by Janet Dean
Passing Henry to Ted, Elizabeth rose and walked toward the front, her legs moving of their own accord, tears streaming down her face. Before she reached Jacob, Ted had found a lap for Henry and joined her there. He took her hand and squeezed it, his eyes glowing with happiness while Pastor Sumner took her other hand. Standing between them, Elizabeth declared her faith in God’s Son and accepted Him as her Savior.
After the final song, friends and neighbors gathered round, smiling and hugging her. They were her family now.
Her heart skipped a beat. One day she’d see her mother in Heaven. No matter what had transpired between them, she knew Mama had loved her even when Elizabeth was most unlovable, just as Mama had loved Papa. Perhaps Mama’s hope for Seymour would one day be realized. For after today, Elizabeth understood something she hadn’t before. God never wasted love.
She no longer carried her burdens alone. She felt her heart would burst with the joy of that knowledge. Peace and a sense of security filled her. She no longer had to scramble to keep her footing.
To control the uncontrollable.
To fix the broken.
To fear tomorrow.
She had only to lean on God. To love Him. To love others.
Whatever happened between her and Ted and the children, God was in control.
With the children in bed, Ted and Elizabeth stood washing the supper dishes in the kitchen. He scrubbed the plates until they shone, until they reflected his wife’s face as she dried them. She looked like the plates, washed clean. Shiny. Like new.
“You can’t stop smiling,” he said, and he couldn’t stop looking at her.
“I’m happy.”
He handed her the last plate. “You know we’re united now. Not just by that marriage license, but by the love of God.”
She met his gaze. “You’ve mentioned your Call to ministry. You know the Scriptures. You’re an excellent speaker. You care about everyone in this town. All to say, you’d make a terrific pastor.” She swallowed hard. “What’s keeping you from answering? Am I standing in the way?”
How could she believe that? He opened his mouth to speak.
“Please let me finish.” Her forget-me-not blue eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m assertive. Outspoken. Independent.” She grimaced. “I don’t even know all the Books of the Bible.”
“You’d be your own kind of pastor’s wife, Elizabeth, the best kind. You may not realize it but people are attracted to you.” He smiled. “Your confidence in me makes you the perfect pastor’s wife.”
“So why do you hesitate?”
“The water’s gotten cold.” He grabbed the teakettle and added hot water. He could let her see a small part of his childhood. “My father was an evangelist. Our family traveled from town to town, holding revivals.”
He paused, wanting to share why this town, this church meant so much to him, yet uncertain of her response.
“Really? That must be where you get your love of ministry.”
“Pa had the rhetoric.” He almost couldn’t speak the words. “Then we’d disappear in the middle of the night with the collection he’d promised to share with the host church, leaving behind a passel of confused Christians.”
“Oh, my. That had to be hard.”
“Most of those anonymous towns my father bilked mixed together in my mind, but one town stuck. New Harmony, Iowa.”
Squeezing his arm, she met his gaze. “That’s why you landed here.”
“As improbable as it seems, Pa believed in God. He’d justified his stealing by saying he had no home church to support him. Conveniently overlooking many a preacher worked another job and rode circuit on Sundays.”
As the memories crashed into him, he scrubbed the bottom of a scorched pot. Again and again, trying to remove the stain, but he couldn’t. Any more than he could remove what his father had done to so many other towns.
Elizabeth laid a hand over his arm, stopping him, sending a shiver up his arm. “Thank you for telling me about your father.”
He had to tell her that his gambling also stood in the way of accepting that Call. That nothing would make him happier than serving this congregation. But they’d never allow him to step into the pulpit if they knew how he earned his livelihood before he met God. If they knew his pa had cheated them out of the offering all those years ago.
If only he could find the words to tell her, but she glowed with her new faith. She had no idea her husband wasn’t the man she thought he was. He’d tell her, but not tonight. He couldn’t bear to see that joy vanish from her face.
“But, Ted, your father’s actions shouldn’t keep you from answering God’s Call. I’m sure a congregation would understand you had nothing to do with his actions.”
Her attention flitted to a space beyond his right shoulder. Something bothered her, but what? She gave a weak laugh. “I’m a fine one to talk. You’re not the only one with a parent you’re ashamed of. When you asked how my family lost their money, I sugarcoated the truth, spoke of bad investments. But now that you’re considering the ministry, I have to tell you.” She cleared her throat. “Papa spent Mama’s inheritance gambling. She watched him risk and lose everything she held dear—her money, her heritage, her position—and that slowly killed her.”
Ted felt the blood drain from his face. Why, God? Why did You answer my prayers with a woman whose life had been destroyed by gambling?
“Why does a man do that, Ted? Why does he take such foolish risks again and again?”
His focus dropped to his sudsy hands. Hands that had made mistakes, now like these suds, covered by God’s forgiveness, but would that appease Elizabeth? “It’s hard to say. Probably different reasons.”
“Maybe if Mama had stood up to him, had taken over the money…”
“Maybe, but dredging up the past can’t undo it.”
She nodded. “I’m trying to let go of things.” She smiled. “I’m grateful I’m married to a godly man.”
Her words slammed into his gut, twisting and carving him up with guilt. If only the past could be undone. If only he could bare his soul to Elizabeth. He would. But not now. Not tonight.
“If you think the church could handle my father being a gambler and your father being a hoax, then I’ll try my best to be a good pastor’s wife. God can use us, Ted. I’m sure of it.”
He couldn’t look at her.
She reached for his face and brought it to hers. “Put your faith in God, Ted. Rely on Him. It’ll all work out.”
Here he struggled with obedience, his faith in God’s plan shaken. Elizabeth’s faith was stronger than his. What an irony.
Fighting tears, he tugged her to him, dripping hands and all. This time she melted into him. Oh, how he loved her. But he couldn’t say it, not yet. Not until he’d told her everything.
Not until he told her that John Logan had taught Ted everything he knew about poker—tells, how to recognize cheats. There in the saloons, his father was cool, levelheaded, in contrast with the raving, Bible-thumping, hell-and-brimstone preacher in the pulpit both scaring and fascinating Ted.
How could she bear that he’d followed his father’s footsteps when gambling had destroyed her family?
Why had he lived such a life? He’d asked himself that question over and over. Why had he done the very thing he’d despised his father for doing? Was it easier than finding his purpose? Had he inherited it like his eye color? Perhaps he’d never know.
The prospect of telling Elizabeth clogged his throat, clamped his belly like a vise until the pain all but doubled him over. He’d told Jacob he’d tell her. But he couldn’t find the words.
Tomorrow. He’d tell her tomorrow night after the party he’d planned. He couldn’t risk ruining the celebration. He’d issued too many invitations to disappoint people now. But more important, he wanted to give Elizabeth a big party. He couldn’t wait to see the surprise on her face.
But after that, he’d tell her about his past. Most likely, she’d honor their vows. But she might a
lso resent him for the remainder of their lives, a prospect he couldn’t abide.
If she could forgive him—and how he prayed she would—would his neighbors? Were all the offhand remarks that he sounded like a preacher, his strong sense of God’s Call, the open door—was all of this from God? Or merely coincidences?
God, if this Call is truly from You, give me a sign.
Chapter Twenty
With the library hours over, Elizabeth turned the key in the door of the ladies’ club, anticipating the meal at the café Ted had suggested that morning. The prospect of a rare meal out put a bounce in her step as she headed toward the familiar team and wagon hitched to the rail in front of the mercantile.
Her breath caught. Could the harmony between her and Ted be too good to be true? Her parents’ marriage had taught her not to rely on feelings that could change in the blink of an eye. But Ted was different from her father. She trusted him.
Yet deep inside, in a place she’d learned to heed, she waited for…
For what?
Trouble.
The thought shot through her, landing in her midsection, a cold lump of uncertainty. Her eyes misted. In less than two months, could she really know Ted? Hadn’t she glimpsed a hint of guardedness in his eyes, in his manner, as if he held something back? Even last night she sensed he was under some strain.
Lord, please let this relationship be real.
Up ahead Ted emerged from the store with Henry perched on his shoulders, Robby and Anna walking alongside. When the children saw her, Henry’s face lit up like a starry sky on a cold winter night. An odd little hitch took Elizabeth’s breath away.
Oh, how badly she wanted the love and solidarity of a family. This family. No other would do. Yet, wanting so much terrified her, seized her throat and squeezed until she felt she’d choke.
No, she’d rely on God and ignore the uneasy feelings churning inside.
Anna ran to her. “Look what Mr. Sorenson gave us.” She held out a candy stick, already pointed in the shape of her mouth.
“I’m saving mine.” Robby looked pleased with his decision. Did he hang on to the good, thinking he might not get another?
Elizabeth forced a smile. “How nice. Did you thank him?”
Anna popped the candy stick out. “Yes. He said, ‘You two are mighty sweet, but it can’t hurt to add a little sugar.’”
As Elizabeth took in their beaming faces, her smile relaxed and grew. The transformation in the children bordered on amazing. Since Robby had tried to save her from Mrs. Atwater’s wrath, he and Anna appeared joined at the hip. Robby now helped with chores, eager to please and do his part. They’d settled into the normal routine of family life.
Anna still had a stubborn streak, but most days she accepted Elizabeth in a mother’s role. Most days Elizabeth loved her role. On other days, she wanted to scream. But Rebecca had assured her that was perfectly normal.
Ted stepped toward her, his gaze warm, intimate, only for her. At the tender longing in his eyes, her mouth went dry. What in the world had she been worrying about earlier? This man cared for her. He may not have told her he loved her yet, but maybe tonight…
Oscar and Cecil tromped out of the mercantile. “Howdy.” They doffed their hats to Elizabeth. “We’re off on our evening constitutional then heading to the café…for supper.”
“What’s a constitutional?” Anna asked.
“Means, little missy, that we’re taking ourselves on our daily walk. Cecil here is checking the condition of the streets but I’m doing it for my health.” Oscar patted his stomach. “I’m getting a paunch. Been eating too many of your mama’s biscuits.”
Elizabeth smiled at the Moore brothers, good friends and an enormous help around the club. “I’d hate to lose my best biscuit eater.”
“I believe that’s my position, Mrs. Logan,” Ted said, running a teasing fingertip along her jaw.
At his slight touch, Elizabeth’s heart thumped wildly in her chest. “I thought you were the one who turned that job over to Oscar.”
A flash of frustration crossed Ted’s face.
Chortling, Oscar slapped his hat on his thigh. “Elizabeth don’t mince words.” He plopped his hat back on his head. “See you soon…er, later.”
The two men shuffled on as they did every evening. They might not have speed but they made up for it with endurance.
“I’ve got to agree with Cecil. I like a woman who speaks her mind,” Ted murmured in her ear before tugging playfully at Anna’s pigtails. “Ready for supper at the café, Anna?”
Too excited to stand still, Anna and Robby ran around Elizabeth’s skirts. Henry squealed and clapped his hands at their antics. “Looks like we’re more than ready,” Elizabeth said, knowing full well that she withheld all the confusing feelings reeling in her head. But how could she harbor these doubts when all she had to base them on was the feeling Ted kept a secret?
“Then let’s go.” Ted shoved his purchases under the seat of the wagon then returned to the boardwalk.
In front of the café, Rebecca, Dan and their brood pulled up in their wagon. Their children scrambled down, two of the boys swatting at each other along the way. Rebecca clutched the baby to her bosom as her husband helped her down. “Sorry. We’re late.”
Elizabeth looked at Ted. “Late for what?”
“Why, ah, late for…spring. Here we’ve come to town to celebrate the first day of spring and we’re a week late.”
Elizabeth didn’t believe a word of it. “What’s going on?”
“Good job, wife,” Dan mumbled, as he whisked Henry off Ted’s shoulders, then herded his wife and all the youngsters into the café.
Alone on the street, Ted’s large hand swallowed up hers and tugged her close. The gaze he turned on Elizabeth was tender, filled with hope and dancing with excitement. Lost in his silver-blue eyes, she held her breath, waiting for what he had to say. But instead he lowered his head and kissed her until her heart rat-a-tatted in her chest.
“Today is the two-month anniversary of our marriage. We didn’t have a proper wedding so I invited our friends and neighbors to the café tonight to share in the celebration.”
Tears gathered in Elizabeth’s eyes. Ted had done this for her? How could she have doubted him? “I don’t know what to say…” She rose on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Except thank you.”
“You deserve a party for all you’ve done for us, for all we’ve put you through.” He grinned. “For the pain of flopping, pecking chickens, for a smart-mouthed daughter and damaged silk shoes—to name just a few.”
He hauled her to the café door and opened it. A cheer went up. Half the town had gathered in the café, grinning and clapping. Robby and Anna darted toward them. The Moore brothers had cut their walk short, the Sorenson, Sumner, Wyatt, Radcliff, Johnson and Harper families—everyone who’d befriended her, gathered round, thumping Ted on the back and giving Elizabeth a hug. Lois Lessman and her husband stood on the fringes smiling. In the far corner, Lily and Richard even beamed their approval.
Elizabeth pressed a hand against her mouth. “I can’t believe this!”
Ted touched her cheek. “I know how hard it’s been, being away from the city, away from the polite society you’ve been accustomed to.” He tucked a curl behind her ear. “I want to show you how much…” He paused. “How much—”
“You’ve become an important part of this town,” Lydia Sumner broke in. “Not just by marrying Ted and giving that man some joy, but by starting our library and rallying us ladies to make changes in town. And you know what? That’s made some lovely changes in us, as well.”
“Oscar brought his fiddle and I got my harmonica,” Cecil said, and both produced the instruments to prove it.
Like a mother hen with outstretched wings, Rebecca shooed the children in front of her to a table along the back wall. The group dispersed, moving toward their seats, laughing, no doubt, at the shock still lingering on Elizabeth’s face.
“And I knew
it wouldn’t be a proper celebration without your family,” Ted said, and then opened the door. There in the opening stood Papa and Martha. “Your father wired me while you were staying at the club and asked to come here.”
Her heart leaped into her throat. She ran to them, throwing her arms around them, nestling into the warmth of Martha’s girth, drinking in the love in their eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of Papa’s aftershave on his handsome, smiling face.
“Princess, I’ve finally grown up.” Her father’s smile faltered. “I’d like to start over in this town if it’s all right with you. To give you and Robby the love I was too…preoccupied to give.”
“Only if you stop calling me princess!”
When she finally disentangled herself, Elizabeth noticed Martha had stepped back into the circle of Papa’s arm and the two of them stared into each other’s eyes, like love-struck youngsters.
That’s why Papa finally understood love. He shared it with Martha. Elizabeth couldn’t stop smiling. She hoped the temptation to gamble wouldn’t take Papa over and ruin what he and Martha had.
Bubbling over with joy, Elizabeth introduced Papa and Martha to Ted.
Her father extended his hand. “Good to meet you at last, Ted.”
Ted shook hands with Papa then took a step away. “We should get seated. Agnes has lots of food waiting on us.”
But Papa hadn’t released Ted’s hand. “I know you from somewhere.”
“Me? No.” Ted pulled his hand out of Papa’s. “Let’s—”
“I remember now.” The friendly look dropped from Papa’s face. An ominous huff slid from his lips. “You’re that gambler.”
People pivoted their way, quieted. Watching. Listening.
“Sir, I’m—” Ted didn’t finish.
Elizabeth grabbed hold of her father’s arm. “You’re mistaken. Ted’s no gambler. He’s a farmer.”
Papa snorted and draped a protective arm over her shoulders. “Then he’s bluffed you. You’re not married to Ted Logan, farmer.” He paused, his gaze connecting with Ted’s—cold, hard, accusing. “You’re married to Ted ‘Hold ’Em’ Logan, a no-account riverboat gambler!”
