by Steven Pajak
She didn’t say anything, but she nodded.
“Thank you, Ravi. See you around.”
I closed the door behind me and walked slowly down the three concrete stairs. The morning had been going so well, it was merely a matter of time before I’d suffer a setback.
Although we had three very important divisions up and operational, having a competent medical unit would become extremely important. Winter was on the way and common colds and illnesses were bound to rip through the community if we remained under lockdown. And as we started going on more supply missions, there was always the risk of severe injury from the crazies we might come into contact with during our foray.
Well, I still had Dave Green I could tap into. As a medical corpsman, he’d certainly have experience with the latter of our problems. We’d just have to hope that through sanitation and limited exposure to outside parties that we’d experience only mild illness through the winter months.
As the sun reached its midday peak, I headed out to pick my group for the supply mission I had planned. I wanted at least several hours to work through a plan, some basic tactics, weaponry and transportation before we went out. I also had to map our course and select stores and shops that were not too far away and would yield the best supplies.
I was actually looking forward to getting out on the road again. Maybe by luck I’d run into the crazy that infected my wife. Although that seemed impossible given I had no idea what that thing looked like, it was still a comfort to think about it.
CHAPTER 12:
Best Laid Plans
The rest of my afternoon was busy. I planned on meeting with Dave Green to discuss his role as administrator and facilitator of the Randall Oaks Medical Unit, but by one o’clock it was clear I wasn’t going to have time today.
After leaving Ravi’s house my first order of business was to secure transportation for my supply run. Since this was our first run I wanted to be as light as possible, but at the same time be able to transport as much as possible. I had no idea if we’d be able to make additional supply runs, so we needed to take as much as we could on this trip.
It was a pretty nice day, so I pulled my 10-speed down from the hooks on my garage wall and took a ride around the community. I was looking out for vehicles that I thought would serve my purpose; when I found something to my liking I would kindly commandeer the vehicle in the name of community security.
After riding around the west half of our community my options appeared pretty slim and I was a bit disappointed. I counted six mini vans and two panel vans but nothing larger.
I discounted all of the SUV’s because they did not allow enough cargo space. I didn’t even consider a coupe, sport or sedan.
The mini vans could work if we drove more than one, but I was leery about splitting up the group or supplies. I had no idea how dangerous it might be out there and I would feel safer if we all stayed together and I could better control movement and action.
My dissatisfaction did not last long. After leaving the west side I pedaled my bike down Cameroon Drive with the goal of passing our north wall—the less populated area of our community—and checking out the field house security post Bob planned to have set up.
As I came around the bend where Cameroon swung around and opened up to the playground, I saw the UPS truck parked in the small visitor’s parking section to the west of the playground. I had no idea why it was there or how I’d missed it earlier but it was exactly what I was looking for.
It took more than an hour to track down the driver. I had a couple of Bob’s men help me go door-to-door but that didn’t yield any relevant information. Almost everyone was either out with the militia or doing something else.
After we gave up knocking on doors, I let Bob’s men go back to their duties. I made my way over to where Bri and the militia were currently working out squad assignments.
I pulled Bri aside. “I need to make a quick announcement.”
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I need to find out who drives the UPS truck that’s parked out by the playground.”
He nodded his head and turned to his company.
“Listen up!” he shouted. The group stopped what they were doing and turned in our direction. “They’re all yours,” he said.
“Good afternoon,” I said.
I felt like I was back at work addressing a group of potential college students in my current life or green recruits in my former.
“I’m trying to find the driver of the UPS truck parked by the playground. Anyone know anything about it?”
I saw a hand come up from one of the squads to our left. I waved my hand and motioned for the man to come over to me.
A plump man wearing a grey jogging outfit steadily made his way through the group. He wore a Cubs baseball cap over his greasy brown hair, sporting a thick beard and mustache that he continuously scratched unconsciously as he approached.
“That’s my truck,” he said. He stopped a couple of feet in front of me and stuck out his hand. “Alex Baldwin.”
“Hello, Alex,” I said and shook. “I’d like to borrow your truck. I’m going to make a supply run and your truck is the biggest thing I can find to hold a group of men and a large number of supplies. Is that okay with you?”
Alex nodded his head and scratched his beard again. “Can I come with? I’ll drive.”
I considered this a moment. I didn’t know Alex, so obviously he wasn’t on the list of men I’d already chosen for the job. Since my life was going to be in the hands of these men, I’d been very particular about my selection. I had concerns about Alex joining us.
“You are aware that we’re going to be going out there, right?” gesturing in the direction of our gates.
“Yes,” Alex said.
“There’s a chance that we’re going to run into those crazies out there. Maybe a whole lot of them. This could be dangerous. Are you okay with that?”
“Yes.”
“Can you handle a gun, Alex?” I asked.
Alex nodded again. “I hunt duck. I’m really familiar with shotguns.”
“Can you handle a pump-action?”
“Sure.” There he was scratching that beard again.
“Why do you want to go with us, Alex?” I asked.
“Aside from it being my truck? Do you have someone that can handle it? I’ve been driving that truck for seven years in all kinds of weather, in all kinds of traffic. No one is going to drive that better than me. I think I’m your best chance of making it there and back in one piece. At least while you’re in my truck.”
I looked at Bri who shrugged and raised his eyebrows in a look that said ‘why not’?
I turned back to Alex. “Okay, you’re on the crew. Report to the command post in one hour. I’ll brief the team and we’re going to spend the last hours of daylight drilling. Bring your shotgun with you.”
Alex smiled. “Well alright.”
“Thanks, Bri,” I said.
I got on my bike and started to ride back toward the command post.
Behind me I heard Brian say, “Get back to your squad. Fall in! Double time it, Baldwin!”
I grinned. Brian always was a ballbuster.
* * *
No decorating work was done at the command post. Brian had his hands full trying to get the militia underway and I was busy with my own projects. For the time being, the staging furniture would do.
I sat at the dining room table with my notebook in front of me, creating a list that consisted of the seven men that would be accompanying me on our supply mission and what job each would be responsible for doing.
Alex would be driving the UPS truck and providing vehicle security with Hector while the rest of the group scavenged. The scavenge teams would be split into two: Ken and John would be on my team. Charlie would lead Mike and Ignatius.
All of the men I selected were capable of handling a firearm and all were single, which was my preference for this mission. I refused to be responsibl
e for a family losing a father.
Although I did not plan on losing any of the men, we all had to be prepared should the situation arise. I briefly considered finding David Green and having him come along as our medic but I couldn’t justify leaving the community without medical assistance in case of an emergency.
I’d have to tap into my basic training if anyone was wounded. I’d have to remember to pack my aid kit and do my best to stabilize until we could get further medical assistance. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
From my shirt pocket I pulled out the two sheets of paper that Kat had given me about an hour ago. One was her supply list, which I had to admit was quite hefty. When I returned to her house to collect Ravi’s request, we’d spent about fifteen minutes trying to whittle the list down a bit but Kat was adamant about having everything.
Eventually I gave up and promised I’d do my best to get everything she asked for.
The second sheet of paper was Ravi’s critical supplies list. Although Ravi would not commit to a leadership role for our medical center she did promise to compose the list. Most of the items listed were not going to be easy to get. Some stuff I might find at the local Walgreen’s or CVS, but for many of the mechanical items we’d need to raid St. Ann’s hospital, which I wasn’t looking forward to breaking into. I had no idea what to expect. Surely the hospital staff would not have left and abandoned their patients. There were bound to also be others who would be in search of the same medical supplies and I wanted to avoid any skirmishes with humans.
I had started to write out a list of possible stores that we would hit when I heard the garage door open. A moment later Brian came up the stairs; fresh sweat dripped down his face and his long hair was plastered against his neck and forehead. He went to the mini fridge and opened it.
“Want water?” he asked as he bent and grabbed a bottle.
“No thanks,” I said.
I pushed the notebook into the middle of the table and put my face into my hands.
Brian pulled up a seat next to me, cracked open the bottle of water and drank it down, belched loudly, then tossed the empty plastic bottled into the open trash can with a hook shot.
“Two points.” He looked at me and asked, “What’s up with you?”
I looked at him between my fingers and then took my hands away from my face. I slid the notebook toward him and waited while he looked it over.
“Well?” I prodded.
He was quiet for a moment and then he got up and went to the refrigerator. He returned with another bottle of water in his hand. When he sat down he asked, “You sure you want to do this?”
“I have to,” I responded, perhaps a bit too defensively.
“You don’t have to do anything,” Brian said. He opened the water and took a long swig.
“They made me their leader and they’re expecting me to take care of them.”
“Yeah, but they’re not expecting you to do that by going out there into crazy-infected streets to get toilet paper and Band Aids.”
I shook my head. It was always hard arguing with Brian because, although he looked like a wasted rocker, he was actually a pretty smart guy. Often his arguments were too logical and difficult to debate.
“I’m doing this,” I said. “What I’m asking you is what you think about the people I’m bringing and the places I plan on hitting.”
He picked up the notebook and looked at it again. Without taking his eyes off the paper he asked, “Do you really want to take these guys out there right now? I mean, none of them has any training. They’re liable to either shoot each other or freeze right in the middle of a firefight.”
“You have a better suggestion?”
“Hell, yeah. Why not just take me and Bob, and maybe Charlie? We made a good group yesterday and you know you can trust us.”
“I trust you guys, sure, but I can’t leave the community without some people who know what they’re doing.”
“Then leave Bob and take me.”
I let out a deep sigh.
“Look, man. I need you here and that’s final. Bob’s a good guy but he’s still too unsure of himself. He already willingly turned over leadership remember?”
“We’ll be back in a few hours, dude. He can handle it.”
“Bri, enough. You’re not going.”
“I’m the big brother here,” Brian said. He slammed down the water bottle.
“I’m not going to argue with you.” I stood up from the table. Before I could leave he grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the chair.
“Just tell me why you’re acting like a pussy. What’s the problem? Why don’t you really want me to go?”
I turned on him then and we both stood face to face. It had been a long time since my brother and I had a physical fight with each other. During our teen years we’d come to blows over stupid things, but as adults we’d been able to talk things out without fists. At the moment, however, all of the pressures I had felt building up got the better of me. All of the anger and rage I’d been keeping bottled up inside over the loss of my wife and children surfaced.
I grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him backward. His legs hit the chair he’d been sitting on and he fell backward, trying to catch himself before he actually fell, but failing to do so.
“You want to know why? I’ll tell you! You’re all I have left. My wife is dead. My children are dead. You’re the only family I have left and I am not going to risk losing you!”
Surprised by my sudden fury, Brian did not react as I expected. Instead of getting to his feet and knocking me on my ass, he sat down in his chair and pulled in close to the table.
“Sit down,” he said. When I didn’t move, he looked up at me. I saw no anger in his eyes, only sadness. “Dude, sit down.”
My breathing was labored and I could feel my arms and hands shaking. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins. I sat in my chair and tried to calm my breathing. I could feel a tension headache coming on. My temples throbbed, I must have been grinding my teeth again, a sure sign that I was angry, my wife would say.
Brain picked up Kat’s list again and without looking at me he said, “You have to cut this down by a lot. You wouldn’t fit more than half of this into that UPS truck. And half of this isn’t important yet anyway.”
As was his way, Brian chose to ignore our argument and move on as though nothing happened. I’d always admired the fact that he didn’t hold grudges and could easily brush things off. On the other hand, I could hold a grudge like no one’s business.
Apologies did not come easily for me. I don’t know why but for some reason an apology seemed like a sign of weakness to me.
Rather than apologize I said, “Kat’s not going to be happy if I edit her list.”
Finally turning to me Brian said, “Who cares what Kat thinks? She’s not the one going out there and risking her life for toilet paper. You asked for her opinion and now it’s your job to make the final decision.”
I nodded my head, again finding it difficult to argue with his logic. I took a pen from my shirt pocket and tossed it across the table to him. “Start lining out.”
Brian lifted the pen. He continued to look at me. I could see he wanted to say something, but it had always been difficult for him to express his feelings.
I knew my brother better than anyone else. In truth, he was a bit bipolar with extreme sociopathic tendencies. Over the last few days I’d noticed changes in him, but whether or not these changes were for the better remained to be seen.
After a moment he turned away and got to work on the list. While he started scratching items off I turned back to my own list of stores and shops I planned to raid. Some of the things Brian said made me reconsider my original plan.
I realized I was being too optimistic. Hell, from the beginning of this whole mess I never let the seriousness of our situation actually sink in. I’d purposefully been trying not to think too seriously about things because then I’d think about my children, and then I’d thi
nk about my wife, and then I’d break down.
Even now just thinking about them made my eyes water. My family was my life and now they were gone. Not only had they passed, but they’d died in a terrible way. As a husband, as a father, and as a man, I was supposed to protect my family. In this, I had failed miserably.
I put my face in my hands and cried silently. It was all I could think to do besides grabbing my gun and seeking revenge, which I wanted so badly to do. I knew, though, that killing those pathetic creatures would not bring my family back to me. And I also knew that my wife would not like the person I’d become if I let my dark side take control.
It would be easier to just let myself go, to drink myself into a stupor and go all terminator on the first group of crazies I made contact with. It would be easier to just forget about everyone else and their survival and just allow myself to rage and let my anger burn white-hot.
Yet what is easiest is not always best. I needed to put my personal feelings aside.
Although I had not been able to save my family, I could make a difference for others. Instead of throwing what was left of my life away and going down in a blaze of glory, I could actually do some good. I could honor my family and their memory by helping those that needed me now.
I leaned back in my chair and took my hands from my eyes. The cool air struck my face and was welcome. I wiped away hot tears with my sleeve, and when I finally looked at Brian, he pretended to be focused on his task.
I went to the refrigerator and got a bottle of water, drank half of it down, and put it back in.
At the sink, I splashed tepid water on my face and dried off with a paper towel. I stood with my hands on the counter and looked over at Brian in the dining room.
He was right. This group of guys I’d selected weren’t exactly the ideal bunch for this mission. I don’t know what I was thinking. I expected to be able to spend a few hours running over tactics, movement and fire drills before we struck out.
When I was a platoon leader, this planning would have made sense because I would have been working with trained soldiers and we’d have just been going over details.
