The morning tapped on her shoulder much too early. “Ugh . . .” She was tired after a nightmarish slumber. “Move it, girl.” Sleep-deprived, Esther rolled out of bed. She staggered into her bathroom and plopped down on cold porcelain. The toilet made a rumbling noise through the house when Esther flushed it. She didn’t mind because it was her place; therefore, her noise. When she shared a house with her ex-husband, Roger, nothing with the house ever went wrong . . . just everything in the marriage.
Esther spoke into the quiet of the morning, “Lord, I can handle a loud toilet as long as I have a quiet life. Mother Reed has stirred up some mess.” She rubbed her sleep-swollen eyes in frustration. She was not about to sit back on her assets and fall back into a state of past depression. “Somebody call the king. I can’t be bothered with all this foolishness. Rain down, Lord, bring back my peace. I fought for it; it was mine.” Esther, more upset than ever, stomped into the shower. “Shoot, now, I’m going to be late for work.”
The sun dazzled like small diamonds through the large-paned window, and the plants on the window ledge gleamed green and fertile as Esther looked over the reports on her desk. The Helping Heart Agency targeted the low-income population of Detroit; its mission to provide a hand up, not out, one person at a time. As director of Social Services, she wondered again why she ever wanted to be the “boss.”
Esther sighed. “I must have been out of my mind.”
She heard a throat clear and turned. One of her least favorite team members stood in her doorway. He was the manager of their home repair program. John Johnston sported a permanent scowl and a handlebar mustache. He once rode his Harley to work, wearing a bandana. As a result, to her, he resembled a pirate. Esther always thought it was an apt description since he appeared to be unscrupulous. Unfortunately, she was never able to catch him in anything.
“Hello, John, come on in.” She wondered why her administrative assistant, Simone, had not announced his presence.
John stood at the door with a smirk on his face.
Esther motioned for him to enter the room, “How can I help you this morning?” Can I slap you upside your big ol’ head? Forgive me, Father. This uncircumcised Philistine gets on my last nerve. If you asked me if I had an enemy in my camp, he would be it.
“Esther, I received your changes on the vendors’ contracts. You made a really large cut in the amount of funds they’ll be getting, and you want all the bids to come through you now?” He frowned. “Will you even know what you’re looking at?”
Don’t you curse him—stay holy—stay holy. She chanted in silence to keep calm. He had a habit of being condescending and after a restless night she wasn’t up to his attitude. She had recently learned that some of the vendors who had contracts with their agency also had personal relationships with some of the staff. In a nutshell, relatives and friends were getting rich off of the government contracts, and to top it off, they were doing shoddy work. She suspected John as the number-one violator.
Esther leaned forward with her hands folded before her. “Let’s see—you want to know if I know what I’m doing? Is that really your question?”
John squirmed under Esther’s poised, pointed look. “Maybe I said that the wrong way. You’ve always let me handle the vendor contracts. It’s worked well, don’t you think?”
Esther’s eyes hardened. “Positive change is good. I’ve had several complaints from customers on the unprofessional way the vendors treat them and that the work never seems to get finished.”
“Oh, those people will complain about anything. They’re not paying a penny so they should be happy for whatever help they get. You coddle them too much and believe everything they tell you.”
Esther’s neck muscles tensed. “John, may I remind you that those people are the reason you have a job? I suggest you learn a little compassion or you won’t last at this agency. Then you might actually become one of those people.”
Cocky, John rolled back on his heels. “Naw. I’ll never beg for help. I chase that paper. I know how to make money.... So when will these changes start?”
“It’s effective immediately. Turn over all your case files to Simone. A letter went out this morning letting vendors know that there are new guidelines and everyone will need to rebid to keep their contracts.” Esther turned to her computer screen, effectively dismissing John.
He stormed out, leaving her door wide open. Simone approached the doorway of her office with a concerned look on her face. “Everything okay, Ms. Esther? I only stepped away from my desk for a moment. I took a potty break.” Simone pulled at the back of her dress.
“Yes, I’m fine, but thanks for checking. John barks a lot, but I’ve never known him to bite.” Esther shifted through papers on her desk. She lifted folders and looked under her desk.
“Humph. My mama tol’ me all dogs got teeth, and if they got teeth, they can bite. And that John? He do be a big ol’ bowwow, but before you tell me to mind my business, I’ll go on back to my desk. Oh, your sister called. I told her you’d call her back when you were finished. And, the report you need is on the top of the middle file rack.”
Esther laughed out loud. “Girl, that is your job, security. I don’t know how you do it, but if I need it, you know where it is.”
Simone smiled and strutted back to her desk. “Don’t forget your sister called.”
Esther nodded her head. She’d have to call her sister back later. She had too much work to do.
Hours later, Esther decided to leave the office an hour early. She had been in three meetings and worked through her lunch. She was suffering from lack of sleep, and she was going home to get some.
Her cell rang. Caller ID showed it was her sister, Phyllis. “You could have called me back. What was up with you and Mother Reed? Your conversation looked intense.”
“Hello to you too. You might want to tell a person hello before you start in on them,” Esther said, reading through her last e-mail.
“Oh yeah, well, hello. I really called to see if you heard the news.”
“What news?” Esther responded to her e-mail and begin clearing off her desk.
“Reverend Gregory is taking a year’s leave of absence from church.”
“What? When did this happen?” Esther stopped moving, stunned at the news. Reverend Gregory had been her rock since college.
“According to the church grapevine, he notified the deacon board today. Of course, then our first lady called Mama. You know how tight they are.”
“I can’t believe it. Pastor is dedicated to Love Zion.” Esther’s spirit sagged at the news.
“Now you know that pastor’s daughter, Jeanette has those lung issues. She moved to Arizona for that job and was diagnosed after she relocated. She has pneumonia. They’re concerned with all her complications; she’ll no longer be able to take care of herself.”
“She’s worse?” Esther remembered sleepovers and church picnics with the vibrant, young Jeanette.
“Yeah, and after all that fasting and praying the church did.” Phyllis had a bad habit of murmuring and complaining through every church-assigned fast. Later, she’d point out that the person or situation wasn’t any better.
“Phyllis, our fasting and prayers are probably what has pulled her through so far. You have to have faith. Remember, prayer changes things, and some situations are only broken through fasting and praying.” Esther resumed packing up her desk.
“Uh-huh, well, anyhow, I thought I would let you know. You being so church involved and all, and being a charter member of the ‘willing to do’ board. By the way, I still haven’t forgotten that you never answered my question about you and Mother Reed.”
“Nope, I didn’t. But thanks for the info. I took a personal day off tomorrow so I may swing by to see you. I’ll let you know.” The phone rested between Esther’s shoulder and cheek as she wrote a reminder Post-it and placed it on her calendar.
“Whatever, Miss I’m Keeping Secrets,” Phyllis shot back as she hung up.
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br /> Esther picked up her purse and headed out the door. She paused at the receptionist desk. “Simone, I’m out for the rest of the day.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Simone replied saccharine sweet with a goofy smile.
Esther walked away, but listened as Simone used the office phone and dialed a friend. She surmised that, as usual, Simone’s cell was low on minutes, and she was taking advantage of the opportunity for some juicy, uninterrupted gossip. What she didn’t know was the topic: the office bad boy, John.
Esther started her Lexus and slid on her shades. She thought about her sister’s phone call and burst out laughing. “My sister is a trip, Ms. 411.” She pressed the praise station on her satellite radio.
Phyllis was private investigator-like nosy. She would listen in to conversations, even when she didn’t know the parties involved. Her information was better than The View’s hot topics. As a bored housewife, she needed to get out of the house and find something to do.
Esther wondered who would take Reverend Gregory’s place. She hoped it wasn’t Elder Shaw. He had a good heart, but he would put wood to sleep. Maybe elder was like the Apostle Paul who could write better than he spoke. The last time Elder Shaw preached, Sister Joseph’s visiting grandson snored so loud that an usher had to tap him awake. When the usher hit the young man’s shoulder, he jumped straight up out of his seat and moaned, “I’m getting up now, Mama.”
The whole congregation laughed, even Elder Shaw, and praise the Lord, he hadn’t been assigned to preach since. Esther smiled at the memory.
“Well, I do hope it’s someone good.” She sighed and turned up the radio’s volume to counter the melancholy feeling threatening to take her over.
Gospel music blaring, her mind churning, Esther almost missed the sound of a siren riffing through her solo praise time. She glanced in her rearview mirror and saw a Detroit police squad car dead-on her bumper, its lights signaling her to pull over.
Esther grimaced and wondered her infraction. “No no no,” she pleaded seeking heavenly intervention.
A tap on her window and a large hand with clean blunt nails signaled for her to roll it down. Esther touched the window’s button, while reaching into her purse for her wallet.
She jumped when an authoritative voice thundered, “Take your hand out of your purse, ma’am. Place them both on your steering wheel.”
Esther swallowed and complied, gripping the wheel until her hands cramped from the effort. “Sir, I was getting my driver’s license. I—”
The officer bent over to peer into her window and Esther’s words sat on her tongue confused. His uniform faded away, and Esther’s mind registered that Prince Charming had stepped out of her imagination and was riding around the city of Detroit giving out tickets instead of glass slippers.
His eyes met hers and enlarged at the instant attraction. She watched as those eyes turned three different shades, as he methodically shook it off. “You made a rolling stop, ma’am.”
Esther shook her head. “Sir, I did stop.” She tilted her head through the window and reached out her hand in greeting. “Hello, I’m Esther.”
The officer stepped back, looking into her eyes. She returned his stare, afraid to blink and miss something his eyes were conveying. The corner of his mouth slanted into a lopsided grin, and she breathed in relief. She hadn’t had a date in more than a year. He tipped his hat. “I’m Officer Lawton Redding, Ms. Esther. In the future, make sure you actually stop at the stop sign. You drive safely.”
He headed back to his car, and though disappointed, Esther still drooled in her rearview mirror. “Thank you, Lord, for me not getting a ticket. And the wonderful view. You do all things well.” She hummed as she continued home, dreaming about what could have been. By the time she arrived, her daydream had them married with two children.
Amused at her daydream, Esther was unlocking her front door when her cell begin ringing. “Okay, okay.” She juggled her keys, purse, and phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, did I disturb you?”
“No, Mom. I’m a little tired, so I headed home early. Everything okay?” Esther threw her purse on the couch, kicked off her shoes, and then walked out of her skirt. She talked while she unbuttoned her blouse.
“Well, now, don’t get upset. I know how you hate change, but Pastor is taking a one-year leave of absence. He and the first lady are leaving at the end of the month to be with Jeanette in Arizona.”
“Yes, I heard. Phyllis called me,” she snapped, a ridge forming across her forehead.
“She should have waited. I didn’t tell you, because I knew you were at work, and I didn’t want to disturb you. Why add drama to your workday?”
“You’re right, Mama. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sleep deprived.” Esther smoothed her fingers back and forth over her forehead.
“Is anything wrong, baby?”
“Mother Reed said some things that have me thinking.” Esther rubbed even harder at the hard ridges forming over her eyebrows.
“And . . .?” her mother said slowly.
“Change takes time,” Esther said in a defensive tone as she moved toward her bedroom. She was carrying her skirt and shrugged out of her blouse.
“It’s time to move on. I’ve been praying for you. You don’t seem happy.”
“Have I worried you?” Esther sat on the bed, in her matching bra and panty set. She picked the brush up from her nightstand and stroked her hair in a circular motion.
“Isn’t that a child’s job? You take chances; we worry. You hurt; we hurt for you. You pierce your finger; we bleed.”
“You get cold, we put on a sweater,” Esther joked knowing their love was a two-way street.
“Ha, ha, ha, that’s real cute. Through it all, you and Phyllis are my greatest treasures.”
“We love you too.” Esther finished smoothing her hair into a perfect wrap and securing it with a scarf.
“Course you do, who doesn’t?”
Esther fell back onto the bed laughing, then held her head from the jolting pain. This headache had snuck up on her. Hopefully, some sleep would cure it.
“Well, I have to go. Your daddy is looking lonely over there all by himself.”
Esther overheard her father in the background sounding crabby as her mother hung up, “Woman, I’m minding my own business, so don’t come over here bothering me.”
She smiled, their teasing always made her feel warm inside. Tonight, she would have a peaceful sleep, with no past-life disturbances. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, willing her headache away. Her eyes half-mast, she watched the shadows of the waning day play against the skylight in her ceiling. Soon they drifted close. As night engulfed her, her mind fought against returning to a time in her life that was ruled by darkness.
Chapter Six
1995
Roger clapped his hands in her face to emphasize his message. “I said you are not going out. You at that church too much as it is.”
Esther flinched. She was a grown woman standing in front of her husband being scolded like a four-year-old. This man was evil and small-minded. The caramel angular face she had once thought so attractive now held a demonic quality to it, the gray-silver eyes piercing with cruel intent.
She shivered and subconsciously crossed her heart with her right finger.
“Did your big tail just make the sign of the cross against me, girl? So now I’m the devil?” he raged.
Esther’s chin quivered. “Don’t call me names.”
Before Esther could move, Roger snatched her backward and slapped her in the face. She backed away holding her cheek in disbelief. She knew he had been drinking, but to hit her? Was he crazy? The hallway mirror provided proof of his madness; his handprint was red against the lightness of her complexion; the wetness in her eyes testament to her pain.
Roger’s chest heaved from exertion as though he was trying to control himself. “See what you did?”
Grabbing his jacket and stomping to the door, Roger spun around, heading s
traight for Esther’s purse. He rifled through it, found her wallet, and pulled out all of her cash; then he pushed the bills down into his pants pocket, patting it in satisfaction.
Mission accomplished, he walked out the door, reminding her, “Girl, don’t you go anywhere.”
Esther felt cold hard rage, but she squashed it down and fled into the kitchen. All of a sudden she was hungry; frantically so. She grabbed containers out of her refrigerator. She placed a hefty amount of leftover fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens on an oversized plate, as tears trickled down her face. While she heated the food in the microwave, she went to the sink and ran cold water. Afterward, she soaked a paper towel and applied it to her cheek, then slumped down onto the nearest kitchen chair.
She held her cheek and prayed. “Lord, I don’t want to be here. Help me be a doer of your Word and not return evil for evil. Give me the grace to sustain this marriage or the mercy to leave it. In your precious Son, Jesus’s name. Amen.”
The microwave buzzed, and like a champ coming out of his corner, Esther came out of her daze. She looked down at all the food and remembered Roger’s hurtful words. With purpose, she covered her plate and placed it in the refrigerator.
Marching through her living room, she picked up her purse and Bible and rushed out of the house. The cold towel pressed to her face, she was late for church.
“I can dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, all night,” the choir sang, and when the pastor called out, “How long?” They answered, “All night.” And the refrain continued.
The guest speaker had preached an anointed sermon into every heart present. The spirit was strong in the sanctuary, and the saints were dancing in the aisles. Some had caught the spirit so strong that they were running back and forth in front of the altar.
Evangelist Graham, Reverend Gregory’s guest speaker, returned to the pulpit, “Do you believe, church? Well, where your heart is, so is thy treasure. Will you sow a seed today that will grow to be harvested later? If so, come now and bring your best!”
The Devil Made Me Do It Page 4
