Then Zenith came out: Rob, Spencer and the third member, the drummer, whom Rebecca didn’t know. They must have found him sometime in the last fourteen months. They played their current chart-topping song, now at number nineteen on the Billboard. Rebecca followed it like a bookie tracking scores.
It was such an odd experience for Rebecca to know this man, Rob, who was suddenly thrown into the media. Who now possessed a presence in pop culture. He was Rob Williams of Zenith now. Zenith was becoming big, and grabbing fans like a quick moving brushfire. It was what any band would dream of. Rebecca watched it all from her small, secluded house an hour from the nearest city. She looked out her windows to the wide expanse of trees and mountains, and watched the show, knowing she’d never again be with Rob.
The first time Doug heard the name, Rob Williams, on one of the evening gossip shows, his gaze shifted from Karlee to the TV, then back to her, as if to say, is that him? Doug was studying the man who Rebecca once chose to be with.
“Is that him?”
Rebecca stared at Doug, daring him to comment. “Yes.”
“Not what I would have predicted.”
“You and everyone else.”
The problem was: the more famous Rob became, and successful, the more real his presence grew in the outside world, and the further he became from her. She knew that the faster his career rose, the further he would move away from her.
All the while, she watched Rob’s life flashing across her TV, and listened to his voice, alone in the dark with only her iPod for company. She continued her same schedule and routine. She got up, helped the kids get ready for school, and hauled them around to all their endless appointments and after school activities. She took good care of them, the errands, and the house. She lived as quietly, and obscurely, and as anonymously as she previously lived. All except for the one whom she longed for, who was skyrocketing to become one of the most famous men in the country.
****
Two months after Doug moved out, Rebecca’s advance copies of her book arrived at her house. She took one out and sat down on the bench on her front porch. She stared at it without opening or flipping through it for several moments. She couldn’t believe what she read.
Her name.
There was her name. Right there on the cover of the book. She flipped the book over. There was a short description of the book and a few quotes from reviewers. She thumbed through the white pages, smelling the new book freshness of the unopened book. Anywhere she stopped, she read her words. She could pick any sentence in the book and continue the thought without needing to read it, because she wrote it and created it. And now, there it was.
She never thought it would actually happen. She always hoped, dreamed, and even prayed that it might happen, but she never really believed it. Not to this point: where she had the physical proof to show for her efforts. Yet, here it was.
What would Rob think of it? He already left before she finished the last few chapters and never read them. He signed off on all the legal mumbo-jumbo the publishers sent him without a word or comment. He never called her, and never so much as e-mailed her. It was almost like they had both fallen off the face of the earth.
The book wasn’t as sexy or loud or well known as what Rob was accomplishing, or the kind of presence he earned in society, but it was something. Something more than she ever dreamed she could accomplish. It was something no one in her PTA ever achieved. It was her personal dream, and she managed to make it come true.
She looked around her quiet yard. There was no one there. The wind rustled through some of the bushes, and whispered through her hair. The kids were all at school and Doug was gone. There wasn’t even a friendly dog sitting at her feet that she could pet. There was nobody now. The isolation and the absolute quiet hit her like a sucker punch.
She could call one of her siblings or her mother. They’d all be happy for her, of course, but they wouldn’t get how much this meant to her. Not only as a person, but also as a woman. The only person worth telling was Rob. He was the only one who would really appreciate this pivotal moment in her life. She imagined it might have been how he felt the first time his music played over the radio. The thing was: he never called her about it. Or reached out to her when he found success. Long ago, he walked away and told her to go home. And she did. And he left. He succeeded and wouldn’t need her again.
So, when she succeeded finally, she didn’t call him.
That night, she turned on her nightly gossip show and saw Rob walking beside a starlet, Vivi Tayler, as they entered a popular restaurant. Rebecca wouldn’t know. She hadn’t eaten anywhere fancier than Denny’s in the past ten years. Not literally, but she certainly didn’t know about the kinds of places that had waiting lists that were weeks in advance.
But not if one were Vivi Tayler. She just finished a movie that was number one for three weeks straight. She was beautiful, of course, and so small and skinny, she was a size zero, with long, black hair and big blue eyes. She was long and elegant, and could not have been any more than twenty-two years old.
Rebecca flipped the TV off and lay down on her couch. The house was silent. The film clip played back through her mind. Rob’s hand on the back of Vivi Tayler, guiding her into the double doors. He was gone from her mundane existence now and in an exciting and different life. With different people. She let him go and lost him just as surely as she lost Doug so long ago. The oppressive silence of the house sat heavily on her heart.
If she ever met Rob again, he couldn’t be the same man who smoked on her porch as he tried to translate what she and her girls were saying. He would never stand in a wading pool, looking ridiculous and adorable, while trying not to hurt the feelings of a three-year-old little girl. He would never again look at her as if she were the most beautiful woman he ever knew.
The ache in her chest was hurting, but it almost felt comforting because at least, she was feeling something. The dull numbness and the haze of depression happened less often since she and Doug split. In fact, each day she felt stronger. Until now, when she realized Rob was not only becoming famous, but also had grown into a desirable bachelor. He was easily accepted in a world where she probably wouldn’t have been allowed past the bouncer.
****
Rob glanced up as Erica walked through the condo and she stopped when she noticed him. She wore a long robe, and her hair was messed up, but she looked happy, and Rob knew why. She and Spencer hadn’t seen each other for three weeks. It took that much time before Erica could get back there. Rob hadn’t seen them in over a day and felt the sharp longing in his chest. Not for Erica, but for someone special.
“Morning. Sleep well?”
She smiled prettily, not bothering to blush with ignorance. “I did. Thank you, Rob,” she said, looking over at him. “Tell me, how are you? You look tired.”
He smiled and ran a hand through his hair absently. “I am. Very tired. We work such long hours and I go out a lot afterwards, trying to live up to all the publicity. So yeah, I am.”
“Uh-huh. Anything else?” Erica asked, her head nodding towards the book that lay on the coffee table in front of him. There sat the book he received from Rebecca’s agent. Probably at her request. Opening it, he held it for several long moments and stared at it as if it were some kind of link to her. But it wasn’t. She never even touched this particular book; it was just a copy. But it was her work in print and her dream. He was proud of her, but it killed him not to know or have a clue how she felt about it.
“It arrived yesterday.”
“Have you read it yet?”
“Parts. I’ll get around to it,” he said, not mentioning the minutes he spent studying her head shot on the back cover.
Erica sighed. “Why, after all this time went by, did you never once call her? Or congratulate her? Or send her an e-mail? She wrote a book about you! Talk to her, Rob.”
“You mean like the way she contacted me? I don’t call her because her husband is with her now. What good is r
eliving what can’t be?”
Erica looked strange.
“What? What is it, Erica? You act like you want to say something to me, but you’re hesitating. Since when don’t you say what needs saying?”
“Since I’m Rebecca’s doctor,” Erica replied simply. Rob contemplated that. Erica couldn’t legally tell him, but what was it? What did Erica want him to know about Rebecca?
“Is she okay?”
“I think you should call her.”
Rob stared at Erica for a long moment. For the past fourteen months, he hadn’t talked to Rebecca or her children. They should have been long forgotten to his past. Especially with everything he managed to accomplish in that time. He’d been so busy in L.A., there were days when he barely had time to take ten minutes to eat. Ten to twelve-hour days of working were common. Why then, in all that time, could he not get over her? Why did every quiet, spare moment bring back the images and memories of Rebecca?
“Why, Erica? What aren’t you telling me?”
Erica shook her head. “Rob, you’ve accomplished what you always dreamed of and now have the career you worked so hard for, which proves to you and the whole world that you’re not a failure; and yet, you’re obviously not happy. Your success is only half of what it should be to you. I think that’s because you don’t have Rebecca to share it with. Come off it, Rob, I’m not blind, I know you loved her. And instead of denying it, ignoring it, or willing it away, why don’t you go and fight for her? To be with her?”
“Because of her daughters. That’s why. That’s always been the reason why. That’s the only reason I ever left.”
“She can have both. You and them. Why do you act like that’s not possible?”
“They need their father, not me.”
“Oh, Rob. They can have him, and you. You’re good for them too.”
Rob shrugged.
Spencer came walking out of his bedroom then, looking tired with his hair rumpled. He came over to Erica, and kissed her on the mouth before he padded into the kitchen where he got coffee for her and himself. Finally, he came back in and sat next to her, casually putting his arm around his wife. Rob got up and walked to the window, looking out at the sparkling sun over the street where he now lived. He and Spencer owned a condo on the top floor of a ten-story building.
Rob liked it. It was always nice out, so the patio door was usually open. He drank his coffee in the mornings outside on his small deck. He had a good life here. His career exploded and morphed into so much more than he could have ever imagined. It was fucking fabulous. Ask anyone. He was finally, for once, the latest success story. He did it. He sang every day and recorded albums. He performed live on TV, on shows that everyone knew. He had sold-out concerts. Zenith was finally a band that was real, and very successful.
But instead of feeling happy or self-fulfilled, he was anxious, even annoyed. Why? From watching Spencer so casually putting his arms around his wife?
He finally had everything he ever wanted, but now that changed. He was missing someone and wanting a life that he never thought he wanted. His dreams were of a small, country house with three little girls and their mother. He purposely left Seattle with the intent of forgetting them in his mind. And making them proud. His entire motivation stemmed from them. The endless days, the risky chances, and the new opportunities were all rooted in Rebecca and her daughters. If he couldn’t have them for himself, at least, he would prove himself to them.
And after he did, it didn’t ease anything.
Erica’s voice came from behind Rob. “You and Spencer believe the same philosophy. You think life is all or nothing. God, you can do this, and have this life while having Rebecca too.”
“Whoa! Where did that come from?” Spencer asked. “Rebecca and Rob haven’t talked in months.”
“So that means he should be over her? It’s like us having a baby, Spencer, things don’t require perfect timing to work. There is never a perfect time. Never a single moment where everything is perfect. You two can both have professional success and still share a personal life. People do it all the time.”
Rob turned. “Baby? You two want to have a baby?”
Spencer got up. “No. Man. That’s just talk.”
Rob looked at Erica and she ducked her face. “No pressure. It was just a conversation. I’m thirty-five already, so time is not limitless for me.”
Rob looked from his best friend to Erica. “Spencer, what the hell, man? Go home, have a baby with your wife. Zenith will still be here. Or not. It’s not worth giving up a family over.”
Erica suddenly sat back. “That’s exactly what I am telling you, Rob. What you both are so blind to. You both deserve families. You earned it. Why do you persist with your grand, noble gestures that everyone would be better off without you? Or you, Spencer? Are you so sure you don’t know how to be a father?”
“I thought you were okay with it,” Spencer said, staring at Erica, his tone suddenly cold.
“I was. I am. If it’s because you don’t want to have one. But if it’s because you’re scared, and think you can’t possibly have everything you want, then that’s a stupid reason. Same goes for you, Rob.”
Rob stared at Erica, surprised at what she was pointing out. Spencer stared too.
“Things are hard enough just being apart from you. We can’t add a baby to that equation.”
Rob thought for a moment, long and hard. If it ended some things, it would not be everything, as Erica was trying to point out. Not everything had to be all or nothing; and telling Spencer not to worry was so much easier than Rob judging his own life and his own mistakes.
Rob gave up too soon, and too easily. He became insecure at the thought of being compared to Doug Randall, and didn’t even blink when Rebecca said Doug wanted to come home. He didn’t give her one argument why she should have welcomed Doug back into the state, but not into her house. He pretty much advised Rebecca to let the bastard who left her come back home and re-enter her life, as well as her bed, without any sort of argument or protest. He didn’t even ask her if maybe she’d prefer to be with him, instead of Doug. Even months later, when she came to his house, he told her to go home. Go home. As if he couldn’t be bothered to even try and be part of her life since Doug was back. If he hadn’t been so goddamned insecure, he’d have at least attempted to see what could happen. Hearing Erica verbalize it made Rob want to hit himself. Why couldn’t he attempt to have both?
“None of my business, Spence, but we’ve made this work so far. We could adjust things and go home, and do it all from there.”
Spencer stilled. “What do you mean ‘go home’? And ‘do it all from there’?”
He shrugged and Erica tensed as if her entire future rested in his arms. “We came here to make it. To be noticed and get attention. We have. Our lives are no longer dictated by chance or luck, we own ourselves now. We possess a power we never had before. Why can’t we record the music from Seattle?”
His words echoed in his own head. Why the hell couldn’t they? He felt a stirring in his blood. Something. What was it? He let out a breath. His belief in himself resurfaced for once in a decade. He actually felt like he could do something, and more, that he deserved something. He actually felt like his life might be under his own control and guidance, and could finally be a good thing.
“What are you saying, Rob?” Spencer asked after a long pause.
“I’m saying we only have a few months left of concerts we have to fulfill. We’ll finish what’s scheduled and then we do it from Seattle. What I’m saying is: we’ve done it, so let’s go home and enjoy it.”
Erica’s gaze met Rob’s and Spencer’s eyes met hers as they turned to Rob with a smile. Rob finally nodded at them.
“Okay, let’s go home,” Erica and Spencer both said together with their eyes locked onto each other. Rob left the room, knowing they just decided to have a baby.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The phone rang. Rebecca answered her cell, but was distra
cted by the army of girls around her. She was helping Kayla’s dance teacher with their dance recital. There were seven girls draped in various forms of dress around them as they tested their new costumes for the upcoming recital.
“Hello?”
“Rebecca?”
The voice stopped her dead. She literally quit moving. Stunned. Rob. It was Rob; she could recognize his voice anywhere. She rushed across the room and plugged one ear, trying to hear the connection over the chatter of girls. God, it was Rob!
“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he asked and she waited too long to answer.
“No. No. I’m at Kayla’s dance class. We’re trying on costumes for their next recital.” She found herself chatting and almost bit her tongue. Rob hadn’t called after all this time, over a year now, to hear about Kayla’s dance recitals.
“How is she? Kayla?”
“Oh, she’s fine. In seventh grade now. Grown about four inches. You wouldn’t recognize her.”
“No. I probably wouldn’t. Dance, huh? She any good?”
“Yes, she’s great. I mean not just in my opinion, her dance teacher says so... but then, you didn’t call to hear about that.”
“Didn’t I?”
“What did you call for?” Rebecca hated how her nerves made her sound, after all this time, almost like, how dare he call her? She didn’t mean to sound like that, but was just so surprised to hear him on the phone with her.
“The book. I got a copy.”
“Oh. And you’re worried it will hurt your reputation?”
“No. I wanted to say congratulations. You did it. It’s amazing.”
She was silent and stunned. She closed her eyes as tears filled her eyes. Finally. The reaction she wanted. The feelings of acknowledgment and validation that what she achieved mattered.
“It’s nothing like what you’ve done. I can’t believe it. You’re everywhere. Zenith is everywhere. You deserve the congratulations. Things are really amazing for you.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t do your usual somehow what you’ve done isn’t enough. We have different talents and you succeeded in yours. That’s something.”
Zenith Fulfilled (Zenith Trilogy, #3) Page 32
