by Jillian Neal
She tried and failed several times to get the cellophane off of the box. Cursing and ripping one of her fingernails, she finally freed the damn thing. Sweat dewed at her hairline. "For fucksakes," she quoted Ford as she tore the top of the box off. There were three tests in the box, and they all had different instructions. Deciding on the find-out-six-days-before-your-missed-period version, she finally located the correct set of instructions.
Scanning over the steps, she tried to calm her racing heart before she attempted to pee on the right end of the stick with the results window facing down. "Oh, crap. The timer." Locating her phone she set a timer for two minutes and returned to the position.
But as she turned the test upright and tried to start the timer with her other hand both pink lines were already glowing. Her lungs forgot how to take in air. She made herself check again at the end of the two minutes. Two bright pink lines stared back at her along with an ever so helpful guide on the test indicating that two lines definitely meant pregnant. "Holy fuck." She tore open the other two tests and did those as well. After five minutes, she had four pink lines and a YES on a digital read out.
Meridian's reminder about just how fertile the Holders were tried to reach through the deafening panic in her ears. Maybe the Holder men really were extremely virile.
Oh my god, what was she going to tell Ford? What if he freaked out? What if he didn't want babies yet? They'd only been together a couple of months. This wasn't at all taking things slowly. He'd just gotten divorced, and Meritt was a monster. Oh god, what if she tried to hurt the baby because she hated Ford so much?
A thousand terrible scenarios scrolled like a horror movie through her head. Every pink line seemed to highlight every doubt and insecurity that she kept hidden in her soul. He'd joked about making babies that morning, but he had no idea she was pregnant. She was too young to be a mom, wasn't she? Maybe not. Her own mother had only been nineteen, but she'd also been kind of a terrible mom so that wasn't helpful.
"Callie," Willow’s voice rang through the house.
"Crap." Callie quickly cleaned up and washed her hands. She couldn't leave the tests in the trash, and she really did not want to shove pee sticks in her purse. Shuddering at that, she continued to let the ridiculous panic over the stupid things rule her. It was easier to panic over relatively inconsequential things. That kept her from panicking over the fact that she was going to have Ford Holder's baby.
She'd held a baby once for a couple who was having boudoir shots done. The kid had screamed the whole time. Oh god. What if all babies didn't like her?
She wrapped all of the tests and instructions up in the drug store bag and tried to shove them in her overly full purse. More of the bag stuck out of the purse than was in it.
"Callie?" Willow knocked on the door. "Are you in there?"
"Yeah," Callie tried to calm her voice and her breathing, "be out in just a sec."
She gripped the counter as a wave of dizziness washed over her. Having no idea if it was the shock or if it was the pregnancy itself, Callie splashed some cold water on her face and tried to decide what to do first.
Eventually, she could stand without feeling the earth itself move, so she opened the bathroom door. She wanted to sit on something that was not a toilet.
Her mom and her nana were waiting on her in the bedroom. Great. She forced a smile. "Hey. Sorry." She gestured to the bathroom. "About that."
But her mother narrowed her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Callie insisted.
Nana gave her an incredulous look. "Calico, you have always been a terrible liar.”
“You look like you're either about to hurl or pass out or both. Now, what's wrong?" her mother demanded.
Before Callie could stop her, Willow pulled the Driscoll's Drugstore bag out of the top of her purse. "That is none of your business," Callie protested, but her mother was determined.
She revealed the tests and looked horrified. "This is exactly my business actually. Now, you listen to me and you listen good. You have to leave."
"What?" Callie sank down on her bed thankful for the soft surface that suddenly seemed to be the eye of the storm. "Why would I do that?"
"Because this town is like stepping back in time. They all but pinned a scarlet letter on me when I was pregnant with you. Ford might be a nice guy now, but that's before he gets strapped with a kid he didn't plan on having. I used to think your father was a great man before, too. I was so sure I was in love with him and look at how he turned out. Ford is the oldest son of the oldest son of the Holder family. He's practically a golden child in this town, and that family is not going to like you marring his image. They’ll force you into a marriage to save their image."
"That isn't true," Callie huffed. "They eventually got over it when Meritt..." realization took her by the throat. It had claws. "Told him she was pregnant," she managed in a strangled whisper. What if he didn't believe her? What if he felt trapped again? God, what if someday he hated her as much as he hated Meritt now?
"Just pack your bags and go back to LA. Nana says you were making decent money out there with the pet photography or whatever. You're going to need that money if you decide to keep the baby. And I'll be in Denver so that's not too far for me to come help you when you need me. I swear I'll make everything up to you. I'll be so much better than your nana was when you were born. Men are always ready to jump into bed with you, but they are never ready for what comes of that."
"This is what I was trying to prevent from happening." Her nana was close to tears. "I don't want this to be our legacy."
Callie's brow furrowed. "Our legacy? Wait, does that mean...? You and Pops."
Willow rolled her eyes. "Oh grow up, Calico. Your Pops isn't my real father."
"What?!"
"He adopted me after they got married, but apparently my dad was a real piece of work. Nana let him knock her up."
Certain she was going to vomit, she spoke the only words that made any sense to her at all. "If he adopted you, then he is my real grandfather, so never say that again. I'm leaving."
"Good. Drive far and fast," Willow ordered.
Her mother, her father, and her entire life passed before her as she drove. Her parents had always been broken. Everyone was in one way or another, she supposed. But they always managed to cut her with their shattered edges.
She should’ve asked Nana about the man who was Willow’s father. That was obviously the mistake Nana referenced, but just then she didn’t care. None of this was how things were supposed to be, and absolutely nothing made sense.
Chapter Fifty-One
"Eight twenty-nine," Ford called out the number on the digital scale as Wes, Jace, and Maddox continued to push the steers through the line. "Eight eighty-one. That's a big'un," he commented to their buyer, but something was wrong. He could feel it. His gut twisted and cinched with every single number.
The buyer continued to scribble down the weights Ford called out. They were trying to get the trucks loaded before lunch. Gentry and Leigh were hosting the buyers for some food before they left with the trucks.
His phone buzzed in his pocket between two steers so he checked the name, worried about Callie. It was a Holder County number but not one he recognized. "Hey, Dad," he gestured to the scale. "Can you take over for a sec?"
Barrett stepped in as Ford exited the weigh station. He tried to block out the low bellows of cattle from one ear with his fingers and answered on the other. "Hello?"
"Ford, it's Delphia Simpkin. I need to talk to you." Every single thing about Callie’s grandmother sounded panicked.
"Just one sec," Ford signaled to his brothers who were working the line. "I gotta take this," he called. They nodded their agreement, so he climbed up in one of the horse trailers so he could hear. "Is Callie okay?"
"I don’t think so.”
“What’s wrong?” Ford demanded.
“I tried so hard to keep Willow from making my mistake and now Callie’s done it as we
ll. We’ve been punished for generations.”
Rapidly losing his patience, Ford bit back the first dozen things he longed to say. “What are you talking about, Mrs. Simpkin? What mistake?”
“She's pregnant,” came out in a choked sob. “She took a test here this morning."
"I know she's pregnant," Ford assured her. “How on earth is that a punishment?”
"What? How do you know?" She sounded so much like Callie in that moment it made Ford smile.
"I could tell."
"Why didn't you say something to her?"
"Trust me, ma’am, the last thing you ever say to a woman you’re in love with is, 'hey honey, you look like you mighta put on a little weight.'"
"Willow told her she had to leave—that you wouldn't want the baby. She told her the whole town would hate her for ruining your image. And that your family would force her into marriage. I think Callie believed her. Willow told her to go back to LA and get her job back. She got in her car, and now she's not answering her phone."
"What?!" Ford flung open the trailer door and raced to his truck. "Why the hell would her mother say that to her?"
"Because...that’s...well that's what happened to Willow. I made so many mistakes, but you have to believe me, I was trying to save them. Willow won't let me go after her. I told myself that Willow would come back, that she’d bring Callie back to us if we let Abe live here. I had no idea that she’d stay away for so long."
"Jesus, it'll take me a half hour to get off this fucking ranch." Ford wanted to shake Callie's mother but not near as much as he wanted to find his baby and assure her that he was thrilled. "Before Willow got in her head, was Callie okay with it?"
"I don't really know."
"You listen to me, if you hear from her you tell her that I've never been so happy, that my family will be thrilled, and that I'd burn my godforsaken reputation to the ground before I'd let her go on for one minute thinking she's in this alone or that this is some kind of punishment. I don't give a shit what anyone in this town thinks of me. I love her, and I'm going to find her and we're going to have a baby and we'll figure everything else out. Every word. You say every word of that to her. And if I ever hear you refer to my kid as a mistake again, I assure you I’ll have plenty to say about it and none of it will be kind."
"I'll keep trying to call her."
"Good." Ford ended the call. Gravel and dirt launched in the air behind his tires as he took off towards the north gates of Holder Ranch.
Callie pulled up to the barn, only it looked different than the one she'd been at before. Great. They probably had a bunch of different barns, and she had no idea how to get to the one Ford said he'd be at. Wiping the crumbs from her second McGriddle off of her chin, she climbed out of the car. At least there were trucks up there. Someone must be here, and they would probably know how to get to Ford.
The food had done a decent job of restoring her. Now, she just needed to figure out how to tell Ford what was going on. Heading into the dusty barn, she batted away a few flies.
Ugh, she didn't remember any of the people standing in the barn's names. "Um, hey," she squeaked.
"Callie," one of them smiled at her. "What are you doing all the way out here, sweetheart?"
"I'm really sorry, but I don't remember your name."
"I'm Ford's Uncle Wyn, and this is my son, Beau." Beau tipped his hat to her. "And don't worry, even our own mother called us by our siblings' names more than she called us by our own."
Callie grinned at that. "Do you happen to know where Ford is? He told me to meet him at the barn when I got back, but I'm not sure which barn."
"He likely meant Barrett's barn out on the other side of the ranch. You just turned in the wrong entrance. Ford's not likely to be done with his buyers yet. He won't be back at the barn for a few more hours. I could take you to his house if you'd like, or I can take you out to the pens where they're loading the trucks."
Callie did not want to make her announcement with Ford's whole family there. With a few hours to think over everything that continued to swirl through her mind, suddenly Callie knew exactly what she wanted to do. "No, that's okay. If I wanted to go see the mustangs, which way are they?"
"You're not too far from them out here. In fact, you could walk if you want. We moved them to a parcel about a half mile that way. Just follow the dirt path."
"Thank you."
She wandered along the dirt path in the direction Wyn had sent her and let the serenity of the ranch embrace her. It extended its arms wide before her and soothed her soul. She wanted her child to have a life like this, somewhere where everyone looked after them and loved them. A place to always call home. Somewhere to always come back to when the world got to be too much.
A knot slowly formed in her throat. This wasn't at all how she'd imagined her life, but she had asked for a sign. This was a pretty huge one. She wished she knew what Ford would say. She prayed he wouldn't be upset, and that he'd believe that she hadn't missed a single pill. The package said they were ninety-nine percent effective. She'd never imagined she would fall into the one percent. Ford teasing her about her introducing herself as Callie the first whipped through her mind. Her laughter was hollow.
Half of her heart seemed to have joined that knot in her throat and the other half had slid slowly down to her womb. She'd never felt more divided or more frightened.
She didn't want to give up being a photographer. She didn't really want to give up any of her dreams, but if the baby needed her to she would.
"I'll never ever leave you," she spoke aloud and rubbed her hands over her still relatively flat stomach. "Never. Not even when you're eighteen and ready to move away. I'll never not call you or check on you. And neither will your daddy." She knew that. Ford was nothing like her father, and she would not become her own mother.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Every rhythmic lurch of his tires on the cement drove Ford more and more nuts. Where was she? He kept constant search of every vehicle he passed on his way to I-40 and hadn't seen her car anywhere. He tried to call her a half-dozen times but got no answer.
"Dammit, Callie, where the hell are you?" He asked the ether, and, to no one's surprise, got no response. Every mile he progressed made him hate her parents even more. He'd deal with them later. Right now he had to find Callie.
The Burger King loomed in the distance. Maybe she'd gotten hungry. She was pregnant after all. He pulled in and searched the parking lot. Then did the same for the Whataburger and the Captain D’s. Nothing.
Exhaustion and panic twisted up Callie's spine. Surely, she'd walked a half mile by now and there were no horses. In fact, there was nothing but more green pastures. She had no idea where she was. She didn't even know how to get back to that barn and to her car.
Pulling her phone from her pocket, she whimpered at the No Service displayed on the screen. "Fuck." She held the phone up in the air hoping to somehow get a signal that way, not that she'd be able to talk with her phone way up there.
Still determined, she turned and walked ninety degrees from the way she'd been traveling down another dirt path. She tried to remember if she'd made any turns on her path. Maybe Wyn had forgotten a step or something. They all knew the land like the back of their own hands. They didn’t even have to think to get where they were going. It was instinctive.
She forced one foot in front of the other for another several yards and looked at her phone again. Still no signal. Gritting her teeth and summoning determination she didn't even know she had, she pressed on, certain she was going to collapse at some point. She had to get some help. It would be really bad for the baby if she passed out.
Another fifty yards, and she turned her phone over. If she'd had any strength left, she would have jumped for joy. She had one single precious bar. She touched Ford's name and prayed he'd be able to come find her.
He answered on the first ring, "Callie! Where the hell are you?" He was particularly growly this morning.
"Hey,
could you not yell at me—I've kind of had a day?"
"Sorry." She could hear him taking a deep breath. "I've been out looking for you for an hour. Where are you?"
"What? How did you know I was lost?"
"I didn't...lost...where...you?"
Callie squeezed her eyes shut. The phone was cutting out. No. Please.
"I'm on the ranch," she shouted.
"What?"
"I'm on your ranch," she tried again. "I was looking for the mustangs."
"Keep walking towards the east gate. The signals are better closer to the road." Thankfully that came through clear, but Callie's feet were already killing her. She forced herself to stand and continue on the direction she'd been going even though she wasn't sure that was east.
"Can you hear me now?" she asked the painfully clichéd question.
"Yeah, that's better. Did you say something about the mustangs?"
"Yeah, your Uncle Wyn told me you would be a few more hours with the buyers, so I went for a walk. I wanted to see the foal again, but I must've gotten turned around. I took a different dirt path a while ago, and now I have no idea where I am."
"Thank god," relief washed through Ford's words. "Stay right where you are, baby. I'll be right there. I know where you got turned around. I've got to go get Chief."
Callie remembered going through a few pretty narrow places. Could he really not get his truck through? She didn't want him to have to go get his horse. That would only take more time. "I'm really..." she started to apologize but stopped herself. She hadn't done anything wrong. Everyone gets lost sometimes. She was in unfamiliar land, and it was going to be okay.
"Good girl," Ford chuckled. "Your nana called me and told me. Baby, if you're even half as excited as I am then we're going to be just fine. I know it's not like we planned this, but I love you so much. I want to raise a family with you. I want to take care of you always."
With that, Callie swore even her aching feet felt a little better. "I love you, too."
