by Rachel Shane
Here goes nothing…
I’d never been on a cruise before. Actually, I’d never been on a family vacation that wasn’t to my grandparents’ house in Florida. But Lara’s scholarship to Tysh University lessened our parents’ financial responsibilities. This wasn’t a vacation. It was a celebration. And when it came to Lara, there was always something to celebrate.
After a long day of travel, my family walked through the lobby to dinner and entered a sea of chatter and piano music. Tiny blue lights twisted around every rail and banister, reflected in the glossy black floor. My nose twitched at as a bouquet of perfumes ignited a battle of vanilla versus sandalwood versus lavender to create a unique scent that couldn’t be reproduced by a manufacturer.
Surrounding the atrium, passengers gathered around photo walls that showcased the pictures taken with the captain when we had first entered the boat. “Let’s look for ours,” Mom said as she detoured through the crowds. Lara rolled her eyes but I dutifully followed along.
As I approached, a few people stopped what they were doing and stared at my sister, a cliché reaction we’d both grown used to by now. She joined my side and gave them what they wanted: a heave of her chest and a flirty batting of her eyelashes. I gave them what they wanted, too, by staying quiet and invisible next to her.
“You look great in this one, Lara.” Mom pulled our photo off the wall.
Eager to focus my attention on something other than the ogling crowd, I started toward Mom, but before I could, Lara grabbed my arm. “Oooh, Kasey, check it out! Finally someone our age.” She abandoned her spectators and nodded toward a photo of two boys standing with their parents. So far, we’d only passed by people who had been alive when Starbucks didn’t exist. “That tall boy could beat out all fifty contestants in a pageant congeniality contest.” She sighed. “What do you think?” She gazed at me with hopeful eyes.
In the picture, the taller boy eyed the camera like he was hitting on the girl taking the photo. The short one grinned, standing off to the side of the rest of his family. His spiked bangs fell into his eyes, casting half his face in shadow. He stood straight, upright, obviously trying to make himself as tall as possible to match his taller brother.
Dad yanked the picture off the wall. “Nice work, girls. These boys are cute.”
Lara’s eyes widened. “Dad! Put that down before someone sees you.”
“Before someone sees this?” He waved the photo in the air.
If we hadn’t been trapped on a boat with him, I would have filed for emancipation at that very moment.
“We can blow it up poster size if you want to hang it above your bed,” said a raspy male voice that was definitely not Dad’s. “I mean, it’s not as sexy as the photos in all those teen mags, but I think we hold our own.”
I spun around to see the taller of the two boys smirking as if the picture had come alive. My cheeks burned at five-alarm fire levels. The shorter/cuter one slouched behind him. The taller boy’s hair was scruffy, messy, almost as if he specifically styled it to resemble bed-head.
“I don’t know him,” Lara said, her voice all flirty and high-pitched. She giggled as she pointed to Dad. “I swear, he’s just this random guy that’s been following us around.”
I wasn’t sure if I admired her ability to transcend embarrassment or was jealous of her composure while my hands shook like I’d just come out of a really cold pool.
Dad stepped forward and put his arm around the boys, their photograph still dangling from his fingertips. “You know—” Dad’s leg jerked forward, and I could tell by Lara’s stoic expression that she had just kicked him in the shin. “What! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. The girls thought you were cute.”
My mouth flopped open and the shorter boy smiled at me. Not at Lara. Me. Maybe he needed his eyes checked.
I wanted to jump off the ship. I grabbed Lara’s arm and pulled her down the hall. After a couple feet, she twisted around to wave at the boys, but they were already gone. “Didn’t you think they were cute?” she asked.
“Yeah. They were. But Dad—”
She leaned in conspiratorially. “I know. We’ll ditch him after dinner.”
“I’m sure they’ll love me and my unavoidable silent treatment.” I lowered my voice, now paranoid they would pop up again unexpected while we were talking about them. The last time I tried to talk to a boy at a party Denise had dragged me to, I couldn’t remember my name…or how to make words come out of my mouth. Needless to say, when a guy thought you didn’t know how to use your lips for speaking, he generally wasn’t interested in using them for kissing either.
“Just let me do the talking.” She must have seen my face because she chuckled and touched her fingers to my cheek. “Kidding. I’ll help you.”
During dinner, Lara kept leaning in to whisper boy tips, something I’d been begging her to do all year, but she was always too busy with her extra dance rehearsals. “Keep a smile on your face. If you’re too shy, play it off like you’re someone with a lot of secrets. It’ll make you intriguing.” She spooned soup into her mouth while our parents gabbed about something boring. “Oh, and I know Dad’s jokes are cheesy…”
We both glanced in his direction, then regretted it. Soup dribbled from his chin.
“But you’re funny, Kase. Use it to your advantage. Be witty. Boys like that.”
I was on information overload. Her advice seemed to contradict. Be quiet, yet witty. Smile, but remain mysterious.
As I ate my dinner—and the other dinner I ordered just because I could—I couldn’t stop thinking about that boy who had noticed me. And I realized he had nailed her advice with his mysterious smile.
After dinner, Lara and I made our way to the lounge for the Broadway-style review, a show boasting dance medleys similar to those Lara belonged in and I wished I did.
“Look!” Lara squeezed my arm. “There they are.” She waved at the boys from the photo and they changed directions to veer down the glittering hallway toward us. “Boys, you need to stop following us. Two words: restraining order.” She giggled in that flirty way of hers.
I stepped behind her, trying to bend down out of sight, hoping this was what Lara meant by “mysterious.” I knew, without looking up, that the boy who had smiled at me was now standing next to me. A shadow on the floor in the shape of a hand waved at me.
“You should probably arrest us then. Got any handcuffs?” The tall boy winked. If I weren’t so impressed by his guts, I’d have written off the wink as cheesy. He stepped close to Lara, so close the toes of his black Chucks touched her red heels.
Lara encircled his wrist with her index finger and thumb. “You have the right to remain silent.” The two of them giggled. As I rolled my eyes, I caught the smiley boy matching my expression.
“I’m Lara, by the way.” She nudged me out of her shadow with her hip, forcing both boys to stare at me.
“Uh…” I looked to her for help. She nodded encouragingly. “Kasey,” I squeaked. I took remembering my own name as an accomplishment.
“I don’t know, I would have gone with something more fun if I were going to lie. Like Bambi.” The smiley boy invaded my personal space to let a few people pass through the crowded hallway. My natural instinct was to step back and give him more room, but I used up a week’s worth of will power to remain in place. “I’m Finn. Or Odysseus, depending on who I’m talking to,” he whispered practically in my ear before stepping back a few inches. “And God’s gift to women over there is Hayden.”
Hayden shrugged one shoulder in a nonchalant way that showed he agreed with his brother’s assessment. People trying to get a seat at the show pushed past us, some giving us disgusted looks for blocking the entrance.
“We should probably get to the show.” Oh sure, now my mouth decided to participate.
“You over eighteen?” Hayden asked and Lara nodded while I shook my head. “We’re going to check out the dance club. You in?”
“Yes!” Lara shouted be
fore Hayden even finished. “You just said the magic word.” She pulled my torso toward her, but my feet didn’t budge. “Kasey, come on. Let’s see if these boys can keep up with us on the floor.”
My pulse thumped in my ears and not to a beat I could dance to. I was fine dancing on my own or in a group where no one focused on only me. But around Lara? She had sucked up all the talent genes when she was in the womb, leaving me only the half-assed leftovers. I had Finn’s attention for some weird reason, if he saw us on the dance floor, I was sure to lose it. It had happened before. There’s a reason I used to spend most of my time at parties clinging to the wall with a drink in my hand instead of grinding with cute boys like my sister.
Finn nudged my shoulder. “I was going to try and sneak in using Hayden’s ID. You can try with your sister’s.”
I didn’t see how a pass-back would work. Lara looked nothing like me. Taller, thinner, and with an oval face, she stretched out to perfect proportions while my body squashed like a coiled slinky. And that wasn’t even taking into account Lara’s dyed red hair. Hayden and Finn could easily pass for each other, as long as Finn perfected a smoldering look and left the smile at home.
“Come on, Kase, please,” Lara pleaded.
I didn’t want to ruin her night. Not when having mine ruined by a boy ditching me was a pretty standard Saturday night occurrence for me. My feet unglued from their spot and carried me down the hallway. Lara let go of my hand so she could power-walk ahead with Hayden. Even her elbows moved gracefully in sync with her steps, the lines of her body perfectly formed. I had to remind myself not to slouch.
Finn and I hung back to separate ourselves from our siblings, checking out the moon hovering outside a large window, its reflection quivering on the rippled water below. I couldn’t make out a single wave in the dark sea. I opened my mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it. I had nothing interesting to say.
He broke the silence. “So, you a dancer too?”
I wanted to say yes, but I remembered Lara’s advice. Keeping quiet made me mysterious. It also avoided promises. “Pretty sure if I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
His lips quirked into a devilish smirk. “Oh, so we’re playing that game.”
We reached the nightclub where Lara and Hayden waited in line. Off to the side of the exit, we sat on plush velvet chairs. That way we could see when Hayden came out of the club.
“So you think we’re cute, huh?”
“I was hoping you would forget about that.” The thump of the bass echoed around us, loudest inside my brain. Or maybe it was just my heartbeat.
He threw his head back and laughed, raspy and just plain adorable. “I think it’s cute.” He stared straight into my eyes. “I think you’re cute.”
My cheeks burned hotter. Another degree and I’d have to start fanning myself. “Well, at least we’re in agreement.”
His eyebrows shot up his forehead. “So you think you’re cute too? Conceited much!”
“No! That’s not what I meant.” I tried to think about what Lara would say and nearly cringed when the answer came to me. A deep breath forced the words out. “I think you’re cute.”
“Just wanted to hear you say it.”
I crinkled my nose. “Fell right into that one, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much. I’ll keep that in my mental file.” He pretended to write on his hand. “Kasey is easily manipulated and gullible.”
“Hey!”
Finn leaned forward in his chair. “My file is pretty lacking.” He held up his hand as evidence. “So tell me…who are you?”
A dancer. The words waited on my tongue but refused to come out. “A city girl,” I said, unsure how to define myself other than telling him I was a senior in high school. When Lara told people she was from New York City, it usually explained everything. “Your turn,” I said. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—drag my attention away from him to check if Lara and Hayden had gone into the club.
“Sorry, that information is confidential.”
“What do I have to do to be in the know?” I tilted my head toward him. Finn was so easy to talk to. He brought out a side of me I never knew existed. And then I realized what it was. Flirting. Lara’s advice was working.
“Well, there’s a secret code. And it’s pretty hard to crack.”
“So I just need to ask your parents?”
He gripped the sides of his chair. “Wow, Kasey. You’re smart. No one else figured it out. Okay, I’ll tell you what you want to know. Shoot.”
“I don’t know. Hobbies? Likes, dislikes?” I paused and took a deep breath, working up courage. “Girlfriend?”
“Yes, yes, yes, and no.”
“Only one of those was a yes or no question.”
“Yes, I do have hobbies. Yes, I do have likes and dislikes. And the last question was a no. But it’s not a hard no. It can be changed with a little persuasion.”
My heart thumped wildly. Was Finn discreetly asking me to be his girlfriend after only spending ten minutes with me? Lara would have acknowledged what he said with a witty comeback. My natural instinct was to cause a diversion and hope he forgot the topic of conversation. I nodded toward the door. “Hayden’s coming back.”
Hayden headed toward us, twisting Lara’s ID in his hands. I felt a smile cross my face. Finn grinned in return, and I told myself I was smiling because of him. Not because of the possibility of being Lara, even if only for a moment.
Displaying 2 out of 2 comments.
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Kasey said…
Yes, I know it’s pathetic that I didn’t delete the foreign language porn comment. But this way it looks like I have friends commenting.
LUNCH USED TO BE easy. Denise and I would pull over extra chairs to join the other dance team girls at a large table in the center of the room, where we’d be in prime view of everyone else. The perfect spotlight. Now, I only wanted to disappear.
I was able to avoid the embarrassment yesterday due to the first day of school being a half-day. But unless I wanted to be anorexic, I couldn’t delay it anymore. I set my lunch down at a half empty table near the front of the cafeteria and turned my head to say hello to the kids at the other end, as if I knew them. They were too busy flicking a folded paper triangle across the table in some sort of make shift hockey game. That was probably the best I was going to get.
I pulled out my sandwich, a ziplock of celery, and a bottle of water, but when I reached my hand into the paper bag again, nothing came out. I turned the bag upside down and shook it. Only air left inside. Something hard settled into my chest.
Mom used to send cute little notes with my lunch. Lara always groaned about them. She’d wave the yellow post-it in the air until all the girls at our lunch table turned their attention to her. Then she’d clear her throat and read the note in a snooty accent. Everyone would laugh while I tucked my note neatly into my pocket so no one would make fun of it.
I crumbled the empty bag until the sharp edges scraped the skin of my palm. Mom probably just forgot, I told myself. I smashed the bag with my fist and was about to do the same to the sandwich when I stopped myself. Maybe this healthy meal was Mom’s way of saying she still cared. If she didn’t, she’d send me to school with some artery clogging snack. Or worse, she’d just send me with money to buy the re-heated frozen cardboard the school dubbed as “delicacies.”
Just as I’d plucked a celery stick from the little plastic baggie, Lonnie set his tray down across from me. He pulled out white ear buds, less conspicuous from the large black headphones he wore outside school.
“A ha. Can’t avoid me now.” He gestured to his plaid button down shirt.
The dread returned to my stomach. Maybe eating in the bathroom would be a better option, germs and all.
He pointed to my boring turkey sandwich. “I’m disappointed.”
“After an unfortunate incident with tripe, I’m back to eating normal foods.” I proudly shoved the
sandwich into my mouth and made a big show of chewing. He’d been there this summer during what I like to refer to as my “experimental” phase where I experimented with being a different person, the kind who ate exotic foods, the kind who didn’t permanently injure her sister.
He winced at the food in my mouth. “Attractive.”
I set down the sandwich. No more stalling. I had to tell him about the blog. “Lonnie, about this summer…”
“Say no more.” He held up a palm. My heart raced as I waited for his response. “Remember what I told you at Ali’s party?”
I remembered. I remembered every stupid thing I wanted to forget.
“Let’s just leave it at that for now.” He blinked at me a few times before picking up his tiny carton of chocolate milk and chugging the contents.
I bit into my sandwich. “I started a blog. About you.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Okay, it’s mostly about Lara. But you should read it because—”
“URL?” He slipped his phone out of his pocket and strategically concealed it beneath the lip of his brown plastic tray. If any of the teachers paroling the room caught him with it during the school day, he’d get instant detention. I loved the way he didn’t seem to care.
I told him the web address and watched as he devoured the whole post. My hands stayed frozen on the edges of my sandwich, unable to cross the short distance from tinfoil to mouth. As Lonnie read, he brought his hands to his cheeks in mock-surprise, shouting, “No!” Then he sucked in a deep breath and stretched his mouth to look scared, punctuating the exaggerated expression with an, “O. M. G.” His brows furrowed, his mouth widened into a toothy smile, and countless other funny faces for my entertainment. With each face, my heart pounded, wondering which part of the story he was up to. Did the smile mean he’d reached the part where my dad embarrassed me or was he smiling at the ridiculous prospect of me trying to pass as Lara?
