by Bry Ann
I look over and see Rex out cold. His eyebrows are furrowed tightly and his fists are clenched. He’s dreaming too. I run my finger between his eyebrows trying to relax his face. I know from experience his fists are a lost cause. He’s strong. Much stronger than me. I wish I could crawl into his dream and find out what’s troubling him. I want it to stop. Rex is supposed to be okay, not hurting like this. I keep awkwardly staring at him. I don’t know what to do. If this was me he’d know exactly what to do, but I don’t. I just stare, until he makes a very audible growling noise. Then I can’t take it anymore.
“Rex!” I shout and shake him. “Wake up. You are having a nightmare. Rex!”
A fist flies out of nowhere but, miraculously, I catch it. “Rex,” I cry desperately. “It’s Alex. Please wake up.”
Slowly his eyes start to open and his shoulders slump in relief. He traces a finger down my face, as if he can’t believe I’m real. “You’re here.”
“Rex, of course I’m here. Please talk to me. I tried to give you your space, but now I’m worried. I need you to tell me what’s bothering you! I’m not asking. I’m demanding you tell me.”
“Demand?” he questions with a small smile. Then he shakes his head and his face drops. “Alex, Gunner called.”
I instantly stiffen and put all my guards up, while still trying to sound relaxed. “What’d he say?”
“Alex…” Rex pleads. I’m beyond caring. I’m not my nice self anymore. I’m now the girl who will do what it takes to keep her and her friends safe.
“Damn it Rex! Fucking tell me what he said. You should have told me right away! Am I in danger? Are you danger? Oh my God, is Sam?”
“Your friends are fine Alex. Gunner has a plan,” Rex says, his voice is cold as ice and it scares me.
“I know that tone. This plan? I’m not gonna like it. I’m gonna get hurt aren’t I?”
“Alex, I don’t want to,” he pleads. His voice breaks.
“I know you don't fucking want to, but it is what it is. Now explain the fucking plan to me. Now!”
“Gunner knows Pytor is more skilled and outnumbered than him.” Somehow that brings me relief. I know Gunner doesn’t have a huge ego, and is super intelligent, but he’s still a guy and I worried his track record would make him feel invincible when he’s not.
“The only way to beat Pytor is to make him think he’s won, which means hurting you.” He side eyes me, taking in my every movement and flicker of emotion. “Taking you again. Anatoli and I both offered to take your place, but he killed us too fast. He has no use for men. Especially men who won’t work for him, and would fight back the first chance they get. It wouldn’t do any of us any good. He’d just move on to the next person. He’s slower with women. So...”
I cut him off. My whole body is stone. “Anatoli?” I ask breathlessly. “Anatoli?”
“Yes. Him and Tobias are helping Gunner.”
“Gunner found them!” I leap off the couch. Who knew I’d be so happy to hear from these fucks. Even Tobias. “They agreed to help? Even Tobias! Really? Like, really!”
“Uh yeah,” Rex sounds sounding slightly confused.
“Wow. You’ll get to meet Anatoli. That’s who Anna was named after. He saved my life.”
Rex looks at me softly. “You miss him?”
I scoff. “I don’t miss him. He’s a criminal. He trapped me. He’s a fuck.”
“And… you miss him.”
I throw my guard up even higher. “Shut up. I don’t miss him. Finish your story.”
“Right. So it had to be a woman to get taken. That was our original thought. Someone you care about. That left three people; Dana, Sam and you. Dana was out from the get go. That’s Gunner’s woman. He’d never agree to put her in harm’s way. Then there was Sam,” Rex sighs. “Would she really recover from being taken twice in a year? I’m not so sure. I…we….”
“No! Of course it won’t be Sam! She’s a mom, and a badass, and got taken once already for a friend. I think getting tortured once for a friend is enough. Go one…”
“That leaves you. That would really make his ego fly. Capturing you again.” Rex is gritting his teeth so hard I’m surprised he’s not drawing blood. “Ego’s are the downfall of most men. Pytor will be no exception.”
“Okay, so that’s the plan then. It makes sense.”
“You are okay with this? Cuz I’m sure as fuck not.”
“I have you, Gunner, Tobias and Anatoli looking out for me. I know I won’t die. Whatever else he does,” I shrug. “I’ve dealt with before. Long as I don’t die, and more importantly he doesn’t hurt one of you. I’ll be fine long term.”
“That was my thinking unfortunately.”
“Okay then. Here’s the deal. I’ll keep it together if you do. If something happens with Pytor you let that shit go. It’s happened before.”
“Alex, if he touches you…”
“Rex!” I snap. “He had my father rape me. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, he could ever do can hurt me like that. This would honestly be nothing to me.”
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but I can’t do this if Rex loses it. I just can’t. I need him strong. I need him here. Plus, he’d probably do something stupid and ruin the whole plan anyway.
“I’ll hold it together. For you.”
“Okay then. When is Sam gonna fucking call? Jesus. I want to see Dusty”
“Alex, sweetie,” Rex laughs. “It’s three o’clock in the morning. They probably wanted the night to let him get settled.”
“Oh right. Yeah. Do they have any alcohol in this joint?”
“Yeah, $20 for like an ounce in the mini fridge.”
“Perfect.” I walk over to the fridge and open a small bottle. This is what I need.
“So brushing over the fact that drinking when you are upset is totally wrong. It is my card on this reservation and that is expensive as shit.”
“Oh. Thank you then.”
“Geez Alex, you are too much. Fine, enjoy, but just one. I am serious.”
“Ugh, buzzkill. How am I gonna get drunk with one drink?”
Rex shoots me a very disapproving fatherly look. “Alex, I’m letting you have a drink at 3:00 in the morning after getting terrible news. Don’t push it. I won’t let you slip into dangerous habits. Okay?”
“Fine.” I can’t argue with that. I know he means well.
I don’t even know how we occupy ourselves for the next six plus hours, but we do. Rex goes for a walk at some point. I do some stupid workout video for my ass. We just kill time. Separately. We are both in our own versions of hell and need time for ourselves. Finally Sam calls me around 10AM.
“Ready to meet Dusty?”
“I’ve been ready for like ten fucking hours, but yeah. I’m ready.”
“You’re a little terd buttface!” I hear a high pitched girl squeal in the background.
“Is that Jazzy?” I ask shocked. “I’ve never heard her yell.”
Sam sighs. “Oh just wait ‘til you get here. Logan sent a car for you and Rex. He’ll be there in fifteen.”
With that she hangs up. Rex walks in from the other room. “Was that Sam?”
“Yeah.”
“How is everything?”
“Well she will be here in fifteen minutes. She announced that after Jazmine screaming at the top of her lungs that someone was a terd buttface.”
Rex lets out a loud laugh. “Oh God. Sam loves to pick people with lots of excitement, doesn’t she? Logan and his fame. Jazmine is basically her with Logan’s looks, and now Dusty. I haven’t even met the kid, and I know he’s about to stir the pot.”
“Rex, Sam can’t get along with normal. It wouldn’t work.”
“Kind of like you.”
“Wrong. I need normal. I mean I love you, don’t I?”
“Love?”
My eyes go wide. I did not say that. I did not say that! Holy fucking shit. I squeeze my eyes and desperately pray for the ground to swallow me whole. Or
to die suddenly. I’ll take either.
“I didn’t mean love. I just meant… it’s an expression. I … Rex… I don’t….” Holy crap. I’m gonna vomit.
My knees feel weak. The weight of my feelings buries me and my knees buckle. Everything is falling until arms sweep under me. Rex pulls me back up to my feet.
“Alex, it’s okay. It’s already out of my head. Alright?”
“But I didn’t mean it. I didn’t. I barely like you.” I ramble. I see Rex’s lip twitching, trying so hard to fight his laughter while I feel like I am suffocating.
“It’s already out of my head sweetie. No reason to keep bringing it up.”
Yeah, I know that’s not true, but I’ve rambled on this enough. My hands are still shaking. Fuck. Fuck me. I don’t even need to go through the whole do I love Rex talk, because I know I do. He knows I do. We both know I’m not ready to say it. We are both not ready for the acknowledgement phase of things. Our life is far too chaotic to deal with serious feelings too.
“We should probably wait outside,” I mumble. “Logan’s driver will be here soon.”
“It’s still hard for me to piece together the fact that Sam is married to the Logan Prescott and is living in the lap of luxury.”
“Yeah I know, but she’s just Sam. Logan does his thing, she does hers. I think that’s why it’s weird. She’s not interior to him in any way. They are a team. I like it.”
With that I walk outside and wait. Rex follows me out. It really doesn’t take long for Logan’s driver to arrive. We all make small talk until we arrive at Sam’s house. I think it’s so stinkin’ cute they haven’t moved. They still live in Logan’s childhood home. Not that the house is by any means small or depriving them of anything, but Logan could still afford a lot nicer. I like that he chooses sentiment over luxury.
Rex and I get out of the car and I notice Logan, not Sam, is waiting outside.
“Hey Logan,” I say tentatively. “Sam okay?”
“Just preoccupied. Come on in. Good to see you again Rex.”
“But mom, he’s a terd. Yes, I said terd!”
I look at Logan, fully amused. Logan shakes his head and lets out a small smile. Damn, he is one sexy dude.
“Jazmine’s having trouble adjusting.”
“Ha! No shit!” I laugh.
Logan’s face gets serious. “Be helpful Alex. Please. Sam is spazzing. You know her. She’s acting calm and taking charge, but she’s freaking out about this. Don’t make it worse. Don’t stir the pot.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “I’ll be cool.”
“And guys,” Logan looks worried. “Dusty is different. He’s kind of mean. Just… he means a lot to Sam. Let’s all try out patience.”
I look at Logan and smile. “Is he trying your patience Mr. Prescott?” I tease.
“He’s making me work a little harder at it. Yes Alex.”
With that Logan smiles and walks into the living room. I raise my eyebrows and look at Rex. Logan usually has a very small tolerance for my teasing. I am super surprised to hear him be so cool about it today, one of the most stressful days of his life. Rex just shrugs and we follow him into the living room.
Sam looks up from whatever she is doing with Jazmine and sighs “You look like shit.”
I look down at myself and frown. “No I don’t.”
“No, like, not your outfit. Have you been drinking?” she whisper screams.
“Barely, but how the hell do you know that?”
“I smell it on you, and your eyes. You aren’t pulling the same shit on me you’ve pulled our whole friendship. I’m in detective mode now.”
Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Oh well detective. Where’s your son?”
With that she visibly deflates, and I hate it. “He’s in his room.”
Immediately I turn around and head for the room I know Sam would stick him in. The room her and Jazmine stayed in when she came back from Wyoming. Sam told me all about that experience recently.
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” she calls out. “It’s… sad.”
“I got this.” For some reason I know I do. In my peripherals I see Sam, Rex and Logan share a look. Before I can leave the room Jazmine comes strutting in.
“Don’t go get him. I like the quiet!”
“He’s your brother. He’s allowed around the house whenever he wants Jazzy.”
“Ugh, everyone’s on his side.”
I crouch in front of Jazzy and grab her hands. “Babe, it’s not about sides. It’s above letting someone new into your heart. Someone a little meaner and a little angrier, but how will he love if no one shows him? Huh? You’re such a good teacher.” I give her a fake little hit and wink. I stand up to leave again. I see everyone, but Sam staring at me in utter shock. Especially Rex.
Sam grins. She knows from my time with Jazzy I am secretly very good with kids. It’s very unexpected because of my ice cold demeanor, but I am good with them.
I smile as I make my way up the stairs. I knock first, but when I get no reply I barge in. That’s more my style anyway. I feel bad the second that door ricashays off the plaster. Dusty leaps back, eyes wide. When he sees it’s a girl he straightens his stance and pretends he was never scared. He scowls at me.
“What do you want?”
“So you are Dusty.”
He extends his arms. “Obviously.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you.”
His eyes become guarded. I try not to look at the clear scars on his arm. He’s such a little kid. He should never have known that kind of pain. Like I did.
I sit on the bed and he takes several steps back. “I’m not going to hurt you kid.”
“Well I’m totally convinced with one sentence. Thank you.”
I laugh out loud. “I like you. You have a mouth on you. Don’t ever change.”
I see a small smile play on his lips, but he tries to hide it. For some reason bringing a little light to this kids day lights me up inside.
“I like your tattoos,” Dusty says quietly.
I’m a little taken aback by the compliment but I try not make a big deal of it. If he is anything like me and Sam that would only drive him away. I forgot I was wearing a cut off tank today. It shows off my tattoos.
“They are alright. Wanna come down stairs?”
“No.”
“Why?”
He gives me an ‘are you serious’ look and rolls his eyes. “Why would they want me down there? No way, I don’t think so. I don’t like this game.”
I shiver. I know the games. All too well. Dusty and I may have played different “games”, but we were both forced into a world where groups of adults meant danger. For younger me as well, groups of adults meant bad things. My tone becomes serious.
“No games Dusty. We don’t play like that, but I won’t make you come downstairs. Just so you know. I know the games too, and I don’t like them either.”
He watches me walk out of the room. “Wait!” he yells. I turn around. “The girl doesn’t want me down there.”
“Jazmine?” I laugh. “She’s spoiled rotten. She’ll get over it. I will say this though Dusty. She’s a little girl, and your sister, if you want her to be. You need to be nice to her. She can be a friend to you.” He rolls his eyes. “Besides if it’s the competition you like. Girls always win in the end.”
“No way!”
“Yes way. Trust me.” I start to walk out. “Are you coming?’
“If I come you’ll think you’re a girl and you won.”
I laugh. “No kid. I don’t think you’re brave enough to come downstairs. So you will win.”
He looks at me skeptically. “Fine, but if I don’t like it I’m leaving and I will hurt someone. I fight back you know! I’m just not big yet. None of its my fault. I eat all my food. My vegetables too.”
Ugh, my heart. He’s so naïve. I remember being that naïve. “I bet you put up one hell of a fight kid. Let’s go.”
Dusty follows me ou
t, but I see the tension in his body. I even see his guard go up as we walk down the stairs. I totally see why Sam adopted him. He’s us. Broken, but strong. Guarded because of a shitty life, but has potential if someone would just give him a fucking chance and take the time to tear his wall down.
I push him in front of me. He scowls at me with his cute, eleven-year-old boy face. I laugh.
“Ps. I won kid. Lesson two, girls are sneaky.”
I wink. Before he can respond we are in the living room and everyone has their eyes on us. Everyone looks shocked, but Sam looks extremely relieved and grateful.
“Hi Dusty,” she says softly. “I’m so glad you came out.”
“I’m not,” Jazmine says miserably. Sam shoots her a sharp look.
“Yeah well I’m not too thrilled about having to be down here with you either, but I got adopted so we both have to deal with it,” Dusty snaps at Jazmine.
“You’re a terd!” Jazmine yells back at him. I try not to laugh. What is up with her and that dorky word?
“Yeah you’ve mentioned that,” Dusty laughs. “You are very original. Seriously, Prescott's. Help your kid learn some new insults. Hers actually backhand as a compliment because that’s the only thing she can come up with.”
Jazmine huffs, loudly, and stomps out of the room. Dusty doesn’t laugh. Doesn’t revel in his win like a normal older brother. Nothing. His face just goes back to neutral like that had to happen.
Logan looks so confused. I look at Sam. She needs to take this one. I took the last one, and he can’t get too attached to me. That would crush Sam. Sam’s his mom, not me.
Never me.
I’ll never be a mom.
I think Rex see’s the look in my eye, because he reaches over and pulls me next to him, softly rubbing my leg. Logan see’s and smiles a little.
The next hour Sam spends trying to integrate Dusty into the conversation. She does a good job. He becomes more engaged, but whenever Jazmine walks in the room they go at it. I don’t know what it is with them, but I can see it worries both Sam and Logan.
