by Moore, Gabi
"One could never fault you for your ambition."
"Precisely! But tell me, what have I accomplished in any of the realms without you by my side?"
I thought about his statement for a moment, and then decided he was right, again.
I let out a sigh.
Telling Thane that he was right more than once in a row was a terrible idea, even if it was true. He saw my expression, and it was too late to conceal my thoughts.
"You know it's true, and what's more, is I know that you and I have the same set of values, even if we tend to express them differently."
"Nope. Not this time," I replied in all gravity. "You know very well that there are things that you have done recently that I want nothing to do with."
"Well, don't hold back now..."
He smiled again.
"Well, like cozying up to all of the politicians at the Capitol."
"Keep going."
"And, trading in your combat ethic for those ridiculous boots you always wore..."
"You didn't like my boots!"
I looked up at him to see if he was being serious or not, but there was a smirk on his face.
"You think this is funny?"
"Not at all. I think it's one hundred percent accurate. The problem is that while you are accurate, I feel like that was a necessary sacrifice that had to be made in order to get where we are now."
Once more, he gestured around the wasteland like it was some kingdom he had inherited. In the distance, I saw storm clouds begin to roll across the desert.
"What I don't think you realize is that this entire experience is an opportunity to end all of that trivial bullshit once and for all. We're going to wash away all of the self-righteous babble, and bring the Fae back to the state of power that we should enjoy."
"And what's the cost?"
"What do you mean cost?"
What cost could possibly be prohibitive to bring the Fae back to their rightful place in the world?"
"What possible cost would be too much to insure that each young Fae grows old in the knowledge that they will not be depotentiated in the name of progress?"
"Depotentiated, that's a bit of a soft word, don't you think?"
"Well, I was going to say castrated, but you've never had a problem with that."
Another smile.
"So... I'm going to go on a limb here and say that I'm dreaming, because the last time I saw you, you looked different, even though you sound the same."
As I spoke those word, I saw his body change once more, though this time, it wasn't a new body, it was a fluctuating form. Something dark took over his body, and he changed from a handsome demon, into a horrifying creature. I continued to stand boldly in front of him, and allowed no emotion to cross my face whatsoever.
"Soon, you and I will be able to assume our rightful place in the world once more. We were never meant for the Capitol. We were meant for greater things, and this is going to be the opportunity which changes all of that for you and I."
His smile was toxic now, and the light in his eyes had changed into an unnatural green flame.
"Storm's coming," I said, nodding behind him.
The darkened clouds had risen up in the sky like tidal wave about to crash over the entire valley. The crest of the wave was a magnificent face of darkness, soaring so high it threatened even to blot out the oppressive sun.
"And with the storm, there will be floods, destruction, and complete structural change. When it has passed, the landscape that you see here will be unrecognizable. We will move forward into a new era of equality. Our tortured planet no longer oppressed by the structures of the planes."
During that final sentence, Thane's voice changed, if only for a moment. Something else had come through in its entirety, leaving me to wonder if any of us truly knew what the consequences of this Rift might actually be.
"You know how much I value equality."
"Exactly! And soon enough, balance will be restored. When that happens... I want you by my side."
His eyes narrowed, and the vision faded. The final impression that I held was being overwhelmed by a wall of darkness, except for two glowing eyes.
Chapter 13
When I woke up again, I found myself back in the car with Amethyst licking my face. Erol was technically in the back of the car, pulling some gear out from the rear of the truck. Rosemary was nowhere to be seen.
"Ugh, alright Amethyst, I get it. I'm up."
How long was I out? I thought, looking out at a darkened sky.
Around us, I saw the familiar trees of the redwoods, as well as more barren hillsides than before. Either a fire, deforestation, or higher altitude. I couldn't exactly tell which, because the only light wee had in that place came from the ignition of the car, and the headlamp that waved about erratically as Erol struggled with whatever he was working on in the back of the truck. I hopped out of the car, and Amethyst followed suit.
"What's going on?"
"Oh! You're up." "
The lamp shone right in my face for a moment, and then was diverted self-consciously to the side.
"Well, glad to see that you've at least gotten some rest. You really passed out for a while."
I nodded, and walked back toward where Erol was working to try and understand what he was hoping to accomplish.
"What's that?"
"Well, it’s an emergency tarp that I keep in the back, in case I get stranded, and need to camp outside of the car. Um. Basically, I was thinking that we may need to take a break from driving for a while, and recharge. You were already asleep, and when I looked at you, I saw that your neck was a bit cramped. I thought that with a solid place to lie down, both you and I might feel more rejuvenated with the continuation of our journey.
"You're setting up camp; that's all you needed to say, Erol."
From the looks of it, Erol was more struggling with bungee cords, and unkempt tarps than he was setting up a campsite.
"Looks like you're just making things difficult for yourself."
"Well, I wouldn't normally do this by myself, but the next site is quite a ways away, and I've been driving all day. I need a break, and it looked like you were ready for some kind of break as well."
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You're serious?"
"Just get in the truck. Get in the truck, and I'll drive the rest of the way. You can sleep."
I left him standing there in the dark with a half folded tarp in his hands, and walked around to the driver’s side of the car. He stood there for a minute, and then figured it was an easier decision than not. The tarp was folded up and both of the dogs were inside of the cab once more, sitting on Erol's lap.
"I swear... I will never understand how your brain works. Are all humans this insufferable?"
The keys were left in the ignition, and the truck turned on quickly; ready to continue forward in its journey.
"So where do I go from here?"
"Well, the next place I have in mind is not so much of a theoretical location for a portal event, but a place of great potential."
"Straight, left, right... directions, Erol."
"Right, oh. I mean straight. Go straight."
We were moving forward soon enough, at which point Erol revealed to me that we were moving northwest.
Our destination was a secluded beach somewhere northwest of our current position. He theorized that due to the excessive flush of psilocybin in that area every year around this time, it would be a favorable location for a portal to open. In addition to the flora, he also had some mathematical calculations which integrated Ley Line analysis of the region, along with the other 'documented' instances of portals within his research.
I tried to tell him that none of his research was legitimately 'documented', because if it were, he wouldn't be massaging Rita to pay his bills.
Naturally, his response to that was less than favorable, but I didn't press the point. I needed him to take us there, and there was no use in pushin
g any more criticism in his direction than necessary.
For a long while, I sat there, staring at the highway, and listening to talk radio. The stories were mildly interesting, as were the responses of the callers, but they weren't interesting enough to hold my entire attention. The only purpose that they actually managed to serve was separating myself from the silence that threatened to swallow the car in my isolation.
Before passing out himself, Erol had informed me of the highways to keep an eye out for, as well as a few major landmarks that would indicate we were headed in the right direction. The trip would take all night, and I would be driving for the rest of the time if I had anything to say about it.
I had the unshakable feeling like we were headed for a trap. Some terrible situation was about to unfold; yet there was no alternative available to either of us. We needed to move forward into the unknown and deal with whatever savage consequences existed before us. Meanwhile, all that was asked of me was to keep my eyes on the road, and maintain consciousness while the dogs and my passenger slept in the cab.
I had a hard time feeling anything but contempt for the man, but I got the feeling that it wasn't so much contempt that I was feeling, but frustration on a larger scale which was lashing out wherever it could. I was so unbelievably bitter, angry and depressed, that the full magnitude of it couldn't even be expressed coherently. All I could do was stick to the task at hand, and deal with whatever emotions were most aggressively emergent.
In all reality, Erol really wasn't a bad guy at all.
He was good looking, compassionate, intelligent, intuitive, and let's face it, even if he was driven in a way that the rest of his society didn't support, you couldn't exactly call him unmotivated. The way he laid down there with his dogs gave me plenty to think about, as I wondered what his life had been like before I showed up and made things more complicated for him.
And more complicated yet, I thought.
By the time this was all over, I had some serious doubts as to where he would find himself. Then again, none of us really knew what would happen when, and if the portal could actually be opened. As far as I was aware, the only information we actually had was some combination of actual experience and theoretical knowledge. The problem was that neither of us had experience with opening the portal for any extended period of time. There was no way of knowing what would happen.
My thoughts were interrupted by the strangest conversation coming out of the speakers of the car.
"You know when I wake up at night, and I look out the window, I see her and she's there waiting for me."
"Who's that? Whose there waiting for you?"
"They are. The people. The people of light. They are asking me questions, and hoping that I do good things for them, and I just want them to know that I'm doing my best. I am doing everything I can and I don't know what to say about it except that the dark ones."
"The dark ones?"
"That's right, I call them the shadow people."
"Are these actual people?"
"Well, no. I'm not talking about humans. These are extra-dimensional beings that a previous incarnation of the government came into contact with. They are not who they say they are... I can't trust them."
"Sounds difficult... are you all right where you are at right now. Are you safe?"
"Well, of course. I'm here by my bed. I've got one standing in the corner of the room, and one standing on the side. They are telling me they live here, and that this is their home too."
"So, they aren't doing anything to harm you, and they live there. Have you told them to go to the light?"
"I tried, and they laughed at me."
"The laugh, is it an audible laugh?"
"No, it sounds like the scratching of leaves against a frosted window...."
"Gods, that's enough."
I reached my hand out and switched off the dial. The absence of noise caused Rosemary to get up and look at me. She blinked lazily, and then settled down again.
"So much for the radio, can't believe you listen to that shit."
I didn't expect Erol to be up, but as soon as I spoke, he got up with a groan and a yawn.
"It's nice to know that there are others out there even crazier than myself."
His statement gave me pause.
"Gets lonely working on portal theories, and meditations on the paranormal. I need some company, and so I turn to the radio in order to find what I'm looking for. The strangest part about that entire conversation is that is just some snippet from someone's life."
"You were awake for that?"
"Sure. I was awake enough to listen. I allow myself to drift off like that, and the radio keeps me company. Of course not while I'm driving, but since you're taking care of that..."
I strained my mind to wonder what it was exactly that the man on the radio had been experiencing, but I couldn't come to any sort of conclusions. Erol must have known what I was thinking, because he responded to my unvoiced question.
"The problem is that most psychic phenomenon is a subjective experience. It's all dependent on the way that a person interprets information that enters their perception. It could very well be that a shadow person and a woman of light were taking up space in that man's room. The problem is that not everybody is even open to those sorts of possibilities, and so there is an inherent loneliness in experiencing psychic phenomenon. When you factor in the subjectivity of interpretation, all of the sudden, we are in territory that is even more isolating."
I nodded.
"So, you get aliens, angels, ancestors..."
"And all the rest of it. The point is, we have no idea what is on the other side of all of these experiences. All we have is the figurative finger pointing at the moon."
"I understand."
"That's why I think this mission we are on right now is so important. The entire premise here is that we might be able to create an opening between dimensions. The hope is that it changes something, and makes it so that people don't have to believe that people are crazy just because they are having psychic experiences. If I'm correct in my theory, I think we will all come to accept psychic experiences as an aspect of life, not as some unique phenomenon, or indicator of insanity."
I was stunned.
"I can't believe it..."
"What's that?"
"The audacity of males is cross-dimensional."
He had a good laugh about that, which was nice to hear. I was being completely serious, but it was nice to at least see some element of comfort in the situation. The laughter was short-lived, leaving us in the darkness of the car once more, but it was a moment.
"You know, I have the feeling that the audacity is complimented equally by some level of sacrifice that we are never fully aware of until it happens."
"Try not to complain too much for me."
"Oh, I'm not intending to be sexist. Women definitely have their own sacrifices that they need to make over the course of their lives. I just think that more often than not, men are called to make sacrifices that are more physical in nature; usually more permanent."
"Are you afraid?"
He shrugged, and winced involuntarily.
"I've had a few dreams. Nothing that prevents me from wanting to move forward, but I consider them to be warnings. Dreams are powerful things, and I don't think it is ever wise to ignore them."
"You know, I'm familiar enough with your culture to know that most of your stories have been written by men."
"Interesting, but I don't think it negates my statement."
I grinned.
"You would think that."
This brought out another laugh, though, this time it was less severe than the first. Both Amethyst and Rosemary were up for the occasion. Amethyst was even wagging her tail back and forth against the rear cab of the truck.
"If you see history, and the mythological process of storytelling as an anthropological record of the psyche of the storytellers, and the storytellers were predominately men, that doesn't p
reclude these records as being used to assemble an archetype of male experience. It might prevent anyone from talking about ‘human’ or ‘female’ experience, but one would hope that over enough time, something would have been distilled there, inside of those stories."
"Like the Tarot."
He nodded.
"Exactly. A pictorial account of human behavior throughout the ages."
I didn't bother to tell him that instead of being centered within a masculine viewpoint, he was also now centering himself within a human viewpoint. The point seemed moot, as I doubted he could have expressed his thoughts in any other way.
"Do you even know who I am, or where I'm from?"
Another smile, though this one was a bit more sad than the last.
"I see what you and I are doing as an adventure. Imagine you were driving late at night, and you were listening to a radio show..."
"And I heard you talking about how you went to discover a portal between dimensions with some type of alien visitor..."
A smile brought a squint to my eyes.
"You're right. People would think you were crazy."
"So I accept what ever is happening, and hope that at the end of it all, there's going to be something there worth while for me."
"Hm. You're just the passenger. Not a bad way to deflect responsibility."
"C'mon, let's roll down the window and put on some tunes."
"And Everything Looks Good Tonight..."
"La La La La La La La La..."
The dogs joined in, and we both sang the chorus. Sacrifices would most certainly be asked. No story was complete without them.
For the moment, I knew he was right.
No reason not to enjoy it while it lasted.
* * *
"Well, we're here."
"We may have bonded this trip, but that doesn't give you permission to make inane statements of observation."
"Oh, right, gotcha. You get to play a hardass now that you've been behind the wheel all night."
I let the response slide, and did my best to appreciate the scenery.
