by Pelzer,Lissa
‘You think this is funny, huh?’ She tried her best to still be cute, despite the beer running down her legs to still be pretty.
‘Yeah, I do.’
‘Yeah, okay. It’s pretty funny.’
You’re a mess!’
‘And I didn’t even get one drop of beer in my mouth.’
The guy blinked. ‘Too bad.’
‘Yeah, I guess.’
He was studying her. She knew what he was thinking. She was obviously a crazy chick, but Lilly knew as well as anyone, some guys are into that.
Then he frowned. ‘So if I ask you to come upstairs for a beer, are you going to brush me off?’
‘Not if I can drink it in the shower.’
‘Deal,’ he said. ‘Come on.’
Chapter 3
Lilly took his Panama hat, pushed her hair up underneath and tilted it forward. She had to help him up the steps and as they came into the lobby, she saw exactly how drunk he was. His eyes roamed around his skull like he was only a few minutes from passing out. That was fine. That was just fine.
Bobby was here. She’d known he would be. He was standing at the reception and Cassandra too. They passed so close by, Lilly could have reached out and touched her. Her hair was darker and her skin lighter, she’d been in the north since she’d seen her last, and she wanted to tell her it suited her. She wanted to stop right there in the lobby – screw Bobby, screw this guy – she wanted to talk to her. But Lilly could smell herself. And when Cassandra’s nose twitched and her chin turned, Lilly dropped the brim of the hat and kept on.
The guy tripped up coming into his room. He stumbled and fell down heavily on the bed sending the little welcome chocolate into the air. He was tired and ready to sleep and she waited by the door. Maybe if she was quiet, he would just pass out, but he didn’t, he rolled over and patted the bed.
‘Get over here, girl!’
‘Shower,’ she said, letting it seem friendly, talking to him like a girlfriend might.
‘Can I at least watch?’ He was sitting up pretty straight. He wasn’t nearly as close to sleeping as she’d thought.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘As long as you get us something good to drink out of the mini-bar.’
He looked back over his shoulder. ‘You do it. I need to pee.’
‘Okay.’ Still nice - still easy. She went over, bent down and listened for the toilet seat hitting the cistern. Something fizzy was best, a small bottle of champagne maybe, but he wasn’t that old, champagne might seem weird, might make her look like a hooker. What if she picked something he wouldn’t drink? Not a beer, it was too long a drink.
She called out, ‘Whiskey and coke?’
‘Fine.’
Then she heard the flow of pee hitting the inside of the bowl.
Lilly got out her wallet. She worked quickly. She had two crushed Ambiens already prepared in the c-fold. Some of Bobby’s old tricks were hard to give up. She estimated half into the glass, poured the coke on top and tucked the c-fold back together at the same time. Lilly glanced back towards the bathroom, just in case he came out, unheard, without flushing. The powder fizzed on the coke bubbles, lined the short, thick glass and then dissipated. She mixed it with her finger, poured in the mini bottle of Jack Daniels and mixed it again. She sucked her finger to check the taste. It was fine. She lifted the glass up and looked underneath. There was no residual. Not that he would notice. Lilly poured herself a coke just as the toilet flushed and the guy came out without washing his hands. She lifted the glass up to him and took her own.
‘God, I need this drink,’ she said, lifting it to her lips.
But he looked at his like he knew there was something wrong with it. He squinted. He looked at her like maybe he was going to be sick. He took a sip and squinted again.
‘You drink like a girl!’ she said and turning slightly away from him, lifted her glass and gulped half of it down.
‘Yeah well, I’ve been drinking like a girl since one o’clock so maybe I should be on the water from now on. You know that too much alcohol…’ He looked her up and down. ‘Well, you know what it can do, I’m sure.’
‘You can be on the water after you’ve had that one.’ She was smiling at him, letting her eyes narrow but as she did, his eyes trembled.
He walked towards her, walked straight past her to the mini-bar. He had to steady himself on the table, but he managed to get it open and get a bottle of water out. Damn it, if he wanted water he should have said, water. What was wrong with him? He twisted the top and looked back at her.
‘You’re cool with this right?’
Lilly smiled. She didn’t have the strength to be enthusiastic about it and if she could get that whiskey and coke in him, in ten minutes, she wouldn’t need to be.
‘Is that a yes? Because you know what they say, silence is not consent.’
‘What?’
‘Sex. You want to have sex right?’
She gritted her teeth. No, she didn’t. She was here. He knew why she was here, she needed somewhere to stay and was willing to do or at least pretend to do whatever it took to get that. It wasn’t a pretty deal. Why did he need to highlight that?
‘Is that what they say? Wow. It kind of kills the romance, huh.’
He held the bottle up. ‘I’m just covering my ass. Yes or no. I need to know.’
‘Sure.’ The word was heavy on her tongue.
He wasn’t impressed. His lips flattened out and he turned away from her and began to drink from the bottle. Half the bottle was gone and then his hand went to his mouth and she saw the little blue pill get slipped in between his teeth. That nasty little pill that got men who were too fat, too old or too drunk, hard for no good reason. She had to get assertive, or this was going to go very wrong, very fast. She took the water off him.
‘Hey!’
‘If we’re going to get serious, I better get hydrated too.’
He gave up the bottle as if he’d had enough, but she would make him drink more. He staggered backward and landed on the bed. The back of his hand went across his forehead. ‘Just give me a minute will you and then I’ll be good to go.’ He strained his head upwards. ‘Why don’t you go ahead and take that shower. And leave the door open. It’ll get me in the mood quicker.’
Lilly turned away. He was making her angry, but she had to not feel the anger if she wanted to keep her head straight. Encouraged by his groans, she crouched down and fingered the c-fold out of her purse. She slid the remainder down the neck of the bottle. In her haste, some went over the lip and some of it went down the side and she drew it back up with her finger, wiping it inside. She didn’t shake. That would look suspicious. She passed the water bottle back to him, seeing the small flakes floating around inside like an emaciated snow globe, but he was in no state to notice.
‘Here you go. Thanks.’
His arm came up. He knocked it out of her hand. It rolled across the bed and off the edge. ‘Are you going to take that shower? Not to be rude, but you do kind of smell…’
‘Well, you’re drunk,’ she said. ‘Drink some more water!’ And she stood over him, acting all sassy, waiting for him to comply.
He craned his neck up. ‘Girl…first warning, be polite or be gone.’
‘I’m just kidding.’ She crossed the room. She picked up her own coke and downed it just in case he did get thirsty. There wasn’t much more she could do.
She closed the bathroom door quietly and he didn’t comment. She went to lock it, but realized there was none. Was she missing some trick? If she was, she couldn’t see it and didn’t want to get his attention by trying it out. What stupid hotel didn’t put a lock on a bathroom door? What if the cleaner came in?
She stripped off, put her shorts and shirt in the basin and turned on the hot water. She’d have to put on something of this guy’s to go out and fetch her bag. Lilly was about to turn on the shower but stopped. It was wise to check where he was, what he was doing. She tiptoed back to the door, opened it a little a peeked o
ut. The guy was in the same position she’d left him in and not doing anything. Lilly waited. He was really, not doing anything at all. If he were awake, he would move, right? No one drunk and awake just lay there like that.
‘Huh.’
He’d passed out of his own accord. It was a waste of the Ambiens but she wouldn’t complain.
She got inside the glass cubicle and shut the door.
For a shower, it was really loud. She stepped out the stream of water to get the shampoo on her head and got back under. She was washing her hair like she was rinsing out a pair of stained panties in the school bathroom. Scrubbing away viciously. She had to be quick.
There was a noise and she shrieked.
The guy was standing there, just standing there. He was kind of uneasy on his feet, his eyes half closed with sleep, but his junk was pointing out, not up exactly, just out.
‘Hello, Honey. Look what I’ve got for you.’ He pushed himself into the shower and she hit the back of the glass wall, her feet tingling as she lost contact with the wet tiles. She was slipping and she was going to fall. She was going to crack her head on the tiles.
She couldn’t help it. She shoved him. She pushed him away again and he was out of the shower, standing in the bathroom, half wet and dripping on the floor.
‘What the fuck?’ He stood there with his hands held out and his feet apart as if he’d just been cut up crossing the road on a green light.
‘Oh my God. You gave me a scare. I didn’t even know you were in here.’
‘Did you just push me out of my own shower? In my own room?’
‘I didn’t know it was you.’
‘Who the hell else would it be?’ He pulled a towel from the rack and began to dry himself off. Lilly felt the blood pumping in her veins. She tried not to show it. ‘Just let me rinse this shampoo off my hair. Okay. I can’t see a thing.’
‘I’ll be out there. Where it’s safe.’ He tossed the towel down on the wet floor. ‘Fucking crazy Bitch.’
The shower was still running, the water shooting out into the bathroom and she closed the door behind him herself.
‘Idiot,’ she said but she wasn’t referring to him. ‘Why did you do that?’ Why was she always so reactionary these days? Why couldn’t she just have giggled along? Just now, she probably could have jerked him off with a bit of soap right there in the shower and he’d be ready to sleep. She’d be out the door and picking up her dress to go see Bobby. If only she’d been thinking straight, keeping her cool, acting like a lady. But she was tired and the last time someone came after her in a shower, it hadn’t gone well.
The guy was meant to be watching, just watching. Then he’d put his foot up on the side of the tub and reached in to touch her. She’d fallen on purpose, like Bobby said to, but she’d slipped and hit her face on the tap, got a bruise that had kept her home for a month and with Bobby telling her every day how much money they were losing and how she could have ruined herself if she’d hit her nose or teeth, which would have cost a fortune to fix.
Lilly turned the handle to the off position and squeezed the water out of her hair. She took some tissue paper and scrapped the residual mascara from under her eyes.
‘I’ll just be a moment,’ she called out in her friendliest voice. She’d have to be friendly to him now. She could imagine he was the type that would tell her just to get out of his room still wet and dripping. She went over to his wash bag and found the toothpaste. She put some on her finger and rubbed it around her mouth, but it just slid about until she spat it out. What else did he have in there? Moisturizer would have helped, but there was none, just some aspirin and a prescription for a medication she didn’t recognize. She dragged her fingers through her wet hair and shook it about.
She pouted in front of the mirror. ‘Okay let’s just get it over with.’
It had to be quick. Her first half an hour was probably already up.
She opened the door and walked out nude into the room.
The guy was lying on the bed with his hands behind his head. ‘Feeling better?’ He’d put on some generic music that sounded like it had come straight off a scripted reality show.
‘Much better, thanks. Sorry about that–’
‘So, are you ready?’
Lilly slid onto the bed. His eyes moved towards where she was. She was smiling and he was frowning. His junk twitched.
‘You don’t have any diseases do you?’
‘Me?’ She held her hand to her throat. ‘Do I look like I have any diseases?’
‘Obviously not. You don’t look old enough to have any diseases, but from the way you’ve been acting I’d say that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.’
‘I don’t, but I have protection anyway.’ She got up off the bed and went to her purse. She hoped he’d snap out of it and decide to be nice. It was so much easier to do this when they were nice, when you could tell yourself it was a fun evening, they were a nice person and even if you met them under some other circumstance, you might still be in bed with them right now.
‘I don’t use rubbers if that’s what you mean.’
‘That is what I mean but don’t worry, they’re good ones, you’ll never even know it’s on.’
‘You know, if you say you’re clean I’ll believe you. I just need to hear you say you are.’
‘But I could be lying.’
‘Baby. You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?’
‘I always use rubbers.’ She waved the little square at him.
‘I never use rubbers.’ He shook his finger back.
‘So, how do I know you’re clean? Huh.’
‘Really? You want to be like that?’ He swung his legs off the bed and came towards her. His eyes were red and bulging. She had to look at his eyes. ‘If you knew me, you’d know I’m clean. I’ve never been with a woman who wasn’t. I get a check every month.’ He grabbed her by the shoulders. His lip curled. ‘You look like a clean girl.’ And she felt the end of his junk, wet and slimy against her stomach.
Her blood was rising. If he tried to do her without a rubber she’d flip out. She didn’t need Bobby’s pearls of wisdom to tell her she was in no position to be sick. She could tell him she had something, look him straight in the eye and say, ‘Only Chlamydia but doesn’t everyone?’ and watch him back away. But if she said she had something, he’d definitely kick her out of the room.
‘Sure I’m clean,’ she said. ‘Clean as a whistle. But I’m not on the pill.’
He lifted his shoulders. ‘So I’ll shoot it on your tits.’
He was quick. He pushed her back. It was a jokey push, but it was hard enough that she got the meaning. And he came down after her, came down heavy, knocking her head against his shoulder, pinning her wrists under his hands. He was laughing. But this wasn’t a game.
‘Hey!’ She growled.
‘Hey!’ He was laughing, mocking her. ‘Hey!’
‘I’m not joking. Get off. You’re hurting me.’ She tried to keep her voice steady, her tone deep. She didn’t want him to think she already knew what this was. She had to give him the chance to stop, repercussion-free.
And he did stop.
He smiled down. ‘You say the word and I’ll get off.’
‘What?’ She squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t look at him.
‘You just say the word and I’ll get off and you can put your clothes back on and go home.’ And he was smiling. Through her closed eyes, she knew he was smiling.
Lilly arched her chest up towards him. ‘How about you just let me go on top?’
‘That’s not my thing.’
‘Well, this is not really my thing.’
God, she should have played it differently. In a thousand ways, she should have played it differently. She should have tossed him off in the shower, she should have put the Ambiens in water, and she should have gone to Denny’s when that girl said so.
‘It’s never perfect, is it? Nothing in life is ever exactly as you want it. Sometimes you jus
t have to play the game.’ And his shoulder dropped. A rough nail caught her skin as he pushed his fingers down. She grabbed at his wrist and tried to dig her nails in, but they were dull acrylics and she let go. His hand fought its way inside her and she grimaced and flexed every muscle in her body, trying to expel him. But it was never a fair match. He was stronger and he was on top. Then something inside her snapped, something inside her admitted, whatever the results, this had to stop.
‘I’m saying no!’ she shouted. ‘No.’ She sneered up into his face. ‘I’m saying no.’ She heard her voice on repeat. ‘I’m saying no…’
His face came towards hers. She felt his stubble against her upper lip and his weight pressing heavier and heavier on her as he got himself into position. She made a fist and pummeled at his arm. And he was still laughing as the pressure built up in her chest and her face as if his weight were pushing all the blood out of her middle like someone squeezing a half deflated birthday balloon.
There was a click in her head that sounded like the lights had just been switched off.
‘I said no.’
The words were far away, like listening to yourself on a video.
There was another click, like all the lights going off. She opened her eyes, but all the lights were still on.
But something was different.
The lights by the bed were still on, the desk lamp and the bathroom vanity too. She sat up with a start and saw him there - the guy - flat on his back, jaw hanging open and his junk pointing up like a sundial. The music that was playing had stopped.
Lilly got up and was on her knees. Her eyes scanned the room for something to arm herself with, but he didn’t move. What the hell had happened? She must have crushed his windpipe or knocked him out. She got off the bed, grabbed a throw pillow to cover herself with and waited, staring at his now collapsed and feeble body, his eyes half open and his hand limp.
