“Well, I was just wondering if you ever wish you didn’t go AWOL. I mean wouldn’t it have been easier to just do your stint and be done? Or turn yourself in and take the punishment now that the war is over?”
Coyote lets the truck door gently swing back closed. He looks me up and down while he chews a little on his lower lip. “You know we live in a bubble here, right? Things are crazy different out there in the real world. They sent all the brothers to Nam, put’em on the front lines. Most of them came home in body bags. My ‘stint,’ as you call it, meant I’d have to kill people, you realize that?”
“It was a stupid question.”
“No, it’s not. You need to know this. That war was for the military industry. Most are. But the war against the black man is far from over. What they most want to take away from us is our dignity and our freedom.”
I look away from Coyote and drop my head. “What if someone outside of here finds out about me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like how I was adopted.”
“That happened before I got here. All I heard was that Willow and Wave brought you here after you were abandoned by your parents.”
“Did they say anything about who my parents were or where I came from?”
“No. I never asked. Figured it was none of my business.” He nudges my arm. “You thinking of leaving?”
“I don’t ever plan to leave. It would put everyone at risk. Especially you, being AWOL. I could never live with myself if anything bad happened to this family because of me.”
He’s quiet for a minute but finally says, “You can’t let fear keep you from enjoying the freedom you deserve as a human being. Always remember you can leave. Don’t let concern for someone else’s actions become your prison.”
“That sounds like something Goji would say.”
“Well, I’m saying it now.” He cranks open the handle and kicks the stuck door open. “Should we get to work?”
I fidget in my seat.
“Spit that other question out before you choke on it.”
I feel my face flush.
“Blue, out with it.”
“Umm, do you think Rain is pretty?”
Coyote breaks into a grin. “Ha! And here I thought you had a crush on Harmony.”
I jerk my head toward him. “She’s practically my sister!”
“They’re all your sisters, Blue.”
“I know. But I don’t think about the others that way.”
Coyote slaps me on the knee, still grinning. “Let’s go work off some of those hormones.”
When we get back to the compound the truck bed is nearly full of wood, mostly live oak and redwood branches. Rain crosses in front of us carrying a pail of chicken feed. Like an idiot, I immediately stall out the truck. Coyote snickers, trying to stifle a laugh. He motions toward Rain with his chin. “Why don’t you go help your sister feed the chickens? I’m going to dump this wood in the meadow to chop up later.”
I climb out of the truck. “I already promised Harmony I’d go hiking with her today.”
He slides over into the driver’s seat and restarts the engine. “Suit yourself.”
* * *
Harmony stands behind the outhouse with her arms across her chest. “You’re late. What took you so long?”
“Sorry. Coyote and I had to gather wood and then I helped Rain feed the chickens.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m sure she needed your help.”
We start our hike along Salmon Creek. Moon wanted to come along but we bribed him with our portions of bread pudding to let us go without him. Harmony wants us to be alone so we can make a plan to sneak into Goji’s shack to steal a candy bar. We’ve hiked the creek lots of times before, but this time we’re walking in the opposite direction, toward town instead of away from it. We want to see how far we can go without running into people.
We’ve made it about a mile when Harmony stops. Sunny races into the water ahead of us, then tears up the bank before splashing back into the creek. I dig inside my pack and pour out some kibble I brought for Sunny and take out a sandwich for me. I hold out half toward Harmony. “You hungry?”
“Not really. I have a stomachache.”
“Wanna take a break?”
Harmony nods and climbs up the bank ahead of me.
“Hey, did you cut yourself on that branch back there?”
She turns. “No. Why?”
I point to her leg, where a bead of blood is making a path from under her T-shirt to her knee. Harmony looks down and turns her leg outward. She wipes the blood away. “Ugh. I think I started my period. That explains the stomach cramps.”
“Aren’t you too young for that stuff?”
“I’m thirteen as of this month, same age as you. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m getting boobs.”
“Of course I noticed.”
“You noticed my boobs?”
“Not like that. I mean, I noticed the changes. But I didn’t pay much attention.”
“So you don’t notice Rain’s boobs?”
“Stop it, Harmony.”
I can tell she’s enjoying this. I try to change the subject back to her problem. “You wanna head back so you can take care of that?”
She stands with her hands on her hips, thinking. I keep my gaze on her face so I don’t have to see the blood on her leg.
“Nah. Can I have your bandana?”
I hand her my headband. She ties the long T-shirt between her legs like a one-piece swimsuit, tucking the bandana inside. I can’t help but laugh. “Uh, you can keep that.”
“Shut up.” She parks herself on the bank, her knees to her chin, and curls her fingers over her toes. “Let’s work on our secret plan. I overheard Goji say he’s taking Rain to a Kirtan meditation or something next week. We could sneak into his shack then.”
“I don’t know, Harmony. What if we get caught?” I’m more worried about her finding the letters from Gaia than getting caught.
“We won’t get caught.”
I reach into my leather pack until my fingers find the tiny pocket Wave sewed into the side. The crayon-shaped lump is still there. I hold the joint toward Harmony. “Maybe this will help your cramps.”
She takes it from me. “Whoa! Where’d you get this?”
“From Doobie. On my twelfth birthday. Remember?”
She laughs. “I can’t believe you never lit it!”
“I was waiting for a special occasion. This seems like a good one.”
Harmony turns the joint over in her fingers, then sniffs it. “You think it’s still good?”
“It’s an herb. I don’t think they go bad, do they?”
She shrugs and hands the joint back to me. I fish around in my pack for matches and peel one off. I steady the flame under the end and watch as Harmony takes a puff.
“You have to hold it in,” she says, in that weird choky voice, just like Doobie when he tries to talk without using any breath. She lets out a small cough, then blows a puff of smoke in my face. “Your turn.”
“You act like you’ve done this before.”
“I lived with Ruth, remember?”
“She let you toke?”
“No. But our room and our car would be so filled with smoke I felt like I was smoking it. I always got sleepy.”
I take a pull on the joint and instantly my lungs feel like they’re burning. I end up in a coughing fit that makes Harmony laugh so hard she rolls down the bank, nearly sliding into the creek. I take advantage of my hoarse throat to compete with my own best imitation of Doobie, squinting my eyes and shaking my head. “That’s harsh, man.”
Harmony climbs back up the bank and takes another toke. My throat feels so gross that I don’t inhale my next puff, just hold it in my mouth for a while before blowing it out. I don’t think she notices but if she does she’s being kind. Normally she’d tease the crap out of me for being a wuss.
“Don’t tell the others about my period, okay? They’ll want to have a
big party or some sort of womanhood celebration.”
“You don’t want a party?”
“Not for this.”
“Okay. It’ll be our secret.”
Harmony hops back down to the creek and wades in. She looks up at me, grinning. I slide down the bank and join her in the cold water.
* * *
We never make it to town. Backtracking our way to SFC along the creek, we pick wild blackberries along the way, filling our bellies. I don’t feel high. Maybe pot doesn’t work on me. But Harmony has been giggling all afternoon and claims her cramps are better. She laughs when I poke myself on a thorn. She laughs when she trips and lands on her butt in the creek. She laughs for no reason, like she’s got an inside joke going in her head.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” She snickers again. “Everything.”
When we reach the hill behind the tree house, Harmony suggests we raid Goji’s shack.
“Now?”
“I want one of those candy bars!”
“Bad idea. We’ll get caught. You need to trust me on this one.”
We stop under a tree, not wanting to end what feels like a perfect day. Harmony lays her hand on my cheek, studying my face the way she does before she starts making a drawing. Her bloodshot eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles. “I trust you, Blue.” She keeps staring until it starts feeling awkward. I gently pull her hand away and lead her over the hill. She trips and we tumble down the last few yards. She lands with her head in my lap at the bottom of the hill. Her laughs turn to giggles, then to quiet breathing.
“Harmony?”
She doesn’t budge, even when Sunny licks her face. I think about waking her, but knowing Harmony, she’ll get us into trouble for being stoned. This seems like as good a place as any for her to sleep it off. Sunny settles in next to me, panting. I lean back on my elbows and watch Harmony breathe. She looks so peaceful, like one of the Youngers when they fall asleep in the car. I feel suddenly protective of her. I wish I’d never seen Gaia’s letters. There’s gotta be a way to convince her not to raid Goji’s shack.
20
November 1977
Rain and I take a break under a willow after cleaning out the coop and replacing the straw in the nesting boxes. It’s hard to believe it’s been over a year since she arrived. In that time, she’s slowly become more like the rest of us here, less like the fresh-faced girl who stood sobbing on my twelfth birthday. Rain’s favorite chores are with the animals: milking the goats, gathering eggs, and brushing the burs out of Sunny’s fur. She eagerly soaks up Goji’s teachings over their long, private walks. They even spend time alone in his shack, something pretty much no one else does. I’m envious of her time with Goji but I’m also jealous of him for the time he gets to spend with Rain.
“I think I’ll make some tea,” Rain says as she twists her hair into a loose knot on top of her head. “You want some?”
“Sure.”
I stand and offer my hand but I’m distracted by the sound of a car in our driveway. This isn’t our usual town day. I glance to where our truck and the station wagon are parked near the garden before spotting a black and white car slowly creeping up the drive, followed by a dark green one. Whenever we see a police car or a cop while we’re out and about, I feel a small ripple of panic run through the family. But out here on our private property, we mostly feel safe.
My first thought is that someone has vandalized the fruit stand again. When I turn back toward Rain she’s crawling into the chicken coop, sending a bunch of squawking hens scattering out the door.
I poke my head inside the coop. “Rain?”
“Shhh!”
“What are you doing in there?”
“They might be looking for me.”
“Why? Did you do something bad?”
“I ran away from home.”
“But you’re an adult. You can do anything you want.”
She doesn’t move. “I fibbed so Goji wouldn’t send me away. I won’t be eighteen until next month.” She grabs my arm. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
I crawl into the coop and crouch beside her. “I won’t. Besides, I’m the one who’s supposed to hide.”
“You? How come?”
“It’s a long story.”
We hear a commotion near the center of the community. Through the tiny henhouse window I spot a local cop and another man in a military uniform talking with Sirona. She shakes her head when they point toward Coyote splitting a pile of wood near the edge of the woods. The men push Sirona aside and walk toward our brother, calling out an unfamiliar name.
“Duane? Duane Jackson?”
Coyote stops chopping and slowly raises his head. It’s November, but he’s been working in the sun and has stripped down to just his boots. Sweat glistens on his chest.
The cop draws his gun from the holster and aims it at Coyote. “Drop the axe!”
Rain pushes her head next to mine and gasps, then coughs, breathing in the dust kicked up by the scattering chickens. With our cheeks pressed together, we watch Jade run toward Coyote, her long braid bouncing behind her. The cop turns the gun toward Jade, then back to Coyote. Jade throws her arms around Coyote’s waist. He drops the axe and wraps his arms around her.
The military guy draws his gun, too, and points it at Coyote. He takes a step forward, dangling a set of dog tags in his left hand. “These yours, Private Jackson?”
Coyote looks down at Jade and kisses the top of her head. Even from this distance we can see her body trembling with sobs. Coyote raises his hands and locks them behind his head. Jade drops to the ground crying, clinging to his leg as he surrenders. The cop quickly handcuffs Coyote’s hands behind his back while the other man keeps his gun trained on our brother. When they lead him away, Sirona and Wave run to Jade and blanket her with their bodies.
Willow drops the sheet she was hanging on the clothesline and chases after Coyote, screaming, “No! No, you can’t take him!”
The cop wheels around. “Stop right there, lady, or I’ll arrest you, too.”
Wave has already caught up with Willow. He touches her elbow. “Let him go, sis.”
Goji emerges from his shack. The cops size him up as he and Coyote stare at each other for a long moment before Goji raises his hands in a prayer mudra in front of his face and bows. Coyote’s hands are cuffed behind his back but he dips his head. The man in the green uniform drapes a blanket around Coyote’s naked body and lowers him into the back of the military police vehicle.
As they turn and drive down the dirt driveway, Harmony rounds the corner of the field near the Czech’s pasture. She’s pulling Aura in a rusty wagon. Moon trudges along behind, poking the air with a stick like an imaginary sword. Sunny runs circles around all of them. When Harmony sees Coyote she drops the wagon handle and runs behind the car, trying to bang on the trunk and make them stop.
I crawl out of the coop and race toward her, catching up just as both cars reach the road. Coyote turns toward us and throws a peace sign as they make a right turn onto Bohemian Highway. Panting, I grab Harmony from the back to stop her from chasing the car farther down the road. She turns and throws her arms around me, sobbing.
When Goji steps lightly behind us, Harmony raises her head and stares at him with reddened eyes. She jerks away from me. “Why?” she chokes out. “Why did you let them take him?”
“Every choice has a consequence, little sister.”
She starts beating his bare chest with her fists. “You didn’t fight for him! You’re supposed to protect us!”
Goji doesn’t move, barely flinches with each fist landing on him. I happen to know Harmony packs a mean wallop even when she’s kidding, and I’m sure some of those have got to hurt. But he just stares into her eyes until she tires herself out.
Goji rests his hands on Harmony’s shoulders. “Coyote is still here.” He gestures toward the trees above us, the meadow, and the communal living space. He moves his hand to her heart. “And her
e.”
Harmony crumbles to the ground and breaks into sobs. I rush to her side. I want to be strong for her but my heart feels broken, too. When Goji walks away I wrap my arms around her, holding her until we’re both exhausted from crying.
* * *
Nobody has much of an appetite at dinner. Goji sets The Book on the table and looks around at all our faces, most with reddened eyes.
“Perhaps we could use this time to share stories and our favorite things about Coyote.”
Sirona, who sits to Goji’s right, is the first to speak. “The first time I saw him I thought, ‘Oh my God, it’s Otis Redding.’ He not only looks like him, he has that smooth, sexy voice.” She looks across the table toward Jade. “He’ll be back. I just know he’ll be back.”
Jade nods, her chin trembling.
Willow tells a story of how she once followed Coyote to see where he went after dark. “I just couldn’t figure it out, why he’d leave his warm bed to walk around in the middle of the night. I lost him, of course, and I was about to turn back when I heard him.” Her voice breaks. “He was talking to his mama. Sitting on a log over by the fire pit, as if she were right there with him.”
Harmony leans forward. “What did he say?”
Willow smiles at Harmony with watery eyes. “He was just telling her about his day. It was the sweetest thing.”
Jade says through tears, “His mother died pretty young.”
Wave comforts Jade, gently rubbing her back. “That reminds me of this one time we were at the veggie stand together and this woman stopped by with a carload of kids and a screaming baby in her arms. Coyote offered to hold the baby so she could buy the stuff she wanted. At first she hesitated, but then she handed the kid to him and I’ll be damned if that baby didn’t immediately stop crying. Coyote cooed and sang as if he’d gentled babies all his life. By the time that lady paid for her items, the baby was sound asleep in Coyote’s arms.”
When it’s my turn I can only think of what Coyote said last month during our driving lesson. “He told me what he most fears is losing his dignity and his freedom. I know I’m supposed to talk about a good memory but this is what sticks in my mind.” I look toward Goji. “They won’t take that from him, will they?”
Clover Blue Page 15
