I think carefully and then I say, “I went through something a couple of years ago. I’m over him but not over how he treated me, so I am taking things slowly with new people.”
He sighs.
“But I want to know if you see any sort of future in this. It doesn’t seem like you do.”
I nod in agreement.
“I like you, and I want to be friends, but we are very different.”
Grayson, surprisingly, seems to agree.
“I know I would like to meet somebody Catholic someday and you probably want to meet somebody who is Jewish.”
I take Grayson’s hand.
“I like you, but I am not sure what my future holds, and you are right that religion is too important to both of us for either of us to have to compromise.” I squeeze his hand tightly. “Friends?”
He agrees.
“Friends sounds good for now.”
He drives me home, and I think we are both feeling more relieved than anything. He smiles.
“I’m sure I’ll be seeing you through Diana and Colin; they seem pretty serious.”
I am happy at the civilized way Grayson and I ended things. I was flattered by his attention, but I have a lot of issues to work through before I can decide to trust and feel passion for anybody with the same abandon that I had for Kyle.
Mom is sitting on the porch waiting for me when I get home.
“How are things?” she asks.
I tell her that Grayson and I decided we would make better friends.
“Good,” she says, looking relieved. “I do think you would be better off with somebody Jewish.” She has that knowing grin like she is up to something on her face. “My friend Rose is trying to play matchmaker for her hairdresser’s son. He is a little bit older than you. Maybe if you move back to Michigan…”
I interrupt. “I think I am done with older men for now. I could not bear to be somebody’s transition woman and for me to lose my heart only to have him find someone else more appropriate.”
But I feel hopeful. Maybe one day I’ll go to a Jewish singles event or a blind date and someone else who brings out the passionate side of me will come along. In the meantime, I will continue to live my life and meet new people. I breathe in the warm, non-humid, Michigan night air and am glad that tonight I am home.
Chapter 45: Michigan, 1997
I am getting dressed in a long, black dress. My makeup is a little heavier than I normally wear, and my hair is freshly styled. I feel a sense of excitement and anticipation for tonight. Diana and Colin are getting married, and I am eager to introduce the crowd of friends who have known me the longest to my boyfriend of three months. It is possible, I think, that someday he and I will have a day like this.
I moved back to Michigan two years ago when the Jewish Kibitzer offered me the position of Senior Reporter for their Lifestyles section. I do features on prominent engagements and weddings, as well as cover singles events and notable community service activities. When I first moved back, I realized that my old friends had moved on with their lives between new jobs and love interests. We still tried to get together but not as frequently. I found myself wanting something more than the casual acquaintances, one and done blind dates, and lonely nights watching TV with my parents.
At 24, something else happened to change my prospective on meeting a man for a commitment. I became friendly with Rachel who, at 6 years older than me, was married with an adorable baby girl and another child on the way. I fell completely in love with her daughter, Hannah, and realized I wanted that for myself. Yes, my biological clock was starting to tick. I began spending a lot of my spare time hanging out at Rachel’s and Doug’s so that I could bask in Hannah’s sweetness. I even babysat for them so that they could have date nights. I wanted to move towards that for myself. I confided in Rachel about all my woes I have had in the dating world and the disaster and heartbreak I experienced with Kyle. She looked at me and gave me the advice she had as a married woman of three years.
“What if you concentrate on somebody who is interested in you and instead of looking at what is missing focus on how much richer your life would be with that person.”
At 26, my desire for a baby and a committed relationship grew even stronger. One day after work, mom was waiting for me.
“I have something to tell you, “she said with a sympathetic tone.
We had not spoken his name in a while but I knew it had something to do with Kyle.
“Kyle and Diana are going to have a baby,” she informed me. “I just heard this from Ruth today.”
My first thought, though irrational, was, ‘That the baby should have been mine. I could be having a baby right now. I am only 26. I can still find somebody who wants what I do, build on that, and let passion come later. Plus, I’m getting tired of it all: the endless dates that lead to nowhere, the singles mixers. At this point I just want to find somebody who wants what I do even if he is less than perfect, even if he does not bring out the passionate feelings that I had with Kyle.’
Mom had been bringing up every so often her friend Rose’s hairdresser’s son, so I told her that Rose could give his mother my number.
“Good. You need to get out there and go on dates,” she says firmly. “Rose said his name is Marcus Horowitz, if he calls.”
I think hard. ‘Marcus Horowitz.’ I know that name sounds familiar, but I don’t remember where I have heard it before. I have done a lot of pieces in the Jewish community lately, I think, so maybe it is somebody I interviewed for an article. I think some more and ask,
“What does he do?”
Mom answers, “Rose tells me he sells fire safety equipment.”
‘The name sounds familiar,’ I think again. ‘But fire safety salesmen are not who I would write an article about. I’ll figure it out eventually,’ I decide and then I forget all about it.
Megan, a friend of mine from the paper, and I decide to go to a single’s event a few days later. Safety in numbers, we joke. It is a wine and cheese tasting party, and I see a handsome man with blond, curly hair, leaning on a cane. He recognizes Megan and waves us over. I am introduced to Benjamin Goldstone and look into deep blue eyes. I know that I can very easily develop an uninhibited crush just like the old days. He smiles, and I melt.
It turns out that Ben fought in Desert Storm and lost a leg defending our country. We make small talk as I try to remain calm. Inside I am trembling. I have not felt this excited about anyone since Kyle. At the end of the evening, he gives me another one of his heart-melting smiles.
“We should get together sometime.”
I eagerly write down my home phone number on the back of one of my business cards.
It is over a period of several months and many Jewish community events later that I keep running into Ben, and it is always the same. We flirt, he suggests that we need to get together, and then he never calls. I tell my parents about him and mom admonishes,
“You don’t want to date somebody like that. It is a big commitment to care for somebody with a disability.”
When I mention his name at home, dad jokingly refers to him as “the cripple” which I do not appreciate at all.
One day the phone rings, and dad shouts that it is for me. ‘Ben,’ I think and get excited. Megan was turning 30, and we were deciding the best way to celebrate. She mentioned that she had a college friend who also fought in Desert Storm and, like Ben, was an Engineer. She wondered aloud,
“I bet Griffin and Ben would really get along, but how do I get them together without him thinking that I am interested? Griffin is newly married but if I invite Ben along with another couple, he may get the wrong idea.”
Suddenly, I am inspired.
“We need to throw you a 30th birthday party and invite all of your friends, new and old!”
I think that this is a plausible excuse for me to get in touch with Ben and spend more time talking to him. The invitations are sent, and I am slowly getting RSVPs but nothing from him yet. Maybe he is
calling now as I left a message on his answering machine to inquire if he is coming.
But the person on the phone has nothing to do with the party I am throwing for Megan.
“Hello, Abigail. My name is Marcus Horowitz. I was given your number.”
Oh yes, I remember. Mom’s friend Rose’s fix up.
“How are you?”
I tell him that his name sounds familiar to me, but I am not sure where I have heard it. We end up playing Jewish Geography. It turns out that one of his cousins works with mom at the preschool but that doesn’t seem right. Finally, we get to high schools and it turns out he went to the same school that I did, graduating 13 years ahead of me. Thirteen years, wait a minute! I think I know who he is and where I heard the name. Wouldn’t it be something if it were the same guy?! I casually ask,
“I knew somebody who graduated that year. Did you know Kyle Buchman?”
Marcus answers, “Yes, we were in school together from 6th grade on.” He continues, “We celebrated our birthdays together in school though both of ours are in the summer! He is one day younger than me.”
It has to be the same guy from the swimming pool! What a small world! I don’t ask if he ever tried to drown him deciding it’s just not something you bring up in an initial phone call. Instead, we agree to meet for dinner at a nearby chain restaurant. ‘This could get interesting,’ I think. ‘And be a good back up if Ben and I don’t get together. One day older. Even if Marcus and I only go out a few times, it will be interesting conversation if I ever run into Kyle at a Katz event or more likely, if the Katz’s see him.’
I do not have any illusions this time that anything serious is going to develop between Marcus and I. ‘Men that age do not want anything serious with women who are my age,’ I tell myself. He probably wants to not have a relationship and go on a few dates until he meets somebody in her mid-to-late 30s. I always insist on driving myself to places on my first dates in case I need to make an escape. As I am leaving to go to the restaurant, dad asks where I am going. I yell out the door as I am leaving,
“I am going on a date with somebody who I am probably wasting my time with! I am sure he doesn’t want anything serious.”
Dad calls back,
“Oh, don’t be so negative, Abigail. Sometimes you never can tell what will happen.”
I get to the restaurant, and Marcus spots me right away. He is much better looking than I thought he would be. He is average height with dark hair and brown eyes flecked with green. The lazy eye that Kyle had mentioned had obviously been corrected. There are no immediate sparks, but I find that he is very pleasant to talk to.
“So,” he asks conversationally. “How do you know Kyle Buchman? What is he up to?”
I decide that my dating history is not a good discussion topic for a first date unless I really want to scare him away so I simply say,
“Kyle and I worked together one summer and got to be friends. He teaches middle school, He’s married, and last I heard, he has a baby on the way.”
Marcus laughs.
“He was not very nice to me in school, but we talked a little bit at the last reunion. He is the last person I ever saw becoming a teacher!”
I change the subject, and we talk about careers and hobbies: safer first date topics. After dinner we linger over coffee, and Marcus suggests that I leave my car in the parking lot, and we try to see a movie. We buy a paper and decide on a romantic comedy which stars an actress of whom Marcus is a fan. We continue talking on the ride to the theater, before the movie starts, and as he is driving me back to my car. We shake hands, and Marcus tells me that he had a great time, and he would like to see me again. I drive away thinking that this evening had gone better than I expected. I don’t think I will be disappointed if he does not call me again, but I will accept it if he does. Then I go back to thinking about Megan’s birthday party next weekend and how she talked to Ben who told her to count him in as a yes.
Megan’s party is on a Sunday evening, and Marcus asks me out again for that Saturday. This time, Marcus takes me out to dinner, and we decide to go to a laser light show done to 60’s music at the community planetarium. Again, it is another pleasant evening, and he asks if he can call me again. I say yes, but my mind is more on Ben and the party.
The party is a success on many levels. One of mom’s friends is a gourmet baker, and I pay her to make Megan a birthday cake that is more elegant and delicious than anything I could find store bought. Megan had invited Gary, a man she had been dating casually up to that point not wanting it to be serious because he had recently broken off an engagement. Gary showed her that he was really and truly interested in her by giving a beautiful toast. I wander around talking to all of the guests and casually sit down next to Ben and his older brother Stuart who is a college friend of Megan’s. Stuart gets involved in a conversation with his girlfriend over a political topic, and I have Ben’s attention. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation and a little bit of flirting, Ben turns to me and says his usual line,
“We should get together sometime.”
I grin.
“All right. Do you still have my number?”
I write it down on a napkin. He puts it in his pocket.
“You will be hearing from me.”
We turn our attention to a conversation that Stuart and his girlfriend are having with Allyson who is a casual friend of Megan’s and someone who was two years behind me in school. Allyson was always a little pathetic. She is 24, but she looks about 12, has pale skin, and an unfortunate sized nose. She whines pathetically about her bad luck with men and that she can never meet somebody new in this small Jewish community. Her parents are Orthodox Jews, which leaves her options even more limited. I reassure her.
“There are plenty of men out there. You never know when you are going to meet them.”
I dare to steal a glance at Ben and see that he is smiling back at me with an amused grin. He looks as if he wants to take my hand, but I feel shy doing so in front of all of these people, especially his brother Stuart and nosy, gossipy Allyson who would tell the whole world.
I leave the party with a silly grin on my face. This time, I think, Ben is really going to call me. My parents ask me how the party went, and I tell them about Ben. Mom sighs.
“I told you, I think there are too many issues, and it doesn’t seem like a good idea to get involved. I think you would be taking on too much baggage.”
I cannot believe how close-minded and negative she is being, just like she did not want to give Kyle a chance. I cannot believe that they can’t be happy that I found someone I feel excited about for the first time in a long time.
I had mentioned on my date with Marcus about how I was throwing a party for a friend. I must have told him how nervous I was about things turning out as this was the first major event I was in charge of planning. Marcus calls me the next morning to ask how the party went and to see if I wanted to go to his best friend’s niece’s graduation party with him. This is a big step, as his mother is good friends with the family, so I will be meeting her as well as Marcus’s closest friends. I say yes to his invitation.
Ben does not call that week, and I wonder how interested he really is. A few days before the graduation party, however, Marcus calls me to see if I want to have a quick dinner. We go to the local hot dog place by his house. It is a nice evening, and we decide to take a walk around the neighborhood. The community college is having a fair, and we wander through it. All of a sudden, Marcus grabs me around the shoulders and kisses me passionately and deeply. There is no instant spark like there was with Kyle, but it is not unpleasant either. I let the kiss continue. We walk through the fair a little bit longer holding hands. He drives me home and gives me another kiss, tongue thrusting deeply in my mouth, at my front door.
At the end of the week, there is still no call from Ben, and Marcus and I go to the graduation party. Everybody who he considers himself close to is at this party, and they all greet me with curious frien
dliness. There is one point where his friend Todd and his wife Bethany invite Marcus to their oldest son’s birthday dinner at his house. Marcus looks over at me like I am his long-established girlfriend and asks,
“How about it? Can we go?”
I am surprised by the way he asked me as part of a couple so automatically that all I am able to do is nod. I ask him about it on the way home. He looks at me in surprise and says,
“Well, we are in a relationship.”
I am touched by these words, especially since I had received the opposite treatment from Kyle. Then he surprises me more by saying,
“I think I am falling in love with you.”
Marcus is willing to offer me everything I want for my future but before I fully commit, I need to gain some closure about Ben. The next weekend, Marcus and I double date with Megan and Gary. Megan and I go into the bathroom.
“I think he’s great!” She is excited for me.
“He is good looking and totally does not look like he is 39.”
I smile.
“I am glad that you and Gary like him, but I still don’t know.”
She looks puzzled.
“What is not to know? True, he could have a better job, but you do okay at the paper.”
I pause.
“It’s just there is somebody else that I think I might be interested in and want to know if there is any future to it before I decide. Sometimes he seems like he is interested in me, but he never calls.”
Megan looks up in surprise.
“You mean Ben? I didn’t think you liked him that way. I am pretty sure he likes you.” She thinks for a minute. “He once told me that he is pretty shy about dating since his injury. You should call him, leave a message on his answering machine, and let him know that you are interested in him that way.”
I know the following week Marcus has agreed to go to a trade show, and he will not be available until the birthday party. One day during my lunch, I dial Ben’s number and leave a message on his answering machine.
“Hi. This is Abigail Wiseman, Megan’s friend. It was very nice to see you at her birthday party. I was hoping we could get together as I would really like to get to know you better.”
A Relationship...Or Something Like It Page 15
