“No problem, Matt,” I said. There was a lot of room, so I wrote large, but not too large. “How’s that?”I asked when I was finished.
“Perfect!” said Matt. “That’s perfect. Thanks!”
As I was handing the marker back to Matt, a teenage couple, about high school age entered the music store. The girl looked at me and folded her arms as she said, “Look, Steve. It’s your new woman.”
Steve looked up from the CD rack and looked in the direction the girl was pointing. “Hmmm? What are you talking… Oh my God! It’s Michelle Grayson!”He dropped the CD he was holding back in some random place in the rack and ran towards me.
He just stared at me for a moment, and then blurted, “This is so cool! I’m a huge fan of yours! In fact, I usually hate country music, but your song is awesome!”
The guy was making me nervous, and a few more people trickled into the store. Hesitantly, I said, “Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed my song.”
He turned around and snatched a celebrity magazine from his girlfriend’s hands. It had my picture on the cover. “Could you sign this for me?” pleaded Steve.
I asked Matt for the marker back and said, “Sure, no problem.”
No sooner had Steve muttered his thanks, than a copy of the band’s CD was shoved in my face. A kid with a really a bad acne problem asked, “Can you sign this? Sign the picture on the inside?”
Suddenly, there were several people in the store, rushing to buy either a CD or a poster and then shoving it towards me to sign. I felt trapped, like a rat. I was suddenly dizzy with all these people rushing towards me and shouting my name. In the back of my mind, I thought, so, you wanted to be a celebrity, eh?
Matt seemed to sense my distress as he opened the gate on the counter and gently pulled me to the other side of the counter as he shouted, “Folks! Please! I think you’re overwhelming Miss Grayson. One at a time, please.” I’m sure that now he couldn’t wait to tell his friends that he actually got to touch Michelle Grayson.
I wanted to ask Matt if there was a back way out. Then, the practical side of me jumped up and suggested this was good publicity. However, I looked out across the store and really started to feel panic setting in. People were fogging into the store. There was just no way I could handle such a mob.
“Hey everyone!” I shouted. “I really appreciate every one of you, but I can’t stay here all day and sign autographs. I can only stay here fifteen more minutes before I have to get back to the studio.” Okay, so I lied. I didn’t want them to try following me around the mall.
To Matt, I asked in a low voice, “Is there a back way out of here? And do you sell sunglasses here by any chance?”
Matt nodded and said, “Yes and no. There is a back way out, but we don’t sell shades here. I’d be honored if you took mine though.”
I smiled and said, “Thanks! I’ll pay you for them.”
Shaking his head, Matt said, “Nope. It’s my pleasure. Our sales were lagging until you showed up!”
I smiled slightly and said, “Well, I’m glad I could help.” I signed another poster.
* * *
I re-entered the mall through the front doors, wearing Matt’s shades and his Dodgers ball cap. I walked back up to the theater. The movie was going to start in a little over half an hour. I decided it was probably best to wait inside the theater.
The girl in the ticket booth didn’t even look at me twice, which was a good thing. I entered the theater and decided I needed to visit the little girl’s room before heading to the concession stand.
I stood in front of the mirror and removed the cap and sunglasses. I shook my hair out and stared at myself. I held up my hand and it was twitching slightly. How do other famous people handle mobs like that? Do they just get used to it or do they just have such huge egos that they expect mobs to chase after them? I didn’t think I could handle one more fan right then.
“I know you,”said a girl that had just exited one of the stalls. She looked about eighteen, had long, shaggy black hair and was wearing a miniskirt over bicycle shorts and a leather jacket over a t-shirt, along with various piercings. She was staring at me through my reflection in the mirror. “You’re that chick that got mad at Tommy Kincaid just because he kissed you. I saw the magazine photos of that.”
I wanted to scream. Instead, I turned to face her and calmly said, “What makes you so sure I’m that girl? I mean, who wouldn’t want to be kissed by Tommy Kincaid?”
“Exactly,”said the girl as she walked up to me. “I know who you are. You’re that Michelle chick whose picture is everywhere! My God! I can’t even get through the ‘curse’ without seeing your face. Do you even use those tampons, or do you just get paid to say you do?”
“Excuse me!?” I said, getting indignant. “I came in here to go to the bathroom, not to debate who I like to kiss and …and what tampons I use!”
“Sorry, sorry. I do this to everyone.”She lifted her arms up in resignation and continued, “That’s why I’m here with all my friends!”She laughed without humor. “It’s just that when I saw those pictures, I thought, what’s with that stupid little stuck up bitch, you know?”
“I’m not stuck up. I’m…”
“No, really. What are you, like thirteen… fourteen?”
“I’m fourteen. Can I go to the bathroom now?”
She frightened me a little as she took a couple of steps toward me as she said, “I mean it just bugs me that some little shit bitch like you, who makes CDs and makes commercials and God knows what else, gets offended by someone like Tommy trying to kiss you. I’m Tommy’s biggest fan but when I tried to get his autograph one time, he wouldn’t even look at me. You he likes, but you don’t even give a shit.”
This girl was totally whacked. I no longer felt I needed to go to the bathroom. I said, “I bet the movie is about to start. I think I’d better go now. Thanks for the chat, it was very interesting…” I started to slowly make my way back towards the door.
She suddenly stepped into my path and said, “No hurry. You’re here to see Tommy’s movie, right? You still have about ten minutes left.” Her eyes flashed briefly as she said, “You’ll like the movie. Tommy is very cute in it, but then, you don’t care.”
“I care,” I said.
“Yeah, right!” said the girl as she backed up to the door, and then opened it to leave.
A feeling of relief swept over me as the door closed and the strange girl was no longer in the restroom. I hurried to an empty stall, but not the one the strange girl has come out of. Something was wrong with her, and I didn’t want to catch it.
When I was finished with my business, I cautiously exited the restroom and did a quick scan of the lobby. The weird girl was nowhere in sight. There were still a few minutes before the movie started, so I hurried over to get a drink and some popcorn.
As I entered the theater playing Tommy’s movie, I did a quick look around, trying to spot a good seat. I noticed that I wasn’t the only teenage girl in the theater. Wait, let me rephrase that… there were a lot of teenage girls in the audience. Just as I was about to sit down, the lights dimmed and the trailers started.
During the movie, I laughed and squealed and cried right along with every girl in the theater. It was Kayla’s fault. She’d got me hooked on sappy romantic comedies. In fact, I was wishing Kayla was sitting next to me. Not as a date, but as my best pal. I wanted someone to share my enjoyment of the movie with. When Tommy kissed a girl in the movie, I wanted to whisper teasingly into her ear, “I know what that’s like!”
Tommy kissed a lot of girls during the movie. In fact, I found myself getting annoyed. I know that sounds stupid. Why should I care? But I did. Although I did take some smug satisfaction that of all the people in the theater, I was the only one that had shared an intimate moment with Tommy.
By the end of the movie, I had come to the conclusion that I had been too hard on Tommy. He had just been trying to be nice. I w
as going to have to give him a call as soon as I got back to the hotel.
* * *
Chapter 13
”Okay, Mom. What’s the deal with the posters?” I asked as I climbed into Mom’s rental car.
“What are you talking about, dear?” Mom asked, looking puzzled.
“The posters!” I exclaimed. “The posters of me that are on sale everywhere!”
“Oh, those posters. Did you see them? What did you think?” asked Mom.
“Yes, Mom. I saw them!” I said, exasperated. “I couldn’t believe you approved of them! What mother would put pictures like that of her son out for all the world to see?”
Mom’s face darkened as she navigated the car through the mall parking lot. Sounding defensive, she said, “Those aren’t pictures of my son. Those are pictures of a female character you’re playing. Mr. Winters, who has a lot of experience in these things, picked those pictures because he thought they had potential for big sales.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this! Those are posters of me. It doesn’t matter if I’m dressed as a girl. It’s still me. Was money your only consideration when you approved of them?” I shook my head in disbelief.
“Michelle, I think you’re over-reacting. Those pictures weren’t that bad. Mr. Winters is committed to keeping your image out of the slut category that a lot of female performers slide into.”
“You could’ve fooled me,”I said. “Those pictures were kinda suggestive. Sex sells, huh?”
“Oh honey, stop it!” Mom admonished. “You’re making too much of this. Besides, you posed for them. You must have thought about it.”
“I just did what the photographer told me. I didn’t think about it at the time.”
“I’ll admit that they are a little sexy, but there’s nothing lewd or dirty about them. Honey, do you honestly think I’d let them publish posters of my daughter that would be considered obscene?”Mom finally found her way out of the parking lot and moved the car into traffic.
“Your daughter?” I asked. I don’t know why that bothered me so much since for some reason, today I was actually enjoying feeling girlie.
Mom laughed and said, “Sorry. Looking at you, I have a difficult time thinking of you as a son. I’ll be more careful.”
“So, what about the posters, Mom?” I asked.
“They’re selling very well, Michelle. I’m not ashamed of them. You’re beautiful in them, a little sexy but still with an innocent girl-next-door look.” Mom took on a very businesslike tone. “They’re perfect because they work on multiple levels. They’re mom friendly, despite what you may think; your young teen girl fans love them because you’re something of a symbol for them. And your teen boy fans love them because… er… uhmmm, well because you look…” Mom suddenly had a hard time getting words out, “Because you look, well… hot.”
Looking at her sideways, I said, “Mom! Think about what you just said! You just said I looked hot! Just admit it, Mom. Guys are buying my posters to jerk off to!”
“Michelle! Don’t use that kind of language. Besides, what’s the point now? Even if we recalled them, thousands have been sold already. They’re not that bad, trust me.”
* * *
“Hello?”
“Hi, Tommy,” I said, a little breathless. What has come over me, I wondered. Suddenly, I was a swirl of emotions while talking to Tommy.
“Michelle!” exclaimed Tommy. “Hey babe! It’s great to hear from you!”
“I just wanted to call and say ‘hi’,”I said. “We’re back in town.”
“Cool! How long will you be here this time?”
“All summer. Maybe longer.”
“Awesome! You’re going to love it here. There’s so much to do,” said Tommy. “So, how have you been?”
“I’ve been doing good. And thank you for all the flowers. I’m sorry that I didn’t call earlier to say thank you.” I was so nervous and had trouble thinking of things to say. Usually Tommy just annoys me.
“I’m glad you got them. Since I didn’t hear anything, I was afraid Ms. Gray was just throwing them away,” Tommy said. “Did you like them? I didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked.”
“I got them all!”My room back home was starting to look like a florist shop. Mom wouldn’t let me toss them out until they’d gotten pretty wilted. “I loved them all!” I lied. But, I had to admit it was very sweet of him to send them.
“I’m glad you enjoyed them. I was afraid you were mad at me,” admitted Tommy.
I hesitated a moment before answering. Then I said, “I was at first. But I’m not mad at you anymore.”
“I’m glad. And I’m sorry if I offended you in any way.”Tommy sounded sincere. “I’d like to make it up to you. Are you free Wednesday night?”
“As far as I know. Mr. Winters hasn’t had a chance to fill up all my free time yet. Why?” I asked.
“I’d love to take you out to dinner. There’s a great restaurant right by the beach. And, I finally got my driver’s license!”
“Sounds great, Tommy.” I hesitated. He’s asking me out on a date! This isn’t just a publicity thing like the big party. This is a date-date. With a boy. In all honesty, I should say no. It just isn’t right since I’m not really a girl. “I’d love to, Tommy. But why Wednesday?”
He tried to muffle the phone, but I could still make out Tommy exclaiming, “Yes!” Then more clearly he said, “Great! I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I would have suggested Friday night to give you more time, but I’ll be in Mexico Friday for a shoot.”
“Another new movie?” I asked.
“I just have a small part. It’s a war movie. I just have a few lines, and then I’m killed off.”
“That’s terrible!”I said.
“Naw, it’s good. It’ll show I can handle more dramatic stuff.”
“I saw your movie today. I loved it!” I said honestly.
“Thanks! I’m glad you liked it.” He paused a second and before I could say anything he said, “And hey, I’ve enjoyed your tampon commercials. They’re so good; I actually went out and bought a box.”
I laughed and said, “You’re silly!”
Tommy laughed too, and then said, “So, pick you up at seven on Wednesday?”
“That’d be great!” I said, trying not to sound excited. The thought of going on date with Tommy both thrilled me and made me feel ill at the same time.
“Terrific! The place I’m taking you to isn’t totally formal, but you do have to dress up nice to go there.”There was a slight pause, and then Tommy continued, “Hey, I need to run, so I’ll see you then!”
We said our good-byes and I hung up the phone. I just sat there a moment, staring blankly at the wall. A chill flushed down my spine. Just what the hell did I just do? I made a date with a boy. And not just any boy, but a movie star to boot. Have I gone insane?
I suddenly jumped up from where I was sitting and ran into the adjoining room where Mom and John were watching television.
“Mom! Mom!” I shouted. “I need a dress for Wednesday night! We have to go buy one!”
Mom jumped slightly at the abrupt interruption. She looked at me from her seat and said, “Slow down! You need a dress? What are you talking about?”
“I have a date, Mom! For Wednesday night.” I said, starting to hyperventilate.
“A date? You have a date? I don’t recall you asking if it was okay for you to go out on a date,” said Mom as she sat up straighter, wrinkling her brow. “You’re going out on a date as a girl?”
I gave Mom a ‘what, are you kidding?’ look and said, “Mom, it’s with Tommy. Of course as a girl. And, I didn’t think I needed to ask permission.”
Before Mom could say anything, John jumped in with, “Whoa! You have a date…with a guy? That’s just sick, man! Have you flipped? See, Mom? I told you this girl thing was a bad idea. I mean, listen to him!”
“John, just stay out of it!” admonished Mom. “This doesn’t concern you.” Turning towards me, Mom said, “Are you sure about this? I thought you were trying to avoid Tommy.”
“At first yeah,” I said, “I wasn’t really comfortable being Michelle. Thanks to Kayla, I’ve discovered it’s kinda fun being a girl.”
Mom smiled and said, “I’m glad you finally decided that being a girl isn’t the most awful thing in the world. I’m just not sure if you should be dating boys.”
Now I was really confused. I said, “I thought you liked Tommy. I always had the idea you wanted me to go out with him.”
“Actually, I do like Tommy,”Mom said. “He’s seems like pretty decent kid. I didn’t really mind him having a crush on you and trying to get your attention. I hoped that would cause you to finally realize that the world saw you as a beautiful young woman, not as the goofy guy-in-a-dress you thought of yourself. But since you resisted him, I wasn’t too concerned it would lead to anything.”
“I’m not planning on marrying him,” I said, sounding frustrated. “While watching his movie today, I decided I was being too hard on him. When he asked me out tonight, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings again.”
Mom allowed herself to smile as she said, “You have a crush on him, don’t you?”
I didn’t answer right away. I just looked at the floor. Finally, I looked back up at Mom and said quietly, “Kinda I guess. He’s so nice to me and he is sorta cute.”
John shouted from across the room, “That’s just so fuckin’ sick, man!”He looked completely disgusted.
“John! What did I just tell you?” scolded Mom. Turning back to me she said, “Yes, Tommy is very cute and very nice. Any girl would love for him to ask them out on a date. But Honey, as much as I really do want you to be comfortable as Michelle and enjoy being her, actually dating someone is a problem. Tommy is expecting to go out with a girl and as much as we might wish otherwise, the bottom line is, you’re still a boy.”
“Nobody’s perfect,” I said quietly. Conflicting emotions boiled in my mind. Even though I was now comfortable with my role as Michelle, I was still sure I had no desire to remain a girl. At first, I was grossed out by Tommy’s interest in me. But now, and God help me I don’t know why, I had a big crush on him. There was no denying it.
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