She shook her head. ‘I could never do that. After my husband died, she was so good to me.’
‘So good to you that you couldn’t admit what had really happened to you.’
‘It had nothing to do with her.’ Hattie examined the grass. ‘I promised her that I’d stay. She is expecting. She needs me. I don’t know what I would have done without her after Charles died. I owe her this much. Perhaps it is best if we cut this ride short.’
She bent down to pick up her hat and gloves. Why when everything seemed fine, did he offer her something that she was scared about accepting? A trip with her to the Continent meant nothing to his ultimate future, but he was asking her to change her whole life, to give everything up and she wasn’t ready for that.
He laced his fingers with hers, kept her there. ‘You are saying that you don’t want to travel. You fear it, just as you feared that stone wall. You cleared that wall without a problem, Harriet.’
‘Some day I will...travel. I have it all planned out.’ She took her hand from his. ‘Like you, I don’t go back on my promises.’
‘That is because you are stubborn. The offer is there, Harriet. I am going to the Continent this winter with or without you.’
A great hollow space developed inside her. He was asking her to choose and she couldn’t. She wasn’t ready. She needed time to think. ‘I will let you know my decision. It needs careful consideration.’
‘When?’
‘Later.’ She gave a shrug. ‘How goes Mr Hook’s preparation for the lecture? It is less than a week away now. Portia was asking this morning before she explained why the latest experiment with newts was doomed to failure. Livvy leapt to Mr Hook’s defence. It made for a lively visit.’
‘Stop trying to change the subject. You are unwilling to go away with me.’
‘I can’t go.’ Hattie’s heart tore into two pieces. He had to understand what he was asking. If she went, she would be even more in love with him. He wasn’t offering marriage or for ever, but a trip, a way to pass the winter. When she returned, their affair would no longer be a secret—everyone would know who her travelling companion had been. She’d lose her entire way of life. ‘But if you insist on an answer...no, not with Stephanie the way she is. Pregnancy doesn’t agree with her. I’d never forgive myself if I wasn’t there and you are wrong to press me. Arrangements would have to be put in place.’
‘Some women would accept without a moment’s hesitation.’
‘I’m not those women!’ Hattie’s heart thudded. He had to understand how hard this was for her and how sudden.
‘Then we know where we are. Forget I said anything.’
She hugged her arms about her waist, hating that the atmosphere had turned so suddenly. She’d been looking forward to making love in the late-summer sunshine and everything had gone wrong. It hurt all the worse because she knew she cared about him and wanted this enchanted time to go on for ever. She wanted to go to the Continent and see all those places she had dreamt about—to have him at her side would be heaven. But it would also be slipping further into an illusion that their relationship would last.
‘I had best go. I’ve been neglecting my visiting and other duties.’
‘Yes, you never hesitate to do your duty.’ His mouth curled down.
‘There is nothing wrong with doing your duty.’ She put her hands on her hips.
‘If you think that, we had best end it here as you will always find another duty to do.’
‘You are putting words into my mouth. Did you only ask me so I’d refuse? So you have the excuse you were seeking to end our relationship?’
He caught her arms and dragged her against him. Her body collided with his. The fire which was never very far below the surface flared. ‘I asked you because I want you with me. I’m not ready to end our affair. I’m not ready yet and neither are you. Shall I demonstrate?’
He ruthlessly lowered his head, plundering her mouth and feasting. It was a cold hard cynical kiss, one designed to punish her for refusing his invitation.
With only a token protest, she opened her mouth under his and allowed her body to tell him all the things she didn’t dare. The kiss that started harshly became softer and more seductive, seeking rather than demanding.
She moaned in the back of her throat and squirmed against his body, seeking relief from the desire which was now raging out of control in her body.
‘I want you,’ he rasped in her ear. ‘I want to enjoy you when I want to, not rushing around and hiding from prying eyes. That is the only reason I asked. Most of all I want you. Right here and right now.’
His lips trailed down her neck, making a fiery pathway. Pleasure rippled through her body as his hand roamed at will, sliding down her curves and caressing her over the heavy cloth. She silently wished that she hadn’t taken such pains at dressing this morning.
As if he could read her mind, he reached down and bunched the skirt. His hand slipped under her skirts and parted her drawers, finding her moist core. His finger slipped in, stroked and played.
‘I want you, too,’ she said between gasps. A delicious vista opened before her. He’d always taken the lead in their love-making, but this time she wanted to be the one to be in control and in charge. ‘I’m no longer a novice, but an expert. Allow me to ride you.’
Her hands slipped down his body and unbuttoned his trousers. His erection sprang free. She clasped it in her hand, feeling the velvet hardness. As he stroked her, she stroked him back, both of them using their hands to give each other pleasure.
‘I don’t know how much longer I can last.’ He eased her down amongst the high grass. ‘Ride me, Harriet. Ride me now.’
He lay back on the ground and she positioned herself above him, straddling his body. The moist tip of him nudged the apex of her thighs. She spread her leg wider.
Using her hand, she guided him to the very centre and slowly impaled herself. Rode him, controlling the movement. Up and down, going at her pace as he lay underneath her. She enjoyed the feeling of power, of bringing them to the brink and then slowing it down.
The weeks of riding had honed her muscles and she used them now to give him pleasure. Faster and faster until the wave crested, then crested again. Finally when she knew she could take no more, she clasped her arms around him and held him as he came to a shuddering climax deep within her, so deep it seemed like his seed was spilling directly into her womb. They were together, joined.
Chapter Twelve
Much later when they lay entwined in each other’s arms, Kit smoothed her hair from her forehead. It amazed him that he once thought Harriet had no passion within her. His desire for her had grown rather than diminished. ‘You are definitely an expert rider, now.’
‘No longer in need of lessons? I think I have learnt lots about being wicked.’ She stretched her arms above her head. ‘It has been absolutely delicious.’
His heart gave an unexpected pang. Lessons in wickedness? Was that all she considered this? He knew they had agreed that it would be a summer’s affair, but he had discovered that he wanted it to continue into the autumn and beyond. The thought shocked him. ‘No more lessons. The pupil has outshone the master.’
‘I shall take it as a compliment.’ She moved her arm and Kit heard a faint tear. She wrinkled her nose. ‘Oh, dear. More sewing.’
‘I fear our exertions have ruined your dress.’
She pulled away slightly. ‘It will mend and if Mrs Hampstead questions it, I will say that I acquired it riding. It is not less than the truth.’
A cold stab of fear went through Kit. ‘Has she questioned you before?’
‘No harm will come from today, I promise,’ she said, pulling her sleeve a bit and rearranging the material so the tear didn’t show as easily. ‘Mrs Hampstead will not enquire too closely. She never does. Discretion rules all. We are safe.’
Safety. He rolled over onto his back, moving away from her. His body protested at the sudden space. He wanted to linger and relax in her
arms. He wanted her to go away with him, but she had refused and it still hurt. Staying here was the worst of all possible worlds.
‘There is always a chance of a slip. What then?’ He forced his voice to be cold. ‘A forced marriage? You know my feelings about marriage.’
‘There won’t be.’ Her cheeks stained bright red. ‘I’ve been careful.’
‘Soon autumn will be here. It will be too cold for such things.’
‘Are you really planning on travelling to the Continent so soon, then?’ she asked quickly. ‘I thought you might like to see Northumberland in the autumn. Stay a bit longer and stretch the summer out. Summer can sometimes last.’
He sighed and put his hands behind his head, staring up into the clear blue sky, rather than looking at her. Staying here with Harriet had its merits, but all it would do was to prolong the inevitable and increase the likelihood of discovery. Misery for all if he allowed it to continue.
‘After Rupert gives his lecture, I have to go to London. It can no longer be avoided. I do have business interests that I have to look after. I’ve neglected them for far too long. Like you, I have responsibilities and people depending on me to make the right choices.’
The words caused his insides to twist. Normally when the time came for a parting, he looked forward to it. This time, he hated it. It was better now, though, while they remained friends. Rules were made to be kept.
Hattie smoothed her skirt down and hugged her knees to her chest. The silence grew deafening. He willed her to ask to come with him and give him some sign that she wanted to be with him.
‘So soon?’ she whispered. ‘His lecture is tomorrow. Everyone is sure to want to fête him afterwards. He will be the toast of the Tyne for weeks to come. Surely you can stay to see your protégé shine?’
He stood absolutely still with a soft breeze blowing in his hair. Behind him, the swifts circled on the wind, getting ready to depart from Northumberland to go on their long journey back to Africa. Summer was drawing to a close as much as he might wish it to be otherwise. He’d ignored it for far too long.
‘I have stayed longer than I intended.’ His words sounded harsh, even to his own ears. ‘I’d planned to ask you to come to London with me, but you are busy. You have made that abundantly clear today.’
Hattie bit her lip. ‘But you will be back. The Lodge needs lots of work. Someone will have to supervise.’
He concentrated on doing up the buttons of his trousers and shrugging into his jacket. She wasn’t even willing to make the smallest concession. It was the right thing to end it swiftly. He had lingered far too long as it was. He did have another life, even if it was less than appealing at the moment. ‘Some day. It will depend on how my business goes, but we must stay in contact, Hattie.’
She picked a piece of grass from her skirt. ‘You always call me Harriet.’
‘Hattie, Harriet, does it really matter?’ Kit slapped his hand against his forehead. She was splitting hairs. He’d offered to take her away and she’d refused. What did she expect?
‘Yes, it does. It did.’ Her chin was tilted upwards, not giving an inch. ‘I will look forward to your return then, Sir Christopher.’
‘As you wish, Mrs Wilkinson.’ Kit mounted his horse and did not look back. It was always best in these circumstances not to. However, he could not stop a hollow opening up inside him.
* * *
Hattie made it to her drawing room without crying. The ride back, alone, was one that she wanted to forget. Each time Strawberry’s hooves pounded the ground, she wanted to ask how long—how long had he planned this? He knew what her answer had to be.
* * *
‘Hattie, what happened to your dress?’ Stephanie’s voice pierced through her misery. ‘You look like you have gone through a hedge backwards. Hopefully no one saw you like that! People will talk, you know and it will reflect on the family. Everyone knows you are my sister.’
Hattie fumbled with the sleeve. Talk about bad luck. Why did Stephanie have to choose today to come over? And to be in such a terrible mood! Why didn’t Mrs Hampstead warn her when she came through the kitchen? ‘I tore it riding.’
‘Riding? You tore it riding?’ Stephanie came over and inspected the sleeve with a frown. ‘It is the first time I have heard of riding causing such a thing.’
‘I moved my arm far too quickly. The thread wasn’t very stout.’ Hattie shifted uneasily as Stephanie’s gaze grew more piercing. ‘It is the truth, Stephanie.’
‘And with whom were you riding?’
‘Sir Christopher,’ Hattie said without thinking. ‘We had a laugh about my ineptness.’
‘Since when have you been riding with Sir Christopher?’ Stephanie’s voice rose an octave.
‘We met accidentally.’ Hattie kept her voice even. There was no need to panic. She’d had a slight slip of the tongue. It was not as if she’d actually confessed to the affair.
‘I see...and how many times have you two met accidentally in recent weeks?’
‘I fail to see why that is a concern of yours.’
‘Often, I would wager. I can see it in your face.’ Stephanie collapsed down on the damask sofa and buried her face in her hands. ‘You are worse than Livvy, Hattie. Clandestine. You know what a man Sir Christopher is on about. How do you think you will force a marriage if you meet secretly?’
‘Is there some trouble, Stephanie?’ Hattie decided to ignore the remark about forcing a marriage. ‘Surely it is not against the law to go out riding. One must be civil to those one encounters.’
‘There is civility and then there is civility. Pray tell me that you have remained sensible in all things and that you have safeguarded your reputation.’
A cold sweat pricked at the back of Hattie’s neck. She knows. But why now when everything had ended? A sudden more horrific thought struck her. Had they been spotted? Was that why Kit had provoked the fight? ‘Something is bothering you, Stephanie. You might as well come out and say it. What am I supposed to have done?’
‘I heard you had gone to the Yarridge sale with Sir Christopher, but chose to overlook it.’
‘To buy Strawberry. I explained about that.’ Hattie leant forwards. ‘Sir Christopher is an acknowledged expert in horse flesh. He wanted to thank me for assisting him during the fair. Mrs Hampstead and Harvey the groom were in attendance.’
‘Hmmm, and now you just happen to be meeting him...accidentally.’ Stephanie held out her hand. ‘Think about what you are doing, the potential for scandal.’
‘You are creating a difficulty where there is none. In any case, Sir Christopher will be departing for London soon. No more meetings.’ Just saying the words out loud threatened to bring tears. Hattie blinked rapidly. ‘You are worrying unnecessarily.’
Stephanie shook her head. ‘You have been reckless, Hattie. I can see it in your eyes, your mouth and, yes, in your ripped jacket. Sir Christopher is an entirely different proposition to Charles Wilkinson.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You have had clandestine meetings with him. Goodness knows what some farmhand or milk maid might have seen or who they might tell.’ Stephanie’s face became serious. ‘You must not do anything that jeopardises Livvy’s chances. We don’t want a scandal.’
‘There will be no scandal,’ Hattie said tonelessly. Her entire body felt numb. Stephanie wasn’t concerned about her or her reputation, but merely what it might to do to Livvy’s prospects. She hadn’t even asked Hattie how she was. Stephanie had to have seen that Hattie was upset. Instead she went on and on quizzing her about unimportant things.
Stephanie’s gaze narrowed. ‘You say this with a great deal of certainty.’
‘Sir Christopher is returning to London. Directly after Mr Hook’s lecture.’
‘Will you continue to ride out once he is gone? Or will you start behaving normally?’
‘I enjoy riding whether I encounter Sir Christopher or not. I had not really considered the proposition.’ Hattie forced her voice to s
tay even. ‘You are worse than a dog with a bone, Stephanie. What are you trying to tell me?’
‘All I can say, Hattie, is that you are being selfish and extremely short-sighted.’ Stephanie rose from the sofa in a huff. ‘I need you now more than ever, Hattie. Stop being selfish. Livvy keeps making excuses about going to the circulating library. I can’t have my eldest turning into a bluestocking. You will speak to her for me, won’t you? She will never get a man that way.’
Hattie balled her fists. Stephanie wasn’t really interested in her or her affair with Kit. She was simply inconvenienced. ‘There is nothing wrong with the circulating library. I presume she takes Portia. Reading is a perfectly respectable occupation.’
‘There is no need to be like that. They never meet anyone of import. Portia would tell me if they did.’ Stephanie put her nose in the air. ‘If Sir Christopher is departing, then it is all I have to say on the matter. I look forward to having the old Hattie back. You used to be so helpful, Hattie. What happened?’
‘And what if I like the new Harriet?’
‘That is your choice, obviously.’ Stephanie sniffed. ‘But don’t come crying to me when you lose everything.’
* * *
Mrs Reynaud’s face was a beacon of welcome as Hattie entered Pearl Cottage, carrying a basket of various jams, jellies and tinctures, the next morning. Moth immediately jumped out of the basket and ran over to Mrs Reynaud to demand a biscuit.
‘I feared you had forgotten about me, Mrs Wilkinson.’ Mrs Reynaud handed Moth her treat. ‘Moth has been very bad not to insist on you coming here. And here I’d thought you and I had an arrangement, young Moth. Biscuits in return for your mistress’s company.’
Moth gave a sharp bark.
‘Your maid said that you have been under the weather.’ Hattie kept the basket in front of her. All the way here she’d debated—did she confess to Mrs Reynaud about her relationship with Kit and ask her advice or not? Mrs Reynaud was the one person in the village who had experience with such things.
Hattie Wilkinson Meets Her Match Page 18
