“I think that phone call finally told me why you’re here. And why you don’t want to have sex with me. And all that crap you say comes between you is really what you like about her, and everything that is different from you and me. She needs you now, so you’re going. Whatever freaked you out today had nothing to do with me, or her. It is all about you being too scared to reach for anything that could signify something to you. And make you happy. You’ve gotten so used to punishing yourself for drinking, you forgot how to live. Like singing. And this Rebecca.”
“Beth…”
She shook her head, her brown hair flipping in the ponytail at her neck. “Don’t explain. We’re not like you and this, Rebecca. Go to her, if that’s what you want. I always said you were destined for more in life. Now go get it.”
Rob got up, but felt bad, as he looked down at Bethany’s pale, tired face. She was a good woman and deserved much more than she got, much more than the brown shaggy carpet under her bare feet, or the dirty, stained couch she sat on. She deserved something kind and nice in this life. Something he couldn’t offer her.
“I won’t be coming back. Not like before.”
“I know. I knew it the minute I became Spencer.”
“I’m sorry. You’ve been a good friend.”
“So have you; don’t be sorry for that.”
He nodded as he left her dingy apartment, shutting the door on the stale scent as he inhaled the cool night air. He was suddenly glad to be leaving and escaping this. He was going to Rebecca’s pretty, clean house, and what that meant, he didn’t know. He only knew the knot of terror it churned in his gut was better than the hopeless depression he felt ten minutes before while sitting on Bethany’s couch.
****
The house lights shone brightly through the windows, arcing out onto the lawn like a sanctuary against the cool, dark night. The frogs somewhere beyond her house croaked and the crickets chirped. Homey night sounds were everywhere, but this time, instead of isolating him, they all seemed pleasant. He didn’t know what he felt as he took her porch steps two at a time except that it made him happy to be coming back there.
Rebecca opened the door before he knocked. She was changed from her former attire and wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back off her face and she looked about twenty, except for her eyes, which were red and puffy.
“You’ve been crying.”
She shook her head, and motioned him in. Standing behind her were Kayla, Kathy and Karlee, all dressed in their nightclothes of pinks and purples along with Karlee’s rainbow of colors. They were lounging all over the couch, while watching a movie with animated mermaids moving around.
Karlee spotted him. “Wob! You came back!”
She hugged his legs openly and without a word of reprimand as to why he left the party so abruptly. Karlee was just glad to see him without any grudge or questions. Kathy got up too, smiling, and said shyly, “Hi, Rob, wanna watch Mermaidia with us?”
Mermaidia? What the hell was that? Rebecca leaned towards him and said into his ear, “Barbie turns into a mermaid; just go with it.”
He finally smiled and nodded, taking the hands offered by Kathy and Karlee and letting them drag him over to the couch. They each sat on one side of him. Rob’s eyes met Kayla’s over Kathy’s head, but she didn’t reveal as much as her sisters. Her eyes were also red-rimmed. What happened this afternoon? He glanced at Rebecca, who stood there, her hands on her hips, watching him get settled.
Finally, she mouthed, “Thank you.”
For what? Coming back for her? For the girls? What? Serving as Rebecca’s instrument in trying to teach her children that not all men leave? He was pretty sure that was the real reason why he was there. Rebecca needed to prove something to her kids, perhaps most of all, to Kayla, judging by her stony face. Rebecca had to be pissed off about how he left her earlier in the day.
He was pissed off too. She couldn’t keep using him to make up for her kids’ absentee father. He was nothing to those girls and actually a bad choice for an example of what a man should be.
The movie went for another half hour and the girls stayed draped over him, with Karlee twitching constantly. They became quieter than he’d ever seen them. Karlee’s presents were in a pile in the middle of the room. But other than that, everything else was cleaned up, all Rebecca’s doing, no doubt. How did she manage it? Raising the girls, dealing with their emotional traumas, which seemed to be daily, if not more often, and still finding time for everything else? Cooking, cleaning, and the endless list of other household chores were unfailingly accomplished. Lazy was definitely one thing Rebecca wasn’t.
“Okay, girls, time for bed, it’s officially past your bedtime.”
They groaned, but got up without resistance, and started tromping up the stairs. Karlee was clutching a new Barbie doll, the necklace Rob gave her still around her neck. She yawned and said, “Wob, can you tuck me in?”
Startled, he looked to Rebecca for guidance. What was he supposed to do now with this kid who seemed to like him so much? Especially when he couldn’t imagine ever looking into her big, blue eyes and refusing her anything.
“Me too?” Kathy said shyly.
Rebecca shrugged. “Sure, he can come up with us.”
He followed Rebecca up the stairs and watched her legs, which were bare before him. How could she manage to do all she did in a single day and still only look about twenty? Her legs were slim, well toned, and as pale and freckled as the rest of her.
He came to the stair landing. It was an L-shaped hallway with the girl’s bedrooms before him and the bathroom at the very end. They all moved between their bedrooms and bath in a quick, practiced routine. Rebecca easily directed each child; all the while physically helping Karlee. She managed the three of them effortlessly, and he felt sure he couldn’t handle even one all alone. Finally, after brushing their hair, all of them were in bed. He came into the room Karlee and Kathy shared. It was a study in magenta and pink, with princess pictures everywhere. Each girl was tightly tucked beneath the identical floral bedspreads, and appeared as enchanting as any potion with the diverse hues of red hair draped haphazardly atop their pink pillows.
Leaning into Karlee first, Rob pecked her on the cheek, and again, wished her a happy birthday. She giggled with plenty of smiles. Next was Kathy, who suddenly sat up, and threw her arms around his neck while tightly holding on. Startled, Rob didn’t react for a moment. Kathy usually didn’t show so much animation towards him. He put his hands on her small back and patted her as she leaned back and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m glad you came back. I love you, Rob,” she whispered before flopping down and turning over on her bed.
His mouth came open as he stared down at Kathy and felt his heart twisting and swelling. I love you, Rob. Well, shit. What was he supposed to do about that? He felt an unfamiliar catch in his throat at the thought that Kathy needed him. The concept almost doubled him over as if he’d been kicked in the stomach.
She shouldn’t need him already. He only slept with her mother one time. Her mother was only around him to write a book, and that was all he was to this family. Kathy shouldn’t have needed him to make up for her missing father; and he was the last person she should have gotten attached too. Despite it all, however, she apparently did just that. Both Karlee and Kathy did so without asking his, or anyone else’s permission.
He skipped going into Kayla’s bedroom. It was already dark, and Rebecca was in there, speaking in hushed tones to her. He looked around, noticing the hallway was a soft lavender that had a gilded mirror, now reflecting him standing there awkwardly, and totally out of place in this manor of red heads. He shook his head, and walked out to the front porch for a dose of reality, a reminder of who he was. He wanted a drag off one of his foul-smelling, bad habits that were more like his trademark. Not someone who could soothe the three little girls.
I love you, Rob.
The words kept haunting him. Doing what to him? Trying to make him
feel responsible? Or to feel something in his heart? Something was burning inside his guts. Damn it. He wasn’t capable of doing that, or being a person of any significance to these girls.
Gulping a huge drag of smoke, the door opened, and Rebecca came out. When she spotted him, she seemed to sag with relief.
“I thought you left.”
He turned and stared at her. “You mean now that I performed the proper daddy duty for you? And convinced your kids not all men leave their families and don’t come back?”
She straightened her shoulders and stood taller. “Maybe. Maybe that’s exactly why I called you. No one else could have convinced them. Usually, I would have called Nick, but he’s their uncle, and they know he will always be here, since he’s related to us.”
“I’m not anything to those girls. But they think that I am. My sudden departure actually affected them, when you know as well as I, that it shouldn’t have.”
“Doug didn’t call Karlee, and it’s her birthday. She started crying after everyone left. She simply burst into tears. Then Kathy joined in, wanting to know why her daddy forgot to call us. You don’t know what it’s like to feel so helpless with those innocent, little faces looking up at you to fix it and make it right. But I can’t. Then Karlee started crying because you also left without saying goodbye to her. That, I could fix, so I called you.”
“So I can go now?”
Rebecca shook her head as if he hadn’t interjected his snarky comment. “Kayla is the hardest for me to read. She doesn’t cry or say much about it, or about Doug, or how she feels. At least, the other two let out their feelings, and I hear about what they think and feel. With Kayla, I don’t. I don’t know how badly this is affecting her.”
He blew out smoke through his nostrils. “Well, she definitely doesn’t want me here; not for her or for the other two.”
“I want you here.”
“Why? Because you were also upset that Doug didn’t call?”
Rebecca stared up at him and he dropped his eyes to the porch. She stepped forward with her hand out, taking the cigarette from his hand, before reaching down to set it in the coffee jar by their feet. She stepped back and both her hands went onto his forearms. Soft, small and white, they rested against the crazy, scrolling colors that covered his arms.
“Come on.”
“Where?” he sounded as defensive as he suddenly felt. Her hands were on him, soft, tender, sweet and felt so good. Too good. She turned, taking his hand and pulling him into the house, up the stairs. This time, she turned the opposite way to the kids’ rooms. She led him to her room. He’d never been there before. She opened the door, turned on the light, and silently shut it after he stepped through.
Here, her husband’s influence ended. The room was undeniably that of a woman. Lots of warm beige hues and deep purples covered the bed and walls. Her furniture was soft and cushioned with engravings on the dark wood. Pictures of soft, girly things filled the walls: a serene landscape, a woman holding a baby, all soft and subtle. The room had an aura that was pretty, delicate, clean, and very feminine.
He stood there, feeling as awkward and misplaced in her room as he was in the rest of Rebecca’s life.
“I was more upset over how you left than I was that Doug didn’t call.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to ignore her big, blue eyes and how pretty and healthy her hair shone with the light haloing her.
“Why did you think it would be a good idea to tell your family about us? Did you see how everyone reacted to your announcement? Especially after the sordid past that your sister-in-law and I share. This isn’t going to work.”
“Is that why you left as abruptly as you did?”
“I left because I thought Nick was about to start swinging at me. And I didn’t think your daughters deserved to see that. Not at one of their own special birthday parties.”
“And coincidentally, you also made your point with me too.”
“So why didn’t you take it?”
“Because I don’t believe you.”
“Look, sweetheart, you come with too much baggage, too much responsibility, and you see that. Now you know why I never wanted us to begin anything.”
She smiled and he blinked. Why would she smile after he said that to her?
“I think you do. I think you like me, and my baggage and most of all, you like my responsibilities. In fact, I think you just might love them.”
She stepped towards him and ran her hands over his arms again. She reached the hemline of his t-shirt, and put her hands beneath it. Her hands felt warm and soft over his bare chest, and abs. When she moved up towards his shoulders, he stilled. How could he not react to her? She had to know what she was doing. She held onto his shoulders, tipping her head up, and kissed his chin. What was he supposed to do? Ignore her? Not respond? He lowered his head a fraction of an inch, unable to resist the draw of her warm mouth, now only inches from his. His lips came in contact with hers, all warm and wet.
“I understand all this is a lot for you to adjust to. So I’ll forgive you sometimes for freaking out.”
“I didn’t ask for your forgiveness.”
“Yes, you did, you came back,” she said, her mouth hovering above his, then back on his lips between breaths. Her tongue touched his lips this time, hot and tasty, she rubbed it along his lower lip, slipping it into his mouth, seeking his tongue with a thoroughness that had him instantly pulling her closer to him, and tighter, shifting her until her middle was right next to his.
She stayed there, and stopped kissing him. “Tell me you’re glad to be here.”
He sighed. Her face was soft and looked even younger in the lamp’s light. Her expression was concerned and stubborn. “Fine. I don’t mind being here. But I can’t say what good my being here is.”
She kissed him. “You make me feel something. Things I haven’t felt in years. You make everything I deal with everyday seem less horrible, less scary, less lonely. So that’s what good you do.”
“You mean I fill up some of the holes your kids and you feel after Doug Randall left.”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she stepped back. Then let her body fall onto his.
“I want you here, Rob, not Doug. Nobody else. Just you.”
She pushed him toward her bed to sit down, and came between his legs, still standing over him. She brought her hands to her shirt hem and pulled it up and over her head. All the while, she stared at him and riveted her eyes on his. She released her bra straps, letting it slide off easily to the floor. Then she bent over far enough to slip her shorts off, leaving her standing directly in front of him, naked, with only the lamp light shining on her, and outlining every inch of her body. She had firm breasts that fit just right into the palm of a man’s hand. Not too big, and not too small. Her belly was slightly rounded, and soft curls of fine, red hair adorned the apex of her legs. Freckles colored the silky whiteness of her skin. Her breasts looked like two teardrops. There were barely visible lines of stretch marks on her stomach.
Rob never saw a woman more beautiful than Rebecca Randall in that moment. He couldn’t have walked away from her now, not even if Doug unexpectedly returned to the house.
He moved his hands to her waist and ran a finger lightly across her navel, as he followed the faint ribbon from one of her pregnancies. Then he laid his hand flatly and firmly against her stomach, and she stared at him, her eyes already glazing over from her reaction to him. She was so easily aroused by him, it was like touching the lit fuse of a firecracker. His hand slid upwards, cupping a breast, and her eyes closed. His thumb brushed over the hard nipple that was small and shell-pink, as delicate as her other features. It pebbled harder and tighter at his touch. Her hands grabbed his shoulders to steady herself. He looked at her for a moment, then leaned forward and took one nipple in his mouth. Her legs were astride his thigh, and he could feel the wet heat boiling from her through the material of his jeans.
Her hands moved from his back to his
chest until her fingertips found the end of his t-shirt. She slid the shirt off him and pressed against him, and he fell flat on her bed. She straddled him, kissing his lips as her hands moved across his chest.
After they worked together to pull his jeans off, she continued straddling him with both of them naked. Her hands went everywhere: touching his back, his abs, his thighs, and his reaction to her was hot and aroused. Her fingers caressed him, cool to the touch, in contrast to the heat that was blazing inside him. Her hand was small and smooth when she pulled on him, and he nearly sat up from the heat it radiated inside him. It was like nothing he could remember. That fast. That hot. That intense.
His eyes were closed and his hand held the full weight of her breast with his fingers teasing the hot, sensitive part of her nipple. Her body moved, and she shifted before he felt her lips, hot and wet on the tip of him. Startled, he opened his eyes and could see her red hair, spread all over him, and her back, so thin and small, near his legs. He wasn’t expecting this. Not even close. She was good at it too. Her lips moved over him with the same kind of thoroughness she demonstrated when she kissed him.
He finally pulled her gently on her shoulders. Groaning, he nearly finished inside her mouth before he pulled her up and straddled her over the aching tip now pulsating for more. Then, at long last, her wetness slid over his knob and she gently moved her hips up and down, before she grabbed his shoulders and rocked back and forth on him. Her hands were on the sides of his chest, supporting her and her hair hung down, tickling him until he brushed it back and brought her face towards his. He caught her lips and kissed her long and deep, and so tenderly, it seemed at odds with the hot, wild abandon of the moment. The heat they shared felt like it could’ve melted their skins. She hesitated for a moment over him before moving down, and pulling him inside her until he filled her completely.
Zenith Fulfilled (Zenith Trilogy, #3) Page 22
