by Leddy Harper
“So why do I scare you?” I asked with whispered words, nothing more than audible exhales against her lips.
“Because I don’t know when you stole my heart. I don’t remember a specific moment when I made the conscious decision to give it to you. You sat with me at a bar to ward off other men, and somehow, that left me comfortable with you. I never felt like you were a stranger, but someone I’ve known my whole life, even if I didn’t really know anything about you. I woke up one morning and my heart was no longer in my chest, and I couldn’t remember the last time it belonged to me. You came in and swept me up like a hurricane. I wasn’t prepared for it, and now I’m scared of the destruction that’ll be left behind when you’re gone.”
I silenced her with my lips, refusing to allow her to utter anything else. When her body relaxed into the mattress and her whimpers surrounded me like an erotic melody, I made my way down her neck before sitting up between her legs. With my fingers curled beneath the waistband of her panties, I locked my gaze with hers, silently asking for permission, making sure this was what she wanted. And as soon as she offered me her response—a quick nod and a slow smile—I wasted no time dragging the thin fabric down her legs and over her feet before tossing it to the floor.
Her soft skin felt like satin beneath my hands as I ran them over her inner thighs, pausing when I made it to her center. She became putty in my hands. Her legs quivered and her breathing became slightly erratic while I traced her lips with feather-like strokes. With my middle finger, I tested the state of her arousal, sliding it through her folds just enough to feel her heat, to feel the slickness of her need, before gliding it to her hardened clit.
My fingers remained connected to her, but I needed more, so I slipped my other hand between her back and the mattress and settled my weight on my elbow. Blindly, I found the clasp to her bra and unhooked it, careful not to scratch her skin. It immediately gave and loosened against her chest, but I couldn’t change positions in order to remove it. I didn’t want to pull my hand from the spot between her legs, nor did I want to sit up and add distance between our bodies. Luckily, I didn’t have to. Eden dragged the straps down her arms and dropped the bra over the side of the bed.
Finally, I had her completely bare.
I licked and teased her nipples until they were pebbled and colored a rosy pink. Her skin was creamy and soft, even when her body was covered in gooseflesh. While tending to her breasts, I continued stroking and lightly pinching her sex, causing her to buck against me and pant wildly. When I dipped a finger inside, she arched her body, as if to get closer, to silently beg me for more.
She extended her neck, digging her head into the pillow, and closed her eyes tight. After adding a second finger, stretching her more, I dragged myself up her body until our faces were aligned. “Look at me, Eden.”
Instead of doing as I asked, her lips parted and a long, drawn-out sigh escaped. Her hips rolled as she rode my hand, pressing her mound against my palm for friction. I curled my fingers inside her and tickled the spot along her inner wall, which earned me whimpers of desperation.
“You want this? For me to get you off with my fingers? Make you come?” I stilled my hand and waited until her eyes shot open and found mine. “Then look at me. If this is what you want, then I need you to see me. Watch me. You need to understand that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving, Eden. I may have been your hurricane, but I won’t leave you behind. I’ll take you with me. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Understand?”
I waited for her nod, and then continued my assault. With her eyes on mine, I couldn’t stop. I added more pressure against her clit and increased the pace as her core began to tighten around my fingers. Her fingernails dug into the skin on my upper arm, but I barely noticed the pinch, too focused on the way she watched me. Situated between her legs, I started to undulate my hips in time with my hand, simulating my cock thrusting inside her while I brought her pleasure.
“Dane…” My name came out in a strained whisper, a growl wrapped in a moan.
My dick became impossibly harder with the sound of my name rolling off her tongue in the heat of the moment. Dripping with passion, heavy with lust. I needed to be inside her, but I couldn’t stop until I watched her come apart beneath me. I needed to see her lose herself, memorize the expressions she wore when she climaxed.
Her eyes began to roll to the back of her head as her lids closed. A soft crimson glow tinted her cheeks, adding color behind the sheen of perspiration dotting her skin. Not a trace of tension lined her brow when her lips parted, and once again, she moaned, “Dane…oh my God, Dane.”
I couldn’t blink the entire time she came, too enthralled by the way her head tilted back, her mouth falling open. The way her body shuddered and clenched around me, refusing to let go. As the tremors began to subside, her eyes opened, her gaze lazy and seemingly unfocused. Meanwhile, I did nothing but lay between her legs and take it all in.
When her breathing evened out enough to speak, she found me watching her and immediately launched herself at me. She wrapped her legs around my hips and locked her ankles behind me. We were connected at the mouth, the chest, the stomach, the hips…panting heavily and desperate for more.
I grabbed the condom from the nightstand, but before I could open it, Eden took it from me. Using her teeth, she ripped it open and then proceeded to push me away enough to roll the latex over my erection. I nearly came on the spot, feeling her hand around my shaft. Her skin caressing mine. It was almost too much to bear. But then she said the magic words, and I didn’t wait a second for more.
“I need you inside me, Dane. Now.”
Reaching between our bodies, I gripped my cock and lined the tip up with her entrance. Her eyes captivated me as I studied the way they lit up when I pressed into her. Her lips parted just enough to gasp in pleasure, and her back arched, bringing us closer together.
I’d never before experienced anything so perfect.
She was made for me.
“Are you with me?” she asked as her walls tightened, signaling her peak.
I held my face above hers, our lips barely touching, breathing in each other’s air. “I’m here. I’m with you.” And then we both let go. I gave her all I had and took all she offered. Not once had I ever come at the same time as another. I never imagined it’d be that powerful.
Or maybe it was simply because it was with Eden.
15
Naked, sated, and content, Eden and I lay in bed, the blankets tossed to the side, and we talked. Eden was on her stomach, her arms crossed beneath her head, facing me while I lay on my side and drew lazy circles along her back.
“If you never found out that Gabi lied, or if she hadn’t made it all up…would you still be with her?”
My fingers stilled. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”
“Just appease me, please.”
I knew her question wasn’t out of some morbid fantasy to talk about the woman I’d just left. It was out of fear, and possibly a little insecurity. I wanted to ease her mind, but I didn’t care to discuss another woman after being intimate with her. “Eden…we’re naked. In bed. We literally just had sex. This isn’t the right time to talk about her. Or anyone for that matter. I want to enjoy this moment with you.”
She was quiet and I noticed her attention focused across the room, not on me. I knew she wouldn’t let it go. Even if we didn’t talk about it, she’d obsess over it internally. And I couldn’t risk her withdrawing from me. Not after I finally had a taste of her.
Dropping my head to the pillow, I gave in. “A few years ago, I tried to tell her how unhappy I was. I wanted her to know that her depression affected me, as well. If she refused to try to make things better, I didn’t know how much longer I would’ve been able to stay. But I wasn’t able to get it all out. She thought I was telling her I was leaving and lost it. She said she wouldn’t have anywhere to go if I left. She didn’t have anyone and there’d be no point in l
iving. From that moment forward, I thought I’d never be able to leave. I resigned myself to my circumstances and my fate.”
“And you’re not concerned about that now?”
I hesitated, trying to think of the right words to use. “This is going to sound cold, but it’s not how I mean it. She’s not my problem anymore. Do I want her to hurt herself? Absolutely not. But I can’t consciously stay with her after knowing what she did, just to save her. For years, I thought she was broken because of what he did to her. During his trial, she tried to commit suicide. Now I realize it was nothing but her own guilt over what she did to him. I stayed through countless miserable years because I wanted to make her feel safe. I see now that I can’t and never could. She’s fucked up, and I can’t fix that. I got complacent and accepted a role. Now I know it was a role that never existed, at least not the way I believed it to. I no longer feel responsible for fulfilling that need for her.”
She turned onto her side to face me and placed her hand on my chest. “But that didn’t answer my question. Would you still be with her now?”
“I did answer you. But it’s not as simple as yes or no. I was miserable with her, Eden. And I’m not just saying that for your sympathy or to justify leaving her and ending up in your bed. It was like living under a raincloud…every single day. Can you imagine living like that? Never seeing the sun? Never feeling the warmth? Spending every second of every day cold and lonely? It drains you, physically kills you until you’re nothing more than a shell of the person you used to be, walking around aimlessly. I was held prisoner by obligation, and now I feel free.”
“But you kept telling me you used to be happy.”
“That’s because I thought I was. I thought we were because I didn’t know anything different. Until you came along and showed me what happiness really feels like. Before that, I had no clue what was missing—we’d been together since high school. I had no other relationship to compare it to. It’s more than simply feeling okay with something or someone. That’s complacency, and that’s something I never want to live with again. I can’t do it. I can’t live that way.”
Her hand moved from my chest to my cheek, and just that simple touch was enough to soothe my soul. “It’s okay. I get it. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She traced the lines on my face before pulling her attention back to my eyes. “I’d convinced myself we’d never be together. I refused to get my hopes up anytime you talked about her or the issues you two had, and honestly, wishing things were different for you made me feel like a really horrible person. Like I would somehow be glad if your relationship failed. So I tried really hard to support you being with her. What I didn’t lie about was that I believe you deserve everything good. I meant that, and I still do.”
“You’re good.” I grabbed her wrist and kissed her palm. “So I guess that means I deserve you. You meant that, so you need to start believing it. Stop questioning this. Stop waiting for it to fall apart…because it never will. If I’m only ever one thing…I’m devoted.”
“What if this high we’re on goes away, and you find you’re not as content as you think you are? What if I don’t make you as happy as you think I will? Then what? Because from what I know of you, you won’t leave. You’ll stick it out and be miserable…and I can’t do that, Dane. I can’t make you stay where you don’t want to be.”
My smile confused her, making her brow furrow, but I ignored it. “It’s not like Gabi didn’t know how I felt. It’s not like she was under this impression that everything was sunshine and rainbows. It wasn’t a secret, Eden. But she wouldn’t let me go. I don’t anticipate you being anything other than the woman in front of me right now, but in the event something happens or something changes…I know you won’t tie me down. You won’t keep me where I don’t want to be. That’s the difference.”
“You never know.” Her lips thinned as she tried to fight off a smirk. “I could be crazy. I could chain you up in my basement and feed you cat food until you weighed three hundred pounds, and then sell you on the black market.”
I rolled on top of her, pushing her onto her back. With my head in the crook of her neck, I blew hot air against her skin, causing her to squirm and giggle. Giving her a reprieve, I watched the light dance in her eyes. “Good luck finding a basement in Florida. And cat food? You couldn’t come up with anything else?”
She shrugged after catching her breath. “It was the first thing that came to mind. I never claimed to be quick-witted.”
After teasing and more tickling, I eventually settled lower on her body, my head resting against her stomach like a pillow. My fingers traced the lines of the tattoo on her side and I thought about the first time I saw it, when I first felt the need to run my fingers along the twisted tree trunk, touch the black-and-grey shading, and follow it up to the living branches at the top.
“What does this mean?” I asked without taking my eyes off the ink.
“My tattoo?”
I nodded and shifted my head so I could see her.
“It’s an old, ancient tree, Dane. Not much to explain about it.”
“But it’s not all old and ancient. There’s vibrant life still in it. So tell me, what does it mean?”
She blinked and tried to look away, but before I could call her attention back, her eyes found mine again. They were soft, almost sad as she explained, “People leave. They stay around until they get what they want and then they’re gone. And sometimes, they don’t even stick around at all. They just push you off on someone else, like you’re nothing but a burden they don’t care to deal with.”
I hadn’t ever heard Eden talk like that before. I didn’t like it. She was too strong of a person to sound so broken. I almost said something, but stopped when she continued talking.
“But I’ve learned something each time. The trunk is old, its roots deep and thick, scarred and weathered, dead looking, much like the relationships from my past. They took their toll on me—they left their scars and affected how my roots took hold, yet my tree continued to grow. But, just like life, all you have to do is look up to see the new beginning, the fresh blooms. Look back and all you see is the weathered, twisted past, but to find the beauty, you have to see it as a whole. My birth mother gave me away, and I struggled with that a lot when I was younger because I felt abandoned. But now, I understand things aren’t always black and white. It’s not one way or another. Sometimes, there are reasons for why things happen and why people leave. Their time serves a purpose, and whether they stay or go, it’s always for the better. It took me a while to see that, especially after my brother died. But I finally accepted that he was struggling here on Earth, and now he’s in a place where he doesn’t have to feel that way anymore.”
Her words shocked me to my core, left me utterly speechless. She was only twenty-five and had already learned how to find the positives from things that seem so negative.
“You think I look away out of insecurity. I’ve told you it’s because I’m shy. But maybe it’s neither. Maybe it’s nothing more than me protecting myself. If I let you see all of me—everything there is inside—and you leave, it’ll sting. I know I’ll get over it. I know it won’t end me, but that doesn’t mean it won’t cause irrevocable damage. I don’t want to take that chance because I refuse to give people that much power over me. I don’t care to give anyone the satisfaction of wounding me. If I don’t allow anyone in, then I shield myself from suffering. But if I give you that part of me, you could damage my heart beyond repair.”
“And you could do the same to me,” I pointed out. I understood her need for self-preservation because a part of me felt the same way. I couldn’t explain it. I’d never really been concerned about being hurt before. Maybe that was because I never worried about Gabi breaking my heart. Even after what she did, my heart wasn’t beyond repair. I was angry, but not destroyed. There was something about Eden that made it real to me—that I could experience the devastation of a failed relationship.
“Has anyone ever left you?
Like just walked out of your life? Gotten what they wanted and left?” she asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
“No. I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that. But I do have people in my life who should’ve walked away. They are still in my life, but they don’t truly know me. They’ve never cared to delve deeper in my life beyond the surface. To them, I’m merely a distant relative instead of their child.”
She moved her hands to my face and began to stroke my scruff with her palms. Her eyes were full of emotion I couldn’t put my finger on. Sympathy maybe. Or possibly fear. It was hard to tell. “Do you ever want a family?”
“Of course I do. Why?”
She shrugged, but for once, never lost eye contact with me. “You were with Gabi for twelve years and you never got married. It took you eleven years to propose. And aside from the baby you lost…you’ve never had children. So I guess I was wondering if that was by choice or just the way it happened.”
I didn’t want to spend my weekend discussing Gabi, but her question was reasonable. I could see why she would ask. “Honestly, it’s not that I didn’t want to get married or have kids, but I guess I never really felt like it was the right time before. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, I knew I hadn’t met the right person to share those things with.”
She pulled on the sides of my face until our lips met. We were both as naked as the day we were born and feeling her body against mine made me hard again. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of Eden, but I certainly didn’t want her to think that’s all I was after. So I kissed her for a minute before letting go and falling to the side. I wrapped my arm around her waist and tugged her into me, tucking her back against my chest.
Feeling at peace with her in my arms, I spoke without thinking of the words before they were out. “We should get a place together. I’ll sell my condo, you can break your lease, and we’ll find our own place.”
