“It’s fine. I have no problem doing it.”
“Well, what are you doing until then?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll probably go home and read or watch a movie or something.”
He had the same plans as me. How sad were we?
“Do you want to come over to my house?” I asked.
He looked up at me in surprise. “For what?”
I’d never invited him or Scott over before. We always hung out at Scott’s house, and outside of studying or getting food after class, I’d never invited Jared to hang out alone. I think he might have been reading into my invitation a little too much. The last thing I wanted him to think was that I was asking him out if he wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to create any weirdness between us. I honestly just didn’t want to be alone that night.
“I don’t know, because we both have nothing else to do,” I said, shrugging. “We could order take out and watch a movie. My parents will be home, so it’s not like we’ll be alone or anything.”
“Oh. Yeah sure,” he said, sounding relieved.
He’d totally thought I was asking him out. Why did he sound relieved that I wasn’t? I didn’t want him to be relieved. I wanted him to want me.
And that was the truth. I wanted him. I liked him. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled into my driveway. Jared parked behind me and followed me up the walkway. I opened the door to find my parents in the family room watching an old black and white movie. They paused it when they saw me walk in the house with a boy. It had been a few years since I’d done that.
“Hey guys,” I said, lingering in the doorway. I gestured to Jared. “This is my friend, Jared.”
“Hi Jared,” my mother said, looking a solid mix of surprised and delighted. I knew I’d have to explain who he was later since she’d never believe we were just friends. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Witter,” Jared said politely in that shy voice he got around people he didn’t know. It was completely adorable.
He was adorable, and all the way home all I could think about as he drove behind me was how much I no longer wanted to be platonic with him. I didn’t want to just be his friend. And I hoped that didn’t make me a bad person. It wasn’t like I could control how I felt.
Now I just had to figure out where his head was at since it was hard to tell. Maybe making the first move would be a better idea than waiting. Maybe I’d do that as soon as we were alone.
My dad had stayed relatively quiet since we’d walked in, eyeing Jared from his place on the couch, but I could see he was sizing him up. He’d ask questions later to figure out if Jared was a good enough guy for his little girl. I was pretty convinced he was, and I was fairly certain my dad would agree.
“We’re going to go upstairs and watch a movie.”
“Have fun,” my mother told us.
“Keep the door open, Cass,” my father said, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
It had been years since they’d told me that. I’d been away at school, able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with the boys I dated. It was weird to have parameters put on me. But I knew where his intentions lied, so I didn’t argue. I just shook my head and smiled when he raised his eyebrow right back at me as if challenging me to say something.
“Yes, Daddy. We will,” I told him, just because it made him feel better to think he had some semblance of control over my purity. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the virginity ship had sailed several years back.
He winked at me good-naturedly and said to Jared, “I’m just looking out for my baby girl. She’s been through a lot this year. You understand, son?”
Jared nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said, shifting into monosyllabic mode before he followed me upstairs.
In truth I wasn’t sure how much Jared really knew about how much I’d been through that year. I hadn’t told him about the shooting, and if he knew I was involved, he hadn’t said anything. It was one subject we didn’t entertain.
I showed him around the half of the second floor which was pretty much mine. There was a guest room that my grandmother stayed in when she visited once a year, and then I had my room, a media room and a game room that my parents used when they had friends over. Pretty much, it was like my own little apartment. My parents had a master suite on the other side of the house.
“So what do you want to watch?” Jared asked, talking normally now that we were alone.
He was standing in the middle of the media room looking at the massive amount of Blue Rays and DVDs we’d collected over the years that lined the walls on either sides of the hundred and twenty inch projection screen. My dad was a movie junkie, so he bought almost everything that came out.
“I actually think I want to go swimming,” I told Jared as I lingered in the doorway.
He looked over at me in surprise. “Swimming?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I smell like fried food and feel gross. Swimming sounds great.”
I could have just taken a shower, but swimming in the dark with Jared sounded like more fun. And truth be told, I was kind of dying to see him shirtless. If his toned arms told me anything, it was that he had a killer body.
“I don’t have my bathing suit.”
I grinned and said. “Just go naked.”
His jaw dropped partially open, and he struggled to find words as I burst out laughing.
“I’m kidding! Geez, my parents are home. We can save the skinny dipping until they’re out of town.”
“Are you serious?” he asked in disbelief, and I started laughing again, practically doubling over.
“No! God, you’re easy,” I said, shaking my head. I wasn’t exactly kidding, but he looked so shocked that I would suggest skinny dipping that I felt the need to pull back. Maybe we’d have to work up to that. “Just run home and grab your suit. It’s not like you live far away.”
He paused and his mouth curved into a smile. “Oh yeah. I could do that.”
“Yeah, totally. While you do that, I’ll get changed and meet you out back. You don’t have to come through the house, just walk around. The gate’s unlocked.”
He nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll be back in a few.”
“Don’t take long,” I said, winking at him as he walked past me.
He pinched my side, making me giggle and squirm, and then he shot me one of his smiles that I loved so much.
After he left, I quickly changed into my cobalt blue bikini that showed off my tan nicely and headed back downstairs, wanting to be in the water when he got back.
“Cassie?” my mother called out to me when I passed by the family room, glad it didn’t overlook the pool. I didn’t want my parents to witness me swimming with Jared. Not that we were going to do anything inappropriate, but still. It would be awkward to feel like we were in a fishbowl, especially if I decided to make a move on him.
I poked my head back into the family room. “Yeah?”
“Did your friend leave?”
I shook my head. “He just went home to get his bathing suit. We’re going swimming. He lives at the end of the block.”
“I thought he looked familiar,” she said, as she smacked my father on the arm. “Joel, I told you he looked familiar.”
“Yeah, you said that.”
“He seems like a nice boy, and he’s really good looking,” she said, smiling at me, a hopeful look crossing her face.
“Mom, we’re just friends,” I insisted, even though I was hoping that was going to change. “We work together, and we’re lab partners.”
“Okay,” she said, quite obviously not believing me.
In truth, she would probably be thrilled to see me dating again. We’d talked about Will the week before and how guilty I was feeling about possibly dating someone else, but she’d said the same thing that Marley had. Will would have wanted me to be happy. I couldn’t keep myself closed off forever. It wasn’t healthy. And I was
trying to wrap my head around that concept.
There were so many times when I could see myself with someone else, someone like Jared, but then reality would crash over me like a wave and the guilt would make me feel shitty all over again. I knew it would be harder to act on that idea than it was to think it, but maybe I just needed to jump in with both feet and see what happened. I’d have to move on eventually, and it would probably never be easy. Maybe I could try ripping off the bandage.
The pool was warm when I slipped into it and let the water wash over me. I sunk as deep as I could go while still keeping my head above the water and keeping my hair dry. My muscles that were sore from being on my feet for eight hours started to unwind as I relaxed against the side and let my head drop back onto the deck. I closed my eyes and felt myself starting to drift asleep when a noise had me raising my head again.
Standing at the edge of one of the lounge chairs, wearing navy, red and white striped board shorts, was Jared. I hadn’t even heard him approaching. I watched him tug his navy blue t-shirt over his head and drop it on the chair, treating my eyes to the beautiful sight that was his naked torso. It was pretty much as perfect as I’d been imagining in my head all these weeks, and the sight of it made my heart start to pound.
Holy shit, he was beautiful.
I knew how often he worked out and how dedicated he was to the gym, but never in a million years had I known just how perfect his body was. He’d told me the story of how he’d started working out with Austin, helping him get into shape, and then somewhere along the way he’d started to build muscle. He was still slight with slim hips, but the definition in his body was clear. I wasn’t sure if there was an ounce of fat on him.
I was practically drooling by the time he turned toward the pool and caught me staring. He caught my gaze for a second before he dove in. He broke the surface right in front of me with a splash that sprayed my face with water. Then he shook the water off of his dark hair and smiled at me.
“This feels amazing.”
“I do this a lot after work,” I said as he swam over to me.
He stopped a foot away. “I never use the pool at home even though it’s literally outside my doorstep.”
“Well, you should. Or you’re welcome to use ours anytime you want.”
He came closer to me. “I just might take you up on that.”
He was flirting again, dammit. He had to be interested in more.
My heart started to pound again, and I felt heat flood my cheeks as I realized how much I wanted him to kiss me. Just his proximity and his half-nakedness had me practically panting. Water droplets dripped from his hair, falling onto his bare, tanned and toned shoulders. I suddenly wanted to run my hands over his biceps to feel the hardness of his muscles.
“Why are you staring at me?” he asked self-consciously, when a few seconds had passed and I realized my eyes were glued to his pecs, my mouth slightly open.
I looked up as my face flushed red. “You have a really good body,” I said honestly, and I watched his cheeks color, still able to see them even though dusk was slowly turning into night.
It was like we were two fifteen year-old kids who got embarrassed at the very mention of sex. He crossed his arms over his chest as if to shield me from looking at him, which was so weird. Most guys who looked like him liked to flaunt what they’d worked so hard to achieve. It was like he didn’t see what the outside world saw. In his eyes he was still the scrawny, shy, self-conscious guy he’d been two years ago.
“Don’t hide,” I said, as I stood up straighter and closed the distance between us, wondering what he’d do if I kissed him.
I was less than a foot from him, but our bodies weren’t touching. I knew I had to go slow. Jared was so reserved. He didn’t make bold moves like the guys I’d dated in the past. He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever known before, and maybe that was why I liked him so much.
As I reached up and ran my fingers through his dark, wet locks, he let his arms fall to his sides, almost as if he couldn’t hold them there any longer.
“What are you doing?” he asked softly.
I cocked my head at him. “What would you do if I said I wanted to kiss you?”
It looked like his breath hitched for a second, but I couldn’t be sure. “I’d tell you that my best friend likes you, so it wouldn’t be the best idea.”
So that was why he’d been holding back. It made sense now. I knew I hadn’t imagined him flirting with me.
I moved closer to him. “I know how Scott feels about me, but I don’t feel the same way. You know that. He doesn’t make my heart race like you do.”
Jared swallowed. Damn, his throat was so sexy when he did that. “I make your heart race?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “Yeah, you do. Here, feel.”
I took his hand and moved it over my heart, so he could feel it racing. It picked up even faster when his hand touched my bare skin, right above my breast. He tried to tug it away, but I wouldn’t let him.
“Do you want to kiss me, Jared?” I asked him pointedly.
“Yes,” he said, the word coming out on a breath as his eyes shifted up to look into mine. The intensity I found in them was so incredibly sexy. “But I can’t.”
Damn, that was frustrating to hear. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. I also wasn’t sure I could take no for an answer.
“Why not?” I asked, my hand tightening around his wrist, holding his hand against my skin.
His fingers brushed the paper airplane charm Will had given me, and I tried to ignore the tug in my stomach that told me to pull away. I had to rip off the bandage. I had to do this. I couldn’t stay stagnant. Will was gone. He wasn’t coming back, and if I held onto him any longer, I was going to lose it.
“Because of Scott,” Jared said.
“Scott’s not here,” I reminded him.
I couldn’t believe I was saying that. I’d seen Scott’s face when he thought Jared and I were on a date at lunch a few weeks back. He’d be so upset if he knew what we were doing, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. But it didn’t change the fact that all I could think about was kissing Jared.
Jared sighed. “He’s my best friend. It would kill him to know how I feel about you.”
“How do you feel about me?” I asked, as my heart started pulsing faster, so I released my grip on his wrist.
“I like you, Cassie,” he said, his hand sliding down to loop around my waist as he pulled me closer so my body was flush against his. “I like you a lot – so much more than I should.”
“I like you too, Jared. A lot.”
He swallowed and looked away, but he didn’t release me. He sighed, letting out a breath, long and slow.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, shaking his head. “For weeks I’ve been hoping you felt the same way, but another part of me wanted you to tell me you just wanted to be friends.”
He stepped back from me then, but his hand still rested on my lower back.
“Why?” I asked, not understanding why he would want me to reject him.
He wouldn’t look at me, so I rested my hand on his cheek and turned his head so he was facing at me again.
He looked down at me with his beautiful blue eyes. “Because I can’t act on how I feel – at least not until I talk to Scott.”
I felt my heart sink. “Can’t you tell him after?” I asked, moving closer, ready to close the distance between us again. “You don’t have to tell him anything happened between us.”
“Don’t,” Jared said begrudgingly when he realized what I was doing.
Then he released me and backed away, putting several feet between us. He ran a hand back through his hair and growled in frustration, sounding completely adorable and sexy, and making me laugh. If he was attempting to push me away, he was hardy succeeding if he was going to make sounds like that.
He looked at me in surprise when he heard me laughing. “This isn’t funny. Why are you laughing?”
; I covered my mouth with my hand. “I’m sorry. You were so cute just now. I couldn’t help it.”
“Cute?” he questioned, his mouth twisting into an amused smirk. “You think I’m cute?”
“Of course,” I said as I swam over to him and slid my legs around his waist before he could stop me.
The hardness I was met with caught me off-guard but only served to excite me more. I could tell he was fighting so strongly against something he wanted so bad. He wanted it as much as I did.
“Cassie,” he groaned, which of course only made me want him more.
I looped my arms around his neck. “Yes, I think you’re cute, Jared. In fact, I think you’re incredibly hot and sexy, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for weeks now.”
His breaths were coming in short and shallow bursts. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know why that’s so hard for you to believe.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t even look twice at me in high school, and now you’re telling me you think I’m hot and want to kiss me? Forgive me if that throws me for a loop.”
I reached up and cupped his face with my hand. “You know I think you’re hot. I told you that the first day you trained me. And high school was a long time ago. You should look in a mirror every now and then. You’re not the same guy you used to be. You grew up to be hot, Jared Lansing.”
“And the Homecoming Queen wants to kiss me.”
“She wants to do more than kiss you,” I told him.
“Jesus,” he hissed, shaking his head. I could tell he was fighting a huge internal war with himself. I wished he’d just give in already. We both wanted this.
“But I’m also not the Homecoming Queen anymore. I’m just Cassie. I’m just a girl who found a boy that she’d like to kiss because he’s sweet and kind-hearted and beautiful inside and out,” I said, as Jared let his forehead drop against mine.
“Dammit. You’re killing me. This is literally killing me – especially when you say things like that.”
“Kiss me already,” I urged him. “We both want this.”
He closed his eyes, and it looked like I was going to get what I wanted until he opened them and shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, shaking his head once more. “I can’t do that to Scott.”
Paper Airplanes Page 16
