“You sure you don’t want me to bring you a bag for her or anything?” I asked.
“Of course not,” Mom said right before she kissed my cheek. “I love taking her shopping. Now go enjoy yourself, Gage. You need the downtime.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Her eyes darted over to where Bailey was occupied making faces at Lettie through the window. “She’s good for you.”
“Mom,” I warned quietly so Bailey wouldn’t hear.
“You deserve happiness, Gage. Don’t shun it out of fear. She’s not Helen.”
I stiffened at her name. “It’s complicated.”
She gave me the mom look.
“That’s only because you complicate it.” She kissed my cheek again and then patted it like I was ten. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My heart clenched as they drove off, and Bailey laid her hand on my arm. “Ready to head home?”
I looked down into those gorgeous eyes as the word “home” resonated through me. “Yeah,” I answered, my voice low. My gaze dropped to her parted lips. It would be so easy to close the distance between us and kiss her. God knew that I loved the way she tasted, the way she fit against me.
In that moment I realized how great it was to love her as one of my best friends...and how easily I could fall in love with her as so much more. Because you’re not already screwed enough as it is.
“Gage?” her eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly as if she didn’t realize it—as if she was drawn to me as magnetically as I was her.
Maybe Mom was right and I deserved happiness...maybe Bailey wouldn’t leave. Maybe she’d be the one who stayed. But I also knew the one thing she wanted out of her life—kids—was the one thing I wasn’t ever going to have any more of.
“Gage?” a feminine voice called from behind us.
“Yeah?” I asked as I turned to see the same blonde reporter racing toward us.
“Gosh,” she said, giving me a smile and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry, but my bosses were dying for a few more questions. Could I ask them?”
I smiled while inwardly grumbling. PR was part of my job, and as one of the faces of the Sharks, I couldn’t exactly be a dick and tell the lady that I was dying to get Bailey home so I could debate kissing her in a less crowded environment.
“We’re in the player lot, so I think we’ll be okay,” I answered.
“Thank you,” she said with a relieved smile. Then she batted her eyelashes at me and blatantly checked me out. A month ago I would have been tempted, but even all dressed up, she paled in comparison to Bailey in my jersey.
A sense of territorial pride swept through me and I winked at Bailey as she backed away so she wouldn’t be in the shot.
Bailey gave me a knowing smirk as the blonde pushed her boobs out and grinned for the camera. “So Gage, now that you’ve won your opener, and you’re feeling optimistic about the season, have you given any thoughts to your game with Ontario in three weeks?”
Every muscle in my body tensed, and Bailey’s smile slipped.
“We’re going to approach that game just like every other one. With preparation as a team.”
“Absolutely. And knowing you’re going to face Adkins for the first time since returning to the ice?”
I’d known the question was coming, but it didn’t hurt less.
“He’s an old teammate,” I answered slowly. “What happened between us was on the ice and ruled accidental. I bear him no ill will for what happened to my shoulder. This is hockey. People get hurt. I’m just lucky that I’ve made a full recovery and can continue in my starting position for the Sharks.”
Good boy.
Bailey nodded behind the blonde, a silent source of support.
“That makes total sense. And what about your personal vendetta? Will we get to see that play out on the ice?”
Holy shit, the woman was a dog with a bone.
“I think we can keep our personal feelings to ourselves. Like I said, he’s an old teammate.”
The blonde’s eyes narrowed. “Right, so you don’t think you’ll be off your game a little knowing that you’ll be playing against the man who destroyed your shoulder and left town with the mother of your child? Your daughter right?” She looked down at a notepad. “Scarlett?”
Unadulterated rage poured through every fiber of my being. “This interview is over.”
“I’m sorry?” The reporter sputtered. “I’m simply asking about your performance.”
“No,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “You’re asking about my daughter, and she’s off limits.”
I walked in front of the camera and led Bailey to my car with a hand on the small of her back, knowing the camera would follow—that I’d be a top story on ESPN for being a dick to a reporter.
I didn’t give a fuck.
No one messed with my daughter. No one threw her pain in my face and paraded it in front of the public like they had any right to it. And I’d be damned if someone ever alluded to Scarlett being abandoned by her mother, or pitied. I could love her enough for both parents.
I slid behind the wheel as Bailey clicked her seat belt in place, and then I tore out of the parking lot like the devil was after us. Or maybe I simply knew that mine was about to catch up with me.
What was worse than an insanely hot Bailey tempting me beyond all reason? A pissed-off Bailey. She didn’t blow hot like other women did—I could handle that. Have a little fight, air our shit out and move on. No, she wasn’t a volcano, there was no sudden eruption. She was like an earthquake...all around us I could feel the tension, and I knew she was brewing something up just beneath the surface.
The same way I knew that once she blew, I was in for a life altering shake-up.
She’d been like that since we were kids, and I knew she was always the most dangerous when she was quiet...and she’d been silent since we left the rink.
“Are you going to say anything?” Bailey asked as I threw my keys on the kitchen counter.
“What would you like me to say?” I snapped, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“Gage, you get to be mad about her asking those questions. You can talk to me.”
“Of course I’m pissed,” I said, slamming the door shut. “But talking about it isn’t going to help.”
Bailey leaned back against the opposite counter and folded her arms over the Seattle Sharks logo on her chest. “What are you more nervous about? Seeing Adkins or Helen?”
My head snapped up. “I’m over it. Both of them.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Why the hell do you think that?”
“Because you won’t take a chance on us.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with any of this?” I fired back.
She arched an eyebrow at my raised voice. “You think I’ll leave. You think if we act on whatever this is between us that I’ll leave and it will destroy Lettie, right?”
I peeled the label on my water bottle. “Maybe. What about it?”
“I’m not Helen!”
I winced. “You’re not. But shit happens, Bailey. We’ve been friends for what? Twenty years? Relationships fail. People walk out. My mom left my dad, Helen left me. People leave.”
“It is so damn unfair to loop me into that assumption.”
“You left once upon a time,” I countered.
“For college!”
I leaned forward, bracing my hands on the island. If she wanted to go rounds, I’d go. “And how long before you walk out? Fuck, Bailey. You’re going to leave, it’s just a matter of time.”
Man, if looks could have killed, I would have been in a chalk outline.
“You’re an asshole.”
“You’re not going to get an argument from me. Look, what we have here, this incredible chemistry...it’ll fade. Yes, I want to fuck you. I want nothing more than to lift you onto this counter, slide your pants off and bury myself in you so deep that you can taste me. Hell
, I’d love to do it while you’re wearing my name on your back, so go ahead and leave the jersey on.”
She winced, and I hated myself for the words, but they had to be said.
“Is that all I’d be for you? Another puck bunny to warm up your bed? Another nameless fuck? God, Gage, you’ve been one of my best friends since I can remember, and that’s what this comes down to?”
I ripped my hand over my hair. “No. God damn it. I just mean that we’d eventually fuck each other out of our systems, and then what? Would you still stay here for Lettie? Eventually you. Will. Leave.”
“You don’t know that it would go badly!”
“But I do! Bailey, don’t you want a family? Kids of your own? An art gallery?”
She blinked. “Well, yeah. You’re saying those things could never happen if we were together? If we took a chance on this?”
“No more kids.”
Her head snapped like I’d slapped her. “What? You’re a phenomenal father, Gage.”
“Yeah, to one kid. I love Lettie more than life. She’s got my whole heart—whatever’s left of it. But I know that I’ll never trust a relationship enough to have another kid. It’s not fair to them when shit goes south.” I’d sliced myself open with that realization a long time ago.
She shook her head. “Yeah, you’re over Helen, alright.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You are letting her taint your whole life! You won’t take a chance on me because I might leave and hurt you—hurt Lettie. You won’t take a chance with anyone for the same damn reason. You’ve given her all the power, and she doesn’t deserve it!”
“I’m protecting my daughter.”
“You’re protecting yourself!” She pointed a finger at me. “You know what? You don’t want to try with me? Fine.”
“That’s not what I said.” I came around the island and stalked her until I had her caged between my arms. She met me with fiery eyes and a tilted chin. Such a little warrior, my Bailey was. “I want you. I crave you. I wake up from dreams where I’m inside you, where I hear you scream my name, and then I have to take a cold shower so I don’t come down here and act those fantasies out. Every drink I sip tastes like your kiss, every time I breathe in the scent of your perfume I’m reminded of how you smell when you’re pressed up against me. My hands ache to feel your curves, and I swear to God that I only breathe when you’re in the damn room. I want to try with you more than anything, Bailey. But Lettie comes first. I don’t get to want anything. I gave that up the day she was born.”
“So that’s it? You’re just what? Going to have a string of one-night stands for the rest of your life?”
“Better than letting anyone hurt Lettie.”
She blinked back moisture in her eyes. Fuck, I was going to lose it if I made her cry.
Instead, she took her fingers and pushed at the center of my chest. “Move.”
I moved back because she wanted me to, not because she made me. She couldn't move me if she actually tried. “Bailey.”
She stalked out of the kitchen.
“Bailey!” I called after her.
She turned, the look on her face a mixture of sadness and disgust. “You’re right. I do want a family and a life of my own. I eventually want a husband who looks at me and sees his future, and I want to be a mother. I’m not saying that has to be right now. Maybe you have it right. Maybe one night stands are where it’s at. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go get ready.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out with Jeannine. I think I need a drink or twelve after the way today has gone.”
My hands gripped the counter behind me to keep from going after her. “You deserve a night out.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I do. I deserve a lot of things, like a man who’s willing to risk his heart for what we could have together.”
“It’s not—”
“Keep telling yourself that bullshit, Gage. It’s not about Lettie, it’s about you. She already loves me, and I already love her. So just remember that while you’re holding yourself back from a real relationship, you’re also holding her back in the name of protecting her.”
My shoulders slumped. Fuck. I’d never thought of it that way. “I love her enough for both parents.”
“Yeah, you do. You’re the best dad I’ve ever known. You teach her everything about life, and hockey, and music, and art, and you never let her wonder for a second if she’s loved. But Gage, I think there’s enough room in your heart for m—” she shook her head and chewed on her lower lip.
Me. She was going to say, “me.” I swallowed, my tongue suddenly thick.
“Bailey…”
“I just can’t with you right now,” she said and left me standing alone in the kitchen.
Alone. What I liked to be. Where I was safe. Where Lettie was safe. Where nothing changed, and no one got hurt.
Safe was best.
Except Bailey.
There was nothing better than Bailey.
And I fucking knew it.
Chapter 8
Bailey
I need to go out. I sent the text as I slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans and a gray, silk spaghetti strap.
Dinner, drinks, or dancing? Jeannine responded instantly.
Huge fight with Gage.
Dancing. Meet me at Phantom in ten?
OMW.
I loved Jeannine, as always, she was more than happy to oblige my need to blow off steam. I only took one night off a week, and tonight I needed it in a big bad way. Adrenaline from Gage’s words still pumped through my veins as I walked out the door, and he was nowhere in sight. The thought of him going out with the boys, only to find a puck bunny to take out his frustration on made my stomach sour. I drove ten over the speed limit to get to Jeannine faster.
Phantom was currently the hottest nightclub in Seattle. The place was impressively large, the entire main floor predominately a dance space, and the upper levels offered balcony views and exclusivity to VIPs. Jeannine and I bypassed those and headed straight for the massive bar which set just off the dance floor. Dark lighting, loud music, and fantastic drinks—it was exactly what I needed—and exactly the place Paige constantly avoided. I wished she were here too, but understood she couldn’t risk the paparazzi catching her indulging at a place like this, not with the wholesome image she had to maintain for her company.
Either way, after the past couple weeks I’d had, I couldn’t wait to get to drinking. Gage was giving me whiplash and my emotions were just as bad, jumping from wanting to board-check him myself to wanting to simply tie him to his bed and make him watch while I took control over his glorious body. I swallowed hard, the image sending a flush over my skin.
The club was packed, but not so much we couldn’t get our hands on two healthy portions of top-shelf liquor. A few sips and I was ready to rock, tugging Jeannine into the masses of writhing bodies on the floor.
A sick DJ booth took up half of the farthest wall from the entrance and she cranked out hip-shaking tunes, appeasing the throngs of people dying for a release. I swayed back and forth to the beat, the bottom of my top fanning out around me as Jeannine spun me in a dramatic move. I returned the gesture and we lost ourselves to the music, our moves, and the drinks. By the time we came up for air, sweat popped from my brow and I held my long hair off my neck to fan it.
“We haven’t done this in ages!” Jeannine shouted over the thumping of bass. “I’m out of shape!” She pretended to pant, fanning her face as we took a seat at the bar.
“Please.” I rolled my eyes after ordering another drink. She was fit and had more stamina than both Paige and myself combined. She’d always been able to outlast us at any event we’d ever attended together. I don’t know how she managed it. Usually, after a couple hours, I was dying for my yoga pants, an oversized T, and my bed.
The thought of my bed made me wonder again what Gage had chosen to do tonight with the house completely empty. A flare of jealousy
sizzled in my gut when I thought about him bringing another woman home and I took a quick swallow of my vodka cranberry to cool it.
He wouldn’t do that, would he?
The look in his eyes right before he’d kissed me in the laundry room told me I was different than the girls he’d brought home night after night. And I had to be, right? We were friends, for God’s sake. I took care of his baby girl, loved her, and if he ever was honest with himself, he’d realize I’d been taking care of him too—making sure he was eating right, stayed on him about keeping pace with his rehabilitation exercises even though his shoulder was solid again.
Jealousy turned to anger in a blink, the realization that he kept himself closed off to me for more than professional reasons made me want to smash my empty glass on the floor. How could he group me in with the likes of Helen? With the women who couldn’t be trusted, who jumped from player to player as their news coverage grew. It was infuriating, especially when I knew without a doubt he felt something for me too. I knew it as easily as I knew when Lettie would have a meltdown.
“Want to tell me what you’re chewing on?” Jeannine asked, clinking her scotch against my glass.
I sighed. “I’m sure you can guess.”
“Still has his head up his ass?”
“Firmly.” I took another drink.
“He better extract it pretty quick. You’re a hot commodity and won’t wait around for him forever.” She eyed down the bar and I flipped my head around to see what she waggled her eyebrows at.
The man was blond, big, and gorgeous. He had a tight black t-shirt which strained against his muscles, and he flashed me a genuine smile. I grinned back before returning my attention to Jeannine.
“Ehh?” She nudged my shoulder.
I shrugged. Sure, he looked good, but he was no Gage McPherson. And I didn’t even have a hint of desire flicker inside me when I’d checked him out.
Jeannine’s shoulders dropped. “Seriously? Look at that specimen. He’s got generous between the sheets written all over him.”
I chuckled, what was wrong with me? Gage hadn’t claimed me as his own, and God knows I’d seen him with every type of woman under the sun—or more accurately, the rink ceiling. Why couldn’t I try with someone else?
Grinder (Seattle Sharks Book 1) Page 7
