by Kylie Walker
“Because we’re related?”
“Yeah, kind of related,” he said with a grin and a wink. “I struggled with it for a while and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it couldn’t happen, I couldn’t stop wanting you. I finally spoke to Luke about it.”
Sam smiled. “What did he have to say?”
“He said we never know how much time we have here and we shouldn’t waste it on regrets or hang-ups about the past. Basically he gave me permission to go for it.”
She leaned her body back into his and closed her eyes. She almost couldn’t believe that she wanted this. She wanted a relationship with this man. She wanted things she’d never wanted before and when she was here like this in his arms, it didn’t even scare her. After several long, silent minutes she pulled back and looked at him again. With a little smile tugging at her lips she said, “So…are you going to?”
“Am I going to what?”
“Go for it?”
“I was thinking about it.”
“Could you think a little faster?”
“Everything’s immediate gratification with you, isn’t it?”
“If you’re asking if I have any patience the answer is no. If you’re asking if I want you to immediately gratify me…hell yeah. That is as long as you don’t bolt on me as soon as we finish again.”
He grinned. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He kissed her softly again and holding her tightly in his arms he began walking her backwards across the shop.
“It feels like we’re going somewhere.”
“I said I wasn’t going anywhere. You and I on the other hand, we’re going places baby.” They stopped walking and she could feel cold steel at her back. She glanced over her shoulder and saw they were pressed into Luke’s old rusty 1950’s Buick. It was one of his projects that he hadn’t gotten to yet. “Have you ever seen how big the back seat of one of these things is?”
She smiled. “Really? Big back seat huh? I guess you could haul a lot of stuff.”
He cocked an eyebrow and said, “I guess if it was running you could. Personally I was thinking it’s been a long ass day and I’d really just like a place to stretch out and relax.”
“You want to relax?”
He brought his mouth down to her ear and she shuddered as he said, “What I had in mind will lead to a good night’s sleep, I promise.”
“I could use a good night’s sleep for sure.”
“Good, get in the back,” he told her. She grinned and spun around. As she took the door handle in her hand she felt him press into her from behind. She could feel how badly he wanted her and that only fueled her own desire. She pulled open the door and his hands stayed firmly on her waist as she crawled inside and he followed her. Once they were both all the way inside he closed the door and pulled her into his side. He held her there and once again kissed her senseless. She loved the way his hard body molded into hers like they were two pieces of the same puzzle. She reveled in the warmth and strength of it and she wanted more…so much more.
His capable hands began to move and she lost herself in the pleasure of it all. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back and then felt his mouth on the sensitive skin there. He kissed her softly at first and then she felt his tongue and finally the edges of his teeth. She moaned into him as the thrilling sensations surged inside of her and threatened to boil over.
“You’re so beautiful Samantha,” he whispered.
“So are you,” she said.
She felt his face curve up into a grin against her neck. “Imagine how damned good-looking our kids would be.” Her eyes snapped open and she pushed on his chest. She felt his body moving as he laughed. “Just trying to get a rise out of you.”
“It worked,” she said. “Don’t mention kids again for at least another five years.”
“Does that mean you plan on still being with me five years from now?” He was kissing her in between words and they came out in a breathless rush. She loved knowing she did that to him. She also loved knowing that he even considered being with her long enough to someday start a family.
“As long as you’re not a dick,” she said. He laughed again and then he devoured her. There were no more jokes and no more laughing. Conrad made love to her in the back seat of that old Buick and it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced. Afterwards while she lay in his arms and listened to the steady sound of his heart beating in his bare chest she actually felt at peace. It was a feeling that had been elusive most of her life. It was that feeling she would hold onto in the difficult weeks to come.
CHAPTER 25
TWO WEEKS LATER
Conrad willed the nerves away as he sat tucked inside the cock-pit of the Formula One car. It was a tight fit, but it was supposed to be. He was so used to the open space of his Charger that being cocooned was hard to get used to…but he was sure he could do it. He glanced up in the stands and saw his “family.” The whole crew had come out to watch him today and they were all sitting up there except for Beau who was down in the pits. Conrad was doing his test run for Sanders Motorsports after passing the oral interview with flying colors. He looked toward the bottom row and saw Samantha and Aaron and Luke. Luke spent the entire week before in the hospital. His bilirubin levels had gone off the charts and he had to have IV treatments to bring them down. He also had two blood transfusions and they’d put a feeding tube in his stomach because his body was no longer able to process solid food. But this morning he’d gotten out of bed when the sun came up and Sam told Conrad that when she and Aaron got up he was in the kitchen having his coffee and insisting that he was going to be there. Conrad knew he had to be miserable sitting up on those benches, but he also knew that he would have been even more miserable waiting at home. He felt a rush of something he’d been feeling a lot lately, gratitude. Instead of concentrating on all that he’d lost he’d been working on appreciating all that he had. It definitely made life easier.
He heard a whistle come from his left and he looked over and saw his dad and Beau in the pit. His dad held up two fingers. Two minutes until the Christmas tree turned green and he got his first taste of what it felt like to be a real, legal, race car driver. He gave them a thumb up. Beau had that goofy grin on his face. He’d been staying with Conrad and Shawn for the past two weeks and Conrad was seriously considering the three bedroom apartment that had recently become available.
Conrad gripped the oval steering wheel with both hands and once again surveyed the rows of dials and switches in the center of it. He’d had ample time to study the car and commit it all to memory but his anxiety was surging and he wanted to reassure himself that he could do this. He mentally moved the one that would adjust his fuel mixture. He let his eyes take in the one that would adjust the brake bias between the front and the rear. There were paddle shifters on either side of the oval wheel too. The left shifts up and the right down. The car has an electronic clutch that Conrad had studied up on, but never used. Once again he took in a deep breath and told himself he can do this. This is what he’d spent all of those long nights out on the streets racing toward. This was his chance to have everything he ever wanted. Once again he glanced over at the stands and he remembered that even if he didn’t get this job, he already had everything he needed. All he had to do now was find his rhythm and he’d have it all. He glanced at his dad who looked like he was trying not to look nervous. Conrad smiled as his dad held up one finger now. He was going over his mental map of the track now. He’d studied it over and over for the past two weeks. He knew it like the back of his hand. He knew when to accelerate and when to shift up and down…he had this.
He saw the car ahead of him duck into the pits…this is it. The tree lights go green and he put the car into first and stepped on the accelerator. By the time he was on the track he’d already shifted all the way up. He felt like he was flying as he took the first turn on two wheels. He was going to have to learn how to hold her back. The car wanted to go faster than he knew he’d b
e able to handle, but it was once again just a matter of finding that rhythm…
The power and the speed were exciting, the fact that it took every muscle he had to control it, overwhelming. He reached the straightaway and once again gave it full throttle. It was like launching a rocket and the force of it pressed him back against the seat. The straightaway was coming to an end and there was a sharp, dangerous turn up ahead. He tapped the brake and just that soft touch sent him lurching forward and the seatbelt digging into him. He kept tapping until his speed dropped from close to 150 mph all the way down to under 60 while he nailed the turn. When he was back on the oval he gripped the wheel tighter and once again stepped on the accelerator. He sailed into the banked turn and almost over it. His heart slammed against his chest as he held her back. He knew he was well up over 200 mph now but he didn’t chance a look down. He finished his lap with his neck and arms throbbing but still raring for more. The next four laps came easier. His five practice laps were down and he was still alive. Now he had three laps that would be timed and analyzed and that’s what Sander’s execs would use to decide between him and the three other applicants.
The first hot lap was smooth as glass and his confidence was at its peak. The second hot lap went okay, but he messed up on the sharp turn…too much brake, he can adjust on the next one. By the third lap he felt like a professional and when he saw the flagman wave the white flag he was almost disappointed that it was coming to an end. If he didn’t get this job he may never get another chance to drive like this.
He tucked those negative thoughts away and covered the brake. He did one more lap as he slowed it down to a safe speed and then he negotiated the ramp into the pits. Once he killed the engine he just sat there for several seconds and made himself breathe. He did it, and he did it well. A smile had covered his face as he stepped out and was almost tackled by Beau.
“Oh my God! That was fucking awesome! What did it feel like?”
He pulled off his helmet and said, “I have no words.” Beau kept slapping him on the back as he hugged his dad. He wondered who was more excited, him or his friend and his father. They made their way around the track to where the Sander’s execs were sitting. The men were looking at him with respect on their faces and that filled him with even more confidence. Bart, the one who had interviewed him stood up and put out his hand. Conrad took it and as they shook Bart said, “One minute, six-point-four seconds.”
“Seriously?” Conrad suddenly worried this was a joke or a dream.
“That was your best lap, the fastest so far.”
“Jesus…” He heard something behind him and turned to see Sam, Luke, Aaron and the crew. They all applauded him and then Sam launched herself into his arms. After she finished kissing his face all over he asked her, “Did you hear what he said my time was?”
“One minute, six-point-four seconds,” she gushed. Then she pressed her mouth to his ear and said, “Do you know how hot that makes me?”
He laughed. “I can’t wait to get you home so that you can show me.”
“Me too,” she said. She kissed his lips one more time and then stood down and stepped back so everyone else could congratulate him. The only bitter-sweet moment of the day was when he hugged Luke and felt every one of his bones pressing into him. He willed himself not to choke up. This was a great day in part because Luke got to be here. He wasn’t going to put a damper on that by doing exactly what Luke had told him not to do a million times…worrying about the things he couldn’t change. Today was a day for celebration and family and the feelings coursing through his body felt strong enough to propel him through the worst of what was left to come…he hoped.
**
Conrad and the crew were still in the midst of their celebration that evening when Bart from Sander’s called. They were in Luke’s shop and the noise of their voices and the music in the background echoed off the walls. He gestured to Sam that he was going outside to take it and as he slipped out the door he heard her blow out a loud whistle and insist they all be quiet. Suddenly the music was off and there wasn’t a sound coming from inside. Conrad smiled, knowing they were all probably standing at the door listening as he pushed accept and said, “Hello.”
“Conrad, it’s Bart. How are you feeling?”
“I’m still high,” he said with a laugh. “That was more powerful than any drug I could have ever taken.”
“True story. I still savor my first time and it was twenty years ago. It’s better than poppin’ your high school girlfriend’s cherry.”
Conrad laughed. “I’d have to agree.”
“Well, I’ve got news that is unbelievably going to make that feeling even better. We’re ready to offer you a position on our racing team.”
Conrad wanted to scream. He wanted to jump and run and kick and yell at the top of his lungs. He didn’t know what to do with the feelings pumping through his veins. He was going to be on a real racing team. He was going to test Formula One cars and learn how to build them and eventually race them. Dream achieved! He realized he’d been silent for a long time when Bart cleared his throat. “Damn, I’m sorry Bart. I’m just speechless. This is seriously the best news I’ve ever gotten. I don’t even know how to respond.” The roar of his friend’s behind him proved they were listening and he smiled as Bart said,
“It sounds like your friends and family have it down. Go celebrate with them and come see me Monday morning so we can hammer out the details.”
“Okay, thank you so much!”
“It was all you, Conrad. You’ve got raw talent like I haven’t seen in years. You’ll be running the Indy 500 in no time if you’re willing to stick with this.”
“Oh, I am. I’m more than willing.”
“Good. I’ll see you Monday.”
He ended the call and just stood there for a few seconds. He felt frozen with shock and excitement. The feeling of Sam’s warm hand on his back was what thawed him. He turned toward her and picked her up off the ground in one quick move. “I’m going to be a real race car driver baby!” She hugged him tightly and he squeezed her until he was afraid he’d crush her. When he finally sat her down and looked at her face he realized that he saw nothing there but pure joy for him. She wasn’t jealous. She wasn’t worried about if or when she’d get her chance. She was simply ecstatic for him. He pulled her back into him and held her there with his lips brushing against her soft dark hair. “One of these days we’re going to have this same celebration for you baby.”
She hugged into him and said, “You better believe it.” He laughed. He did believe it, with all of his heart.
CHAPTER 26
THREE MONTHS LATER
Samantha stood outside the bedroom door in the hallway of Luke’s home and listened to Luke’s frail voice telling the hospice nurse that he didn’t want his pain medication. She wasn’t happy about it and they were having an argument that Sam knew she should go in and break up. For the past month he’d been almost incoherent because it was taking such large doses of morphine to even numb the pain he was in. But this morning he’d woken up ornery and he’d been fighting the nurse every step of the way. Samantha felt in her gut that it was an indication that Luke was finished with all of this. He’d fought so hard but he was finally so tired that the fight was leaving him. He knew it was time, and Sam knew him well enough now to know that he would want one more day of coherence to spend with his family before he went. She knew that even though he only weighed about ninety pounds now and he couldn’t get up out of that bed, he’d fight tooth and nail for it. She also knew that today was that day. That’s what stopped her from going into the room. Knowing it and actually hearing it were two different things. She and Conrad and Aaron had all agreed that they would do whatever it took to make his leaving this world less traumatic for him. They’d all only shared positive things when he was within earshot even on the days they were sure he wasn’t listening…just in case. But today when her heart was so heavy with the knowledge that they were thi
s close, she wasn’t positive she could do it. In the past five months she’d learned to love Luke as if she’d known him her entire life. She’d learned to get past those regrets and just appreciate that she had this chance and on top of that, Aaron had too. He loved her father as much as she did and even the short time he was in her brother’s life he’d touched it in ways she knew that Aaron would never forget. He’d grown up and he’d become stronger and Sam was no longer as worried about what he would do when Luke was gone.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Conrad had to spend a month in Indiana right after he got his job. Sam got to visit him once, but she didn’t like being so far from Luke. Conrad didn’t either and once his orientation period was over, Bart had told him to take the time he needed for his family and his job would be there for him when he was finished. He came up behind her now and put his warm hands on her shoulders. It still amazed her how she was able to draw strength from a simple touch.
She turned to face him and said, “I was stalling.”
“You think this is it?” His pretty green eyes filled with tears as he said that. He’d never let them spill, but they were there lurking every time he had to think about losing Luke.
She nodded and sucked in another breath. “I think so.”
He pressed his forehead into hers. “Thank you, Sam.”
“For what?”
“For you. If not for you I don’t think I could have gotten through any of this.”
“You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Look at everything you already went through. You handled it all and you came through it as an amazing, strong, wonderful human being. You give so much of yourself to your friends and your family…”
He put his finger to her lips and said, “I’ve learned to start forgiving myself for the past, but that was thanks to my friends and my family. My strength comes from all of you. As long as I have you all I can get through anything…but saying good-bye to that man in there is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I can’t even imagine how hard it’s going to be for you.” He kissed her softly and said, “I love you, Samantha.”
