Evernight Publishing
www.evernightpublishing.com
Copyright© 2011 London Saint James
ISBN: 978-1-927368-05-3
Cover Artist: LF Designs
Editor: Dana Horbach
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
DEDICATION
To my hero;
Thank you for your support, your love, your encouragement, and for always finding a way to make me smile.
I will love you forever and a day,
London
REQUIEM
The Heart of Winter, 2
London Saint James
Copyright © 2011
Mrs. Cynthia Perri Fines and Mr. Scott Linton Perri
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of
their daughter
Winter Shae Perri
to
Austin Wells Carlyle
son of
Doctor Wells Bennett Carlyle and Doctor Judith Carroll Carlyle
Saturday, the 20th of December
At eleven in the morning
Saint Thomas
Fifth Avenue, New York
Chapter One
FRIDAY
One more day. The thought made me giddy. Three years and two months ago I met Austin, and we have been inseparable since I first saw him leaning casually against the back wall in the restaurant where I worked. In that moment I knew I loved him, knew he would be the one to test my theory: there was no such thing as forever, true love, soul mates. I knew the instant I looked into his blue-gray eyes, Austin, was the one, and strangely he felt the same about me. We fit. Two hearts, one soul. Winter Shae Carlyle, the name sounded right, and tomorrow I would be married to the love of my life, Austin Wells Carlyle.
The day flew by. Busy with decorations, flower arrangements, last minute fittings, and finally, time for the rehearsal. We drove to the church at four o’clock. I rode with Austin whereas my parents rode with the Austin’s parents. While I considered it good to be alone with him again, there were two things in which I hoped for. Number one, that the rehearsal would go quickly. And number two, soon be wrapped in Austin’s arms.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
“You, always you,” I admitted.
Austin smiled while laughing his quiet musical laugh. A second passed as he messed with the radio. He ended his quest on a classic rock station, pleased with himself if his sideway smirk was any indication. The song which played, Van Morrison, “Beside You.” I knew he liked this song, and so did I.
When the song stopped, he asked, “Are you nervous?”
“No. Are you?”
“Are you kidding? No. I have wanted this since I first looked into your beautiful green eyes. I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“Austin, I love you so much it sometimes hurts. I can’t live without you. You are the beating of my heart, the breath of my soul.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” he said. He picked up my hand and kissed my fingers.
We made it through the rehearsal and only needed to stop and start over three different times. Bean and Wes, Austin’s long-time friends and groomsmen, could not contain themselves. They were having a good time but finally settled down once Austin’s mother snapped her fingers at them. Austin and I had written our own vows hence this part of the rehearsal was short. He wanted his vows to be a surprise, so we went through the standard vows. I had to wait to hear the real thing.
When the pastor came to, “You may kiss the bride.” Austin took me into his arms and kissed me all too passionately.
As we kissed, Austin’s hands ran down my back. I felt my cheeks turn hot. He rested one hand at the small of my back before he pulled me into him. Bean and Wes cleared their throats. I imagine Austin realized we were in a church; therefore he stopped and pulled back. He took hold of my face in-between his hands, and made sure to keep my gaze. We looked into each other’s eyes. He smiled quite unapologetically for the intimate scene we were making inside the church. When I smiled back he took his finger, skimmed it down my cheek then tapped the tip of my nose.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. I knew he was referring to the flaming color of my cheeks. While I found my tendency to blush, embarrassing, he always liked my blush. In fact, he’d say my blush was sweet, sexy, and the color of pink rose petals.
After the rehearsal, we all convened for dinner. All of our wedding party Jewel, Claudia, Jen, Crystal, Lynn, Bean, Wes, Ace, and Will, everyone was there. Had time passed so quickly? It seemed like only yesterday I entered the old diner in the East Village to meet a table full of his friends. I remembered that night well. It was after a play. A play they produced and performed in. Austin kissed me in the balcony, gave me a diamond snowflake necklace, which I constantly wear then took me to dinner to meet his friends. As I looked at everyone, friends and family, I knew one word described my life. Blessed. And Austin, well, Austin’s the miracle which made up my life.
Austin’s father, Doctor Carlyle and his best man gave the toast at the rehearsal dinner. He recited a beautiful piece from Emily Bronte. I cried. Austin kissed the tears from my cheek and told me he loved me. We laughed; we talked about our upcoming plans to move to California and Austin’s impending film. He had the starring role. He was on the verge of making it big. Bright lights and fame were to be in his future, everyone knew it, but Austin, he remained calm about the whole thing, cool and collected. Becoming a Hollywood heartthrob didn’t even faze him. It did however, worry me. He would begin shooting in January. In fact, his filming obligation was going to cut our honeymoon short by two days. We would be spending the New Year in our rented home in the Hollywood Hills.
Seven courses later, the dinner came to an end. I noticed my mother and Austin’s mother while they plotted at the far end of the table. As I approached that end of the room I heard them. They were going over last minute preparations, and also discussing the plan to get me to the hair dresser promptly at eight in the morning. My mother held out her hand to stop me from passing. Austin’s mother stood up from her seat.
“Don’t forget, Winter,” Mrs. Carlyle said. She brushed back a piece of my hair. “We must be at the salon by eight.”
She knew my tendency to be late.
I shook my head in agreement. “I promise to be there on time.”
We all said our good evenings and confirmed the time everyone would be at the church in the morning. Austin procured my coat from the coat check. He helped me put it on. I felt his fingers twist within my hair for a moment. He made sure my hair did not tuck under the collar of my coat. I stood in silence and gazed out at the perfect white snowflakes fall gently to the ground. With a feeling of disbelief, I recognized my fairy tale would come true.
The valet brought our car. Once we stepped out of the etched glass doors of the restaurant, the valet handed Austin the keys. Austin helped me into his car, turned to look at his parents and mine.
“We are going to make a quick stop, so if you make it back to the apartment before we do don’t worry, Cynthia.” My mother nodded an acknowledgement. “Mom, Dad, I’ll see you later tonight. I want to spend a little time with my fiancée.”
“Sure son,” Austin’s father returned.
Austin took the driver’s seat, turned on the radio, ran the back of his hand down my cheek, and grinned before he pulled
out into traffic.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“It’s a surprise,” Austin replied. He diverted his eyes from the road and looked at me for the briefest of moments.
A hard jolt catapulted us forward. I saw Austin’s arms shoot out over my body, protectively. The sound of crunching metal shattered the car. Twisting took over. My body shot frontward, backward, bent to my right, hit something hard. Catastrophic shattering of glass and the crunch of metal resonated. Nothing more. Quiet. I tried to open my eyes, but was unable to. Caught somewhere between wake and slumber. Strange noises emerged, followed by an eerie hush which melted into the bizarre sounds. Finally, deafening waves of complete silence. I became aware of wet cold air. Moisture hit my face. And in a flash, we were gone.
I weaved in and out of a peculiar existence. A commotion, sirens, people talking, voices…. Flying. I thought I somehow moved through the air. My vision took in snapshots, quick pictures of twisted metal, bright red lights. They flashed. Shards of ice or glass glistened, strewn into the dirty black snow. My vision blurred. My eyes closed. A pressure on my chest, a movement again. I could hear odd voices. They mixed into the sounds of stress, the sounds of panic. Did I hear my mother’s voice? I wasn’t sure. Austin, where is Austin?
His face. I found his face within my mind. Perhaps a dream? Confused, not sure of the visions which I saw or heard, I could not be certain I was even alive. Maybe this is death? Perchance I was dying and Austin remained with me even in death. I gazed at the perfection of his face, the shimmer of the blue-gray in his eyes. He smiled at me. This gesture calmed me and I felt no pain, only sheer peace filled with utter contentment as I looked at him. The need to touch him overtook me, but I couldn’t find my arms. The realization shot panic through me. Terror stricken, I struggled to reach him. However, during that struggle my body moved from him. I had to be leaving him, or maybe he was leaving me.
No! His face moved farther and farther from me. No! I did not want to leave him. We could not be apart, separated from each other. Whatever continued to pull us apart needed to stop. Stop! Austin’s face dimmed, faded. Please, I begged.
Something broke through the silence of my mind. My pleading was internal. I didn’t have a voice. I must see Austin. I focused intently. When I saw his lips, I watched them. Austin’s lips never moved. His face remained beautiful, still, but I heard his voice, clear and crisp. I heard Austin.
I hear you….
“I love you, never forget,” he said.
I love you Austin, don’t go, don’t leave me….
Darkness fell over me, possibly from the pain of separation. I sank deep into an endless black abyss, drifting in sorrow. Nothing but murkiness surrounded me. Weightless, no longer tethered to this world, lost between the here and now and someplace else. The need to find Austin, hear his voice, feel his touch never left from me. Nothing remained as I drifted.
In the distance, far from my floating body, a pinpoint of light. I glided up toward the light, and came to the surface of the dark waters. When I broke through the murkiness, I opened my eyes, trying hard to focus. The beeping of something echoed near my ear in a high pitched electronic sound. Beep…beep…. Something encased my face, my nose, and mouth. Beep…beep. The sound continued. My eyes closed then fluttered open again.
The lights were bright, too bright. I lifted my right arm to cover my eyes but felt pain. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my arm in a brace or some sort of constraint. Pain rushed over me again. I tried to look beyond the light to find large squares. Ceiling tiles. The tiles were crisp white. A bright oval light protruded. That was the light which shone down on me in the darkness I recognized. Weakly, I pulled the mask from my face. Air from the mask blew across my skin as I moved it. My face hurt, too. I thought I heard my name, but felt the need to close my eyes. I drifted once more, only in dim light instead of darkness.
From far away, I heard my name again.
“Winter….” I tried to find the voice but my eyes remained shut. “Winter, love, can you hear me?”
This voice, reminiscent.
“Winter, open your eyes.”
Doctor Carlyle, Austin’s father.
“Doctor Carlyle?” I asked. I heard my voice crack, scratchy and weak as though I had never used my voice before.
“Yes, can you see me?”
“No.” I blinked. My vision was obstructed but— “All I see is the bright light,” I said.
The light moved. It slid off to the right, allowing my eyes to focus. I saw Doctor Carlyle’s face through what I understood were swollen lids, probably black eyes. When I focused, he was looking at me, his expression broken. His eyes held an indescribable grief. In this instant, I knew. Emptiness filled me and overflowed, followed by panic, for Austin.
No. No, no.
“Austin! Where is he?” I demanded as I rose up. I busted the lines attached to my body. The pain was harsh, but I ignored it. The beeping machines went crazy.
“Winter.” Doctor Carlyle’s voice changed. He was crying.
“NO! Not Austin, not my love, not my Austin, no, no. God, please God!” I cried out. This wasn’t real; it had to be a horrible nightmare.
“Winter, please, you need to calm down,” Doctor Carlyle urged. His hand rested lightly on my left shoulder.
“Austin! Please Austin, you can’t leave me,” I begged, tears flowing. “Austin please, Austin, no!”
“Winter…” Doctor Carlyle mumbled.
“I want to see him, where is Austin?”
“Winter, you cannot see him. Austin has left us.”
“NO!” I screamed, while inside I protested his words with even more vehemence.
“Winter, you and Austin were involved in a wreck. Austin was killed in that wreck.”
“You’re lying to me!”
“No, love, Austin is no longer with us.”
“This is not happening.”
I tried to grab at the sheets.
“Winter.” Doctor Carlyle stopped my hand, holding it within his hand.
“Take me to Austin.”
“It would not be good for you to see him. You are injured as well. You need to stay still.”
“NO!” I tore at the remaining tubes in my left arm, dislodging an IV. Blood ran red over my skin, winding down to the white bed sheets. The red bloomed before my eyes then the color blurred, left my vision, the color turning gray. “I need to see Austin!” I protested. I tried to move from the bed, and found it impossible.
Doctor Carlyle’s voice quivered as he spoke to me. “Winter, please understand, you do not want to see him. The wreck was bad. Austin’s side of the car was destroyed.”
The pain ripping through my body was nothing in comparison to the wrenching ache of my heart. It felt like my heart had been physically torn from my chest. The beating rhythm seemed to speed up, racing, and it stopped. I experienced the sensation of the blood run from my head. Darkness overtook my eyes, and I could not breathe. In this moment I wished, hoped for death to take me. My body went limp. In that second, Winter Perri disappeared.
Once again, I floated within a murky darkness. I suppose I blacked out because time passed without my knowledge. I don’t know when I resurfaced. It could have been minutes, hours, or even days.
“Winter….” I heard my mother cry. Felt her arms wrap around me.
I sobbed into her arms. “He’s gone,” I said. My voice broke, my breath labored.
“My love, I know, I know. I am so sorry.” She cried.
I wept uncontrollably. “I-I…I cannot…I cannot live without him.” I breathed. Agonizing pain racked my body. Whether from my injuries or whether from my broken heart, I cannot say.
There were others in my room crying but I didn’t find the strength to open my eyes. I heard Wes say, “You must live, Winter. Austin would want you to live.”
How can Wes tell me I must live? I have nothing to live for. The whole of my being is gone from me.
Oblivion closed in, and
my mind weakened. It shut down like a clock unwinding, slowly closing off to the sounds of the room, to the feel of my own body. I was altered, no longer living. My heart may have pumped blood, my lungs may have taken in air, my eyes may see the dim existence of the world, but I wasn’t able to live. My body became a traitor which would not allow me to leave. However, my heart stopped beating when Austin left. My eyes would never see beauty again. I may as well be blind. I was taken by the grief, the pain, and I would live there inside that pain.
How could I be expected to live? How is it even possible to lose the existence of my life and still continue? I should not continue. It isn’t possible. I have no right to draw another breath, I ought to be dead.
In this instant in time my world tilted, its tilt farthest from the sun. If I had to, if my body would not give up, then I would be forced to live frozen within an endless winter. Forever trapped inside this infinite death.
Death, I welcome it, I thought, as I allowed myself to sink back into the darkness.
Chapter Two
GOODBYE MY LOVE
My confinement continued within the prison of the hospital. My body riddled with bruises and contusions covering most of me, which included a broken right arm. To be exact, I had a broken ulna, one of the two long bones in the forearm. Along with the arm, I suffered from the agony of a broken collarbone, six broken ribs, a fractured pelvis, and a shattered right ankle. The ankle required surgery to repair. Someone, a nurse I believe, told when the paramedics and rescue workers arrived on the scene of the accident they performed CPR. This may explain the broken ribs however; they could have been sustained in the wreck. I also found against my better judgment, against the protest of my heart and mind, my body would recover. So I spent dark days along with cold nights, cursing my body and cursing my existence in the sterile environment of Mount Sinai Hospital.
People came to see me. Some I did not know who knew Austin and others which I and Austin spent a lot of time with. Accompanying every visit, more flowers arrived. They filled my room, infusing the air with all too sweet smells. It reminded me of nothing but sickness, broken twisted pain, and death. I hated the flowers, hated the smell, and every time a new bouquet would arrive I wanted to scream. I finally lost my tongue when Wes, Jewel, and Bean came carrying another set of roses in a vase. The roses were too much. They reminded me of Austin and our wedding which would never take place. I lost any control I may have had in the moment.
Requiem Page 1
