Where Seagulls Cry

by Yvonne Whittal

  Kim glanced up at Adam's expectant face above hers and swallowed nervously. 'My dress is m-made of s-satin material, long-waisted with a ballerina-length skirt,' the words came out in a rush. 'Tiny beads have been embroidered very effectively around the neckline, and because this is autumn I thought that it would be safe to choose a dress with three-quarter-length sleeves.'

  'Are you wearing a veil?' he asked after a moment, as if he were endeavouring to form a picture of her in his mind.

  'Yes,' Kim replied nervously. 'A shoulder-length veil fastened on my head with orange blossom.'

  'What colour?'

  Kim's heart hammered heavily against her ribs. 'Do —do you mean my dress?'

  'Naturally.'

  Kim could not suppress the shiver of anxiety that went through her. 'White.'

  The silence was tense in the manse's living-room until Adam's features relaxed into a smile of pleasure. 'I'm glad,' was all he said, but it was enough to bring the colour back to Kim's pale cheeks.

  Mr Wilson cleared his throat. 'I don't want to rush the two of you, but it's almost ten. Shall we go along to the church?'

  It was a silent group of people that followed Mr Wilson through the gate dividing the church from the manse, but as they entered the church moments later, Kim stopped suddenly in her stride.

  'Wait!' She glanced up at Adam's startled face and said with her usual impulsive candour, 'I refuse to marry you, Adam, unless I can see your eyes.'

  An audible sigh of relief escaped him as he reached up to remove the offending sunglasses. 'Is that better?'

  'Much better,' she replied, losing herself for a moment in those blue depths as he met her gaze directly. At times like this it was almost impossible to believe that he could not see directly into her soul.

  Mr Wilson cleared his throat impatiently and they continued the long walk down the aisle. At Adam's request it was not a lengthy ceremony. At the appropriate moment he placed the plain gold band on Kim's finger without fumbling for one second and, after the blessing had been bestowed upon them, Mr Wilson announced from the pulpit that Adam might kiss his bride.

  In absolute silence Adam took her face between his hands and lowered his head, his lips claiming hers in a kiss so unspeakably tender that it brought tears to her eyes. Surely, after such a display of tenderness on his parts he would not find it difficult to care for her eventually? She closed her eyes for a brief moment and sent up a silent prayer.

  She sat beside Adam in the back of his Peugeot as they drove to his cottage, and somehow his hand found hers on the seat between them. Her fingers curled involuntarily about his and her heart leapt as she felt the answering pressure of his.

  'We're almost there,' Libby said from the front seat beside her husband. 'I hope you don't mind, Kim, but under the circumstances I thought it best to prepare a cold lunch.'

  'Don't forget the bottle of champagne in the fridge,' Henry added. 'It's going to be a celebration dinner.'

  'It sounds delightful,' Kim assured them, glancing at Adam for confirmation, but he merely stared straight ahead as though he were totally uninterested.

  Henry Granger drew Kim aside shortly before their departure from Heron's Bay that afternoon to express his relief that Adam had not allowed his blindness to prevent him from leading a normal life. If only he knew! Kim thought sadly.

  'Adam must return to his work eventually,' Henry continued, his lean face, so like Adam's, showing extreme concern. 'He can't spend the rest of his life just sitting around, so you'll have to work on him.'

  'I don't think Adam would appreciate being bullied into anything, Mr Granger,' Kim told him seriously. 'He will pick up the threads of his former life when he's mentally ready to face it, and I shall naturally encourage him in that direction.'

  'Good girl,' he smiled happily.

  Kim stood beside Adam as his father and stepmother took their leave. Solomon was the first to say goodbye before he climbed on to the back of the truck with his shabby suitcase and blankets. He smiled broadly at the prospect of seeing his family again and Adam, as if he sensed Solomon's excitement, teased him a little.

  'Take good care of yourselves,' Henry and Libby said as they climbed into the truck, waving for the last time as it gathered speed down the hill.

  'Thank goodness they've gone,' Adam sighed as they re-entered the cottage. Kim echoed this but maintained a nervous silence.

  They were now alone, completely alone, she thought as she stood about nervously, twisting the unfamiliar ring about her finger. Adam slumped on to the couch and loosened his tie. The tired lines about his mouth were suddenly more pronounced, she noticed and, forgetting her own nervousness, she went to his side with swift concern.

  'Are you tired? Would you like a cup of tea now, or would you prefer to go up and change first?'

  A smile of tolerant amusement curved his lips. 'You're the only person I've ever met who can punch out several questions in rapid succession without taking a breath.'

  Kim coloured profusely. 'I'm sorry.' She swallowed convulsively. 'Now that it's all over I'm as nervous as a kitten.'

  'Honest Kim,' he remarked with a certain grimness, reaching for her hand and pulling her down beside him. 'That's what I like about you. You're always so damned honest.'

  'Would you prefer me not to be?'

  His heavy eyebrows rose sharply. 'Good heavens, no! You're the one person I can trust to always tell me the unvarnished truth. Don't ever change, Kim.'

  His voice was low, almost pleading and, without thinking, Kim raised his hand to her lips. 'I shall never lie to you, Adam, if that's what you want.'

  His expression altered swiftly, becoming strangely aloof. 'The absolute truth between us always?'

  'Yes, Adam. Always,' she whispered, and at that moment her heart was in her eyes, laid bare for all to see but Adam.

  There was a profound silence between them that made her wonder whether she had gone too far. Was she expecting too much from Adam to demand complete honesty from him in return? She chewed her bottom lip nervously and wondered miserably just what was expected of her.

  'What were those questions you rattled off a moment ago?' Adam asked eventually, unaware of the storm of uncertainty which shook Kim.

  'I asked if you were tired,' Kim repeated selfconsciously.

  'A little,' he admitted, releasing her hand, 'and I think I will go up and change while you make us a pot of tea.'

  It was some time later that afternoon, after Kim herself had changed into her usual slacks and sweater, that Adam helped her unpack the crate of linen on the back porch. The second crate, with an odd assortment of books and earthenware, had been stored away in the rondavel which Solomon had occupied. The suitcases containing her clothes had been placed in the room Adam's parents had occupied. As it was the only room with a double bed, it was naturally assumed that Adam would move in there with her. Kim coloured at the thought but mentioned nothing of this to Adam. The bedrooms, just like the lounge, contained odd pieces of furniture, some of which Adam had taken over from the previous owners while the others had been bought at random.

  With her linen stored away in the linen cupboard beneath the stairs, Kim began to unpack her suitcases.

  'If you need any help with that, just call,' Adam had teased, and she had assured him blushingly that his help was not needed. 'It was just a suggestion,' he added, grinning broadly and looking more boyish than she had ever seen him.

  It was a strange new experience being at the cottage with him after dark, and Adam seemed to find immense enjoyment in her presence. He refused to remain in the lounge on his own and stood about the kitchen while she made them omelettes for supper. Neither of them were very hungry after the extravagant meal his stepmother had prepared, but Kim insisted that they should eat something.

  'I think a bottle of champagne has been left in the fridge,' Adam said eventually. 'Shall we open it and have it with our supper?'

  Kim giggled profusely. 'What a combination! Omelettes and champagne
!'

  'At least it's quite original,' Adam remarked with his back to her as he opened the fridge and found the bottle without much trouble. He removed the silver wrapping around the top and began to ease off the cork. 'Have some glasses ready so that you can pour.'

  It turned out to be a memorable occasion. Kim, unaccustomed to the large quantities of champagne she had consumed that day, continually had to suppress the helpless giggles that struggled to the fore. Adam, too, was not unaffected, for she encountered a lighthearted side to his nature she had never seen before. It appeared that there were many sides to this man she had married, and discovering each phase was going to be a new delight.

  They parted company at the door to his room later that night and Kim entered the lonely isolation of her own. This was her wedding night, and she was spending it alone. The enormous double bed with its iron posters offered little comfort as she rolled about in the dark, listening to the sound of the sea lashing the rocks below the cliff. It was strange that it could be heard so much clearer, from Adam's cottage. She had always been aware of the sea at her aunt's cottage, but somehow from this high vantage point it could be heard so much clearer. It was, however, a soothing sound, but Kim was too restless to be soothed. Was Adam asleep? she wondered eventually, considering a trip to the kitchen to warm some milk. She tried once more to sleep, but finally gave up the struggle and slipped out of bed and put on her gown and slippers.

  Adam was still awake; the strip of light beneath his door told her so. It was strange, this phobia of his to have the lights on despite his blindness, or perhaps it was merely a display of keeping things as normal as possible. Kim hesitated outside his door for a moment and then, hearing his footsteps moving about, she knocked and opened the door slightly.

  'Adam? Are you decent?'

  'Yes,' he laughed shortly. 'Come in.'

  She went in then and found him standing in the centre of the floor in his pyjamas and dressing gown. His bed showed signs of his struggle for sleep, but otherwise there was no sign of disorder in the room.

  'I couldn't sleep,' she explained nervously. 'It must be the tension and the champagne.' Adam's lips curved into a mocking smile and she blushed profusely. 'I'm going to warm myself some milk, would you like some as well?'

  'Yes, I'll come with you.'

  This surprised her, but she maintained a stony silence as they went downstairs to the kitchen. She poured the milk into a saucepan and placed it on the stove while Adam pulled out a chair and sat down with his arms resting on the table.

  'It's been a rather strenuous day for both of us,' he remarked understandingly. 'I found myself too keyed up to sleep as well.'

  Kim remained silent, unable to think of anything to say. What was there to say, after all? When the milk was warm enough she poured it into two glasses and placed his within easy reach of his hand.

  'It has been a strange day; our wedding day,' she remarked unsteadily with her usual candour. 'Here we are, both dressed for bed, sitting in the kitchen drinking milk in the middle of the night. If someone had to see us now, they would most probably think we're mad.'

  'Does it matter what people think?'

  'No,' she could not help smiling. 'I was just thinking aloud.'

  He reached for her hand and her heart missed a pace as those strong fingers curled about her own. 'Kim,' he said urgently, 'I've also been thinking. When I asked you to marry me, I stipulated that you should think of it as a business arrangement, but…' He hesitated with a measure of uncertainty and Kim felt the heavy beat of her heart against her ribs as she waited for him to continue. 'Do you think that… given time… our marriage might eventually become a true marriage?'

  A pulse throbbed painfully in her throat as she stared at his serious features. Did he actually want their marriage to be real? she wondered, hope fluttering and winding its way bravely through her being.

  'It might,' she whispered inadequately, not quite certain how to take this new trend in their relationship.

  'Do you think you would find it difficult to become my wife in the true sense of the word?'

  The uncertain urgency in his voice tore at her heart. 'I don't think I shall find it difficult, Adam,' she told him breathlessly. 'If you'll give me just a little more time?'

  His thumb moved caressingly across the back of her hand. 'I shan't force myself on you, Kim, but in time, when we know each other better, we could perhaps discuss this again and come to some satisfactory decision about our future together.'

  It was on this promising note that they parted company for the second time that night, and Kim no longer found the thought of the days ahead as something which could only bring eventual heartache. Adam had opened the way to a closer relationship, and although it all sounded rather vague, Kim's happiness depended on it becoming an actuality.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The days slipped by with a swiftness that took Kim's breath away when she stopped to think about it. They had been married a month—a month of long, leisurely days spent walking on the cliff, strolling, on the sandy beach, or merely basking in the sun when the weather was warm. For Kim it was a time of becoming acquainted with Adam's various moods—his mockery, his gentleness, his teasing cynicism, and his helpless frustration at his own fumbling inadequacy, which usually culminated in an explosive display of anger directed at anything, and everything close at hand. Usually at Kim, personally.

  Winter approached Heron's Bay stealthily, putting a sting into the chilly breeze that blew up from the sea. But this did not somehow prevent Adam and Kim from spending the early part of the evenings in the garden and, as the moon rose over the sea, an audible sigh nearly always escaped Kim.

  'You're an incurable romantic, Kim,' Adam accused her one evening with a hint of mockery in his deep voice.

  Her glance, swift and angry, was directed at him. 'Is it a crime for a woman to want romance, and to believe in love?'

  'No, but what is love?'

  'It's the most important reason why people marry. Can you think of any other?' she asked with a touch of sarcasm.

  'Yes, I can,' he told her tolerantly. 'What about liking, respect and compatibility? I think they're three of the most important factors in any marriage.'

  'But they all stem from love.'

  'No, they don't,' he argued, fully aware of her growing agitation, and obviously enjoying it. 'Marriage is the culmination of two different elements thrown together and producing a chemical reaction.'

  'Oh, really!'

  'For instance,' he continued unperturbed, 'I like you. I like the smell of your hair, the touch of your hands, and the sound of your voice, even when you are ordering me about. I like your laughter, and the way you hum to yourself when you're working in the kitchen.' He turned the full power of his mischievous grin on her. 'You stimulate my thought processes when you argue with me, and you activate my imagination. For this reason you're never boring. In fact, I'm never quite sure what to expect from you, and this I find interesting and intriguing.'

  Kim shifted uncomfortably in her seat. 'I wouldn't say that those were good enough reasons for a marriage.'

  'That's because you believe in love,' he accused mockingly. 'Love is a much bandied about word which is used for anything and everything on this earth. For example, you could say "I love rock lobster" with just as much intensity as you would say, "I love you" to the woman or man you're holding in your arms, but it doesn't mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with a rock lobster for a bedfellow.'

  'Oh, Adam,' she laughed exasperatedly, 'there is a difference, you know.'

  'Then it's far too subtle for me to discern,' he stated bluntly, dismissing her statement.

  She leaned towards him then, her expression troubled and anxious. 'But it is the only way of expressing exactly what you feel in your heart.'

  'There are many other ways of expressing one's feelings, but basically it all has to do with chemistry,' he insisted, and Kim's heart sank. 'Think about it analytically and you'll see tha
t I'm right.'

  Kim had no desire to analyse her thoughts at that moment as she clenched her hands and jumped to her feet. 'I'm going inside to start supper,' she announced abruptly. 'Your scientific brain makes me shudder and I shall lose my temper with you if I stay out here a moment longer!'

  Adam's mocking laughter followed her inside and she unconsciously lifted her chin in a gesture of defiance. It was impossible to even consider spending the rest of her life with a man who did not believe in love, and mocked its very existence. What sort of life would they have together if his feelings were continually based on scientific conclusions?

  Adam came in a few minutes later and found his way quite easily to the kitchen where Kim was preparing supper. She glanced over her shoulder as he entered, but offered him no assistance as he walked up against the table and moved expertly around it to come up behind her. His hands caught at her hair and for a moment he buried his face in it before gripping her shoulders and pulling her back against the lean hardness of his body.

  'Are you angry with me?' he asked.

  'No.' She trembled at his touch and fought for control over her rising emotions. 'Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, whatever they are.'

  'But you don't care very much for mine,' he stated knowingly just above her left ear, his breath fanning her cheek.

  'No, I don't,' she acknowledged bluntly, wishing he would not hold her so close.

  'They're based on fact and sensible deductions, Kim.' She turned then and found herself wedged between Adam and the corner cupboard with no way of escape. She glanced up at the man she loved so deeply, and there was an earnest plea for understanding in her eyes which was wasted on him. 'Love isn't something you can sit down and work out on paper like some scientific experiment, Adam,' she explained softly. 'It's something that comes from deep within the human heart, and it's something which can't be cultivated.' She took a deep breath before continuing, 'I could like and admire someone very much. I could find them interesting and exciting, but it still doesn't mean that I could love that person. Nothing on earth would convince me that I should marry someone because we are mentally or scientifically compatible.'