by Lauren Wood
“So it was really her fault I walked out the door not caring!” He laughed. Trent knew that was a lie. He had gone often with the wrong attitude. He had never thought about how she had felt when he left. Now he could admit it.
“All because you couldn’t let yourself love her.” He muttered to himself.
Though he wasn’t sure what had made him the way he was he had some ideas. He thought back to his childhood. His mother had been distant from him. Trent had always tried to please her, to get her to look at him. As a young boy he didn’t understand what postpartum depression was. He had no idea that his mother was suffering from it.
For so many years he had tried to please her and just get her to say “I love you” to him. But she wouldn’t do it. No matter how many times he had said it to her. She would just look at him and not say anything or cry.
Trent still hurt from what he thought was rejection at the time. But he didn’t realize it was just her mind that was messing with her. It would be years after her suicide that he would find her diary.
He had sat down and read it for a day. In it he could see how hurt she had been at the time. How much the depression had messed with her as a person? It didn’t help that his father had never taken her to the doctor. If she would have been medicated maybe she would still be alive today. “Maybe she would have said she loved me.” Trent said aloud.
There was no use on dwelling on his past too much. If he only thought about sad things he would soon pick up the bottle and start drowning his sorrows. That wasn’t what he wanted to happen.
Trent needed to focus on his life after 2 years. What would he do? He had to leave it all behind, everything he loved. The only thing he loved that was left.
“Fuck this I need to go workout.” Trent headed off to his home gym. Getting on the treadmill he turned up the speed to 6.5 and ran. He pushed the button that turned on the music. The room was filled with “Bohemian Rhapsody”.
Trent sang along as he ran. He was in good enough shape that he could belt out the song and still not breathe hard while running. The exercise and music went well together. It pumped him up and soon the bad thoughts were gone out of his head.
He was itching to get out on another mission too. So when his phone rang about half an hour later with the news he loved to hear. “Pack your bags Jonas we got a live one!”
Trent went to his shower and hoped inside. He only had a couple of hours to prepare for this one. Must be something serious he thought, as the hot water cascaded over his hard muscles. His 6’ 1” frame was all muscle and Trent tried to keep his diet in check so there was little if any fat.
“I hope this mission is a good one!” He said a loud.
Getting to the plane he was walking with great pride. He was ready for this mission.
“Alright boys what’s our task?” He looked up waiting for the information.
“There has been a kidnapping in the Northern part of Egypt. Admiral Dumas and his assistant have been taken hostage. The kidnappers are threatening to kill them unless we give them a payment of $20 billion dollars.” The Commander told the team.
“Obviously they thought they had a more important General.” One of the other team members Jake said.
Trent shook his head in agreement.
“So your task is to rescue Dumas and Sanks. We have 24 hours until the dead line is up. On the flight we’ll go over the steps of the rescue.”
Trent had missed most of the last part of what was being said when he heard the name Sanks. “Excuse me Commander what is the name of the assistant?” He asked.
The Commander was flipping through the papers. “Ah here it is, Kimberly Sanks, rank Chief Petty Officer.”
He couldn’t let on that he knew her. They would take him off the mission if they found out him and Kimberly had once been lovers. Trent worked hard to calm his pulse and heart down.
“Alright let’s get cracking.” He heard the Major call out in the back.
Good Trent felt he had hid his emotions quite well. After she left he hadn’t tried to track her down. His heart was hurt. He felt rejected by her much as he had his whole life by his mother. If only he would have loved her enough when she was with him, she wouldn’t be kidnapped right now.
The realization hit him, if they didn’t succeed in their mission Kimberly might die. Suddenly it hit him how she had felt every time he had gone out the door in the past. Trent felt that sinking feeling in your stomach, the feeling that your heart might be ripping apart. It was shocking how bad it hurt and how much it messed him up. He considered himself a pretty steady person. When it came to emotions he had them in check almost all the time.
Trent was thrown for a loop for quite a few minutes. But he had to focus on the mission. This was a must in his mind. What if he messed up and she died because of him? It would kill him. He knew that if that happened he would start drinking and wouldn’t stop until it killed him.
It was also at that moment that he realized he still cared about her. How that was possible after all these years he didn’t know. But there was still love in his heart for her. Maybe it’s because she might die, he thought to himself.
Listening to the plan he tried to study for any weakness he could. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. He went over the plan again and again with the other guys during the flight. The fact that the flight itself would take them 4 hours wasn’t making Trent happy either.
“They couldn’t find a closer team than use? Why are they taking a chance with this?” Trent asked.
‘Whoa the guy who is always looking for adventure, are you chickening out?” The team members misunderstood his questions.
The fact that the Admiral and Kimberly were protected by hundreds of armed guards didn’t scare him at all. No he just didn’t see why they were waiting to rescue them. But would he really want this rescue in the hands of another team? No he knew he would rather do it himself, with these guys he’d worked with for the past 15 years or less.
Many of the guys who he had begun his Seal days were gone. They had retired and some had died along the way. It was a dangerous job he had to admit. Maybe he would be ready in 2 years to hang up his boots?
Trent tried to sleep during the flight after he had exhausted everyone with going over the plan. But sitting in the seat he just looked down at the ground. He tried to remember everything about Kimberly. Her smile, the little dimples she would get in her cheeks when she smiled really big. Trent smiled remembering her.
He thought about the feel of her soft skin when he would run his fingers along her side, or her breast as they were making love. The taste of her juices as he would bring her to an orgasm with his mouth. Trent thought of the way her hotness felt as it was wrapped around his dick when he was going in and out of her snatch.
The thought of making love to her helped him relax enough so that he could get into the zone that he needed to be in. He wanted to be in the zone where he would do everything automatically, like a well-oiled machine. This is what Trent needed to make sure this rescue went off and he could finally tell Kimberly how he really felt and still did.
Trent was honestly shocked that he could still have such strong feelings of love for her after all these years. But he thought maybe it had to do with the fact he hadn’t moved on at all. He hadn’t dated anyone since her. Trent had one night stands here and there, but never anything serious.
Had he really been holding onto her all that time? Obviously more than he had ever wanted to admitted to before this moment.
“Hey can I get an ETA?” He yelled out.
“One hour.” He heard back in response.
Laying back he tried to think about those good times again. But now his mind only wanted to focus on the bad points. The times she had told him she didn’t want him to go on this mission or that mission. “It’s too dangerous. I want to have a family with you. Not bury you.” She had told him more than once.
But every time he would shrug it off. Tell her she was worr
ying for no reason. He had even told her that even if he did die she would find another man and she would move on fine. That had hurt her when he had said that.
Trent felt bad for everything he had said to her in the past. Now that he understood what he felt like from the other side especially? Then he had to wonder, did she find another man? Is she married? “No she has her maiden name still.” He said to himself.
But what if she had kept her maiden name when she got married? What about if she hadn’t married yet, but was dating someone else? Then no matter what Trent said to her she would go back to that man. She wouldn’t be like him and held on to the ghost of a relationship. Kimberly was smart, she would have moved on by now.
The thought made him sad. So many years ago he had his chance. Now it was too late for him. Trent would have to see her, and hopefully save her for the other man. Whoever he was, Trent hoped he treated her the right way. Not the way he had done all those years ago.
“Where’s the bottle when you really need it?” He muttered.
Knowing he had to keep his head clear he knew even if there was a scotch right in front of him he would say no. He wouldn’t take the drink, not with her life on the line.
“Alright let’s get ready men, almost jump time.” He heard called out.
“Time to get serious now, you can do this.” He said to no one but himself. He knew the team was already serious. But this mission had an extra layer to it that no one else knew about.
Would he be in trouble afterward when they found out? Sure he would be. But if she was safe that was all that would count. He didn’t are about anything else but making sure Kimberly made it out alive, and he wanted to be alive too.
Trent went to the door and jumped. The plan was well thought out. He knew that they had gone through this scenario more times than once before. Together as a group they had practiced and done this for real several times now. They were a well-oiled unit and he was one of the cogs that would work the hardest this time around.
He felt a burden to make sure Kimberly made it out. He wanted to hold her tight to kiss her and tell her “I love you, I’m sorry.” Along with that would come the words, “I hope you’re not involved with anyone?” Then Trent would most likely kiss her. Of course he would wait until they were too safety!
“Move in, bogey one out.” He heard the order to advance. The sniper had obviously taken out one of the bad guys in front of him. Trent snuck around the corner of the building. His outfit made him a shadow in the night.
He was focused and determined to get her out safe. Sure the Admiral as well, but his focus was more on Kimberly. Taking a deep breath he peaked around the corner. Time to move!
Next thing he knew it was all over, he was running out of the room with his other team members and the two hostages. They had to move quickly the forces outside were converging. It wouldn’t be safe for a while, and he wanted to make sure no bullets got too close to her.
The kidnapper’s forces were madder than a hornets nest. Thankfully, the team had gotten most of the way out of danger before an alert had been sounded. What that also meant was one of his team had failed at something. He wasn’t sure who, but he hoped they were okay, because he wanted to beat the living hell out of them.
“Here put this on quickly.” He handed Kimberly and the Admiral all black gear. It was the special material the Seals used. This should help them blend into the night just fine.
“Thanks.” She looked up at him. Just as shocked as he was that they were once again face to face.
He shook his head giving her a silent no. She would know that meant “we have to talk about this later.”
Trent really wanted to hug her and hold her close. But there were too many of the enemy forces around.
At least their Intel had been a bit off, and there had only been around 20 soldiers who had been guarding the hostages.
Trent held his hand up in a motion for everyone to be still and quiet. He heard the whistle as a signal and saw the enemy soldier drop to his knees. He motioned for his group to move out. They rushed across the last open area; on the other side was their way out.
He let Jake take lead and flanked the side of the group. Trent moved right behind Kimberly, watching every second across the opening. Looking to ensure there were no snipers on the sides waiting to take them out. He knew his team had most likely cleared the area already. But his nerves were on high alert anyway.
The space seemed to take ages to cross but finally they were on the other side. Inside the armored vehicle they pulled out. They were almost safe. Though he would feel better once they were in the air and out of Northern Egypt!
Trent still couldn’t let himself focus on Kimberly. But he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and saw her studying him. He had to fight himself not to sweep her up right at that moment and kiss her.
“How close to drop off?” He asked the driver.
“No more than five minutes sir.” The driver answered.
He didn’t know why the time seemed to crawl now that he had Kimberly safe, well relatively safe. Was this karma getting him back for all the times she had to sit and wait for him? He seriously had to wonder if that was the case.
“Sir, we’re coming to the drop point now. Get ready. You’ll be in the air in two minutes.” The driver informed Trent.
“Let’s get ready.” He looked at his group. They shook their heads. “Keep them secured in the middle of us, you hear. If one of us has to die it won’t be one of these two. You got it?” He looked at each of his guys in the eyes. Making sure their hearts will still in it. He saw no sign of hesitation in any of them.
“Go, go go.” He heard the driver yell.
They were out the door in a second. No one knew if they would catch any resistance at this point or not. But they always planned for the worse and hoped for the best. Some of the time they would get lucky and it would go smoothly.
This time they got lucky. They were in the plane and in the air in two minutes time. As soon as they reached cruising altitude he felt better. There had been no signs that the enemy had aircraft in their arsenal.
Finally, he went and sat next to Kimberly. He looked at her deeply and just shook his head. “I’m so sorry for everything I ever put you through.” He felt the tears threatening to break through and run down his face.
Kimberly stood up and walked over wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you for saving me.” She pulled back and kissed him on the lips.
He knew the guys were watching, and the questions would soon come. But he didn’t care; he squeezed her tightly and kissed her back. He picked her up and he didn’t want to put her down and let go.
“I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” He looked at the ground. Then he looked up. “I hope you aren’t married or dating, or anything else.”
She laughed. “I’m not dating anyone.”
He smiled. “Great because I’m not letting you go ever again.”
“Well see about that.” She stated.
Trent could understand her hesitation. After all she had been with him for years. She had watched each and every time a mission came up how he would get excited and would smell the scent of adventure and danger.
It was his one and only drug. But his addiction to it was strong. So he knew she had to doubt that he could quite that so easily.
He hoped to prove her wrong. Really he had a completely different outlook on it now. Pulling her into his arms again he planted another kiss on her.
“Um, don’t you think we should maybe stop? I think everyone is watching us by now.” She pulled away and whispered into his ear.
Trent knew she was right but he held onto for a few minutes longer. “If I’m going to get in trouble for coming on this mission, I want to make it worth it.” He said and stole another kiss from her.
“Senior Chief Jonas I think we need to have a quick talk.” He heard the voice of his Master Chief. He knew the questions were about to begin.
“
Look I know I should have told you sir before we went. But I knew I could keep a clear head.” Trent tried to explain.
“It doesn’t matter. You know that you aren’t supposed to be on a mission where you’re too close. All it takes is a lapse and a moment where you take your mind off of all involved. Focusing on that one special person has gotten more than one man killed in the past.” The Master Chief stated.
“I know sir. Whatever, you need to do I accept my punishment. I can’t fight it; I knew I was in the wrong.” Trent stated.
The Master Chief looked at him. “Well we may be able to go light on you. But you know the higher ups may not see this the same way.”
Trent knew the Master Chief was referring to the big boys back home in the office. If and when they found out there might be hell to pay. “I’m ready sir. Don’t protect me I’ll take the full heat.”
He couldn’t ask the Master Chief to put himself on the line for something he had so knowingly disobeyed.
“Alright Senior Chief just be ready in case.”
Trent walked away and headed back to where Kimberly was sitting.
“Is everything okay?” She asked.
“It should be, well maybe not.” He turned and looked at her.
“Why?”
“When you know someone who you are rescuing, you’re supposed to bow out of the mission.” Trent told her.
“Well that’s dumb; what if it was the President you had to rescue. Who would do it if you all know him?”
“No not know of, but know. I dated you I should have bowed out. I put the whole team in danger. The platoon could have been killed thanks to me.”
“Oh. You didn’t tell anyone about me? But that was 20 years ago, what difference would that make? It would be different if you still loved me like.” She stated.
“I do Kimberly.” He said softly.
She looked at him unsure if she had heard him correctly. “How can you still love me?” She asked.
“Maybe it’s the idea of what we used to have? I don’t know but I was so worried about you. I should have told them I couldn’t go on this mission. But the thought of someone else saving you didn’t sit well with me. What if they wouldn’t have got you out? How could I ever live with myself?” Trent told her.
