“Yep, Crystal’s staying the night. She and the boys are tucked away in her place over the garage.”
Sylvia smiled, lying back to snuggle under the covers, getting comfortable and most certainly, ready to go to sleep. She wouldn’t go to sleep yet however until he was lying next to her - she couldn’t find her deep through the night sleep unless his arms were around her, and his heat warmed her.
“She okay?” Sylvia asked drowsily, yawning so moisture gathered in her eyes - making her rub them.
“Yeah. She says she’s just tired, so obviously didn’t want to drive home so late. That’s my good girl.”
“You and your girls, how you do spoil them.” Sylvia murmured half in and out of growing drowsy.
Stripping down and heading for the bathroom, Shawn scoffed at that, “I’ve only just begun with our big girl. Fathers are supposed to extra love and spoil their daughters to show them the kind of man, we want for them. It starts with us. That one, my Crystal is years behind on getting spoiled, Papa Shawn will be fixing that. Soon as I get her to let go of that moron and come home, I can get it started.”
Sylvia smiled shaking her head. Listening to him in the bathroom as he used his urinal, brushed his teeth and jumped in the shower for a quick one. She must have dosed off for a few moments, because suddenly he was there lying next to her. She could feel his hands on her, tenderly caressing and checking her, checking on Jesse James. His large hand came up to caress her cheek, smoothing her hairline. He then leaned down and kissed her brow, her closed eyes, her nose and all the places where his lips could get. “I love you,” he whispered in a low voice that came from the depth of his being. He didn’t wish to wake her, but certainly he needed her to know. Sylvia smiled, “Lo-o-ove yo-o-ou too-o-o.” She slowly groaned the impassioned declaration and snuggled in closer to his heat while turning almost flat to her back. She knew he wanted her that way, the gesture was automatic, offering him access to her body. Shawn spent the last moments of his concluding day like this, with her. Examining her swollen womb where his son lay curled, developing and growing safe and sound. Without a doubt, she knew he was deeply in love with their child. It was also now that Jesse James was known to be awake and moving about like crazy. Sylvia was used to hearing Shawn chuckle out loud from watching his son’s late night activities. There were times when the baby would stretch so completely it was clear to see it. Sylvia’s tummy would stretch sidewards, looking so strange and abnormal, to flatten in the center, which caused Shawn to exclaim laughing, “Who-o-a look at him! My God I can’t believe that doesn’t hurt - not even a little bit?” For Sylvia to smile shaking her head, she shared intimately, “Feels strange sometimes, but - I ah, kind’ah like it. It lets me know, he’s healthy, strong, energetic and wonderful. I wouldn’t trade this feeling, for anything in the world.” She’d confess. Looking at him she shook her head, “You act like this is your first.” She observed out loud.
“That’s because, it wasn’t like this between Deidre and I. When she started showing, which wasn’t much - she didn’t get that big. The doctor said with her long torso, Angela had plenty of space and grew along her back. Evenso, she was embarrassed by her body, by the thickening of her waist and didn’t want me to see her naked.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Sylvia couldn’t believe it.
“It’s true - she didn’t care for me touching her all that much either. She meant it when she said she felt fat, mis-shaped and ugly. No matter how I tried to assure her that I didn’t see her that way, she was uncomfortable with it. Sooo, I left it alone. Her mother, father - really messed her up.”
“Not entirely. We all have things about us that our environment, or parents have messed up.”
Shawn shook his head smiling at her, whispering and teasing, “Excu-u-use me - forgot that’s your new best friend.” He chuckled, and Sylvia joined him, simpering as well but nodding her head, “That’s right - and don’t you forget it.”
“Long as you’re not that way, that’s all I care about.”
Sylvia smiled thinking about the way he was as he went on to watch Jesse James, playing with him in her womb. She most certainly wasn’t lacking in size, roundness and girth. Unlike Angela, Jesse James was all out front, and it showed. Shawn’s fascination with it, and her pregnancy was a miracle that amazed him. If she felt any discomfort, he was right there, helping her anyway that he could, even massaging Jesse James down from her ribs which did hurt.
Armundo had been nothing like him. Nowhere near the same. She couldn’t help but remember one instance while she was pregnant with Mundo. She hadn’t been feeling well, unlike with Crystal where morning sickness had been in the beginning - with him, it had come later. Plus she was simply worn out because she was working. Even though he was in the military, due to wasteful spending, drinking and partying, she’d taken a part time job because once again, they were without lights. On a particular evening, upon her disclosing the fact that she wasn’t feeling well, his comeback had been,
“Great! What you tryin’ to say, I ain’t gone get none tonight?”
Not in the mood, Sylvia had turned away from him to her other side.
“What about a quick blow-job?” He asked as if she hadn’t just said she wasn’t feeling well.
For her to return between grinding teeth, “Can you get away from me, please?”
“Know what, you need to quit actin’ like this such a big effen’ deal! Women been having babies from the beginning, stop acting like you doin’ somethin’ new. You ain’t special - just get on your knees right quick, put that butt in the air - I be done in a minute. Ma-a-an, right now, yo’stuff tight as hell. Come on…let me get in there now, while you layin’ there, instead’ah wastin’ time talkin’, I could be through.”
The longer he went on over her ear, pestering her, nudging her, deliberately irritating her - the more ill she felt.
“Come on now, get on yo’knees, come on - hurr’up…”
She went to dart up from the bed to get away from him when he pulled her back and they began wrestling. Grinding her teeth, fighting him even though she knew she might lose, she couldn’t just give in, she didn’t want to. Yet, feeling the way she did, she was soon out of breath, out of energy to fight him. He came up behind her, yanking and forcing her underwear down so he could enter her from behind and proceeded to take her. Tears fell from Sylvia eyes the whole time wondering what had she done so bad that she deserved this.
Shaking the vivid memory from her mind, Sylvia felt Shawn’s gentle touch wiping the running tears from her eyes, she hadn’t realized she’d been crying. “What’s wrong,” he whispered close to her ear, then kissing it.
Sylvia shook her head denying it, reaching up to dry her eyes.
“Something is wrong, I know you, what?” He pressed.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she rolled to him and wrapped her arms over his shoulders, squeezing tightly.
“What were you thinking, hm, what upset you, tell me?” He wouldn’t let it go.
“I don’t know what I’ve done, to deserve you.” She swallowed deep, and whispered passionately, “Don’t… don’t ever stop loving me Shawn. Love me just like this - even - even when I’m acting crazy, unreasonable… pushing you away, not making a bit of sense - just - just love me anyway,”
“Aaah sweetheart,” He palmed her head, pushing it back from his neck, smoothing her hair back, “Your problem will always be me loving you too much. Look how I get on your nerves now.”
“No you don’t - you don’t - that’s just me - I - I have, well - control and,” She blushed admitting it, “…independence issues.” She gently sniffed, her forehead at his chin.
“Oh yeah? You?” He joked, moving her head to kiss all the soft lovely skin on her face, “Here I thought that was just me.” he murmured in between. Sylvia shook her head, trying to get closer to him, there were times when she wanted him to completely envelope her, to hold her inside and never let her go.
“I
think this is Jesse James maybe, making you feel all emotional, and…”
“No… it’s how I feel.”
Shawn chuckled, “Emmm, that’s what you say now - later you’ll be giving me that, ‘get lost’ look.”
She had to grin, but then shook her head again, “I can’t help, the way I feel sometimes - I’ll do better.”
Shawn actually laughed out loud this time, “Ooohwee, he’s doing a number on you.”
She couldn’t help but chuckle, “Stop laughing at me, I’m trying.”
“You do know, saying these things, you’re making it worse. It’ll be all your fault when you stop loving me, trying to figure out how to get me to leave you alone.”
“That’s never going to happen Shawn, not ever.”
His leaned away, tipping her chin up with a strong finger, “Never say never.”
Sylvia looked into his eyes, her own still moist with emotion as she declared, “I would die for you - take a beating for you - take a bullet for you - kill for you and all that is yours.” A few more tears fell with her firm statement. She meant it, he could see it in her eyes. To see it, finally - in someone’s eyes looking back at him, choked him up. Aside from Derrick, and yes - Kathy-Ann, never had a woman loved him that way. Words escaped him, his throat was clogged - instead of speaking, he lowered his head and kissed her madly. With such vibrant strength and trembling, she knew he believed her, and more than anything she knew that he’d needed someone to love him the way that he loved them all. “Make love to me Shawn,”
“You sure… you feel okay?”
“I want you to.”
“Emmm, how about - I just - take care of you? Hmm, how about that?”
“What about you?” She whimpered as he made his way to treat her.
“I’ve got the best of everything I need… shhh, lay back baby… lay back and open to me, come on…”
Sylvia did as she was told, allowing her husband to gently drive her insane. His skills sent her into a dizzying delirium, until it sent her to the heights of the heavens where she swore she saw God. A couple of hours later, Shawn stood in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. His wife was out cold, he would not have left her otherwise. He stood naked, feeling raw. His mind back and forth between worrying about his brother, Derrick and stressed about what he would find when the grave for Armundo was reopened. He sent Deidre the new bank account information she would need to deposit the money for him. He had the name of the man who owned and maintained the grave yard where he was supposed to be buried. Monday, he was going to Chicago to bribe him - and get him to look the other way while he got in a digger to un-bury that coffin. He had strands of Crystal’s and Mundo’s hair. Lydia and Lucas would give up their DNA if that body proved not to have DNA to match up with Crystal or Mundo. The main thing that he needed was a match to the kids in order to return to normal and breathe easy again.
Only thing that was keeping him up right at that moment was what to tell his wife? She was not easy. Sylvia’s mind, thanks to her first husband was one that would need to know what, when, why and where? The difference between her and Deidre was that he could just say to Deidre, “I’m off, have work to do in Chicago.” Because she hadn’t wanted him pressing her about working, she would leave him alone about work. He didn’t have that luxury with Sylvia. Shawn leaned back against the bathroom vanity sink, dry washing his face in worry. Dennis would back him if he came up with a good one, but the problem was coming up with one that wouldn’t seem suspicious.
“Come on Shawn, think - think?” He coached himself. The light came on - he didn’t need Dennis, he needed Lucas and Lydia. Shawn smiled. “It’s time you two had your pictures taken professionally together,” Shawn smiled. He would call Lydia tomorrow and set it up. Meanwhile, before this weekend was over, he and Mundo would do the nursery and do a good job of it at that. He’d already picked out the paint, yellow. That would win him bonus points with the wife. With that sorted in his mind, next thing, “Okay little brother, where are you, and how are you?”
Derrick parked the van at Jake’s and Vivian’s assuming that Meribel would be sleeping there. That had been the plan before another of their numerous fights erupted. Because she had her own set of keys, he simply locked it up and climbed into his son’s car and off they went, back to Madison. The first twenty minutes driving, they were both quiet, until thinking about it, Derrick asked, “You tired?”
“I’m fine.” Marcus answered and they were quiet once again. Marcus wasn’t sure of what to say. Like his brothers and sister, they hated it when their parents fought, something that was happening a lot lately. It would seem, the last year or so, his mom and dad had fought more than they had their entire marriage. It was starting to really worry him, because they didn’t seem to be pulling out of it. Suddenly, his dad spoke. He’d drawn in a deep and long audible breath, and upon releasing it, “I’m moving out. Your mother is never going to forgive me. In fact, there are times when I think she actually hates me now.”
“Huh? Dad? Nooo, don’t do that! Ah come on, go to counseling or something, but I don’t want you guys divorced - I thought we didn’t do that kind of thing? I thought we were different?” Marcus blurted, stunned by his father’s words.
“You think this is what I want? Besides, no one said anything about divorce, not yet anyway. Separating for the time being - I think it’s best for now - we need time to - work through some things.”
“No, how can that be best? You and mom belong together, not apart. Work it out together.”
“Marcus, I - I can’t turn back… the hands of time. I can’t make this all go away. Your mother can’t get over it. It’s too much, what she’s gone through - because of me. I need to give her space right now. We’re fighting all the time - my being home is making things worse.”
“I don’t want you moving out, there’s gotta be a way to fix this.” Marcus groaned really worried now.
“Maybe - one day, after I’m gone, your mom will find a way to forgive me, right now - she can’t, no matter how she tries, it’s there, between us.”
“Do the adoption she wanted dad, she’ll feel better then.”
“Marcus, I wouldn’t suggest that to anyone having the problems we have. A baby, an adopted one especially - whose life is already tumultuous due to being given up for adoption, does not need to be brought into our mess. He nor she, can fix this - it’s wrong to even consider putting that on a child-...”
“You guys are putting it on us!” Marcus blurted petulantly.
Derrick sighed, and with no choice, ignored his comment to continue on with what he was saying, “… besides, no baby, no matter how needy or wonderful, is going to replace our child, the one she lost. Nor will it remove from her heart and mind, that she can never have another.”
Frustrated Marcus grumbled, “Why can’t she just be happy with what she has? I mean come on, there’s six of us, that’s enough.”
“You’ve decided that huh? An’ by what right? What right have you to tell her, she’s had enough?” Derrick challenged.
Marcus wilted a bit.
“Son, do not turn this around. Do not make this all your mother’s fault. I did this. All of it. The way I handled it - brought all of this about. So, don’t twist it.”
“You said you were sorry. Why do you have to leave, and suffer because you wanted to do the right thing? It’s not your fault that lady was crazy, you didn’t make her crazy. She was already crazy. You’re taking all the blame, how’s that fair?”
“Marcus, don’t ever be a man who refuses to see the truth about yourself. Or, be a man in denial of facts concerning this world we live in. Don’t be stupid like I was, pretending that everyone we live on this planet with, thinks like me and sees things as I do. That’s bull - it’s always been this way. There is no justice, there is no balance, there is no fair. We have to accept and adjust to bring about justice, balance and fair. My father tried to teach me that, but - I - I didn’t listen. I’m - I’m guilt
y of trying to be…” Derrick sighed once more, dragging his hand over his face in despair as he sat, having no choice but to face this truth. “I… I tried to be, better than him, better than them - Shawn, better than Jake. I - I tried to separate myself from their way.” Derrick went quiet once more, thinking about everything, reflecting back. “Your mother feels betrayed. I betrayed her. I left her open, exposed, vulnerable … in danger. She begged me to listen to her, to believe her - that that lady was dangerous. No woman who has a husband that loves her, treasures her - should feel the way I made your mother feel. Afraid for her life. I - I might as well have ignored her, her fears. I left her feeling that she needed to fight to protect herself, because I wouldn’t… I - I didn’t - I didn’t protect her, or… my own unborn child. I practically offered them up to Margaret.” Derrick sat shaking his head, “That is… un - forgivable.”
Marcus didn’t know what to say, because not even he had looked at it that way. Thinking back to the way their grandfather was, so very protective of his women. He’d always talked to them and taught them how to be. Now, he was really worried about his father. “Dad, how were you supposed to know she would-…”
Derrick cut him off, “It was a test! I - failed it… period. I failed my wife. I failed to protect her. How can she feel safe, secure, treasured, cherished… protected - if I’ve shown myself to be so weak, that I let that woman have an opening to kill her. Kill our child.”
Marcus gulped, trying in vain to think of something to say to make his father feel better.
“Your mother… once upon a time… would have killed anyone, to protect what I once was to her. Anyone… I had that, I knew that about her. She made me, her all… and I left her to be attacked. Her brother - had to step in and do for her, what I should have. To see it all, I feel pathetic and ashamed. I failed… I failed…” He repeated the last low and bewildered, his mind wrestling with trying to understand why.
Beauty of Man and Woman - Volume 13: Bomaw Page 9
