by Leddy Harper
“I don’t know. I don’t have those answers. But I’m sure we’ll figure it out. I mean, I’m still technically your assistant, and before all this started, we agreed we would act professional around one another. You’re my boss. I’m your employee. Remember? Maybe we can go back to that and pretend this weekend never happened.”
“No. Hell no. I’m not pretending anything. This weekend did happen, and I can’t act like it didn’t.”
“Okay, fine. We don’t pretend anything. But we keep it to ourselves. No one at the office knows, so we’re fine there. We just go about our days like we’ve always done—except in a more professional manner. No more personal information. Strictly business.”
“What if I can’t do that?”
She hesitated for a moment, and it gave me the chance to see the destruction in her eyes. The haze of sorrow clouding her green irises until they were so dark I couldn’t discern their exact color. “Then I either transfer to another department or I resign. I don’t want to lose my job—I love what I do—but if I have to leave, then I will. Please, don’t make me give up everything.”
“I’m not making you give up anything. That’s all you.”
“I’m not saying we’ll never be together. But I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are where you want to be. I’d rather know it took us a year longer to end up together and that it’s right than rush and be destroyed by it. If you can’t do that while working with me, then yes, you are making me give up everything. I’ll only leave if you make this harder than it has to be. I’m trying to compromise here. I’m trying to find a way for us both to get what we want.”
“And what is that, Eden? Huh? Because I’m not understanding how ending this thing between us is what either of us wants. I’m begging you to change your mind. You’re threatening to not only walk away from this relationship, but to also walk away from your job. Forever.”
She cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. I know this will be hard for us both. I know it’ll take some adjustment and rules and boundaries…but if it means I still get to have you in my life in some respect, then I’m willing to take it. If it means on the other side of this, I know you chose me, that we’re happy, and you’ve resolved your issues with Gabi, then I’m willing to deal with the discomfort now. If you can’t handle that, then I won’t have any other choice but to walk away.”
“You know an easy solution? Just accept that I want you. The fact is I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to choose Gabi over you. If you’d accept that, we can both have what we truly want—without the rules and boundaries and broken hearts.”
“If I don’t halt us where we are now, I’ll end up resenting you. You’ve already said that you plan on being there for her through this. You’re paying for her treatment, and you’re going to make sure she has everything she needs, even after she’s out of the clinic. You’re going to ensure she continues with therapy and has a place to live. So while you’re at sessions with her or visiting her or taking care of her needs, I’ll be here wondering if this will be the time you don’t return. And each time you walk out that door to tend to her, I’ll grow harder and harder, toughening my shell and protecting my heart that much more to keep you from destroying me. I’ll give you less and less of me until there’s nothing to give. I’ll always wonder if you’re one foot out the door with me and one step closer to her. And the more I resent you for making her a priority, the more you’ll resent me for keeping you from being the selfless man you are at the core. Dane, you don’t see it now, but this won’t work any other way. Do you know how hard it was for me when you left on Friday and I didn’t hear from you? I went to hell and back imagining the different scenarios of what happened. I can’t do that again.”
“But if you could simply allow yourself to trust me—”
“That’s just it, Dane. I can’t. I’ve been burned too many times. Trust is something you earn. I can’t give it to you because you don’t want to spend the time proving to me you deserve it. That’s all I’m asking. I’m not leaving. I’m only asking you to take a few steps back, deal with everything on your plate uninhibited by a relationship, and guarantee you’re getting what you want in the end. If that’s me, you’ll have proven it. If it’s Gabi, then you can freely make that choice without picking and causing undue heartache. I know you…and you’ll stay because you’re too afraid to make a decision that will hurt one of us.”
“So that’s all you want? For me to earn your trust? To prove to you what I’ve been saying all along is true?” A sliver of hope embedded into my chest when she nodded. “And you’ll continue to work for me, as my assistant while I do this?”
“Yes. And if you decide to work things out with Gabi, I’ll still be your assistant.”
“Okay. If that’s what you want. But let me go on record saying this wasn’t my choice.” I lowered my lips to hers one last time, not knowing when I’d get to kiss them again. I needed for her to see what I felt for her was real, and I’d stop at nothing to prove it to her until she could no longer deny it.
I rushed into work over an hour late. The hospital had transferred Gabi to the rehab clinic first thing in the morning, and I needed to be there to complete the paperwork and make the financial arrangements. Anything to ensure she wouldn’t back out of our agreement. I ended up not having as much time to get ready for work as I normally did, and was forced to finish getting dressed in the car. There was a good chance my tie wasn’t straight, but I didn’t really care. Janette had asked for a meeting to discuss the media coverage after my arrest and how we planned to move forward, and I was sure she wouldn’t be thrilled with my tardiness.
Hell, I wasn’t excited about it, but there wasn’t much I could’ve done.
No matter how late I was, as soon as I saw Gina sitting behind her desk, I knew there was an apology I needed to issue. I stopped in front of her and leaned forward, hoping she could see the sincerity in my eyes. “Gina…I snapped at you the other day, and I’m sorry. I was in a horrible mood, but that’s not an excuse. You didn’t—nor do you ever—deserve to be spoken to like that, and I hope you forgive me.”
She smiled and patted my hand on the desk between us. “Mr. Kauffmann, you don’t need to apologize. I may not know what had happened, but I knew something was going on. I know that’s not who you are; it’s not how you treat people. So it’s fine.”
“No it’s not. It’s never okay for me to speak to anyone like that.”
“Well, you’re forgiven.” She grinned and winked at me. “And thank you for the roses. They are beautiful.” She pointed to the large bouquet in a glass vase on the table behind her. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“Call me Mr. Kauffmann one more time and I’ll send you carnations next time.” I patted the desk and turned away, listening to her giggles behind me as I headed back to my office.
“You look like shit, Dane.” Janette cornered me as I turned to head down the hallway. “Did you miss sleeping in a real bed so much you overslept?”
“Funny. Come on, let’s have that meeting now.”
“No need. When I got your message that you’d be late, I went ahead and discussed everything with Eden. She can fill you in. I didn’t have time to wait. I have back-to-back meetings scheduled to clear up your tarnished good-boy image. There are a couple companies scrambling to find another investor so they can push up the buybacks. But don’t worry, it’s nothing I can’t fix. I’ve put out worse fires than these.” And off she went with a pat on my arm.
Confused, I hurried down the hall to Eden’s office and knocked on the door. I didn’t give her a chance to invite me in before I opened the door and found her at her desk. Her hair was down in loose waves and her lips painted red, exactly the way I loved them. Damn, it was hard not to grab her and taste her.
I didn’t think I’d be able to last five minutes with our new arrangement.
“Janette said she went over the PR strategy with you?” I sa
t in a chair across from her and tried my best to act as normal as I could manage. When I’d agreed to this, I hadn’t expected it to be this difficult.
“Yeah. I was getting ready to type up the notes. I can email them to you when I’m done.”
“You can’t just tell me what was said?”
Keeping her eyes on her computer screen, she said, “I’m already typing them out. It’s easier this way.”
“Eden…look at me.” When she didn’t, I stood and leaned over with my palms flat on her desk, my face close to hers. “Look at me, please.”
Finally, her eyes met mine, and I could vividly see the torment inside.
“Is this how it’s going to be? You can’t even have a conversation with me?”
“What did you expect, Dane? I came to work and was told by our receptionist that you would be late, and that I needed to cover for you until you returned. Since you’re never late, I have to assume it was because you had to take care of Gabi. I told you how I would feel every time you had to run to her. Can you at least give me time to adjust to this? It won’t happen overnight, but I can assure you, I’ll adjust. Soon, I’ll be the same assistant you’ve known me to be, but I need a little bit of time to get there.”
“So you’re mad at me?”
She sighed and shook her head. “No, Dane. I’m not mad at all. I completely understand the entire situation, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt my feelings. I have emotions and feelings just like everyone else, and this is something that’ll take time to get a grip on. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“I’m not the one who cheated on you. I’m not the one who got what I wanted and left. So why are you making me pay for their sins? I understand your trust issues and the reasons for being so guarded, but why am I the one being punished for your past boyfriend’s mistakes?” My voice was low and guttural. No matter how hard I fought to reign in my anger, I failed miserably.
Her eyes brightened with ire just before she opened her mouth, catching me off guard. “You’re absolutely right, Dane. You’re a stand-up guy. You’ve never done a single thing to cause anyone to not trust you. I have no reason to question your faithfulness.”
I recoiled like a snake in a defensive stance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just because you never went after me while you were with Gabi doesn’t mean you didn’t still cheat on her. In fact, most people find emotional cheating to be worse than physical. You’ve already admitted that you fell for me before you left her, and we had a connection before you admitted it to yourself. That’s considered cheating on an emotional level. Giving yourself to someone else outside of your committed relationship.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I was gone within hours of realizing I had feelings for you. Don’t act like I committed some long-term adulterous affair behind closed doors. That’s not what happened at all. Where is this coming from?”
“No, I’m not kidding.” She stood and rounded her desk, meeting me on the other side. We stood toe to toe, her heels adding height to her short frame, but the anger residing in her made her seem as tall as me. “I’m not condemning you for it, if that’s what you’re thinking. But you can’t act like I have no good reason to doubt you. Aside from my own fears and insecurities, you have a deep and tangled history with Gabi. It doesn’t just unravel overnight. And if you were capable of developing feelings for me while being with her, then I can’t help but worry you’ll do it again—but this time, with her behind my back. This is exactly why I said I couldn’t do a relationship with you right now. I can’t handle you being the Good Samaritan to another woman. Don’t diminish my feelings. They’re valid and justified, and I’m entitled to them.”
“I thought we were going to remain professional at work.”
Finally, she appeared to back down. Her shoulders hunched slightly and she didn’t stand as tall. Her weakened confidence struck a nerve in me, and I found myself wanting to provoke her further, if nothing more than to see the light in her eyes again. I didn’t want her angry with me, but I didn’t want this meek version of her, either.
Without thinking twice, I gathered her into my arms, pulled her against me until our bodies pressed together and aligned in all the right places. Her eyes widened and her lips parted, just in time for my mouth to cover hers. She attempted to fight me, placing her hands on my chest between us, but she didn’t get far before giving in.
I swallowed her moan as she gripped my shirt in both hands, arching her body and opening her mouth for me. With my hands on her hips, I lifted her, setting her on her desk. Instantly, her legs wound around mine. I leaned into her, forcing her to hold onto me tighter to keep from losing her balance.
“Dane…” she murmured into my mouth. Her grip loosened enough for her to slide her hands to my belt, where she made a frantic attempt to unbuckle it. When I rolled my hips against her, she practically purred my name again.
I knew this was wrong, this would only make everything worse, but I couldn’t stop it. Even if I’d wanted to. She felt so good against me, as if our bodies were made for one another. The way it felt to be with her, inside her, the other night ran through my mind, and I craved that feeling again.
I needed it.
I had to have it.
I slid my hand up her thigh, beneath the hem of her tight skirt. But I didn’t let that stop me. I pressed on until my fingertips met the warm flesh of her bare ass. Needing to be closer to her, I hiked her skirt up around her hips and continued to thrust my covered erection against her, eliciting whimper after whimper from her.
Then she lowered my zipper.
And everything stopped.
19
“Wait, wait, wait. Dane, we can’t do this.” Eden pushed against my chest and forced me to retreat a few steps. She used the space to slide off the desk and right her skirt. My pants were still undone, and I made no move to correct the situation, too stunned to do anything. “This isn’t professional.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I guess I got caught up in the moment.” I turned to head into my office through the adjoining door. “It won’t happen again. Email me those notes, please,” I said solemnly while finally having enough sense to fix my zipper.
I didn’t bother to close the door behind me, not used to shutting it while she was in her office. So I didn’t hear her follow behind me, and only knew of her presence when she started speaking to my back. “In order for this to work, something like that can never happen again. And you can’t treat me differently, either. You aren’t allowed to be mad at me for stopping you from fucking me against my desk.”
I turned around. The entire span of the office stood between us, yet it felt like the space spanned continents. She’d never felt farther away. “If you have the right to question my faithfulness, then I have the right to be upset. Don’t worry—I won’t take it out on you. I won’t treat you differently. I’m fully aware of the sexual harassment laws.”
Her shoulders slumped and defeat crossed her eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not going to accuse you of anything. I just don’t want you to mope around or act like I stole your favorite toy. Eventually, someone will catch on, and right now with everything going on with Gabi and your arrest, we can’t afford to have people around here talking about us, too.”
I scoffed and scratched my chin. “But you did steal my favorite toy.”
Eden rolled her eyes and waved me off. “Good. Make jokes. It’s easier that way.” And then she returned to her office. Although, my heart fissured a little more when she closed the door behind her. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the blinds on the window between us were closed, and for the first time, I wished I’d had them installed on my side of the office.
Within minutes, I had Eden’s email, full of the notes from her meeting with Janette. I wasn’t surprised to find she’d excused Gabi’s hospitalization as stress induced following the miscarriage, stating “it had been building over time until the fu
ture Mrs. Kauffmann decided to seek treatment.” I hated how Janette had referred to Gabi as “the future Mrs. Kauffmann,” but I understood the reasons for it—needing to paint me as a family man worried about his fiancée. I think it pained me more knowing Eden had to listen to it, and then type it up for me. As for my arrest, she’d kept it vague and reiterated that no charges were pending.
Needing to get out of the office, I decided to make my way down to PR to talk to Janette. She was good at her job, but there were a few things I needed to set straight with her before she made any more announcements on my behalf.
“Seriously, Dane. You look like hell. You should go home, get some more sleep, and come back tomorrow. Don’t worry…after spending the weekend in jail and dealing with Gabi being in the hospital, no one will question your absence.” She didn’t even wait for me to take a seat at her desk before offering advice that only served in beating me down.
“I spent most of yesterday afternoon cleaning up the mess Gabi had made of the place. By the time I got to bed, I couldn’t sleep. And then my morning routine was interrupted by getting Gabi admitted to the clinic.”
“Okay…so go home.”
I hadn’t given it any thought until now. Aside from the few times I had to leave early to tend to Gabi when she was distressed and couldn’t handle life on her own, I’d never missed work. The thought never crossed my mind to take a sick day, and the more I contemplated it, the more resolved I became to the idea.
“I just might do that. But before I go, I need to talk to you about a few things. I understand the need to portray me as some worried fiancé and to paint Gabi as my wife-to-be, but at some point, you’re going to have to set that record straight. And I don’t know how it’ll look if people believe I left her after all this.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Dane. I wasn’t aware you two weren’t together.”
I nodded and waited a beat before explaining. “I ended it with Gabi, and then Eden and I decided to try to make a go of things. But now with what happened this weekend, with Gabi trying to kill herself and now needing treatment and therapy, Eden has decided to cool things off.”
