by Iris Deorre
‘Jacob, you came.’
‘Hi.’ He sat down nervously beside the bed.
‘I thought you left me, ran away from me.’ She was close to tears again. It was exhausting.
He took in a deep breath. Logan listened in again. It had been interesting the last few days.
‘Jacob, what’s wrong?’ She felt the shift in his demeanour.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Why didn’t you come to see me earlier? I thought you loved me.’
‘It was just hard,’ he said.
‘Then can you imagine how hard it was for me.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He lowered his head feeling a little ashamed.
She was silent, there was a distance between them, she could feel it.
‘Does what happened to me change us?’ She swallowed back hard.
‘I…’ He shut his mouth and looked at her.
‘You what?’
‘This has been hard. I was scared to face you, scared of what I might see or what might happen.’
‘But you came.’
‘I did…to.’ It was hard for him too.
‘To what?’
‘I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry. I know this makes me an a-hole, but I’d be lying if I said I could continue to be us.’
She was silent a moment. She took it all in. Not long ago he’d been all over her, praising her beauty, now he couldn’t do them. And was this the best time for him to break it to her?
‘I’m really sorry Faith. I really am.’
‘What changed? I’m still the same person. It’s still me.’
‘I know, but you won’t be the you I used to know.’
‘You mean I won’t be as beautiful?’ She wanted to scream, she wanted to die!
‘That’s not what I said.’
‘You didn’t have to.’
‘I’m sorry, I have to go.’ He stood up, he couldn’t keep hurting her with his words, and he couldn’t stay with her either. It just wasn’t who he was.
She was silent. She watched him as he hesitated, and then made up his mind to leave. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She was ugly. He’d said it without saying it. She wasn’t good enough for him anymore. She wasn’t up to scratch for him anymore. He could no longer have her on his arm to show her off to his friends, and partners. She wasn’t good enough, she’d been tossed aside like a piece of garbage.
‘Oh god!’ The tears flooded. ‘Oh my god!’ She broke down.
‘Hey.’ Logan couldn’t bear it, he had to do something, he had to speak.
With everything he had, he struggled out of bed, flopped into the wheelchair beside him and tried with all his might to shift towards her.
‘Hey, don’t cry,’ he said softly.
She stopped a moment and gazed at the man she knew had been beside her, but hadn’t met.
‘He’s an ass. He doesn’t deserve you.’
‘How would you know?’
‘Because I’m an ass.’
She laughed gently.
‘Seriously, it’s his loss.’
‘Is it really? He gets to walk away and I’m left here with nothing.’ She cried.
‘Hey.’ He shifted again so he could grab some tissue beside the bed.
He lifted, even though he was in excruciating pain, and dabbed the tissue on her eyes.
‘Don’t cry. He’s not worth a single tear. Save those tears.’
‘Should you even be out of bed?’
‘No, but I couldn’t let that prick make you feel like you’re nothing.’
‘Basically I’m nothing.’
‘That’s not true!’
‘I’ve lost half my face, so the doctors say. It looks like I will lose one of the biggest contracts of my entire life, which could put my business in serious financial trouble. We’ve already done a lot of spending. And now I’ve lost my boyfriend.’
He managed to get back down into the wheel chair unscathed.
‘But you have your mind, your voice, your heart, your life.’
She tried to move so she could study him.
‘You have the things that matter,’ he said. ‘I’m a jerk.’
She laughed.
‘Seriously I am. I’ve lived my life in this bubble. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I thought the world owed me up until I had the terrible accident and it all came crashing down. I’ve spent the past days deep in thought, and listening to people around me and I’ve realised something.’
‘What’s that?’
‘The things I thought mattered, don’t anymore. The moment I thought I’d die, was when it made sense.’
‘Then why are you trying to bribe the doctor.’
‘Ah, you see. You’re smart.’
She laughed lightly between the tears.
‘There’s still that dark side to me that doesn’t want to face up to what I’ve done.’
‘Then your whole speech is pointless.’
‘No I wouldn’t say that. You seem like a strong woman. You’ve built yourself up from scratch. I also heard that you don’t depend on your looks. Don’t you see, you have that to your advantage. If you didn’t depend on your looks then, what suddenly makes you think you have to depend on them now?’
The man had a point.
‘Will you let that jerk face re-write your beliefs? Will you let the perpetrator make you believe he’s actually destroyed you? The truth of the matter is none of them can take away what they can’t possess. They can’t take away your brilliance. That same mind you had, is still the same. You can still stand right back up again.’
‘What are you, some kind of angel?’
‘No, I’m a jerk trying to make it right. I watched that man walk out of here today and I saw myself. It didn’t look great at all. You don’t see it until you see it.’ It had really hit him. How many hearts had he broken without realising the pain he’d caused?
‘I see.’ She turned away.
He sat with her a while.
‘What’s your name?’ she asked after the silence.
‘Logan Davenport.’
‘Nice to meet you Logan, you look familiar. Have we met before?’
‘I’m not sure, maybe.’
She couldn’t recall where, but she was certain she’d met him. There was still so much trauma in her mind that it had blocked out certain things.
‘I know your name is Faith. I’ve heard your visitors call you that.’
‘Yes, Faith Hutton. Ironic isn’t it.’
‘What is?’
‘My name, Faith. I have little faith right now.’
‘You will.’
‘So what do you do, Logan?’
‘Well I was a stock broker before all this happened.’
‘You’re not any more?’
‘There is a possibility that I’ll lose my licence. I could also go to jail.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Well, I did something really stupid.’
‘Go on, tell me.’
‘Well. I drove while under the influence of alcohol and drugs.’
‘You are a jerk.’
‘Yes, I agree. What I did caused a very horrible accident.’
‘Was that the accident on the M1?’
‘Yes.’
‘Gosh, I’d seen it on the way home.’ Fear gripped her the moment she thought about it.
‘You did?’
‘Yes I’d just come from drinks with a friend. Did anyone die?’
‘No luckily not. But there were some serious injuries, and it looks like I’m in for some big law suits.’
‘Gosh, sorry to hear that.’
‘I deserve it.’
‘It’s my turn to tell you not to feel sorry for yourself. You may have done wrong, and you’re paying for it, and hopefully you’ll do what needs to be done. Once that’s done, don’t relive it.’
‘Nice one. How about you prescribe that for yourself?’
She laughed. ‘So what do you have on the doctor
?’
‘You were eavesdropping?’
‘Yes, just like you.’
‘I like you already.’
‘Ha, you don’t even know me, and I’m not your type.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘So the doctor, what do you have on her?’
‘You’ll think I’m a total jerk.’
‘That’s because you are.’ She laughed. ‘You confessed.’
‘Yes, you’re right.’
He took his time before letting out what the doctor had done. ‘If I do tell you, don’t tell anyone.’
‘Like who, honestly. Does it look like anyone is interested in your secrets? Except me of course.’
‘Do I sense some sarcasm?’
‘Ha.’
He smiled. She’d forgotten about the jerk who had left her, at least for a bit.
‘Well I paid her to have sex with me.’
‘You’re that unpopular?’
‘Not really, just a jerk. I would get off doing that.’
‘Knowing you’re paying off a girl to have sex with you?’
‘Yes.’
She was quiet.
‘So that’s what I have on her.’
‘Did you ask her?’
‘Actually, I didn’t. She offered.’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘Two women had turned down my offer.’
‘I’m not surprised.’
‘One woman even kicked me in the balls.’
‘Wait a second.’ She tried to catch his face through the tiny holes of the bandages. ‘Now I know where I know you from!’
‘You do?’
‘Yes, I’m the woman who kicked you.’ She laughed. She laughed so hard she thought she might burst.
‘No way!’ He laughed. ‘God you’re gorgeous. I couldn’t believe just how beautiful you were.’
‘I was gorgeous. I’m not anymore.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘We’re not talking about me jerk.’ She snorted.
‘There it is, the woman who built her company from scratch.’
She had started to feel a little better.
‘Ha. Maybe.’
‘Yes, well, it’s coming out bit by bit.’
‘Anyway, why would she offer herself?’
‘To pay for her studies, she doesn’t want to pay off a loan.’
‘I see.’
‘Is that all you’ve got.’
‘I’ve always had a problem with using beauty to get what you want. It’s pretty clear she had the brains. She could do anything she likes.’
‘Yes, well not all women think like you.’
The afternoon turned out to be a blessing. Jacob walked out of her life, and in walked Logan. She understood it wasn’t the same. He wouldn’t love her, but she was happy just to have a friend while she clocked the hours in the hospital.
Chapter Four
Logan had started his rehab, and slowly he was seeing signs of improvement, but he couldn’t wait to get back to the ward to talk to Faith. There was so much depth to her, something he’d never experienced with a woman. He’d seen a woman as an object, something he conquered, but Faith had changed that. She was funny and bold. She spoke her mind and had the most insightful conversations. Things that made him think.
One afternoon as he was wheeled back into the ward, looking forward to share his session with her, he noticed that she was crying.
‘Hey.’ He asked to be wheeled to her side. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ She tried to avoid him.
‘It can’t be nothing, you’re crying.’
She was silent. Why was this happening to her? What had she done to deserve this? All her life she’d never asked for handouts or favours. She always worked for everything she had, and now just like that, it was taken away.
He waited and hoped she’d speak, but she said nothing. Instead she just cried. He moved a little closer, and with as much strength as he could muster, pulled himself onto her bed.
‘What are you doing?’ She turned.
‘Getting into bed with you.’
‘I’m not in the mood for your shenanigans.’ She tried to laugh.
‘It’s obvious you’re upset, and I want to make you feel better.’
It was a struggle, but he climbed onto the bed with her. He was as close as he could get. She felt him breathe against her bandaged ear. He gently placed his bandaged hand over her stomach and tried to comfort her.
‘This is the best I can do, I’m a broken man.’ He tried to laugh.
She laughed through the tears.
‘So tell me. Why are you so upset? Let me carry that burden for you.’
She waited a moment, ‘This feels good,’ she said finally.
‘Good.’ He laid his head closer towards her.
She allowed the human contact. It felt great. It had been a while since she’d felt anyone that close in that sense, and she just wanted to enjoy it.
‘So, are you going to tell me?’
‘I had a visit from one of my senior staff and my lawyer.’
‘And?’
‘We lost the contract, they’ve pulled out and gone with someone else. They don’t want to work without me heading it. This has really hit my company. Things aren’t looking good.’ She swallowed back.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said against her ear. ‘What’s the worse that could happen?’
‘My company folds. All the work I put into building it will burn to the ground.’
‘Would that be so bad?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I lose everything.’ She cried again.
‘I’m sorry. I really am.’ He tried his best to console her.
‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked.
‘Doing what?’
‘Being so nice to me, so understanding.’
‘Because I like you, is that wrong.’
‘You like the idea of me. Once these bandages come off, I won’t be that girl you saw at the bar.’
‘But you will be the girl I’m getting to know and I like her very much.’
She wasn’t so sure. After what Jacob had done, what would stop Logan doing the same? One day he’ll recover completely. Would her really want a half faced woman by his side.
‘Don’t, don’t do that. Don’t feel sorry for me.’
‘I don’t. I like you. The more I get to know you, the more so. I like this.’
She was silent. She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t just allow.
‘Let’s play a game,’ he said trying to take her mind off things.
‘What game is this?’
‘One question each. We can ask each other one question each and we have to answer it.’
‘And if we don’t?’
‘The person gets penalised. We’ll make it up as we go along.’
She smiled slightly.
‘Is that a yes?’
‘Fine.’
‘Great, would you like to go first?’
‘Erm…where were you born?’
‘York. You?’
‘Birmingham.’
‘Really? I wouldn’t say.’
‘You can’t ask another question, it’s not your turn.’
‘Cheeky.’ He laughed.
‘Your rules.’
‘Okay. Your turn.’
She thought a moment and then said, ‘What’s your favourite colour.’
‘Blue.’
‘Okay, your turn.’
‘How old are you?’
‘You don’t ask a lady that question.’
‘Rules are rules.’
‘Where’s this rule book, I want in on it.’
‘Ha, nice try. Answer the question or you get a penalty.’
‘Thirty four. Same question for you.’
‘Thirty six.’
‘And you still behave like a jerk?’
‘Not your turn.’ He laughed.
Faith begun to enjoy and get into it. He had a way of
taking her mind off her troubles and forcing her to focus on the moment.
‘Fine. Your turn then.’
‘Favourite movie?’
‘Usual suspects.’
‘Great movie.’
‘Yes it was. I’ve got it on DVD.’
‘We could watch it together once we get out of here.’
‘That’s if you want to get out with me.’
‘Of course I do, why do you think I’m trying so hard.’
‘I don’t understand you.’
‘What is there to understand?’
‘Why would you want to?’
‘Because I like you.’
‘You don’t really know me.’
‘I beg to differ. You were born in Birmingham, you’re thirty four, you own a company, and you’re a bossy boots….shall I go on.’
She laughed. It was hard to believe that he wanted her. She still wasn’t convinced.
‘Are you sure I’m not just whiling up time for you.’
‘You really underestimate me.’
‘Yes I do.’
‘I’m a confessed jerk who wants to make a difference in his life. I like you, I really do. Everything about you screams power! You just need to remember that.’
She smiled. He sounded genuine and she had to admit, she’d warmed up to him too.
‘Shall we get back to our game?’ he asked.
‘Yes okay.’ She giggled.
‘I like that,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘That giggle.’
She giggled again, and he pressed his lips against the bandages.
‘Was that an attempt of a kiss?’
‘Is it your turn to ask the question?’ He teased.
‘Your turn.’
‘Favourite sex position?’
‘I beg your pardon!’
‘Rules. You have to answer the question.’ He laughed.
Faith laughed too, it was funny, and she enjoyed it.
‘Doggy style.’
‘Nice, I love doggy style too. Especially when I get to hold your hips and pump real hard.’
‘My god, I’m a patient in hospital.’
‘As am I.’ he laughed. ‘Your turn.’
‘Since we’re on the sex topic, what’s your wildest fantasy?’
‘I like. You’re bold and sexually open minded.’
‘I’m only playing by your rules, remember.’
‘Fair enough… let me think.’
‘That many, huh?’
He laughed. ‘I’d say two girls and me in between.’
‘You dirty boy!’
‘You asked, and this is a fantasy, remember.’
