No. I don’t need to see it. I’m sorry.”
I flop back down on my bed, and Roscoe comforts me by laying his fat head on my chest. “I don’t know what I’m more upset about, the fact that she’s cheating or the fact that everyone in the world’s all up in my business again.”
“It’s a part of the game.”
“That doesn’t help, Cole. I know it’s a part of the game, but I—”
“You hate it. We all hate it, but we made a choice when we decided to have such a visible occupation. It’s not fair, believe me, but try expressing that to anyone. Everyone will just label you as a whiner and call you ungrateful for all the benefits you’ve gotten from being a star.”
“But—”
“You just need to remain silent about it until you have a solid plan of how to mitigate the situation. I can’t give you advice on what to do with Lili, because I have no idea how you feel about her, but—”
“I don’t like her, Cole. I made the wrong fucking choice, and I hate myself for it. I know it’s a shitty time to say this, I mean, after all these months, I know what it looks like.”
“What does it look like?”
“Like I’m only talking to you because things aren’t working out with Liliana. I know it’s a bonehead thing to do, you know, laying this shit on you now, but I’ve wanted to for a while. Have you ever gotten into a situation you know isn’t right? It doesn’t feel right, but you feel completely powerless to change it? That’s exactly what happened. I’d made the wrong decision because I got swept up in it all.”
Cole is silent.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but I’m tired of not saying things I want to say. “It was fun to have someone who looked up to me, you know? Lili had this little hero worship thing going on. It was like I was with you. And I just . . . I just got swept away with being that important to someone.”
“How did you know that you weren’t that important to me?”
“I didn’t. I just felt like I wasn’t in your league.”
“I have no league, Devon. I liked you. Loved you, even. We had fun and could just hang together, and the sex was fantastic. I’m sorry if something I did drove you away, but I honestly think you just couldn’t deal with—”
I don’t want to hear her say it again. “Yeah, I freaked out a little bit, but now I can see what a beautiful thing we had going. I’m sorry for abandoning you and—”
“You didn’t abandon me. You made a decision that was right for you.”
“It wasn’t right. It was wrong. Obviously.”
“This is all coming up because of the Liliana thing. I suggest you try to get some sleep and—”
“I’ve been sleeping for months.” It’s obviously not true since I can barely sleep at all these days without the help of a pill. I press my lips together. “How can being famous feel so bad when it’s all I’ve wanted for so long?”
“Because the reality is something you don’t know about until after you live it.”
“I’ve got all these awesome scripts, Cole. You wouldn’t believe the quality of some of the characters people want me to play now, but I can’t step foot out of my house. I just . . .” I can’t finish the sentence.
“You just need to get away. Leave LA for a bit. Don’t go to New York because it’ll be no better there. Just—”
“Just go? Where?”
She lets out a long breath. I imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes squeezed shut. “Come to Scotland.”
I think my heart literally skips a beat. “That’s not what I was after. I mean, I’ll gladly come . . .” I pause at the word and remember what an intense orgasm with Cole felt like. “I’ll come to Scotland, but it’s not why I called.”
“Of course it wasn’t. You’d never invite yourself to my secret hideout, and I wouldn’t invite you either if I wasn’t okay with doing it. You need a break. If you want to get away, then I’ll book the flight.”
“
I can pay for it.”
“Whatever. Pay attention to the details because a thousand bucks or less for a plane ticket is meaningless. If you want to do this, I’ll book the earliest flight I can out of LA, but while I do that, you have to pack, and tell everyone who needs to know that you’re leaving Los Angeles for a while. And I’m talking about people who need to know. People you can trust. Tell your parents if you think they’ll worry, tell your agent, but don’t tell anyone else.”
“Can I bring my dog?”
“You have a dog?” Cole sighs. “That’ll complicate the travel, but whatever. I’ll just have Terell charter a jet so it can be in the cabin with you. Then you won’t have to worry about people taking your picture mid-flight anyway.”
“Who’s Terell?”
“My friend Jesse’s boyfriend and my new assistant. Terell is still in LA right now, so he can give you all the details when he nails them down.”
I already feel better. “Cole, I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sure nine or ten hours on a plane will give you time to think about it. Just remember to breathe and don’t tell anyone who doesn’t need to know. I’ll have someone pick you up at the airport.”
“Cole, I—”
She cuts me off. Her voice is strong when she says, “I’m not inviting you here for any other reason than because I’m worried about you.”
It’s incredibly decent of her, and I say the only thing I think means anything: “Thank you.”
“Don’t expect everything to be great between us.”
“I don’t expect anything. I swear, I just need a quiet place and someone who understands.”
Cole’s soft voice comes through the cell again after a few silent moments. “I do understand, Dev. Make your arrangements, I’ll take care of the flight. See you soon.”
The line goes dead, and I can already feel the relief flood me.
It ends up that I fly into France and from France I go over to the U.K. via ferry. France’s law about bringing pets over is less harsh, so since Roscoe has his shots, there isn’t a quarantine period, and with a little extra money, Roscoe rides the ferry with no problem. From Portsmouth, I travel to Southampton, then fly to Inverness. I don’t know if there is a word for how happy I am when I see one of Cole’s bodyguards, Oscar. I shake his hand and smile for the first time in what seems like forever. We talk about random things on the incredibly long car ride to get to Cole’s place. It’s a bit awkward, and I wonder if he’s a still pissed about what happened with Cole and me or not.
God, if the ride up is this awkward, I can only imagine what it’ll be like with Cole, but when I get there, she’s nothing short of kind and open. Any awkwardness comes from me as I fidget in the amazing castle she owns. Why didn’t I think of buying a place in the middle of nowhere? After Oscar takes my bags upstairs, we’re left alone in the great hall, and she presses me into a hug.
It feels better than good. It’s comforting and instantly relaxes me. “Thank you for having me.”
Cole pulls away, then looks up at me. Our eyes connect. “You didn’t sound so great when you called, and I know how hard it can be when you’re trapped.”
“Yeah, well, it’s amazing that you’re so willing to do this for me after all I—”
“Drop all that, okay? I let it eat me up for a while, but I got away and found a little perspective, a little remembrance that I’m—to use a word you’re fond of—quite awesome by myself.”
I sit when she motions to a chair that looks like it should be in a museum. “You are awesome.”
She smiles faintly, but doesn’t say anything.
“So what finally made you get away?”
Cole drifts her eyes from mine as she takes a long inhale, then lets it out slowly. “Unfortunately, I saw you and Lilana in the green room at the PCAs.”
I think back. My mouth drops open when I remember fucking Liliana against the mirrored vanity. It takes a moment for me to formulate words. “Yeah, well, what you didn’t see was her giving me an ultimatum of fucking her right then, or her finding someone else to do the job.”
Roscoe sniffs around the place, looking lost, but finally finds his way over to me where he promptly curls at my feet and falls asleep. “That’s who she’s been cheating with.”
“Was it ever real?”
I raise my eyebrows. “For me, it was. For her? I don’t know. Hell, maybe it wasn’t real for me, either. Maybe I just got swept away with the entertainment of it all.”
“I would say if you’re hurt by what she’s done, then it was real for you.”
“That’s just it. I don’t know if I’m hurt by what Lili did, or if it’s just because it was so humiliatingly public. I mean, my mother listened to her whore-moan with that guy.”
“Don’t be mean. Liliana’s a young woman in the middle of Hollywood expectations. It’s not easy to navigate those waters.”
I’m not ready to be forgiving, and I don’t want to argue about the hardships Lili has had to face. “Turns out I was nothing more than the peanuts on the bar of her career.”
“You think she’s with Nick Charles because he can help her career?”
“She’s very opportunistic. I don’t know if that’s it or if she just grew bored of me. I don’t know if I was ever beer to her or just the peanuts.”
Cole catches my gaze again. Her eyes twinkle. “Don’t drive yourself nuts with thinking about it.”
“Ha, ha. LOL, Cole.”
Her face softens even more. “Seriously, you can hide out here for however long you want, but I’m close to ending my own seclusion. There’re some projects I’m going to start in London, then there’s a few I want to start in the States.”
“But I can stay?”
“Yep.”
I feel so wildly immature, like a child asking if Santa Claus is really real, but I have to ask her. “With you?”
A nod and a smile, she confirms, “With me.”
I’ve slept for about fifteen hours every day since I’ve been here. This is the first day in two weeks I’ve risen before Cole and been able to rummage around the kitchen to see what I can make her.
Making pancakes for her is like getting ready to go on stage for a live interview. My stomach is in a knot because I wonder if they’re anything but perfect. What if they’re raw inside? What if I burn them? What if they’re perfect, and she thinks I’m trying too hard?
“What are you doing up?” Cole enters the kitchen. Her hair is all over the place, and it’s hot.
It seems my penis wants to jump right back into a relationship with her vagina. I keep my body facing the stove. “I think I’ve slept enough.”
“So pancakes, then?”
“Yeah, I’m sure they’re too starchy for you or something, but we’re going to enjoy them whether you want to or not.” I glance over my shoulder and receive a smile for my efforts.
“So . . .” She sits down at the island and smooths back the wild fire of hair. Cole points to my cell. “How many messages today?”
“None,” I answer. There is a lightness in my voice that even I notice. “I checked all the sites last night, and I’ve fallen off the front page. I may have to give Natalie, my agent, a bonus for working overtime, and thank God I hired Martin.”
“Martin?”
“My publicist.”
“Good,” she says with actual relief. “I’m happy to hear you took my advice. Publicists keep the heat off you much easier than an agent can.”
“Yeah, well, he’s proving to be worth his weight in gold with this mess. He’s working with Lili’s publicist to make it seem like we were already broken up before all this.”
“That’s brilliant. Makes her look a whole lot better, and it makes you—”
“Seem less weak?” I finish for her with a nod to myself. “What’s even more brilliant is the fabricated story he created about me and Macy. You remember her from Reflections, don’t you?”
Cole chuckles. “Well, since she was the le
ad female in the film, I think I can recall her, yes.”
“I can’t believe she’d lie for me, but according to Martin, she’s going onto Locker’s show and going to tell everyone Lili and I haven’t been a thing for months and that she and I have been together.” I turn around to see Cole sipping coffee.
“How is she going to explain Liliana at your house?” she asks.
“Martin’s says she’s just going to say that sometimes exes can be adult and grown up about separating. I guess Lili and I are going to have lunch in a couple of weeks with Nick and Macy, someplace very visible. Then in a couple months, Macy’s publicist and Martin will issue a joint statement acknowledging that we’ve gone our separate ways as friends.” I shrug. “You know, the same old Hollywood lies.”
Cole looks away. “So you’re leaving?”
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. She wants me here. “No. That’s the best part. They are all coming here. I mean, not here, so I’ll have to go to London for this lunch, but I don’t have to go back to the States yet.”
She looks relieved and the sight of it makes my heart clinch with happiness. I turn back around and flip four pancakes in a row. “And I got a note from Natalie about this movie filming in a month or so in London.”
“Very cool.”
“All I have to do is a phone conference. They’re not even looking for an actual audition.”
“That’s great!”
“You didn’t have anything to do with this, do you?” I’ve been suspicious since Natalie told me about the project.
“Nope.” Cole gets up to grab some more coffee. “My film’s about five lesbians, so I think your dick eliminates you from the running.”
My dick had been softening, but hearing the word from her mouth has it standing back up.
“Are you up for it?” She sits back down again.
I start and almost flip the pancake onto the counter instead of the griddle. “What?”
“The film? Do you think you’ll be able to handle it?”
“Oh. Well, the acting isn’t the real job, you know? I’ve never had an issue with that. It’s all the stuff that goes with it. The lies we have to tell and sell in order to be able to act.”
