Now what? Walk home?
She didn’t mind the long trek back, even after the sun went down. This lake might be smack in a crevice of a mountain and forest, but there were houses all around.
But she simply wasn’t ready to hang out in the house she’d bought with Charles so she could rehash everything they’d said while sitting on the gallery steps.
Penchant for divorce?
Karan shivered again.
Freezing out here as the temperature dropped to a Catskill Mountain night didn’t even bother her. But being a prisoner inside those walls did, as the hours slowly ticked toward midnight and beyond and she’d have nothing to do but obsess over her pathetic life and her broken marriages without the shelter of selfishness to protect her. Obsess over the thousand ways she’d overlooked and lost the man who’d been the love of her life.
Was the love of her life.
No denying that. Not when she felt as if she could step off this dock and slip into the lake, exhale one last time and sink into blessed peace. So, so easy. She would barely make a splash.
She would barely be missed by anyone.
Susanna, maybe.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THE SIGHT OF THE HOSPITAL ROOM, every spare surface filled with elementary school displays of affection from hand-colored cards to tissue-paper bouquets, made Charles smile.
Even more so the young woman sitting in the bed wearing a hospital gown, IVs and leads sprouting from her in all directions like tentacles. She appeared to be text messaging on her cell phone.
“Good evening, Missy,” he said. “I meant to ask you. Are your students in summer school?”
She glanced up, followed his gaze to some of the art that livened up the sterile environment, and she smiled, too. “The after-school program becomes a summer one for the kids with working parents. A few of the teachers sign on to run it. I was planning to work with them myself then…well, you know.” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. It did.
“Sign on for next summer. You’ll feel up to chasing all those kids around by then. I promise. So how would you like to go home in the morning?”
That got a better response. “I’m a week past ready.”
“Did take longer than we anticipated, didn’t it?”
“You said I’d go home five to seven days after surgery, Dr. Steinberg. You fibbed.”
“I also recall mentioning you shouldn’t develop any complications like an infection.” He shook his head in mock disapproval. “What were you thinking?”
“That I needed to drop a few pounds, of course. Hospital food does it every time.”
He chuckled and scanned her chart. “Everything looks good here. I’m satisfied. You can have your mom come get you after I make rounds in the morning. I’ll sign your discharge papers then and the nurses will have your instructions.”
“Anything different because of the infection?”
“Not really. You’ll still be tired for a while. I want you to promise me you’ll take it easy and listen to your body. And be patient. I mean it, Missy. The more you rest, the faster you’ll recover. The more you overdo, the longer you’re going to feel cruddy.” He met her gaze to drive home his point. She was still young. She’d want to do everything. “There will be no driving for six weeks. You’ll probably be ready to work then, too. In time to start the school year.”
“Yay! Nothing worse than walking into a classroom after the year has already started.”
“Perfect timing then.” He made some notations on her chart. “I want to see you in about four weeks, but you’ll go in to see Dr. Ebel next week. The discharge nurse will give you appointments. Now let’s take a look.”
He conducted an exam of the surgical site, pleased. “I do good work. You’ll barely see that scar after you heal.”
Not that he would have compromised her safety for cosmesis, but he didn’t mention that to Missy. With any luck she would never need to repeat the procedure and the scar would eventually fade into a memory.
He reached for the chart again, made another notation. “I’ll send Kimberly in to give you a—”
“A shower? Please tell me a shower.”
He glanced at her, smiled at the excited longing in her face. “A shower.”
Sinking onto the pillows, she beamed. “Finally.” She blew him a kiss. “Thanks, Dr. Steinberg.”
“You’re welcome, Missy. Rest well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be clean for the first time in forever. I’ll sleep like a baby.”
Charles headed out the door and was about to leave the floor when he ran into Matthew. “You’re back?”
“Dropped Karan off and came to make rounds.”
Matthew’s expression warned that he wasn’t going to leave it at that. Sure enough…
“She looks good. She’s got some great ideas for New Hope.”
Charles nodded.
“Listen, I’m on my way out. Want to grab a beer at Gino’s? I want an update on what’s happening with Mount Sinai.”
Charles’s knee-jerk reaction was to sidestep the discussion that would likely not only cover the career path that didn’t seem to be growing any clearer in his head, but Karan, as well.
However, Charles also realized talking with Matthew was far better than heading home to stew inside his head. And he wasn’t about to make an appearance at New Hope tonight, no matter how much work was piling up there. And it was. No question. With all the running back and forth to the city…
“Yeah, a beer sounds good.”
Gino’s was a welcoming tavern that catered to the various offices and services that surrounded a busy hospital. During the week, staff from the physician’s practices around the hospital kept Gino’s busy with take-out orders. Patients’ families could pop in for a decent meal when they needed a break or wanted something other than the cafeteria fare, which wasn’t nearly as tragic as Missy made it sound.
The physicians on call during the weekend could pop in for fast, decent food and to catch up on the scores of whatever games were playing on the flat-screen televisions around the bar.
The owner greeted them cordially when they sat and within minutes produced two dark drafts.
“So, how’s it been going?” Matthew asked. “Haven’t seen you much, so I figured you’ve been in the city.”
Charles filled Matthew in on the work Mount Sinai was doing, the ways they were breaking ground.
“Their percentages of successful repair are setting national benchmarks,” he explained. “Their success rate in avoiding replacement in patients with prolapse is nearing one hundred percent. It’s amazing what they’re doing there.”
“Sounds like it.” Matthew raised his glass in salute. “But I’m not hearing whether or not you’re excited. Or are you talking around how you feel for my benefit?”
“I wish.” Charles took a long cool draught.
“Talk to me then.” Matthew smiled. “I have a vested interest. What’s holding you up?”
“I’ve had lots of time to think with all the driving and I think I’ve figured it out. I never came up with a new plan.”
A frown furrowed his brow. “How’s that?”
“Karan and I had life all worked out. When things came unglued, I never reevaluated. I kept forging ahead, not really thinking about how I should proceed or where I wanted to go. Consequently, here I am, a man with no plan.”
“Makes sense.”
Charles nodded, took a swallow of beer and wondered if he might find some answers in the bottom of this glass. If not for Karan’s run-in with the law after drinking, he’d probably still be sailing along, in and out of relationships, convinced he simply wasn’t cut out for any long-term commitment.
Telling himself he was content with his life, but not really feeling it.
But drinking had gotten Karan into trouble and thrust her front and center into his life again, shining a glaring light on some issues and forcing him to deal with some truths.
L
ike he wasn’t all that content with anything in his life.
Least of all himself.
Matthew leaned back and considered him. “You know, I’m not surprised to hear any of this. Divorce is a big deal.”
“You know it.” And he did. Charles didn’t know all the details but from those he did know, Matthew’s divorce hadn’t been easy.
“You and Karan always seemed so solid,” Matthew said. “She fit in anywhere in all this?”
Charles only knew that today when he’d been driving away, he couldn’t help glancing in his rearview mirror to see Karan sitting there, on the steps of the house they’d lived in, and wondering where they’d gone so wrong.
He wasn’t going to share that with Matthew. “She’s trying to help at New Hope. You saw the results today.”
“I was impressed, too. I’d definitely like to see more folks giving back around here.” Matthew set the glass on the bar and nodded at Gino, who replaced it.
He took another swallow before glancing at Charles. “Is she okay? I was sorry to hear about what happened. Listen, if it’s none of my business tell me to buzz off.”
“Word does get around.”
Matthew snorted. “It’s Bluestone. No such thing as a secret around here.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say she’s doing her fair share of self-reflection. Someone once told me that self-reflection wasn’t bad but it wasn’t always easy.”
Matthew smiled. “Glad to hear it. I heard she’d gotten divorced before she came back and thought it might have something to do with that.”
“We haven’t discussed that. But what she did say led me to believe she was okay with it.”
I wasn’t in love with Patrick, she’d told him.
And he’d believed her. He’d also gone one step further by interpreting that to mean that she’d only been in love with him.
What a stupid ass he was.
“Looks like she’s doing a good thing for New Hope,” Matthew said. “Regardless of what got her involved. You know I’ll support her efforts however I can.”
Charles’s turn to tip his glass in honor of the chief. “Guess this round’s on me.”
“I owe you. Karan’s your ex, and I’m the one who sent you to New Hope in the first place.”
“This round is on you.”
Matthew laughed, but Charles couldn’t blame the chief for the way things were working out. Or for voicing his opinion. Rhonda, either.
People who’d understood. People who’d cared.
Charles hadn’t. He’d blamed Karan and had been hard on her. Why? Because every time he looked at her, he had to talk himself out of responding, out of noticing how beautiful she was, out of wanting to pull her into his arms and kiss her?
By the time he could even think clearly, he’d expended so much energy talking himself out of being attracted to her that he’d had no choice but to throw up walls to defend himself.
An emotional last-ditch effort to keep avoiding the truth.
His issue, but he’d made Karan feel bad in the process.
It wasn’t her fault that he hadn’t moved on with his life, that he still had unresolved feelings for her. She had moved on with hers. She’d come up with a new plan, had implemented it. She’d wanted marriage with a man she hadn’t been in love with.
It wasn’t her fault that when Charles watched her recede in the rearview mirror, he hadn’t wanted to leave. It wasn’t her fault that he could only think about her admission that she hadn’t been happy, either.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
WITH A SIGH THAT ECHOED through the quiet twilight shadowing Mohawk Lake, Karan slipped the cell phone from her pocket, hit the speed dial and waited.
“Hey, you.”
Karan let her eyes flutter shut, let the sound of Susanna’s voice filter through her.
“Help.” It was a pitiful plea at best. And only a true-blue best friend slash honorary sister could be counted on to drop everything and race to the rescue.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m contemplating suicide. I thought I should give you a heads-up before I do myself in.”
A beat of silence. “Where are you?”
“On the dock behind my mother’s house.”
“What on earth are you doing there?”
“Deciding whether or not to step off the dock.”
“Your mother?”
“And Charles.” Karan waved a dismissive hand as if she could bat away the swell of emotion accompanying the memory of him driving away. “He took me to the hospital to talk with Matthew. We were doing fine, chatting about New Hope and what he’s got going on and then the past came up.”
“You’re upset.” Not a question. “And you went to your mother’s house? Don’t get me wrong. I love her to pieces, but God, Karan. What were you thinking?”
No one knew better than Susanna—except Abigail maybe—that Karan’s mother’s ability to be supportive was sketchy at best. Had Karan been thinking clearly, she would have known to at least prepare for what she’d gotten.
Obviously not. She hadn’t been prepared one bit.
“I was thinking I couldn’t bear to be inside my house with every square inch smothering me with memories, and I couldn’t get away because I can’t drive anywhere except to New Hope, but I was afraid I’d run into Charles there.”
All that on one long breath.
“Got it. Stay right where you are and do not, I repeat, do not step off that dock. Do you swear?”
“You’re coming?”
“No, I’m manager on duty tonight and I can’t leave until nine. But Brooke has my car and she’s ten minutes away. I’ll text her this second.”
Karan waited, feeling so much better knowing Susanna was on the other end. She didn’t even have to say anything. Just keep the line open and be there.
“Perfect timing,” Susanna finally said. “See how things work out sometimes? Brooke was just leaving Kaley’s house and will be there in a flash. I told her to pull off the road near your mother’s driveway but not go up. You’ll meet her outside. She’ll text you as soon as she’s there. Will that work?”
“Perfect.”
“Now swear to me you won’t off yourself, Karan. I’m not playing. If my daughter is the one to find your corpse, I’m going to be seriously, seriously annoyed.”
“Cut me a break, Suze. I would never traumatize my goddaughter that way.”
“Skip would come after you if you did.” There was relief in her voice. “You wouldn’t get out your last breath before he’d be all over you.”
“No worries then. I already told you he’s not in hell, and that’s exactly where I’m headed.”
“What happened with you two? Did you fight?”
“No. But he got an offer from Mount Sinai, and now he’s not sure if he wants to go because I changed things….” Karan explained everything that had happened in front of her house, everything Charles had said, everything she felt, the very act of talking cathartic.
“What did I tell you?” Susanna said when Karan finished. “I knew things weren’t settled between you two. Make a note of this, please. I’m not often right. I’d like to refer back every once and a while.”
“You’re right a lot more than you give yourself credit for.” A smile welled up from inside. She was sorry Susanna wasn’t there to see it. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you for a best friend, Suze. Nothing, as far as I can tell. But if I were able to choose a sister, I’d totally choose you.”
Another beat of silence. “Now you are freaking me out. Really, Karan. Do I need to call 9-1-1?”
“You do not, my friend. Because I’ve got a text, and I’m guessing it’s your daughter who’s here to save me from myself.”
“She’ll bring you to the lodge, okay? I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll still be breathing when I get there. I swear.”
“You’d better be.”
Karan ended the call. Sure enough the text was fro
m Brooke and Karan replied with OMW. On my way.
Karan headed around the house, feeling breathless and shaky as she avoided being seen by the driver who was waiting in the circle at the top of the drive.
Susanna’s car sat idling with the parking lights on, and as she drew near, the passenger’s door swung wide, and a tall, slender girl stepped out.
“You can have the front seat with Brooke,” she said. “I’ll get in back.”
Karan forced a smile. The girl was lovely despite the nose ring, close in age with Brooke, with wide eyes and creamy skin. “Thanks, but that’s okay, sweetie. Stay where you are. Which friend of Brooke’s are you?”
The girl opened her mouth to reply, but Brooke’s voice squealed from inside, “Aunt Karan! This is Gabby. I was so excited when Mom texted. I’ve wanted Gabby to meet you forever. This is my aunt Karan. Isn’t she everything I said?”
Karan slid into the backseat, appreciating the enthusiastic intro.
Okay, Susanna and Brooke might miss her.
Leaning forward, she kissed her goddaughter’s cheek. “Hey, Brookie cookie. Thanks for rescuing me. I hope you’ve been telling your friend only good things.”
“What else is there to tell?”
If she only knew.
“So what were you guys doing in this part of town?”
Brooke launched into a tale about hanging out before everyone headed off to their respective colleges. Karan asked a few questions, engaged Gabby, whom she knew all about because Gabby happened to be Frankie’s daughter from her first marriage, and Jack’s new stepdaughter. Karan and Frankie. Women with a penchant for divorce. God, she really should have jumped into the lake and put an end to this misery.
Thankfully, the girls distracted her with their excitement about college plans, and soon Brooke was pulling up at the security gate of the upscale retirement community where Susanna managed the finance department, directly underneath Frankie, who managed the property.
The guard in the gatehouse waved the girls through and Brooke parked in a space in front of the building. Karan opened the door and eased out. Add a pounding head to her jitters. Great. A few deep gulps of air helped.
The Husband Lesson Page 19
