I tell him about my very structured parents, and being an only child. We don’t talk about Jenny, and I don’t talk about Jeff. But we’ve broken down the barriers that keep people from knowing each other, and that, to me, feels like a whole new world.
Now, Liam’s sitting against his headboard, and I’m straddling his lap, feeling very strong and in control, and realizing that I might be able to go all the way. Maybe.
He kisses me with the same intensity as he did two weeks ago when we were just getting started. When his hands slide up the back of my shirt, I pull it over my head, feeling brave.
His thumbs trace underneath my bra, and his fingers start to slowly touch the freckles on my stomach and shoulders. I should feel so exposed, sitting on him like this, but I don’t. Not really.
“If you’re going to try and find all my freckles, we’ll be here all day.” I rest my hands over his.
“That’s okay.” He smirks. “I’ve got a pretty good view.”
I rest my hands on his face. “Stop. You are not real.” People don’t say things like that, not unless they’re being completely cheesy.
“When I’m with someone I want to be completely present. Every moment has the potential to be something amazing. Why would you let that slip by?”
“Are you really shooting for perfect here?” I trace his forehead and eyebrows. Run my fingers across his cheekbones and few days worth of stubble. Circle the place where his lip ring was. He’s taken it out to keep it from getting in the way of our kisses. I miss it, but he certainly has more flexibility without it.
“Life experience.” He takes a hand and kisses my fingers. “I don’t want to miss anything.”
His words hit me hard. This is how I want to be. How I want to live my life. I wonder if there’s a way to soak him up and try to understand how he thinks this way so I can do it, too.
“I think I want you.” I’m breathless from all the kissing and all the thinking, and all the incredible things he thinks and feels. And now I’m feeling all brave because I’m not wearing a shirt and he’s looking and touching, and I’m not minding.
“You think so, huh?”
“I think so.” I lean forward, part my lips and kiss him again.
He chuckles and backs away. “We’re not doing that until you need it. Until you feel like your body will crumple or explode or something if we don’t. Then we’ll go there. But not before. I don’t want to screw this up.”
I tug on the bottom of his T-shirt and he slides it off immediately.
“This is enough.” His arms come around me, pressing our skin together and I run my hands up and down his back and trace the designs on his shoulders and arms as we continue to kiss.
I’m pretty sure tonight won’t be one of those nights when we have a lot to say.
“You’re sure this is enough?”
He smiles a half-mischievous smile as he flops me on my back and hovers over the top of me. “I’m gathering all the parts of you. Slowly. Even the physical part. For now, this is definitely enough.”
Sam and Kay-Kay both disperse as soon as we hit the bar. I know right where I’m headed. Liam’s smile is wide as I lean against the back wall and wait for him to have a moment.
He makes one by holding up a “one-second” finger, jogging around the end of the counter and pulling me into him.
“Hi.” My whole body melts and my cheeks already hurt from smiling.
“Hi.” He leans in and kisses me. Once softly and once I feel between my toes and in other good places, too.
When he pulls back I’m breathless and stumble once as he walks away.
“Watch yourself,” he teases as he backs up. “I gotta work, but if you’re here when I take a break, maybe I could get to know you better.” He winks.
Instead of being afraid, I feel like he knows enough about me to enjoy the teasing. That, and he’s careful with me when we’re alone—always pausing the moment I’m uncomfortable.
When I turn around Kay-Kay gives me a thumbs up as she wags her brows and points to Liam—wonder if she could be more obvious. Sam’s nowhere to be seen. And then Jeff’s eyes are on me.
Oh. I feel this weird sort of swooshing through my body. Guilt, I guess, but there’s really no reason for me to feel guilty.
Kay-Kay pulls me into her from the side. “You must let that man deflower you so I can have details.”
“Aah!” I shove her away. “Can we please not talk about this anymore?”
She shrugs with her “Miss Innocent” face (which is crap) before turning back to the table of first-year counselors. She’s giving them advice I’m sure, which I’m also certain is cringe-worthy.
“Hey.” Jeff’s voice startles me.
I spin to face him. “What?”
“Can we talk?”
“What. Now? I haven’t had my drink yet.” Mostly I’m annoyed with him and want to see how he’ll react to me.
“Three minutes.”
I glance at my watch. “Go.”
“Not here.” He grabs my hand and leads me outside.
And feeling his hand and seeing his back and his hair and all the things that are so much a part of him should be making me feel something, but they don’t. He really is sort of back to being a stranger. Or somebody I used to know.
“Are you serious with that guy?”
“Am I serious as in—really? Or am I serious as in—am I falling for him?” I cross my arms. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
“I don’t know.” He shifts his weight a few times. “It’s just…I was surprised, that’s all.”
“And I was surprised when you had a blonde in your lap on my first night here.” I turn.
“Wait.” He grabs my arm but I shrug him off. I half-turn to listen.
“I’m an ass. Okay? I did ask my mom for the ring. It was before that weekend when we were going to use my parents’ condo, and would maybe…”
I hold my hand up between us. “I remember the plans.” For my deflowering. So embarrassing now.
“And then I got the flu.”
“And then things got weird.” They really did. I just didn’t see it. We attend different schools and I got busy.
“Marriage suddenly felt huge. Like a mountain. Like everything. And all I could think was that since we got together so soon out of high school, I never got to do the young, single guy thing.”
“And now you can.” I pat his arm. “Good for you.”
“No.” He sighs and takes my hand, which I immediately pull away. “I’m about to sound like an asshole here, but I want to come clean so we can start over.”
My jaw drops because I can’t think of a single reason why on earth I’d want any such thing.
“I really thought we could have some freedom this summer, and then get serious again in the fall.” He cringes a little, which he should.
“You’re right. You sound like an asshole. Seriously. Save the ring for someone else because whether or not I was serious with Liam, after being stuck in the camp next to yours and watching you flirt with other girls, there is absolutely no way I’d ever marry someone like you.” I walk back to the door, flustered and angry and wanting Liam and wanting to leave.
“Hey.” Kay-Kay rests her arm around me. “I got a call from Alex. Can we head back? Sam’s got a ride.”
“Give me a sec.” I sigh, still shaking in anger.
I step up to the bar and Liam’s looking at me with a questioning face. “I’ve got to run.”
“Jeff?”
“Asshole.” I nod. “But Kay-Kay needs a ride back.
“Maybe then I could swing your way?”
I smile before I mean to and the anger starts to slip away. “I would love that.”
He winks. “I’ll be there the moment I get off.”
“So will I.” In a big bundle of Jody-nerves.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Jeff’s mother is devastated.” Mom sighs into the phone. If I didn’t have Liam’s visit to l
ook forward, I’m not sure if I could deal with her.
“Not my problem, Mom.”
“What’s gotten into you?” Mom snaps.
“I’m busy here. This is a consuming job.”
“An underpaid job. That’s for sure,” she mutters.
“Look. If you’re just going to continue to tell me all the ways you think I’m messing up my life, I’m done.” I sigh and slump onto the bench outside the bathroom. It’s really not even worth getting angry over.
“Sorry, hon. Will you make it home before school starts?”
I start to tell her I’m not sure what’ll happen for school because I’m second-guessing everything. “Sure.”
And then a text from Liam comes in, and Mom and I finish in a hurry.
I’m by the lake. Come prepared to swim.
I’m shaking as I tear through my swimsuits. Nothing. Feeling reckless, I head to Kay-Kay’s cabin, but she isn’t there. Fortunately, her trunk’s open and right by the door. Her campers don’t even wake when I sneak in with my flashlight and start digging through her things.
I find her black two-piece wadded near the bottom. I haven’t worn something like this in…probably never.
Before I have time to panic, I race to the bathroom, rip off my clothes, tie on the bikini and grab a towel.
Tiptoeing through camp isn’t easy and a few stray giggles come from more cabins than not. Irene’s house is on the way to the lake and I take the long way to avoid it, which means I have too long to think about what I’m doing. Who I’m meeting.
I see his bare back as soon as I hit the dock and suck in a breath to push away some of the nerves.
“Jody.” He turns with a smile and then freezes as he watches me.
“Hey.” I drop my towel next to him, but haven’t found the guts to sit down. Not yet. Not with him wearing only shorts, and me in something that feels scandalously tiny.
“So.” He stands and looks down on me. “Going for a swim seemed like a perfect idea until I got here, and realized I’d never swum in a lake, and that it was a bit colder than I expected.”
Instead of staring at his abs and running my fingers across his chest, which would start a round of something I’m not sure I’m ready for, I go for teasing.
“You’re doing it all wrong.” I shake my head.
“How’s that?” He smirks.
“You’re testing the water with your feet. Never a good idea. You have to run and jump, and then it’s not so bad.”
“Run and jump.” He’s stoic. Processing, maybe.
“Like a kid.”
“Okay, then.” He takes my hand. “Run and jump. Will ye jump with me, Jody?” he teases. “So I don’t get scared?”
“Only if you can keep up.” I giggle, which is ridiculous, but I’m too nervous to do anything else.
And I realize how sort of ideal this is because I can stand here and see his body and have it make my insides melt all over each other, but I can tease him, too.
“You are such a mix of strong and uncertain,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you order little kid drinks without even caring, and your T-shirts and how strong you are physically and you’re wicked smart, and then, with people, it’s like you forget how incredible you are.”
“Oh.” I stare at the dock.
“You’re just as strong and amazing here. With me. As you are when you’re running.” He touches my cheek with our hands. “I promise.”
We walk toward the shore, and I turn us around at about midpoint, needing a distraction.
“Far enough back?” He chuckles.
“Barely, but it’ll do.” I’m still reeling from the thought that he thinks I’m strong.
He leans toward me, the muskiness of him mixed with the beer and smoke of the Little Minnow fill my nose. “I don’t think your swimsuit is at all appropriate, and I’m loving every inch of your skin that it’s leaving uncovered.”
My cheeks start to heat up so I decide now is when we run. “Now!”
He doesn’t let me have my hand back until we’re airborne off the end of the dock.
He comes up sputtering. “You’re a liar, Jody! My balls are shrinking it’s so cold!”
“Shhh!” I splash him, but his hands find me under the water, pulling us together.
“You’ll keep me warm then?” he whispers. Water slides from his hair down his face, and instead of wimping out I kiss him, sucking the cold drops from his lips.
He lifts me easily in the water, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he tightens his grip on my back.
Turns out we both only needed one short dive in, and now we’re running, freezing, through the dark and headed for the showers.
“Am I allowed to be in here with you?” he teases as he presses against my back, and I flick on the light.
“No.” I turn and pull him closer as I back us into a stall and turn on the hot water.
He closes his eyes and stands underneath the spray, letting the water fall down over his body. Instead of thinking, I pull a string and drop my top on the shower floor.
His gaze finds me immediately and we’re a tangled mess of arms, legs, tongues, bodies barely able to stand under the pelting water. I’m gasping for air, every bit of desire I’ve felt around him is amplified by a million as we finish undressing and begin to explore.
My hands wander everywhere. All the few places he’s soft, and the many places he’s hard, and I lean against him and just feel. Take him in. The hot water. My skin. His skin.
“Do you remember how you said that I’ll feel like I’ll crumple if I can’t, and that’s when we would?” I can’t catch a real breath.
“I remember.” His lips trail down my neck.
“I’m crumpling.” I want you.
“No. I can’t, Jody.” He stops kissing to look at me. “Too soon. You’ll hate me later.”
“Please.” I slide my hands to his hips and pull him against me.
He groans. “I don’t have anything. I mean. This is too fast. I didn’t come prepared.”
“Oh.” I let my hands slide back up his sides, amazed at how okay it all feels because we’re naked. Together.
“But I still don’t want to go home just yet. If that’s okay.” A corner of his mouth pulls up. “I could stay and make sure you get properly dried off.”
“Okay.” Only way more than okay. Perfect. Good. And I’m maybe the slightest bit disappointed, but I shouldn’t be because I’ve known him for weeks, not years. And more than that, there’s a million kinds of comfort in knowing he didn’t even come prepared. Because I’m enough.
Liam is definitely worth getting to know better.
Chapter Twenty-four
The fifteen miles to see him feels like nothing. Like I could run forever. Having rewards at the end of a long distance run is a really good way to do it. About three miles in, I hit my stride and relax into the rhythm. At mile twelve I think I’m going to die, but I know there are only a few more to go. When I can see the Little Minnow I slow to a walk so I can actually breathe when I get there.
I rest my hands on my head to stretch my lungs when Bill steps out and smiles. “Hey there, girl!”
“Hey!” I wave.
“I don’t think Liam was expecting you yet. He’s not back from shopping. He’s stocking up for me.”
“That’s fine.” I pant. “Gives me a chance to catch my breath and start really stinking up the place.”
He grins. “Come on in, and I’ll get you some water.”
I step inside his small home. It’s definitely a bachelor pad. Random papers clutter the counter and table, the furniture is worn, but the TV on the wall is enormous and new.
A small picture of a girl rests on top of a pile on his table and I cock my head to look better. She looks so much like me it’s eerie.
“Who’s this?”
“That was Liam’s girl. The one who was killed last year.”
My heart pounds in a who
le new rhythm. One that’s a mix of disbelief and fear rather than my run.
“Oh. I somehow got the impression it was his sister.” I shake my head, trying to ignore the mess that’s happening inside me.
“Maybe you got that impression because it was her brother who was involved in all sorts of nasty business. She walked in on him and a few of his up-to-no-good friends and then disappeared.” He rips open a bag of chips and grabs a small handful. “They found her a few days later, but she’d been dead for days. Liam still struggles with it.”
“Yeah…” My fingers shake as I pick up the girl’s picture. There are definite differences. Her face is more angular, and she’s wearing makeup, making her like me, but much prettier.
“Jenny’s parents sent that stuff to him a couple days ago.” Bill hands me a glass of water, but I’m afraid to drink it because my stomach’s in knots.
I set the water on the table and turn toward the door, picture in hand. “I’ll wait outside.”
“Suit yourself.” Bill pops open a beer and flops into a chair at the table.
I’m stunned. Shocked. Used.
God. I’m such an idiot. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing. Tears burn my eyes and mix with the sweat, making my face a salty mess. Of course. Jeff didn’t want me. Not really. And Liam only wanted me because of her.
It’s as if a weight’s been strapped to my chest. It hangs on my back and my shoulders and makes me stumble down the stairs.
“Watch yourself.” Liam smirks as he grabs my arm to steady me.
Anger rips through me as I shove the humiliation away.
“Your sister?” I hold the picture between us.
“Fuck,” he whispers. “It was the truth I could give you then, Jo.”
“It wasn’t the truth at all!” I toss the picture, step around him and start up the road. My legs are too shaky to run.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He jogs to keep up.
“I’m a stupid ass for thinking you’d like me. I knew it from the beginning, and now I get it. I get why you took an interest in me. It had nothing to do with me!”
10 Weeks Page 10
