by Dawn Martens
I wake up still sprawled across Kidd. He used to touch me all the time, but that changed after my birthday. Being in his arms again feels good-- too good. I carefully pull my head back to look up at him, hoping that he’s sleeping, but he’s not. He’s wide awake, and his eyes are glued on my face.
I know I need to say something, but I’m not sure where to begin. I end up blurting out, “I’m sorry I killed her.”
He gives my waist a squeeze and smiles. “It happens to the best of us.”
I know he’s trying to tease me, and trying to make me feel better, but I’m not in the mood for that. I know a shit storm is heading my way, and I need to be prepared. “She was coming at me with a knife, so it was self-defense.”
He nods. “Yeah, baby doll. It was.”
“Do you think I’ll have to go to prison?” I whisper out.
He shakes his head, squeezing me tight. “Hell no.”
“The police might not believe it was self-defense. Look at Timber. The guy he cut was trying to rape one of the girls at the strip club, and they still sent him to prison.”
“Yeah, baby, but Timber sliced him in The Kitty Kat parking lot. There were people there, and they only saw Timber shooting the guy. They didn’t see the bastard trying to rape Skittles. Plus, Timber had a record.” He takes a deep breath and continues. “Skittles was his only witness. Even though it’s not right, truth is that a stripper who whores herself on the side doesn’t look that great up on the stand.”
What he says is true, but the only people that saw Cary with a knife was Chipper, Kidd, and Reese. All three of which have seen the inside of jail cell more than once. Plus, Chipper is like a dad to me, Reese is my lover, and Kidd… well Kidd is something that I can’t quite put a label on. “The cops might not believe you guys about the knife.”
“Cops?” he asks, confusion lacing through his voice. “The cops ain’t ever gonna know shit about this.”
“You’re not going to tell the police? What about her? You know, her body and stuff?” I ask, the word ‘body’ making my stomach ache.
“It’s been taken care of. Everything has. All you gotta do is keep your mouth shut,” he says, looking determined. “Just forget this day ever happened.”
I lay my head back on his chest and close my eyes, but the sight of her bleeding out on the floor at my feet flashes through my mind. “How do you forget something like that? How do you forget that you killed someone?”
He starts to run his hands through my hair as he answers. “I’m not sure if you’ll ever forget it, but that pain you got coursing through you will go away. It just takes time. I want you to remember, though, that she would’ve taken your life if you hadn’t pulled that trigger. Believe me, I’m glad that you took the bitch down. I’m just sorry that I didn’t do it for you.”
We lay there quietly before he says something that rocks my world. “I miss you, Jenna. I know I fucked up, but that was a long damn time ago. Can’t you at least give me a chance to make up for it?”
Before I have an opportunity to respond, someone knocks on the door. A second later, Chipper sticks his head in. “How’s my girl?”
I jump from the bed and run to Chipper, wrapping my arms around him. I’m happy that he’s here, but even happier that I didn’t have to tell Kidd how much I missed him too; how all it would take is one kiss and I’d fall right back into his arms. “I’m going to be okay, but I want to go home with you. I don’t want to stay at the clubhouse tonight.”
He looks towards the bed and lifts his chin to Kidd before leading me out of the club. I never look back at Kidd, and do my best to forget his words. He may miss me, but he doesn’t love me. I can never forget that.
Kidd
Watching Jenna leave my room with Chipper pisses me way the fuck off. I hate that she has to go through this shit. I know what it’s like to take someone’s life. It’s not something you can just get over. That shit doesn’t hurt; it kills. I know it’s going to eat at her for a long time, maybe forever. I knew she needed someone to be there for her, and I jumped on the chance to be that someone.
It felt nice holding her, even though every one of her tears cut right through me. Holding her in my arms and having her talk to me without bitchin’ reminded me of what it used to be like between us. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere with her, finally breaking through that wall that she built around her heart after I royally fucked up. Then, Chipper walked in. I’m not stupid. I know she took him showing up as a chance to run, and she did. She ran as fast as she could.
Now, I feel like we’re back at square fucking one. How did I let shit get this bad between us? I know that what I said to her after Sarah’s death cut her to the core, but it’s hard to apologize when the person you wronged hasn’t spoken to you in over six fucking years.
There’s no way she thinks that I really meant the things I said to her after Sarah’s death. She had to know that Sarah was only her stand in. Everyone knew that I was just waiting for her to get older, to be able to make her mine. I know now, I should have sent Sarah packing as soon as I laid eyes on Jenna. I most definitely should have told her to hit the road after Mindy’s funeral. Shit! I should have never brought her down here in the first place.
If I hadn’t have made those mistakes, I would have my Jenna. Instead, what I got is a cold hearted bitch that barely talks to me, let alone acknowledges I even fuckin’ exist. Hell, that’s not true. I don’t even have the cold hearted bitch either. Truth be told, I’d take the new Jenna, Ice, in a heartbeat and just pray I could thaw her out.
For now, I’ll give Jenna this play. I’ll let her pretend that she doesn’t want me. Hell, I’ll let her pretend I don’t even exist. She can play at being as cold as she wants, but when I see she finally has her shit together, she’s mine, and I won’t be taking no for an answer. I just hope it won’t take too long for her to see the light, because I’m not sure I can hold off much longer.
I shake off my thoughts of Jenna when my phone rings. I pick it up and see a number that’s from one of the throwaway cells that we sneak into the boys in prison. “Hello.”
“What the fuck, man? How the hell could you let that happen?” Timber growls into the phone.
I take a breath to control my temper. “How did you find out?”
“I talked to Reese. He’s pissed as fuck! I can’t believe you let that shit go down.”
Again, I have to fight to control my temper. Not only is my brother screaming at me, but he’s also doing his best to claim my woman. Seeing Jenna with the guys around the club makes me mad as hell. A few times, Chipper’s had to lock me in my room to keep me from beating the piss outta whichever bastard is touching her. Yeah, seeing my Jenna with other guys hurts, but it’s nothing compared to her relationship with Timber. He loves Jenna. Sometimes, I wonder if he may love her as much I do. What’s even worse is that she loves him too.
“If you talked to Reese, you know what happened. There’s no reason for me to tell you again, and if Reese is pissed, he should be pissed at himself. He was standing right beside her. It’s his piece she used.”
Reese is another problem that I don’t even want to think about. He and Jenna are tight, too fucking tight. Brother is so pussy whipped when it comes to her that I’m surprised he can even function on his own. He’s been asking me to let him cut his old lady loose and claim Jenna, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to let that shit happen.
“I know, he told me, but he’s not the president of the fucking club. You are.”
“I can’t control everything.”
“Well, brother, that’s the job you took on when Gun died. If you can’t handle it, maybe you should step aside.”
“Fuck you, man.”
“No, fuck you. I’m not stupid. I know what happened. You were too busy watching Ice’s ass to notice the bitch had a blade.”
His words make me angry, but the truth behind them makes me furious. “I don’t want to talk about this shit any longer, so i
f you got something important to say, you better get it said.”
“Have you been giving Ice my letters?” he asks, sounding sure that he already knows the answer.
Shit! When I first started getting letters at the club house for Jenna, I just couldn’t stop myself from opening them. When I saw what was inside of them, I knew I’d never let one make it to her. Timber, my best fucking friend, wants to make my girl his old lady. Just like with Reese, I’m not letting that happen. “Yeah man, I am. Ice doesn’t need that shit right now. You get out, then you can talk to her. Until then, keep your fucking feelings to yourself.”
He laughs again, but this time it sounds genuine. “Sure, man. I’ll do that. As soon as I’m home, I’ll have her on the back of my bike. Oh, and just so you know, my parole was approved two days ago. I should be home in a few weeks.”
I have to grind my teeth together to keep from shouting that she would never be his. “Is that all?”
“Yeah, brother, that’s all.”
I hear the line go dead, and my frustration gets the best of me. I fling the phone across the room and watch it shatter against the wall. Fuck!
CHAPTER Fourteen
Kidd
I hear someone stomping into my office, and I know without looking up that it’s Chipper. I’m sure he’s about to rip into me about Jenna again. She’s been in a downward spiral since that shit went down with Cary. We may not talk much, but I see her every damn day, and every day for two fucking weeks she’s been drunk as hell and crying into her bottle of Jack.
Not many people throw shit my way, but I allow Chipper to say what he wants, as long as he doesn’t take it too far. Not only is he my vice-president, he’s had a hard fuckin’ six years. When he lost Mindy, he fell apart. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get my brother back, but when Pop died, he stepped up somewhat. Without him, I’m not sure I could’ve run the club.
Pop passed away a few years ago. He had a heart attack in his sleep, but even before that, he’d already stepped down, and I was acting Pres. Once I took the gavel, I had Chipper take his place as my VP. He should have taken the reins, but he was still being a stubborn fuck and refused. Even as my VP, he ends up passing most of his shit on to other brothers to do. I hate to even think it, but I might have to replace him if he doesn’t straighten his ass up soon.
“You got to do something, brother. I’ve had enough of this shit. If you can’t stop it, I will,” he growls out as he takes a seat across from me.
I finally look at him just in time to see him run his shaking fingers through his hair. “What has she done this time?”
“Same old shit. It’s nine thirty in the damn morning, and she is so fuckin’ drunk she can’t even walk straight. The shit with that bitch is tearing her to pieces.” He jerks his eyes towards me. “I’m telling you, man. If you don’t do something, she’s going to kill herself.”
I shake my head in frustration. We’ve had this discussion a hundred times over the last few days. He wants me to claim Jenna as mine. He thinks that’ll help her get her shit together, but he doesn’t understand how bad I fucked up. Mom always told me to be careful with what you say, because your words will come back to haunt you. She was never more right.
“I don’t know what you want me to do about Ice. She’s a grown ass woman. If she wants to kill herself at the bottom of a bottle, there’s nothing I can do about it.” Even saying the words sends bile up into my throat. I would do anything to protect my girl, if only she would let me.
“She’s your woman. You’re the only one that can put a stop to it.”
I shake my head again. “She ain’t my woman. I haven’t touched her in years.” Not that I haven’t wanted to every damn day. As the President, I could have made Jenna come to my bed. Believe me, I’ve been tempted to more than once, but I just couldn’t. She may play the role of a whore, but she will never be one to me.
“No, man, you haven’t. When you want pussy, you want easy pussy, and you know getting Jenna back will be anything but easy.” A sarcastic smile spreads across Chipper’s face. “But, not having your dick in her doesn’t make her any less yours.”
“Ice is not mine,” I say again, hoping he’ll shut the fuck up about it. Every time he pulls this shit with me, a spark of hope is lit somewhere deep inside me, but when I try to talk to her, that hope is doused with her hatred. It hurts too fuckin’ much to keep trying.
His smile turns into a smirk. “If she’s not yours, then let Reese have her.”
“No!” I say in near shout. No one is getting Jenna. “Reese has a damn woman. He doesn’t need Ice too.”
Chipper laughs out loud. “Reese has a she-bitch from hell, and he’d be willing to kick her to the curb if you even hinted that he could have Jenna.”
That isn’t exactly true. He wouldn’t be kicking Roxy anywhere. He’d be burying her ass out back. I slap my hand onto my desk, causing everything on it to shake. “I said no.”
“Fine,” he snaps. “Don’t give her to Reese, but you need to step the fuck up before something happens to her.”
“I’m not ready, brother. I’m just not ready to take on an old lady yet,” I say the words, even though they’re not entirely true. I would take Jenna in a heartbeat. It’s just easier to lie than to admit that the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with doesn’t want shit to do with me, even though I know it’s all my fault.
“Kidd, you’ve been ready since the day you laid eyes on her. You’re just too fucking afraid.” He looks at me. “Jenna is not Sarah, man. She’s not gonna turn into a raving bitch. She’s strong as hell. She won’t break under the pressure of being the Pres’ old lady. She’ll be good for you and good for the club. She’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
I hate to even hear Sarah’s name. The guilt from her death is finally starting to fade, but the guilt for the things I said after she died is still fresh in my mind. “That ain’t what this is about.”
“You can’t lie to me, man. I know what happened after Sarah died. It damn near tore your ass to pieces, but Jenna needs you by her side. She’s been part of this club for years. She’s had control of the girls for nearly six. She can handle being your old lady. You’ll just have to give her a little time to get used to it.”
His words bring back memories of Sarah begging me to claim her as mine, but I couldn’t do it. Everyone knew Sarah was just there to keep my bitch seat warm until Jenna got old enough to take her place; everyone but Jenna that is. “Things change when a bitch becomes an old lady. Ice is used to making her own calls. Once I claim her, she won’t have the freedom she does now. It could break her.”
I keep trying to make excuses, hoping to shut him up, before my mind starts imagining Jenna being mine.
He chuckles. “Ain’t shit that could break Jenna, and you know it. My girl is hard as nails. Ain’t never met anyone like her. Strongest person I know.”
I have to nod at that, because he’s right. No one here has been through what Jenna has. Losing her mother, being raped, then losing the woman that was the mother of her heart. Most people would have given up a long time ago if they had to put up with half the shit she has. I finally blow out a frustrated breath then stand up. “Fine, I’ll talk to her.”
I don’t wait for him to respond before walking out of my office. I head straight to club bar. Jenna’s sitting on a stool, talking to the prospect tending bar. Her head is tilted, and her long midnight black hair is covering her face from view. She has her hands wrapped around a fifth of Jack. It only takes a glance to see that she’s fucked up. “Yo, Ice.”
Her bloodshot, coffee colored eyes narrow as she jerks her head towards me. The fast movement nearly causes her to lose her seat. “Yeah. What the hell do you want?”
My brows go up at her bitchy tone. I should be used to it by now. She’ been given me the same shit for years. None of the other girls would even consider talking to me like that. Only she has balls big enough to go head to head with a member, especially me.
“Just saying hi, baby girl’.”
“Yeah, which is something we don’t do. We don’t talk, remember? Like I said, what the hell do you want?” She says, turning back to her whiskey and chugging it back. “Say what you gotta say, then leave me the fuck alone.”
Looking at her sends fear through me. Chipper’s right; she’s killing herself. There’re dark circles under each of her beautiful eyes. Her cheek bones are sharp, proving that she hasn’t been eating. Even the hair I love so much has lost its shine. No matter what, no matter how pissed off she’s gets-- it’s time I step in.
“I’ve decided that I’ve left you alone long enough. I’ll be telling you all about that soon, but right now I wanted to tell you that you’re done with the whiskey,” I say firmly, grabbing the bottle from the bar.
“What the fuck?” She screams, trying to take the bottle from my hand.
“I don’t want you drinking all the fuckin’ time.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you want. You can’t tell me what to do.”
I step closer to her. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re mine now, and you can’t do shit without my permission.”
“I’m not yours!” she yells, her voice full of panic.
“Yeah, you are. From this moment on, you are mine and mine only. Don’t fuckin’ fight me on this, or you’ll be done with the Renegade Sons. Do you get what I’m saying?” I growl out, letting her hear my anger. I would never hurt her, but she doesn’t need to know that.
She swallows nervously. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Just sit around and look pretty, but you’re going to lay off the booze from now on,” I say, pasting a fake ass smile on my face. “I’ve decided it’s time that I claim you, and I don’t want an old lady that’s plastered all the fucking time.”
