She stopped talking and the silence hung between them. Eventually, she swallowed, but felt unable to turn towards Rob. His voice came from her behind her, quiet and deep. “Then what happened? Where is Doug now? Why isn’t he here instead of me?”
She shut her eyes. Why indeed? sometimes, it all seemed like a dream from which she’d wake up and return to that day three years ago. Sometimes, she could almost hear Doug asking what she’d like to do today.
“Did he cheat on you?”
She opened her eyes. “Who? Doug? No. He never cheated on me.”
“Then what happened?”
“Karlee happened.”
“What do you mean, Karlee happened?”
“We were done. We agreed not to have anymore kids and Doug had a vasectomy.”
“You cheated on Doug?” There was no judgment in Rob’s tone.
“We began fighting and stupid, little things started getting to both of us. I don’t know why. I’m not sure exactly when things began going so wrong. But we were both busy, and our marriage and love for each other were easy to ignore, or just take for granted, and put off. Constantly worrying about the family unit, or work, or money, we let everything else slide. I guess it probably happens to a lot of couples.”
“So you cheated?”
“No. I became pregnant about five months after the vasectomy. He thought I cheated, but I didn’t. It takes a while, you know, after the procedure for all the… you know, stuff, to dissipate. Turns out, Doug didn’t tell me that part and just assumed I was still using birth control. I stopped using it because I thought I didn’t have to anymore. The pregnancy wasn’t a good surprise. I didn’t want to start all over anymore than he did. But what really infuriated me was when I had to go with him to his doctor in order to prove that it was possible for him to still get me pregnant even after the vasectomy. Although that was eventually cleared up, we weren’t happy anymore. It wasn’t okay for us. Doug began working longer hours, and I wasn’t at my best. I was depressed over the news. I was finally looking forward to some free time, after spending years at home with the girls, and wanted to start writing. I had such lofty plans. It shames me now to think back at how much I resented the pregnancy. It’s not like something I can be proud of. Especially, after I had Karlee. One look, and I was a goner. She was so... well, you’ve seen her, so Karlee. The spark that fuels my entire life. Now I can’t even imagine why I didn’t shoot off fireworks or celebrate after learning about my third pregnancy. Writing? Free time? How could I have ever wanted or chosen those things over her?”
“Did Doug eventually come around?”
“He stayed with us and took care of us still. But he was always different with Karlee. Distant. Distracted. Not so helpful. I don’t know, he couldn’t seem to get into it the third time. Everything began to suffer and our marriage went down south even more. It’s no excuse, though; looking back, he did beg me on several occasions to stop and take some time to be alone, just to talk to him. But I was nursing Karlee and had to care for her, and it took forever before she would sleep through the night. I was physically exhausted from the endless demands of three kids. I was so busy, I fell into bed from fatigue each night. I missed all the signs, but looking back now, I must admit they were more like flares. Doug wasn’t happy, but frankly, I didn’t care. I didn’t do anything to help him, or try to work on it with him. He needed me too. And I simply didn’t do anything to reach out to him.”
“How did he decide to leave so suddenly?”
“Karlee was just a year old when we got a phone call. Doug’s brother took a gun and put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Doug had to go home, which was a little town in Texas. He stayed there for a month to be with and comfort his parents. You can imagine the devastation we all felt, but especially, Doug’s parents. I went there and visited for a week, but the girls had school, so I came home and left him there. To this day, I think I probably should have stayed. I should have put him first. Then, especially. Doug could never forgive himself for how his brother died. His brother was gay, you see, and his family was crazy religious. They couldn’t forgive his brother. Doug also couldn’t accept Daniel being gay, and they fought, but never really made up. The phone calls became fewer and further between, until Doug hadn’t seen Daniel in three years. Then he died. Doug never had a clue what kind of life Daniel was living; And no one knew he was suicidal because none of them said more than a polite hello to him. When Doug came home from Texas, he was never the same. He was lost in grief. So remote. I couldn’t get through to him; no one could. It broke my heart. We were unresolved by then, and this event really set us over the edge. About six months later, he traveled out of the country for a trade deal in Japan. He was gone for several weeks. Then one day, he called to say he’d been offered a permanent position there and he intended to stay and take it.”
“He could just do that?”
“Work visa. There was an opening there and Doug snatched it. And that’s where Doug is now.”
“Does he send you money?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”
“Because I didn’t want you to hate me. Maybe I didn’t leave Doug completely, but I left him before he left me.”
“You were worried about me judging you? God, Rebecca, look what I did to my wife and my marriage! I don’t hold a candle to Doug. And I think that’s why you never told me. Doug has excuses, and I don’t. And I think you must realize what a bad choice I am, especially after all you’ve gone through in the last few years.”
“I agree you were a terrible person while you were drinking. That, however, isn’t the man that you are now.”
“Why did you see a lawyer recently? Why now? After all this time?”
Rebecca raised her eyes to his. “You.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You. You were the first new change to come along since Doug left. The first urge of motivation for me to even look into divorcing Doug.”
Rob was quiet after hearing that.
“We should work today,” Rebecca said as she threw her dishrag down.
“Work on the book? How is this going to go, now that we’re sleeping together?”
“The same. Except: I now want to know it on a professional and personal level. So since we’re already on the topic of marriages, why don’t we talk about yours?”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “You know how to make for a good time.”
“You’re going to stay today, aren’t you?”
“And miss that?! How could I say anything, but yes?”
****
Rebecca spent the rest of the summer writing her book. She didn’t have any other employment over the summer, which allowed her to do a lot more writing. Her fingers danced over the keyboard sometimes with her brain hardly engaging. The book seemed to write itself. The more time Rob spent around her, the easier his past emerged, although she was sure he continued trying to shock her to discourage her from liking him. To try and turn her off him. The thing was: it didn’t work. He was too honest, too candid, and too harsh on himself.
From that day on, they started seeing each other regularly. It wasn’t easy, what with the long commute, and of course, the girls. Rob, however, never complained. When she said she couldn’t see him for whatever reason, he complied without any argument. When they asked him to dinner at her house, countless times, he always came and always stayed. He was kind to her girls, and to her. So much so, she wanted to pinch herself sometimes. He started doing things to help her out; he washed her van, changed the oil on her lawn mower, mowed the huge lawn, and tinkered with broken items she would never have even attempted to fix. He stopped a leaky faucet, got rid of the mice under the house, and patched a hole in the roof on one of the outbuildings. He even chain sawed and stacked the trees and limbs that accumulated over the winter.
When school started in September, for the first time in a really long time, Rebecca felt happy. She was happy with Rob, he
r kids, and to start working again.
In some ways, it reminded Rebecca of having Doug around, but then again, not. It was Rob, who was different and wonderful not only to her, but also the girls and even their pets. The reason why that continued to be, however, Rebecca couldn’t fathom.
****
When Kathy begged Rob to attend their talent show at school on a random Wednesday night, Rebecca cringed. Rob worked weekdays, and the drive was so far. The school’s talent show? How could she expect that of Rob? He looked up at her for tacit permission. He always did that: used his eyes to check with her first, and silently ask her if that was something she agreed to. She loved when he did that, seeing how hard he tried with her kids to always do and say just the right thing. She wanted him to come, but couldn’t imagine ever persuading him to.
“It’s two hours of kids that you don’t know performing.”
“Me and Kayla are singing though. Right, Kay?” Kathy said, glancing hopefully at her older sister. “We want you to watch us.”
Rob glanced at Kayla, who shrugged rudely. Rob finally said, “I’d be glad to come as long as Kayla doesn’t mind.”
Kayla shrugged again and walked off. Rebecca smiled at Rob. “Well, she didn’t say no.”
Rebecca answered the knock when Rob got there for the evening of the talent show. It was four o’clock in the afternoon and he left work early to get to her house first, and then go to school with them. No wonder her heart swelled with joy. The effort he put in astonished her. If Rob said he’d go somewhere, he was always prompt wherever he was supposed to be. He kissed her on the mouth after checking to see if any prying eyes were watching. She loved that too. He was always careful to make sure her girls never saw things they probably shouldn’t.
“Mind if I shower first?” he asked. Rebecca nodded and followed him into her room. He had a wad of clothes under his hand, which he tossed on her bed. She felt the urge to take it all and iron it, but refrained. That was something Doug would insist on: crisp, nice creases of wrinkle-free clothes, but certainly not Rob.
He came out of the shower with his hair wet and uncombed, the towel wrapped around his middle. He had hair on his legs that appeared soft, black and springy, which also peppered his chest. She stared at his body every time she saw him without a shirt. The tattoos tripped up her gaze. She couldn’t believe she was actually with this man. And every single day, he seemed to become even more precious to her. He was growing increasingly more like the kind of man she valued and desired. Tattoos and all. He noticed her looking at him, and flashed a smile. That, too, made her knees tremble.
“You want to iron my clothes, don’t you?”
She lowered her head as the blush crept up on her skin. He knew what she was like, and such chores were standard with her, but not with him. He strangely began to like her being the tidy homemaker that she was, even if it included such silly things as wanting to iron his clothes.
“No.”
He tossed them at her. “If you want to, have at it.”
She grabbed them. “I don’t care if your clothes are wrinkled.”
“But I’ll bet you’d prefer they weren’t. I can live with that, long as I don’t have to do it.”
She studied him, and he studied her. It was his way of compromising, and it meant something huge. He turned and headed into the bathroom, and she heard his shaver running, shearing several days of hair growth. Sometimes, he let it almost become a full beard before he shaved.
Rebecca set his freshly pressed clothes out. Dark chinos, and a polo shirt that was solid colored, and made from an expensive material. It seemed much dressier than Rob ever bothered to wear before.
As Rob got ready, Rebecca said, “Kayla’s really scared to get up in front of everyone. She’s got such a pretty voice. I hope she can pull it off.”
“Isn’t Kathy the shy one?”
“Not so much shy as quiet; she doesn’t say much unless she’s spoken to. But she has no trouble getting up in front of crowds; however, Kayla doesn’t like having everyone look at her.”
“Then why is she performing?”
“Kathy begged her, and I encouraged her. I hope it goes well.”
Rob came out all dressed and clean-shaven. He could look so respectable at times like this, more so than at others. But still, that edge about him was never lost. Of course, his forearms revealed a black cross on one, and the initials, RJW, on the other. That was the one which Joelle got too, matching, for Rob and Joelle Williams. Although it bugged Rebecca that he still had her sister-in-law’s initials on his arm, and her name spelled on his knuckles, she accepted it.
“Thanks for coming to this.”
He smiled at her, and her heart leaped. “Will I get lucky for it later?”
“Maybe.” She smiled. He always made her smile and blush since he flirted with her constantly. She flirted right back and even talked dirty now, acting differently, but liking it all. She was someone new with him, and she liked it. She felt younger, freer, and even more beautiful with him.
By the time they came downstairs, Karlee and Kathy were waiting, all dressed up, while Kayla paced in the kitchen. She scowled when she saw Rob and Rebecca. Rebecca sighed as she grabbed her purse and coat and helped the girls get their stuff out the door, and into the van. Karlee had to be strapped into her car child seat, and Kayla sat in the third row. Rob took the keys from Rebecca and drove, as if they were all a real family when they went down the driveway.
****
Rob glanced at Rebecca, who was chatting with Kathy about the book Kathy was reading for an assignment at school. He looked up into the rearview mirror, and imagined what he must’ve looked like from the outside: driving the red mini-van, filled with three prettily dressed girls, and their pretty mother, on their way to a school function. He glanced down at himself. His clothes were ironed, and he had an honest-to-God crease running down both legs. He was clean-shaven and almost respectable looking. He nearly shuddered with repulsion.
Why, then, wasn’t he itching to leave? To escape this cookie-cutter role of suburban dad? God, this so wasn’t him. But why didn’t he resent it more? Why did he care about what a seven-year-old read last night? Or about hearing that Kayla won a medal for running the hundred-yard dash the fastest on track day? Who cared about such things? Why should he? Why did he feel so interested in their mundane conversations? Or find it funny and laugh at Karlee’s constant interjections?
Following Rebecca’s instructions, he parked in the small lot in the front of the two-level elementary school. He parked alongside a lot of other mini-vans and SUVs and family sedans. He got out and helped Karlee untangle herself from her car seat. As they were crossing the parking lot, Karlee suddenly stopped and begged him to pick her up. Rebecca told her to walk, but Rob leaned down and picked her up. Her small body leaned into his trunk, and her plump, little arms sweetly encircled his neck. Her eyes twinkled at him, knowing she could always get her way with him.
They entered the corridor, and found people milling about, with families and kids running everywhere. Strangest to Rob was being a part of it.
“Karlee gets free admission tonight, so that would be three tickets for you, Rebecca?” Rebecca was digging into her purse at the table to go in.
“No, Barb, actually four tonight.” Barb looked up and spotted Rob holding Karlee.
“Oh. Oh… four,” Barb said with a gleam in her eye.
After Rebecca paid, Rob leaned over and whispered, “What was that, ‘oh’ for? Me being here?”
Rebecca glanced up and answered, “Everyone knows Doug left us. I’ve been showing up alone for the past two years at these school functions.”
“So if my being here is going to cause them to talk about you, why did you invite me?”
“Because I don’t care if they talk.”
She led him through the crowd of people who were seated at the cafeteria tables. The spaghetti dinner was being served lunchroom style, and didn’t look very appetizing. Rebecca pau
sed as they were walking to avoid running into a man. Tall and thin, the man had brown hair and a cardigan with a tie showing underneath it. He was nice looking, Rob supposed, to most women. But to Rob, he looked like a wimpy-ass jerk.
“Hello Rebecca. How are you?”
“Hi Bob, I’m fine.”
“Are the girls performing?”
“Yes. They’re singing together. What about Jordy? Is he playing the piano?”
“Yes. He’s nervous, but excited.”
“Kathy too. Kayla’s terrified.”
Rob watched the exchange and noticed that Rebecca was stiff and formal with the man. Rob took a closer look. Bob had his hand on Rebecca’s arm. Was this the nice PTA guy she once dated with whom things didn’t go so well? He was surprised how much that thought bothered him. Since when did he feel jealous? Never. When guys used to ask for Joelle’s number at clubs right in front of him, he used to laugh and thought it was funny. He couldn’t blame them for wanting his wife; so did he, why wouldn’t they? But some wimpy-ass PTA dad, who Rebecca said she didn’t like, brought on a twinge of jealousy? That made no damn sense. Then again, nothing about Rebecca and him as a couple made sense.
“Mommy, can’t we go? I’m hungwy. We’w talk ta you waiter, Bob,” Karlee spoke up suddenly. Leave it to her. He bit his cheek. She was such a funny kid.
Bob’s eyes lifted to Karlee in Rob’s arms. Karlee smiled sweetly and tilted her head into Rob’s. Rob followed suit.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know we were holding you up. You are?”
Zenith Fulfilled (Zenith Trilogy, #3) Page 24
