“Yes,” came her soft reply.
“Would you let me do more than lick you?”
“Yes.” Just as soft.
“Whatever I wanted?”
“You can do whatever you want to me, Dylan. You’d never hurt me. You’re the only one holding me together.”
Her words lit a fire through me. Doused me in their flames. Burned me until I was engulfed in her good. “Come here.”
She bent and turned around at the same time until she was back to sitting on my abs. I grabbed her face and brought her down on my lips, taking her fucking mouth the way I wanted. I twisted my tongue with hers, moaning when she did. I was lost in her. In her taste, her smell, and her softness. I’d never been more lost in a woman than I was in her. Within that displacement, I wasn’t a man I didn’t know or didn’t want to be. I wasn’t a monster or a piece of trash. I was a man Hillary let touch her, a man she ran her fingers over, claiming his body. I was someone she felt safe with, and a part of me clung to it, wanting to be this man and no other kind.
“Oh, Dylan,” she moaned, caressing her tongue against mine. She rubbed herself against my lower half, finding my painfully hard cock through my jeans. “Please don’t take this from me.”
I caved in a second, too lost to understand what I was doing. “I won’t, baby. If you want it, you can have it.”
She ground her hips against me harder. I risked the pain. Forget the pain. I planted my feet and met her hips; she was worth the torture. We humped each other. Moaned in each other’s mouth. We lost ourselves until we were both panting, until my balls drained into my shorts and her golden pussy left a puddle in the denim. Her body shook on top of me, kissing me so hard I was shocked that for the first time I had to keep up with a woman.
“Dylan,” she implored, falling against my chest.
My eyes were blurry. My heart pounded. My mouth was dry. My thoughts were calm for the first time in months, maybe ever. I felt … content? It was such an odd feeling, like having everything I wanted at that moment. It scared the shit out of me. I never had anything I wanted before. And if I did it was always being lost or taken. My heart hammered for a different reason.
“I feel so close to you right now.” She nuzzled my chest. “I’ve never been close to a man. Ever,” she whispered strongly.
I rubbed her back, feeling her heat spread through my palms. I could imagine that being true. She didn’t have a dad, was still a virgin, and her brother was a new development. To know she’d never felt close to another man except me had me even more terrified, because I’d loved Harley, but I’d never felt anything close to how I felt losing myself in Hillary. This kind of closeness ruined you when it was gone. We’re not together. We couldn’t be. She’s eighteen—or nineteen. “When’s your birthday?”
“Wednesday,” she mumbled, not excited in the least.
Nineteen. She was suffering. When she got better, she’d leave me here with our closeness, and I didn’t think I’d get up again. “We should go.”
“What?” She bolted up and gazed down at me, hurt. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want that.”
I made the mistake of asking, “What do you want?”
And she made the mistake of saying, “You.”
I pulled her back down on my chest. “You know we can’t do this.” This seemed appropriate for us, what we just did, felt. This worked.
She didn’t answer.
She could pretend all she wanted. She heard me.
“So you never hooked up with a guy?”
“No. Of course not.”
Her indignant response was amusing. “You’ve never wanted anyone?” She grumbled against my chest. My laughter increased. “You only wanted me?” More soft grumbling. “I thought you didn’t like dirty talk?”
“Whatever,” she mumbled petulantly.
“Why don’t you try talking dirty.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Please? Say something dirty you want me to do to you, or something dirty you want to do to me.” I skimmed my hands over her back and to her ass, rubbing her full round cheeks, hoping to motivate her. “Please?” I urged.
“You start.”
I didn’t point out that I’ve done so on multiple occasions. I loved hearing her shock when I did. “I want to take these.” I palm her cheeks. “And spread them. Then I want to take my hard cock and fight your tightness to get inside.” As I spoke, I spread her cheeks and found her tight hole, pressing on it softly. Beneath me, she groaned and squeaked, both shocked and turned on. “You want that?”
“Definitely not.” But she arched, urging my finger against her.
“Relax,” I coaxed. “I want inside.” I slowly eased my finger into her tight puckered hole. Inside I was unleashed. Outside, I had to tame myself, or I’d do something we both weren’t ready for. “Your turn. Say something dirty.”
“This is wrong.”
“I’m wrong. I told you this. You witnessed it. Go.”
“I want.” She shivered against my chest as I gently ran my finger along her anus. “I know it’s wrong, but I want you to keep going.”
I grinned into her hair. “Tell me why.” I paused my finger.
“Because it feels so bad, so wrong … so good.” She pushed back, urging my finger in past my knuckle. “So good, Dylan.”
“You want bad?”
Her mouth was opened in a shocked circle. “I didn’t know I did until you.”
“But you want it? Tell me you want it bad, Hillary. That’s all I have to give.” And if you don’t want it I won’t be able to take it. How could she? This golden angel?
“I want your bad, Dylan. Please let me have it.” She lifted, forcing me to remove my finger. Her hair was rumpled, messy from my fingers running through it. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were good and bad, both emotions clashing to create a sexy, little good girl on my lap. “I promise I won’t let this get out of control. I’ll follow the rules. We’re not dating. This isn’t a relationship. It’s just two people forgetting. Right?” she beseeched.
“Right,” I agreed quietly.
She closed her eyes in relief. It broke my heart that her only option was me. But I didn’t take it back. Because without her I had this fear my darkness would win.
“Okay,” she said, opening her eyes. She bit her lip to trap her smile. “Keep going.”
I think I surprised us both by laughing. I patted my chest. “Lay on me.” She wanted to keep going; I’d keep going. Her tempting body draped across my chest. “Spread your legs. Wider.” Her thighs slipped in the soft blankets until her ass was in the air and her legs were wide open. I could feel her heat seeping through my shorts. “Wrap your arms around my neck.” She did so, shoving her face into my skin, mouth breathing hard. “Relax your body completely. You’re safe with me. If anything ever hurts or you feel uncomfortable don’t do it.”
She nodded against me and took a deep breath, letting go of any tightness in her muscles. “I know.”
Shit. Her trust was almost as hot as her. Unable to help myself any longer, I eased my fingers between her cheeks and found her hole once more. Wetness from her excitement had traveled low, making it easy work rubbing her. I slid my other hand below our bodies and found her golden pussy, spreading her hot slickness until I found her clit. The moment she moaned I eased into her hole, finding immense pleasure when she cried out.
“Don’t panic,” I warned, waiting for her to do so. Rather, she cried louder, grinding her hips, trusting me like no other woman ever had. “You are my good girl, Hillary.” And then I slid my fingers from her clit to her pussy, urging them inside. It was a struggle to get them in. Her tightness was unbelievable, and her ass clenched around my intrusion, making it feel like I was fighting against her good. But her good didn’t know that she wanted my bad. My bad was stronger. “Kiss me,” I growled. I was so far gone I couldn’t focus on anything but her.
Her lips found mine clumsily. As she kissed, she moaned, crying my name and sobbing the word,
“Mmm,” as if it felt so good she had to tell me with every breath.
“Tell me how good it is, baby.”
As she lost herself I managed to make my way in. I fingered her, creating a dirty rhythm for my good girl. I felt her end coming long before it got there. She clenched around my fingers, crying out so loud I moved faster and deeper, wanting it just a little louder. A little dirtier. She shook on top of me, digging her nails into my shoulders.
“I want your bad,” she shouted. “I want you so bad, Dylan.”
When she finally let my fingers free, I pulled them out and hugged her to me, holding her as she trembled.
“I want to ask you for something.” Maybe it was wrong of me to do this after she’d had an orgasm. But I was wrong. She had to know that.
“Anything.”
“I want your virginity.”
She paused for a second and hesitantly met my eyes. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. I know what we just did, but—”
“When you’re ready,” I cut her off. There was no need to defend herself. “Only when you’re ready, baby.” My eyes bored into her. As unfair as it was of me, the desire I felt for her at that moment was choking.
“Okay,” she whispered, giving me a shy smile. “You can have my virginity.”
I released the breath I held and I kissed her forehead. “So you liked that?”
“Liked it?” She giggled. “You have no idea how good it feels being able to make my own choices. I loved it, Dylan. I shouldn’t though. It’s not what I’m supposed to do. I shouldn’t like it. I’m a virgin … and you’re doing not so virgin things to me. But you don’t understand how good it feels being the girl I am when we’re together. It’s like no one can hurt her. She’s not stupid. She’s sexy. I’m protected, and I’m not thinking about anything but you. I’d never felt better than I did a minute ago. In your arms, protected, being touched and kissed, and falling apart against you—I need that. So yeah, I liked it.” She rose up on my body, meeting my eyes. “I loved it, actually.”
Son of a bitch.
I grabbed for her. “Kiss me.”
She fell forward and found my lips, matching me, tempting me, leaving me lost but completely found.
All I could think about was how hard it would be when she realized being my good girl was the last thing she should be.
***
Hillary
Things had escalated fast.
I changed in a matter of seconds, as if there was a dormant woman inside of me waiting to be set free. She wanted to be sexy and confident—she wanted to be a woman.
I was draped across Dylan’s chest, inhaling the smell of soap on his skin and listening to his heartbeat. The closer we got sexually the more I craved him. Each new height I reached meant less time spent in my nightmares. Just remembering them last night made me hold him to me. I tried to shut out the sound of Zane’s ridiculing comments “Girls like you ask for it. Didn’t you. In that skirt. In this room. With me.” But Zane was so loud.
“We should go. The kids are probably back.” His hands hadn’t stopped rubbing me. From my spine to my bottom, over my cheeks, and back up. I had gotten lost in the soothing rhythm of his touch, finding comfort against him like I had from no one else.
“Can I shower?”
“Of course. There’s soap in there. My towel’s hanging up if you don’t mind using it.”
I didn’t mind.
I rose from his body and lifted my leg, acutely aware that I was naked in front of him as I got to my feet. Without my need spurring me on, I was just naked in front of a boy with tattoos and dark blue eyes and fingers that knew how to touch untouchable places on my body.
He looked so sexy and bad. His long tall body half naked, hair messy, eyes filthy. There was a wet spot on his jeans from where I’d lost myself. My cheeks blazed, but my legs weakened at the memory of letting go on him. Of him moving into me. That had almost been like sex. This had to take major points off my virginity.
I gathered my clothes, searching for my bra.
“Here.” He had slid to the edge of the bed, dangling my bra from his finger.
I took it, barely able to meet his eyes. “Thank you.” As I walked by his hand cracked off my bottom. I gasped and glared. “Did you just spank me?”
He winked and grabbed his own shirt. When he looked at me like that, it was hard to deny how sexy he was. I didn’t know if it was what we had done, how he made me feel, or just him, but as I stopped and stared at the way his lips looked puffy from my kiss and his abs rippled as he lifted his arms over his head to put his shirt on, I couldn’t help wanting to fall back into bed with him. Maybe I’d change my mind and give him my virginity right now. I could only imagine how good that would feel, to let Dylan have my body completely. My core clenched at the memory of his fingers. They’d felt like they wouldn’t fit, and his finger in my bottom had felt even larger, but both of them together had submerged me in the most intense sexual feeling of my life.
“Stop,” his deep voice whipped out. “Go shower.”
I hadn’t realized I’d been walking toward him, lip between my teeth, clothes back on the floor. I didn’t stop. I kept going.
He held his hand up. “Hillary. Go shower.” There was no hesitation in his order. “You said no for a reason. Go on, baby.” His voice softened, and his scowl faded at my wounded expression. “Don’t look at me like that.” I watched as he pushed to his feet with his crutches, his erection still evident.
“But you’re still excited.”
“You’re not ready to get me off.” He bent and pressed his lips to mine, tugging on my top lip lightly with his teeth. “Making you come was worth it. I’ll see you later?”
Him leaving erased any pleasure in my body. His bulging erection was forgotten. I was suddenly unsafe. My heart sped up and my muscles clenched in anxious anticipation. “Are you sleeping in here?” I looked around at the bedroom, richer than anything I’d ever been in.
“I think I will. It’s better than the couch.”
I tried to breathe evenly when internally I was losing my grip. I knew better than to ask if I could sleep with him. Last night was so hard I’d barely lasted. The way he’d made me orgasm with just his hands and then his dismissal. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and nodded. “Makes sense. I’ll see you later. Have fun with Aubrey.” I peeked up at him to find him frowning. To stop from upsetting him, I rose on my tiptoes and kissed his lips the way he’d kissed Whitney last night, softly, tenderly, like she mattered more than I ever could. “Bye, Dylan.”
I turned for the bathroom. When I set my clothes down on the counter and looked back, I found the room empty. I closed the bathroom door and locked it, finding no peace. The bathroom was almost futuristic, so new and shiny. I spied the long train of mirrors over the double sink and stepped into sight.
Standing there naked, I did so because I’d just done sexy, intoxicating things with a man. My lips quirked. I’d chosen those things. I wanted them, and they made me feel better. Sure, my choices were probably wrong, but that wrongness didn’t know what it felt like to sleep alone in a mansion, waking up every hour because the monster in your brain wouldn’t let you sleep.
My lips were puffy too. My breasts looked less like accessories and more like attributes. Dylan had held them last night in his hands. I squished them together to make more cleavage. Whitney had larger breasts than I did on my best day. She reminded me of Justine. Since when did I want to be someone else? When did I doubt who I was?
Dylan didn’t usually go for girls like me, but he was going for me now. My body wasn’t unattractive. I stepped back, getting a better view of myself. So my breasts weren’t overflowing. They were still beautiful. I guessed. I wasn’t sure there were any identifying factors men looked for. I suspected boobs were boobs to them. My waist was small, but my legs had always been a bit squat, less skinny thanks to my short height. My body was actually kind of sexy, at least the way Dylan treated it. He looked at me like I w
as beautiful, coveted, something he wanted and took.
I removed my hair from my shoulder and stared at myself closer. I looked different. Or maybe I felt different. Less like a teenager and more like an adult. Within that difference there was a sense of control I hadn’t possessed before I gave a man permission to touch me. I turned to the side, staring at my ass. Dylan loved my ass. My smile was wide and embarrassed. I giggled and turned away before I burst from the memory.
There was a tub in the center of the room. The shower was too large and open, a standing cave with many unsafe corners. After a second, I turned the bath on. As it filled, I hugged myself, watching the clear water fill the basin. There were jets and massage handles. From the assortment of soaps, I settled on one that smelled like lemon, pouring it into the water and allowing the bubbles to decorate the surface before I settled down into the warm calming liquid.
My calm lasted approximately five seconds.
I slipped below the water and opened my eyes, submerging myself. Maybe if my head was clogged it couldn’t think. I stared through the murky water as tendrils of my hair wrapped around me, looking like yellow snakes swimming around me, evil little monsters wanting my insides. I tried to focus on holding my breath, but that only reminded me of how Zane had smothered my mouth with his lips. I bolted upright, gasping. I was clean enough. I wanted out.
I pulled the drain and slipped and slid on the gray tiled floor over to where Dylan’s towel hung on the shower encasing. I dried my hair and body and then donned Harley’s clothes. I wanted to wear my own, but Harley’s mom had promised to have them washed. She was a nice woman, throwing me a party and welcoming me in her home. It made me want my own mother. One day without her hovering had me missing it.
The air was cool when I left the guesthouse. I put my hair up with the clip I found in the sheets and walked through the grass for the main property. Mom would lose her mind if she saw this place. It was so southern. Everything moved slowly. Even the wind blew languidly against me as I walked. I made it to the back door and opened it to find the kitchen empty. After a search, I found a phone by the pantry and took the cordless, dialing Mom’s cell.
Damage Me (Crystal Gulf Book 2) Page 23
