Where Seagulls Cry

by Yvonne Whittal

  'You didn't come for your regular swim this afternoon,' he remarked almost petulantly, his muscular shoulders swinging slightly as he came towards her.

  Kim stared up into his handsome face, with the fair hair bleached several shades whiter by the sun, and felt some of the tension leave her. 'I had something to do in town,' she explained briefly.

  He nodded, his glance sweeping over her appreciatively before he rejoined his friends. 'See you tomorrow, then.'

  'Perhaps,' Kim murmured absently, but he was too far to hear. Life was suddenly so incredibly uncertain that to plan something for tomorrow had become almost impossible. She could not even be sure that there was a place for her in Adam's future.

  Dusk was approaching rapidly when Kim stepped out of the lift and approached the entrance to their penthouse. She was tired and hot, and justifiably wary of what would undoubtedly follow. She was determined to get the truth from Adam, no matter what the consequences and, until then, she would cling to her frail hopes as though her very life depended on it.

  'Kim, is that you?'

  She closed the door behind her as Adam approached, and steeled herself unconsciously. 'Yes, I… went for a long walk and I'm afraid I… forgot the time.' It was a lame excuse, she admonished herself guiltily. 'I'm sorry.'

  Adam's frown deepened. 'You've never been out this late before. I was beginning to think something had happened to you.'

  'I had some thinking to do.' She stood before him, trembling and nervous, and aware of a certain impatience vibrating through him. Those sightless blue eyes seemed to search her soul, and an involuntary quiver went through her, making her words come out in a breathless rush. 'Adam, I have something important I want to discuss with you.'

  'Yes, yes…' he said quickly, drawing her impatiently towards the kitchen, 'but it can wait until you've made us something to eat. Discussions on an empty stomach invariably leave me limp.'

  Kim did not have the strength to argue and tied an apron about her waist before she set to work. Having to delay their talk was a drain on her confidence and, by the time they had finished their silent meal, she was not so sure that she could remember her well-rehearsed speech. When she eventually emerged from the kitchen, after doing the dishes, she found Adam slouched in a chair, smoking his pipe, and looking as though he had not a care in the world.

  She stood and observed him intently for some time, her love for him like a painful weight in her chest that brought a lump to her throat.

  'Is it true, Adam?' she whispered.

  'Is what true?' he grunted. 'Don't speak in riddles, Kim, it's not like you at all.'

  His impatience with her brought a restriction to her throat and she was forced to swallow convulsively. 'Is it true that you're flying to Switzerland at the end of the week to have an eye operation?'

  Adam's face clouded as he removed his pipe from his mouth. 'Who told you this?'

  'Ursula.'

  'I should have known,' he muttered, his lips drawn into a thin line of disapproval. 'It so happens that I'm booked on a. flight for Zurich on Friday, but I hadn't quite made up my mind to go until this morning. I was going to tell you this evening, but it seems Ursula has saved me the trouble.'

  Fear licked at her heart. 'Is it… dangerous?'

  'Any flight has an element of danger these days.'

  'I wasn't talking about that!'

  'I know,' he laughed briefly at her display of agitation. 'Yes, it is dangerous. I shall either regain my sight, or suffer severe brain damage if the operation fails—in which case I shall become no more than a living vegetable which should, by rights, be considered dead.'

  'Don't!' Kim buried her face in her hands as the cry was wrenched from her. His carelessly spoken declaration had scraped along sensitive nerves, leaving her raw and shattered.

  'You want the truth, don't you?' he asked quietly.

  'Yes,' she murmured huskily, her hands falling limply to her sides. 'Do you have to go? Do you have to have the operation?'

  Those heavy eyebrows rose sharply. 'Strictly speaking… no.'

  'Then why?' she begged, her voice filled with the anguish she was going through. 'Why risk your life to have this operation which can offer no guarantee of success?'

  Adam laid his pipe aside and rose to his feet. 'Kim, listen to me, and listen carefully, because I shan't repeat the performance.' His hands caught at her shoulders, his fingers biting into the soft flesh. 'There is a chance… a very slight chance… that I may be able to see again, and I'm going to take it. If I don't take the chance, it could mean my inevitable death, and the thought of having someone like Ursula around to clutter up the time left to me horrifies me. She's the kind of woman who can't work closely with a man without trying to derive something personal out of it.'

  Kim's heart leapt and every nerve tingled hopefully as she raised her glance to search his face. 'I thought you liked Ursula.'

  'I did like her… once.' His mouth softened slightly. 'That was before I met you.'

  Kim pressed her face against his shoulder, the warmth of his body penetrating the expensive silk of his shirt. 'Was she your… mistress?'

  'Very nearly,' he admitted ruefully. 'She's very beautiful, and when a woman continually puts temptation in a man's way, he would have to be very strong-willed not to accept what she was offering.'

  'Did you?' She held her breath.

  'I told you—nearly—but I regretted it afterwards.'

  The upsurge of joy that swept through her was too much to bear and she threw her arms about him, clinging to him in a sort of wild desperation. 'Oh, Adam, my darling, I know this is an unreasonable request, but don't have this operation. I can't bear the thought of losing you. Not now… not yet!'

  Adam's hand was warm against her cheek before he raised her face to his. 'Kim, I so desperately want to see you.'

  'You'll be disappointed, I'm not—'

  'I love you, Kim.'

  The room tilted crazily about her as she stared up at him in utter disbelief, the heavy beat of her heart pounding against her eardrums.

  'What—what did you say?' she stammered in no more than a whisper, every fibre of her being unconsciously pleading for confirmation.

  'You heard me, and I'm not repeating myself.'

  So he was not so sceptical and cynical about love after all, she thought, slightly delirious with happiness. 'I thought that I would never hear you speak those words.'

  'I mocked you once when you said you loved me. Have I destroyed that love?' he asked with a touch of anxiety that filled her heart with a pulsating warmth.

  'Adam, my most beloved, I've loved you for so long, but I didn't dare tell you for fear of being laughed at… except once, when it slipped out accidentally,' she added mischievously just before his lips stilled whatever else she might have wanted to say. For the first time Kim held nothing back, and her soul soared to meet his through lips that moved urgently beneath his own. It seemed a long time before Adam raised his head to bury his face in a handful of her silky hair and, even then, neither of them could speak for a length of time. But it was Kim who timidly broke the almost reverent silence between them. 'May I fly to Switzerland with you?'

  'No.' He raised his head sharply and held her a little away from him, the determined set of his chin speaking for itself.

  'But, Adam,' she pleaded softly, 'my place is with you, and I want to go very much.'

  'If the operation is a success, I don't want to see you for the first time in the clinical atmosphere of the hospital. While I'm there, I want to think of you at Heron's Bay where you'll awake each morning to the mewing of the seagulls.' He drew her into his warm embrace, displaying a sentimentality she had not suspected he possessed. 'Will you wait there for me, my darling?'

  Kim considered this for a moment, torn between her longing to accompany him, and the desire to please him. Then she relented. 'Yes, I'll wait for you at the cottage, if you insist.' Her green eyes darkened suddenly with anxiety. 'What if the operation isn't a succe
ss?'

  He lowered his head and kissed her briefly on the lips. 'Then you'll be amongst friends, and I have no doubt that they'll take care of you.'

  'Are you going alone?' she asked.

  Adam released her then and walked towards the table beside his chair where he had left his pipe, and he lit it carefully before replying. 'Bill is coming with me. The Institute has given him special leave for this purpose, so he'll be keeping you posted from time to time.'

  Fear spread its icy fingers along her veins, tightening the nerves at the pit of her stomach into an aching knot. 'Adam, I'm afraid,' she whispered.

  He turned towards her then, and she realised for the first time what an effort it must have been for him to keep a tight rein on his own emotions. 'What has happened to your faith and your courage, my Kim?'

  Kim hung her head in shame at his soft spoken query. 'Forgive me my weakness at this moment, Adam, but…' Tears stung her eyelids and finally overflowed to trickle unheeded down her cheeks as she flung herself into his arms with a strangled sob. 'Oh, my darling, I love you so much!'

  There was no need for Adam to return to the Institute, and they spent the last few days together before his departure. Ursula called only once during this time, but it was obvious to Kim that she was well aware of the fact that she had lost. She mentioned something about accepting a transfer to Johannesburg, but neither Adam nor Kim were particularly interested. Ursula finally left and they knew somehow that the would not see her again.

  They carefully avoided mentioning the reason for Adam's trip to Switzerland, but Kim's agonising thoughts and fears were predominant in every moment of happiness they shared. It was like a sombre cloak she could not shed. What would she do if the operation turned out to be a failure? Now that she was sure of his love for the first time, was she going to lose him again?

  Kim drove Adam and Bill to the airport that Friday afternoon which she had dreaded all week, but it was the most unbearable journey she had ever experienced. As they waited for their flight to be called, Bill smiled at Kim several times with forced confidence and patted her hand in a fatherly fashion, but there was nothing anyone could do to relieve the burden of anxiety and fear under which she was labouring. Adam's hand found hers and, although the pressure of his fingers was reassuring, she knew that this moment of parting was just as difficult for him.

  Kim jumped nervously when their flight number was called. It was not too late, she thought wildly. Adam could still change his mind! But one glance at his sombre face told her how futile her hopes were. For Adam there was no turning back. It had taken him a considerable time to make this decision, and nothing would dissuade him at this crucial moment.

  'We have to go,' Bill reminded them almost apologetically as they rose to their feet.

  Kim found herself clutched almost violently against Adam's chest, his arms like agonising steel bands about her. 'Whatever happens, my darling, I want you to believe that you made life worthwhile and, if I don't return, find happiness, Kim. Find the happiness you deserve.'

  'You are my happiness, Adam,' she said simply, not quite able to control the tremor in her voice.

  Adam nodded briefly as if he understood, and swept her close for the last time as he kissed her hard on the lips.

  Was this for the last time? Was this goodbye? Kim wondered frantically as she watched Bill take Adam's arm and lead him away. Was it going to end like this? The pressure of his arms, a brief kiss, and then nothing more? 'Oh, no!' she groaned loudly, not caring about the curious glances of the people milling about her. Adam had to live! He was too vital, too alive, to become nothing more than a vegetable. He must live!

  'Oh, God, please bring him back to me,' she prayed silently as the Boeing rose into the air, and she stood immobile until it was no more than a dot in the sky. 'Please bring back the man I love.'

  The cottage at Heron's Bay became a lonely sanctuary for Kim, with memories of happiness shared there with Adam to fill her days and haunt her dreams, while Air Wilson and his wife became the only two people she could confide in during those weeks of waiting.

  The first few days, until after Adam's operation, were downright torture until Bill's telegram arrived to say that Adam had survived the operation, but that there was still some doubt about the restoration of his eyesight. Kim's relief was so great and so intense that she wept in a way she had not done since she was a child. Adam would live! was all she could think of. What did it matter if he still could not see—he would live, and he would be coming back to her.

  Bill's weekly telegrams became an unexpected lifeline which she clung to desperately and, thirsting for news of Adam, she would read the printed words repeatedly until she knew them from memory. Every nuance of Bill's messages was noted and thrived upon. An unexpected letter from Adam's father told her that . he was following Adam's progress just as anxiously as she, and this gave her a measure of comfort to know that she was not alone in this respect.

  It was autumn, less than a month away from the anniversary of their first meeting. The autumn roses were making a colourful display in the small garden, thriving on the attention Kim had given them since her arrival. When she was not pottering about in the garden, she spent her days taking long walks, or sitting on the beach for what seemed like hours, just staring out to sea and watching the seagulls circling the fishing vessels expectantly as they approached the primitive harbour.

  Waiting! Just waiting! Bill's telegram to say that the operation had been a complete success had lightened her load of anxiety, yet it presented an entirely new problem. She would no longer be an imaginary being to Adam. Those blue eyes would no longer look directly at her, and not see her. What would she see in those eyes? Disappointment?

  It seemed that she still had to wait an eternity before the news arrived that Adam was at last returning to South Africa; to Heron's Bay. And Bill, dear faithful Bill, would be bringing him… to her!

  Consumed with nervous energy, Kim could not remain in the cottage on the day Adam was to arrive. She had no idea what time to expect him, and could only presume that it would be late afternoon.

  On the mantelshelf in the lounge stood an enlargement of their wedding photograph, and Kim stared at it several times as she restlessly paced the floor. Adam's eyes looked directly at her from the photograph, and there was that familiar twist to his lips that suggested mockery. With her hand resting on his arm, Kim stood beside him, smiling rather tentatively, uncertain of the future, and of the man beside her.

  After a light lunch, Kim could no longer remain between the oppressive walls of the cottage, and she went for a walk, her short, nervous steps leading her to the place where she had met Adam.

  She had originally planned to look her best for Adam, but finally decided that he should see her as she really was, comfortable and casual in a pair of slacks, and the fleece-lined jacket she had worn on the day they had met. She sat down on a boulder close to the edge of the cliff, and clasped her hands about her one knee as she stared about her with a feeling of unreality. Just as on the first day they had met, there were storm clouds gathering in the sky. It was, after all, that time of the year when storms often lashed the coast, and even as she sat there the waves came rolling in mercilessly, shooting up a heavy spray of foam as they beat against the rocks below.

  The sea was restless, swelling and subsiding at a sickening pace while the wind grew stronger. Kim experienced the same restless quality. What would Adam say? What would he think? Would his disappointment in her appearance mean the end to her dreams of happiness as his wife? So engrossed was she in her disturbing thoughts that she jumped violently when a stone crashed to the ground beside her. She swung round and rose quickly to her feet, dashing her hair from her eyes, to find that she was no longer alone.

  'Adam!' she gasped anxiously, his name coming hoarsely through parted lips as she struggled vainly to control her suffocating heartbeats. His complexion was still surprisingly tanned for someone who had spent several weeks in hospital, she noti
ced absently, her eyes going hungrily over his tall frame and, with the inevitable sunglasses he always wore when out of doors, he looked very much the same… and yet, she knew, there was a difference.

  The wind whipped his hair across his tanned forehead. 'This is where we met, is it not?'

  'Yes,' she managed stiffly, not daring to move. 'I… had no idea what time to expect you.'

  She stood before him, defenceless and vulnerable without the shield of his blindness for protection. Behind those dark lenses his eyes were frighteningly alive, moving with deliberate slowness from the top of her russet-coloured head down to the comfortable walking shoes on her feet. It was a devastating experience that left her trembling and almost gasping for breath.

  'You're more beautiful than I ever imagined, and my imagination certainly ran riot on occasion,' he said slowly, the corners of his mouth lifting in amusement. 'Do I get a welcome, or don't I?'

  'Oh, Adam!'

  She was in his arms then, tears mingling with her laughter as he showered kisses on her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, and finally her waiting lips.

  'Kim… my darling… my wife,' he kept muttering in a voice that was warm and vibrant. 'The possibility that I could be throwing away everything that I held most dear nearly drove me out of my mind, but I had to take the chance.'

  Kim groaned, her arms tightening about him to convey her own desperate anxiety. 'I know, I know. Oh, Adam, I can't tell you what I've been through these past weeks! I can only thank God that you're here with me, and that it's all over.'

  'It's not over, my darling. It's just beginning.' He gathered a handful of her hair and buried his face in it as the wind ripped at their clothes, and the first heavy drops of rain began to descend upon them. Adam raised his head reluctantly and glanced up at the sky. 'It seems that even the weather is giving us a second chance.'

  'This is where we came in, as they say,' Kim laughed shakily as the rain increased. 'We'd better make a dash for the cottage, or we'll be drenched.'