by Brooks, Anna
* * *
We’re lying on a blanket on the beach, looking at the stars. After we cleaned up, I made us dinner on the grill, and we had s’mores by the fire. My family and I always did that when we came up, and I still do even if I’m by myself on the beach at night. “Didn’t think it could get better, but you here with me proves me wrong.”
She lifts her head off my chest and peeks up at me. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Never?”
“Nope. I’ve never just stared at the sky waiting for a shooting star.”
I hate that she doesn’t have some of the great memories that I do as a kid. From the sounds of it and everything I’ve learned about her, she didn’t have much of a childhood at all.
She looks back up at the stars. “Tell me about your family.”
“My parents are still married. My mom is a teacher, and my dad is a retired cop.”
Back to looking at me. “Really?”
“What?”
“Your dad was a cop?”
“Yeah.”
She smiles. “Why aren’t you one?”
Before I can tell her why, I laugh. “It’s so dumb.”
“I doubt it.”
“It was senior year of high school, and I thought I was going to follow in my dad’s footsteps, but I… I was dating a girl who made me watch—”
“Oh, my God. You wanted to be Kevin Costner.”
At her accurate guess, I nod. “There was something about it… I don’t know what it was, but I just knew I wanted to be a bodyguard after that.”
“Was your dad mad?”
“No,” I answer almost before she finishes the question. “Not at all.”
“That’s awesome.”
I agree. “I got lucky; my parents are great.”
“What grade does your mom teach?”
I have to think about it for a second. “Right now, she’s seventh-grade math. But she’s taught almost all the grades at some point.”
“Do you have any siblings?”
“Yeah, my sister Willow is the baby. She’s your age, twenty-four. The middle child is my other sister, Wynn, who’s twenty-seven. Willow is a teacher like my mom, but she’s at an elementary school, and Wynn is a dental hygienist. Both of them are married. Willow has two daughters, and Wynn is engaged and pregnant with a little girl.”
Her face goes soft listening to me talk.
“How old are you?”
“Thirty.”
“Old man.”
I roll us over and hover over her. “You like me.”
“I do.”
“I like you, too.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispers.
I rub my thumb across her bottom lip. “You can tell me anything.”
“I only got on the pill after he, um… you know. I don’t know if that was what he wanted to do and I wasn’t on it before, but if I wasn’t able to get away when he tried to take me out of my bathroom and—”
“He’s not fucking getting to you again.”
“Okay.”
Fuck, I can’t wait to catch this psycho. Motherfucker putting so much fear into her it makes me wanna gut him.
“Can I ask you something?”
As I’m brushing some hair off her face, I nod.
“Was it… um, was it okay for you?”
My hand freezes. “Was what okay?”
She focuses on my shoulder, and even in the moonlight, her face flushes.
“Sex?”
“Yeah.”
I hold her face in my hands, bringing her where I want her. Needing her undivided attention. I hate that she looks insecure right now. That she’d even question how good it was.
“Baby, it was the best I’ve ever had. Ever.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“You think I’m the kind of man who’d give you a line about something like that?”
“It’s just that, you know. It’d been a long time, and with only the one time, I—”
Cutting her off, I press my lips to hers. She melts beneath me and brings her hands up to my arms. The soft little sighs coming from her are almost better than when she moans my name. Just kissing her hits me in the chest, and when she wraps her legs around me, I reluctantly pull back. Her breaths pass through her lips in little puffs. “That’s real and as good as it can get, Quinn. No faking, no pretending, no lying. It’s natural, and it’s what it should be. It’s us. And anything before, anyone before, they don’t matter. Baby, believe me when I say the absolute best.”
* * *
The crunch of tires on the gravel wakes me up, and I slide out of bed, pull my jeans on, grab my gun from the nightstand, and close the bedroom door behind me. I’m not expecting company this early, so I can’t take the time to admire Quinn like I want to. In my bed, her hair all over my pillow, and her naked body twisted up in my sheets. I creep to the kitchen and peer out of the small window above the sink.
“No fuckin’ way.” It’s too early for this shit. Hell, never would be too soon to deal with this.
I tuck my weapon in the back of my jeans and walk to the porch and down the steps. When she gets out of her car and puts her shades on top of her head, I almost laugh. “You’re so full of shit.”
“You weren’t taking my calls.”
“Because I didn’t want to talk to you.”
The slam of the car door echoes in the serene forest. “We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.”
“It’s yours, Wes.”
I cross my arms and widen my stance at the bottom of the steps. “You seriously expect me to believe that, Eva?”
“It’s the truth.”
“I can’t have kids. You know this. We were at the doctor together when I found out.”
Her black thigh-high boots over a pair of jeans match the flowy top she’s got on that accentuates the very large bump of her stomach. She struts closer. “The doctor said it was unlikely. Not impossible. I’m eight months.”
“Bitch, eight months ago, I was in Canada.”
“So was I for one night.” She crosses her arms, then cocks a hip. “One time is all it takes.”
“I don’t need a lesson in human anatomy.”
“Whatever. I’m just letting you know because Nana is getting old, and she always wanted a great-grandbaby from you. You know, hoping it’d be a boy to carry on the family name since you’re her last hope of that happening.”
My neck heats, the flames flicking dangerously close to wire tied to the TNT that’ll explode in my brain if she even thinks about fuckin’ with Nana. “I swear to God, Eva.”
She raises a manicured eyebrow. “She’s really excited for us. For you and me, and for little Allen Junior.”
“You fucking cunt.”
“I even showed her the ultrasound picture. She cried when I told her it was a boy. And I told her all about the beautiful engagement ring you got me, but my fingers are a little swollen, so I can’t wear it right now.”
I lower my voice and very slowly tell her, “You really don’t wanna play this game.”
“I already won it.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and take a step back. “Everything I did for you, Eva. All the shit I put up with from you, thirteen years of my life I spent letting you walk all the fuck over me. You’re really gonna do this shit?”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Nana Rose, Eva? You’re so malicious that you’re really willing to hurt her? Wait”—I hold up my hand—“you already have. Christ, what did I ever see in you? You might think what you have on the outside makes up for the filthy and disgusting way you look on the inside, but as soon as you open your fake lips, the truth comes out. You’re a nasty, ugly ass woman, and I regret every second with you.”
The face I used to think was worth the torture of getting my goddamn heart trampled on over and over again is expressionless as she stares back at me.
“Last chance,” I warn. “And let
me remind you that you were the one who stepped out on me.”
“Because you were never home, Wes. God, you always picked your job over me, and now you’ll have no choice but to put me first.” She raises an eyebrow. “I’ll let you know when the next doctor appointment is.”
I stand here as she gets in her car and takes off. The dust settles as I let the shock of how goddamned evil she is wear off. This is the last thing I need. If I wasn’t dealing with Quinn right now, the shit with Eva would be done by the end of the fucking day, but my attention can’t be on her right now.
Dammit. I turn around and punch the closest thing to me, which happens to be a tree. “Fuck.” I shake my hand out, some of the sting fading away.
When I go back inside, I slip back into the bedroom and grab my cell. Quinn is still sleeping, thank God. I quietly close the door and go back outside, then dial Nana to see how much damage control I’m going to need to do.
“Well, I’ll be. My wish is finally comin’ true?” She answers with joy.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, an unbelievable amount of pain gathering between my eyes. I swear I just want to fuckin’ cry right now, and I can’t even remember the last time I shed a tear. My grandmother has dreams of more babies, specifically a great-grandson from me to carry the family name.
As soon as Eva and I became serious the first time, she was bombarded with questions from Nana about how many kids she wanted and when she wanted to have them. When we broke up, Nana was devastated because it meant it’d be even longer before she’d get to see the family name carried on to a fourth generation.
Then when Eva and I got back together, Nana made it clear she still had the same wish when she blew out the candles on her eighty-third birthday. And things were going well for a few years with Eva, and though we weren’t married, thank the Lord I dodged that bullet, she confessed that she’d stopped taking the pill a year prior.
Of course, I was livid. I wasn’t ready to be a father, and as much as I love my grandmother, I am not having a baby just to please her.
But since it’d been so long, and Eva didn’t get pregnant, she had concerns, which were valid. So when I went to the doctor, and they asked me to return to the office for the results, I knew the news was bad. It’d be highly unlikely, like ninety-nine point five percent, that I’d ever be able to father a child.
I never told Nana her dream wouldn’t come true. I wanted her to still believe, I want her to still believe her dream will come true, but I will never be able to give that to her, and it kills me. It hurts my damn heart.
So needless to say, that shit did a number on our relationship, and Eva and I broke up again. I could not get over the fact that she fucking stopped her pills behind my back. That time it was for a couple of years, then we got back together this last time, which was the final run.
And there is no way she’s pregnant with my kid. I don’t believe it for a second.
But she told my grandmother she was.
Before I can fix it, I need to figure out how deep these wounds are already slit.
“Hi Nana, just wondering how your visit with Eva was?” I have to play her to figure this shit out, which pisses me off even more.
“Oh dear, it was lovely. She showed me the picture, and I understand you two wanted to make sure everything was going well before you told people, but Wesley Steven, you made her wait eight months to tell me.” I can picture her shaking her pointer finger at me with a hand on her hip and pink curlers in her short gray hair. “Next time I see you, I’m not making fudge.”
I bang my head against the side of the house. “You can’t withhold fudge from your favorite grandson.”
“You’re my only grandson.” She chuckles; the running joke between us something that started after my dad had two daughters. “So you’re right, I probably won’t be able to.”
I laugh, loving that she still has such a great sense of humor, but fuming that I’m in this fucking position. “I’ve gotta go, but I’ll let you know next time I’m gonna stop by okay?”
“Okay, dear. Love you much.”
“Love you, too, Nana.”
When I step back inside, I hear the water running in the bathroom and make one more call knowing Quinn can’t hear me.
Graham answers on the first ring. “I thought you were becoming one with nature or some shit.”
“I was. Until Eva showed up.”
“What?” he snaps.
“Yeah, eight months pregnant.”
He whistles. “Let me guess, she says it’s yours.”
“Ding, ding.”
“Is it?”
“Dude.” I heave out a breath. “I can’t have kids.”
The line is silent for a moment. “Fuck, man. I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. There’s literally a point zero five percent chance I got her pregnant.”
“What do you need from me?”
“Find out whose kid it really is. Or if she’s actually pregnant.” Because I wouldn’t put it past her to fake it, either. She looked a little too good for someone who has a melon inside her body.
“On it.”
The pipes are still flowing with water, but I lower my voice. “I don’t want Quinn to find out about this. She’s got enough crap on her plate, but brother, I need this shit like yesterday.”
“I’m on it.”
“Graham, she told Nana.”
Another long stretch of silence. Graham and I have known each other for years. We went to the same college and became friends during our freshman year, which is why he despises Eva. He saw how much she fucked with me during those years. It was luck that we ended up working at the same place. “She told your grandmother that she’s pregnant with your child?”
“Yup.”
“Bitch,” he whispers. “Give me twenty-four hours, forty-eight at most.”
That’s perfect. “Sounds good. Thanks, man.”
“Don’t even mention it.”
My head hurts just thinking this, but I’ve gotta say it. “If it is—”
“Don’t go there. Point zero five. You’re golden, man. She’s just a bitch.”
I nod even though he can’t see me. “Yeah, she is.”
“Go hang with your girl. We’ll talk soon.”
“I owe you.”
“Later.” He hangs up, and I toss my phone on the counter.
Chapter 9
Quinn
The water cascades down my body, and I pray he can’t hear me crying. He must have forgotten he cracked the window open last night to let fresh air in. It wasn’t much, but enough for me to hear when he raised his voice. Enough to hear that some woman is pregnant with his kid. Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but I don’t want to know who she is or how she knew he was here.
He thought I was asleep, and when he walked back into the room, it took every single ounce of control I had to pretend to be. He has a history with her, obviously a deep one, and she’s going to give him a baby.
So that means I have to let him go.
He needs to be with his baby.
He shouldn’t be with me risking his life against a madman who could very well kill him. I can’t be responsible for that. Just as I can’t be responsible for my father getting hurt.
This is going to be the biggest acting job I’ll ever have, but I can’t let Wes know that I know while we’re here. If I can have anything with him, I want these days. I need to have these memories to fall back on.
Being with him won’t be pretending but talking about the future will be because there isn’t one for us. Not anymore. I care about him too much to hold him back from being with his child.
When I finally get out of the shower, I put on a pair of leggings and a hoodie, then throw my hair up in a bun. I never get to be lazy like this, so I’m going to at least enjoy the last days I have with Wes. I really, really liked yesterday and last night with him. And I’ll pretend this will be my life forever until we leave. Because after we return, it’s back t
o the life I know. To Gail and her manipulation and blackmail and abuse. To schedules so busy I barely have time to breathe, let alone sleep. To her hitting me, pinching me, slapping me. Embarrassing me.
I won’t let my mind wander to what Gail could be doing right now, but when we left, she was not happy. She won’t let everything just… go. I know her too well. She’s gotta be planning something; my demise maybe. Which honestly, right now doesn’t sound that bad. Because if I can’t be with Wes, I’m not sure anything else even fucking matters.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” Wes stands from the kitchen table as I walk in and kisses my temple. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold back the tears because I know I’ll never have someone who looks at me like he does. Not because of my fame or my money. But because I’m just me. “You smell good.”
“It’s my shampoo.”
He slides his nose down the side of my face and places open mouth kisses on my neck. “No. It’s you.”
God. I’m gonna miss this.
“You hungry, babe?”
“Yeah, I could eat.”
“Good. Let me pop the cinnamon rolls in the oven.”
I feel my jaw drop. “You made cinnamon rolls?”
“No. My mom did. We keep ’em in the freezer.”
I walk over to the fireplace and sit on the floor, letting the flames warm my chilly fingers. Wes joins me and sits behind me, caging me in, just like he held me last night at the beach. My head falls back on his shoulder, and I close my eyes, absorbing and memorizing this feeling.
When things get to be too much, I’ll remember this. I’ll know that I had a couple of days when I was cared for and protected, and if it’s all I get, at least I had this. Some people won’t ever get to experience this, and I know I’ll never be able to again, so I’m totally getting my fill right now.
“This is always where everyone ends up.” His fingers trace light patterns on my hand as he talks. “My sisters usually slept in here even though they have beds. They like the fireplace and how warm it is.”
“I do, too.”
He nuzzles my neck, and I try to force myself to relax.
“Maybe we’ll sleep down here tonight.”
